I knew in her file was the proof I needed to expose her father for what he really was. That’s why it was tucked away in his desk like a dirty little secret. I knew Emily knew it, too.
I hated the part of me that suddenly wanted to protect her from the lie that was her father. I’d been wrong to involve Emily in this, but I hadn’t been able to see past my own rage.
Her father deserved everything he had coming to him, but Emily didn’t deserve anything I’d done to her. I humiliated her and hurt her more times than I should have, and I wasn’t going to hurt her anymore.
When I unlocked the door to my apartment, I pushed it open and let Emily in first. She went in like a walking zombie and sat on the couch. I put the file up on the counter and walked away. I wasn’t ready to read it yet even though it was the moment I’d been waiting for.
My phone continuously buzzed in my pocket so I pulled it out. I frowned at the same unknown number that called me once a day. Ignoring the call, I put it back in my pocket and walked over to the couch. It buzzed once more, alerting me I had a voicemail.
I sat down next to her, not saying a word.
The war to want to spare Emily anymore hurt and avenge Chelsea’s death was tearing me apart.
“Do you think what you’re looking for is in that file?” she asked without looking at me.
Yes. “I don’t know.”
She looked over at me and realized my hands were empty. She looked forward. “You don’t have to try and protect me now, Jacksin. Let’s find out if my father is the monster you think he is.” She attempted to stand, but I grabbed her hand and pulled her back down on the couch with me.
“I was wrong to involve you in this, Emily. I know it’s too late, but I realize that now and I’m sorry.”
Again, her eyes found mine and they glistened with unshed tears. “I’m not,” she whispered. “If my father had anything to do with your daughter’s death, I want to know. I have the right to know.”
“Or you could go back to your life and forget this ever happened.”
She shook her head and chuckled sarcastically. “No, I can’t. I can’t forget any more than you can.” She moved over me, straddling my lap. I wrapped my hands around her hips as she cupped my face. “I don’t want to forget you, not that I could even if I wanted to. You brought me to life. You gave my gray world color, and I’ll never forget that.” She pressed her lips to mine and I softly kissed her back. “Let’s go to bed,” she whispered against my lips.
I didn’t need any more invitation than that. I gripped her ass and stood. She wrapped her legs around my waist and pushed her tongue deep into my mouth. Walking into the bedroom, I kicked the door closed with my foot.
35
Sin
Rolling over, I attempted to put my arm around Emily, but I came up empty. Lifting my head, I saw that she wasn’t in bed with me or in the bathroom. I looked back at the window, but it was closed and dawn was brightening the sky.
I threw my legs over the bed and got up, finding my pants and pulling them over my naked hips. Walking into the living room, I could see the top of Emily’s head over the couch where she sat on the floor in front of the coffee table.
Chelsea’s file was open and the contents were scattered over the table in a messy confession. I could hear her almost-silent sniffles and I knew she found out the truth about her father.
“Emily…” I said softly, coming around the couch to sit down.
“You were right.” She sniffed again and her voice was worn from crying. “He did it. He transferred Chelsea’s surgery to make his quarterly bonus. Did you see all those files in his desk, Jacksin? Do you know what that means?”
I sat on the floor next to her and pulled her into my chest and cupped her face.
“There’s nothing I can say to make this easier for you, but I wish like hell there was.”
“I don’t know how I can ever forgive him. I will never look at him the same, and I hate him for that.”
“I’m sorry, sweet girl. I’m sorry for everything. If I had never…”
“It’s not your fault.” She cut me off. “I needed to know the truth about him, and now I do.” She sat back, putting distance between us. “My father did what you accused him of. I know that now. He played with life when he had no right to, but he didn’t kill Chelsea.” She pushed aside papers until she found the one she was looking for. She put it in front of me and it might as well have been written in German for all the sense it made to me.
“What is this?”
“It’s Chelsea’s autopsy report,” she said slowly. “According to this, Chelsea died from a pulmonary embolism.”
When her words finally sank in, I realized what she was telling me. I fell back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling.
“I’m so sorry, Jacksin, but—”
“Pulmonary embolism, as in her lungs were blocked? It wasn’t heart failure. The surgery wouldn’t have saved her from that anyway.”
She didn’t need to confirm it. “I’m not telling you this so you’ll forgive or forget what my father did. He was so very wrong, but I wanted you to know that you did everything you could as Chelsea’s father, and she would be so proud of you.”
Her words made my eyes sting as I fought to hold in the tears.
“I wanted you to know this so you could move on. Remember the good times with Chelsea and rebuild your life around them. She loved you so much. Love her back by letting go of what you can’t change.”
I couldn’t control the sob that broke free, and I slumped over, letting the tears fall.
“I miss her so much, Em.” My hands tightened into fists and the ache in my gut exploded. “Sometimes I can’t breathe because it hurts so much. I just want the pain to go away. I want my little girl back.”
“I know. Shhh, I know.” I felt Emily’s hands come around me. “She’ll always be with you. She lives in your heart.” She pulled me to her as my cries filled the apartment.
36
Emily
I held him until he fell asleep in my arms. It was weird seeing such a big man fall to pieces the way he did, but I knew it was therapeutic for him. He needed to cry. He needed to release all the pent-up anger and hurt.
I covered him with the blanket from the bed and went for his cell phone. I wanted nothing more than to call my father, but before I dialed the number, I knew it was something I had to do face to face.
Instead, I called my cell phone. I didn’t know where it was, but at least I could check my voicemails and see if anyone called. I needed to know what I was walking into. I needed to know if anyone reported me missing.
Also, I wasn’t sure if he was back from Paris yet. To be honest, I’d lost track of the days. I barely even knew what time it was anymore, much less what day. I’d wanted a wild vacation from everything, and it seemed I got way more than I’d bargained for.
I had several messages from my father, but he never said anything about me being missing. Apparently, Ethan called him, and he was more pissed about my hurting Ethan than anything else. There were also two messages from Ethan, one from Nicole, and two from my office.
I checked Jacksin’s cell for the time and date before taking a deep, refreshing breath and a shower. I let the hot water wash away everything I’d ever thought I knew about my dad. I took the time to think about Jacksin and what I wanted from him. I didn’t know if he was willing to give me what I wanted, but I’d deal with that after everything else.
I had to leave. Jacksin wouldn’t like it, but I had to go to my father’s house. I needed to see him and let him know that I knew what he was doing and he had to stop. He wasn’t God. He had no right to play with people’s lives, especially for money.
“Want some company?”
I jumped at the sound of Jacksin’s voice and turned in the shower to see him standing there. I’d been so caught up in my own little world that I hadn’t heard him open the shower door.
“Does your company include touching? May
be some sucking and licking?” I smiled seductively at him as he stepped into the shower.
He pushed me into the wall and leaned into me. “That’s the best kind of company, don’t you know?”
He pushed my sopping wet hair to the side, then licked at the water droplets on the side of my neck. A soft, husky growl escaped his lips, and I trembled against him.
“That was licking,” he said as he lapped up another droplet before moving down in front of me. “Now hold on to the wall, and I’ll show you sucking.”
An hour later, I woke up against him in bed. A small grin tugged at the corner of his lips while he slept, and I got a rush knowing I was the one who put that grin there.
I may have gotten more than I expected in the excitement department, but Jacksin was everything I needed when it came to passion. He gave me what I craved; he gave everything he had to give.
Crawling out of bed, I went into the bathroom and shut the door. I ran a brush through my still-damp hair and dressed. I slipped on my flats and made my way back into the bedroom to check on Jacksin.
He was still sleeping soundly, his mouth slightly open and his hand tucked sweetly beneath his jaw. There was no doubt about it; I was in love with him. It was scary and honestly, I had no idea how it happened, but I definitely loved him.
Just thinking about walking out of his door hurt me. I wanted to wake him and explain, but something told me it was better to leave and come back when I could.
I leaned down and softly kissed him on the cheek, and he stirred slightly. The sheet slipped lower on his hips, and I had the urge to pull the material back and show him how good I could lick and suck, but I had to leave now. Before he woke up.
Making my way into the living room, I walked to the front door. I used the key that I knew he kept hidden to unlock it. I’d always known where it was, but I’d never been able to leave him. Pulling open the door, I took a deep breath and prepared to face my father.
“Going somewhere?”
My heart kicked at the sound of Jacksin’s voice behind me, and I turned toward him.
My breath caught as he stood in front of me completely naked. I wanted to fall to my knees in front of him and beg him to take me back to bed. But that wasn’t an option, and honestly, I didn’t know if it would ever be an option again.
“I have to go see my father. I have to confront him about this,” I said as I pointed to the disheveled papers on the floor by the couch.
“You don’t have to, Emily. If you asked me to forget what we found, I would. For you, I would do anything.”
My heart broke at his words and it only confirmed what I knew. I was so in love with the man in front of me I couldn’t stand it. He was willing to give up so much for me. I knew how badly he wanted to destroy my father, and for him to say he’d forget about it warmed my heart. But it wasn’t right. There were other lives at stake. I couldn’t forget that, and I was willing to give my father that much.
“I can’t pretend like I don’t know what my father’s done. I’m horrified by his actions, and I need him to explain to me why he did what he did. I also need to make sure he never does it again. There are lives at stake. We can’t take that chance.”
He nodded, seeming to understand what I was telling him, his shoulders dropping in defeat.
“When it’s all said and done, I’ll come back.” I cleared my throat. “That is… if you want me to.”
I knew in the back of my mind that I was setting myself up for one hell of a heartache, but I had to take a chance. I’d spent my entire life not taking chances, and Jacksin brought out the risk-taker in me.
He shook his head and my heart dropped. “We can never be together the way you want us to be, Emily, because no matter what happens, I’ll always be the guy who tore your family apart.”
“You didn’t. My father did this. The only thing you did was shine light on the situation, but if you don’t want me to come back…”
“I want you to,” he whispered hoarsely.
My insides smiled, and it must have reflected on the outside because his lips tilted up on the side in a tiny grin.
I nodded and twisted my hands nervously in front of me. I wanted to run to him and wrap my arms around his neck, but I knew if I felt his hands on me, I wouldn’t leave. Ever.
“My father’s left several messages on my phone. It seems Ethan called him to let him know about…” I lifted my hand between us and he nodded his understanding. “His plane lands today so I’m going to wait for him at his house.”
“Voicemails? How did you—”
I cut him off before he could ask. “I used your cell to call my voicemail. You should probably check yours. You have a billion missed calls from some guy named Carl.”
He frowned at the name but didn’t comment. He didn’t seem too angry that I’d used his phone or checked his messages. “Do you know what you’re going to say to him?” he asked.
“Not a clue, but I have an hour or so to figure it out.” I walked backward toward the door. “I should get going.” I put my hand on the knob. “Bye, Sin,” I said with a sly smile.
I pulled open the door and as I closed it, I heard him say.
“Bye, Emily.”
37
Sin
She was gone, and something told me I’d never see her again. I wasn’t worried about her running to the police, so there was no need to rush out of my apartment. More than likely, she’d go back to her boring life with Ethan. I just hoped she was happy. I wanted her happiness—she deserved it.
I hadn’t had a drink in a little while and figured Emily leaving was a damn good reason for a cold one. I lifted the beer to my lips and the bitter taste slid down my throat slowly. I didn’t down the beer the way I would’ve before. For once, I didn’t think the answer to my problem was at the bottom of an empty bottle.
But what, or more like who, I needed was gone. I exposed her father for what he really was and turned her against him. That was the point of everything I’d done the last few weeks. By crashing into Emily’s life, I’d made mine even worse. Instead of missing one person, I was going to be missing two.
Despite how hard I tried to keep myself from feeling anything for Emily, the feelings were there, firmly planted in my core. Throughout everything, she somehow managed to crawl under my skin and plant a piece of herself there. I hated her for that, but I hated myself more for letting it happen.
After all was said and done, she had broken me in the best way possible. I thought revenge on her father was going to release me from the heartache I’d felt the moment Chelsea took her last breath, but it wasn’t. Revenge had nothing on love, and as badly as I wanted to kick myself for it, I’d fallen in love with Emily.
Constance was right; she was good for me. No matter how hard I fought her, she pushed me to move on. She pushed me past the pain and into a place where I felt like I could breathe again. I could rebuild my life without the anger, and I wanted to rebuild it with her.
She said she’d be back, but there was a part of me, a part I tried to ignore, that told me even if Emily came back to me, she’d never be able to forget that I was the one who ruined her life and tore apart the only relationships she had. It made me sick knowing I’d made her life as lonely as mine.
Dropping my head back, I closed my eyes and wondered how I was going to get over another loss.
I heard my phone buzz loudly against the counter and sighed, getting up. I picked up the phone and turned it on. Like Emily had said, my voicemail was full, and I had three missed calls from the same mysterious number.
I put the phone to my ear and went through the necessary steps of listening to my voicemails. It was mostly Constance trying be nosy, and I was about to just delete them all until I heard a familiar raspy voice come on. I listened to the message in horror as I realized who the number belonged to.
You have a billion missed calls from some guy named Carl.
At that exact moment, all of my memories of Carl came crashing over me.
My stomach lurched, bringing all the bitter beer up into my throat. Running to the door, I pulled it open and slammed it shut behind me, not bothering to lock it.
I cursed myself as I flew through the lobby of my apartment building and down to the parking garage. The people I passed looked at me like the crazy man I was.
My fingers shook as I tried to put my keys in the ignition.
“Calm the fuck down and get it together, you son of bitch,” I cursed myself.
Once I got my car started, I squealed tires as I pulled out of the garage and down the street.
I’d completely forgotten about Carl and the last part of our agreement the minute I’d laid eyes on Emily. He’d been trying to call me all week, but I never saved his number in my phone. How could I have been so stupid? I was being just as careless with people’s lives as Emily’s father.
“Fuck!” I yelled, slamming my fist into the steering wheel.
I made a sharp right, cutting off a few cars and ignoring their loud honks as I raced toward the doctor’s house.
I hoped it wasn’t too late. I needed to get there before Emily. She didn’t need to find Carl destroying her father’s house to make it look like a break-in. I silently prayed just as hard as I did when I was praying for my daughter’s life. I begged God to forgive me for turning my back on him, and I could only hope he heard my prayers.
38
Emily
When my cab pulled into my father’s driveway, I felt like someone had their hands wrapped around my neck. I couldn’t breathe as I sat there staring up at the house where I grew up.
Childhood memories assaulted me. All my old joys and hurts—the memories of my father’s face on my graduation day—all of it came crashing down on me. A tear slipped from my eyes and rushed down my cheek.
I wanted to believe that my father hadn’t always been corrupt. How could a man who’d taken care of all my hurts be more concerned about money than the lives of others? He was a hero—he’d been my hero for all of my life—and I didn’t want to believe all of that was a lie.
The Wrath of Sin Page 16
