I saw the moment he knew he couldn’t lie his way out of it. His face crumbled and sadness filled his aging eyes.
“I did it for you, Emily. All of it.”
I could hardly believe my ears. That didn’t make it okay. If anything, it made it worse.
“Don’t say that! You’re trying to get out of what you’ve done. I won’t let you.”
“I’m so sorry, Emily.”
“I don’t know how I can ever forget what you’ve done.”
“I’ll make it up to you. I swear to you I will.”
“But how are you going to make it up to all the people you’ve betrayed? They trusted you to protect them, to save them! You may not have killed Sin’s daughter, but what about the rest of them?
“I didn’t do anything illegal, Emily.”
“How does that make what you’ve done okay? You lied!”
“Please tell me what I can do to make it up to you, Emily. I will do anything.”
“It’s not my forgiveness you need, Dad.”
He took a deep breath. “Emily, dear, do you really think my confession will help those families? Most of them have probably moved on with their lives. Accepted what happened. Do you think me telling them what happened is going to help them?”
I hated that he had a point, but if things had gone differently with Chelsea, if she had died because of my father’s selfishness, would knowing the truth make Jacksin feel better?
“No.”
He sighed, thinking he’d gotten me. “All we can do is move on from here. For me to make this up to you, darling.”
I had a choice.
My father or Jacksin.
I couldn’t have them both—I knew that—and I may never have Jacksin again, but if there was a chance… I had to try.
My father was a different person to me now. He wasn’t my hero anymore. I was ashamed of him. But despite how angry I was, there was a part of me that still loved him and that made what I had to say next hard.
“I think you should leave, Dad.”
He stared at me in disbelief. “But, Emily…” He tried desperately to keep me from doing what I knew I had to do. “You can’t do this.”
“Good-bye, Dad.”
I was released from the hospital a week later. My father was there to drive me home. He took me straight to my apartment after much trying to convince me to go home with him.
He was sure to bring in all the files from his desk so we could go through them together and figure out who still needed their surgery and if there was anything we could do for the families. I knew in the back of my mind that he was doing all of it to make me happy with him again, but I didn’t care. As long as it was being done. As long as he was making it right.
After he left, I walked aimlessly around my apartment. Memories of Jacksin swarmed all around me. I missed him like crazy, and I wanted to see him. I was hurt that he hadn’t stopped by the hospital to see me, and parts of me hoped I’d find him hiding in my apartment, but sadly, he wasn’t there.
I drove to his apartment only to find it empty. Still, I spent an hour standing around in his old bedroom and looking around thinking about him. I knew I’d never see him again.
Three days later, I was back on my feet completely. I didn’t have to go back to work for another week, so I spent most of my time watching old reruns and eating junk food. There was no doubt about it; I was depressed. I was in love and miserable.
When I didn’t think I could stand it anymore, I went to my father’s office and began digging through his files.
“What are you looking for, Emily?” my father asked as he came into his office. “I promised, no more files, sweetie, and I meant it.”
“No. I wasn’t looking for that. You wouldn’t happen to know where Jacksin’s daughter is buried, would you?” I asked.
I hated asking him, but I needed to feel close to Jacksin. Something told me going to visit Chelsea’s grave would make me feel that closeness. Plus, I wanted to pay my respects. She had become a big part of my life the minute I fell in love with her father. It was the least I could do.
An hour later, I walked through the small cemetery in search of her headstone. Sadness filled me when I noticed the dates of births and deaths chiseled onto the headstones—mostly children. Finally, I found her headstone. Chelsea Marks…
I bent down next to her grave and ran my fingers across the soft green grass. I kept telling myself I wasn’t imposing on Jacksin’s relationship with his daughter, but it was the only way I could feel close to him, and I did. It was as if I could feel him standing next to me.
It had been almost two weeks since I was released from the hospital and even longer since I’d spoken to Jacksin.
I love you, Emily. I fucking love you…
His fierce declaration was on constant replay in my head, and it made focusing impossible. I couldn’t concentrate on everyday life and I knew when I finally did go back to work, I’d never be able to be the best doctor I could be with thoughts of Sin bouncing around my head.
He left a void in me when he left me—a deep black hole full of emotions I’d never felt before. I couldn’t be mad at him for what happened. I loved him too much, and I knew he did what he thought he had to do.
Stepping up to her headstone, I knelt in front of it and ran my fingers over her name.
“Hi, Chelsea. My name’s Emily and I’m a friend of your daddy’s.” I rested my arms on top of my thighs. “I don’t have to tell you this, but he’s a pretty special man and he loves you with all his heart.”
The wind blew and the sweet scent of flowers swirled around me. I pushed my hair from my eyes and looked to the sky with a big smile on my face.
I could feel Jacksin. A piece of him was embedded here with his daughter. They would never be without each other.
I laughed and wiped at a tear falling down my cheek. I took a deep breath and put my hands on my knees to push me up. The wind blew again and I felt something brush against my foot.
Bending over, I picked up a faded pink rose. The once-soft petals were starting to dry up and become crispy. I brought it to my nose and inhaled its sweet scent. It wasn’t so old that it lost its smell completely, which meant Jacksin had been there recently.
Picking up the pink rose, I tucked it close to Chelsea’s headstone and then I saw it—a small Eiffel Tower sticking up from the grass. I plucked it from the grass and ran my thumb over it. If my heart were ever going to explode, it would’ve been in that moment. Joy I hadn’t felt since the last time I was with Jacksin filled me.
Placing the tower with the rose, I smiled down at the cherub engraved in the headstone. “Thanks, Chelsea,” I whispered.
Epilogue
“Can I get you anything else before we land, miss?” the flight attendant asked as she steered her cart beside my seat.
I’d already asked her several times if there was any way I could be moved due to the snoring old man to my left.
“No, thank you, though.” I smiled at her and she smiled back before walking away.
We would be touching ground in less than thirty minutes, which was good considering I was so ready to be off of the plane. The turbulence had been hell, and my stomach was starting to disagree with me. I’d already visited the miniature bathroom three times since I got on the plane.
I sat anxiously as the fasten seatbelt sign came on and the captain’s voice rang through the speakers.
“Welcome to the City of Love, folks. We hope you enjoy your stay in Paris.”
We touched ground ten minutes later, and thirty minutes later I was checked into my hotel room.
Pulling back the curtains, I took a deep breath as I looked at the Eifel Tower from my window. It was absolutely breathtaking, and my heart pounded in my chest as I thought of seeing it up close later that night.
I took a long, hot shower, hoping it would calm my nerves, but when I got out, I was still a mess. I did my makeup and got dressed slowly. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I
ran my hands down my red dress.
It had a princess neckline with a halter-top that showed just enough cleavage. It pulled in tight around my waist but flared out around my hips. I slipped into my red heels and pulled on my black sweater.
Making sure I had my purse and room key, I left the hotel room feeling like I was walking on air. When I got down to the front, the bellman called me a cab and with the little French I’d learned, I told the cab driver to drop me off at the Eiffel Tower.
It took me five minutes to talk myself out of the cab when we pulled up in front. After paying him, I waited for him to leave before I crossed the street. It wasn’t busy, and I didn’t know if I felt more relieved or disappointed by that.
I went as far up the tower as I was allowed and made my way out toward the middle of the ramp. There were a few stragglers, mostly couples in love. It was going to be closing in an hour, but if I had to wait there until they kicked me out, I would. And I would come back every night until… until forever.
I leaned against the railing and took in the breathtaking sight. I thought about everything I left back at home, and realized I didn’t have a life there anymore. I still had my father, but even our relationship was rocky. We said everything that needed to be said. I was moving on with my life.
Apparently, Ethan was dating some uptight lawyer he’d met online. I couldn’t have been happier for him. He was a great guy, just not great for me. We had pretty good memories together, but the truth was we should’ve never been together. If I had been able to stand up to my father the way I could now, we would’ve never been together.
I was getting a second chance, and I was starting over again. I planned on doing things right from the start. Jacksin showed me what it was like to be alive, to know what it felt like to be totally consumed by passion. I would never be happy with anything less than that. Not ever.
“Excusez-moi, madame.” I turned toward the young boy and he blushed. “Five minutes,” he said slowly.
“Merci.”
“You. Are. Very. Welcome.” He smiled at his broken English, and I smiled back and nodded that he was correct.
He walked away, and I tried not to be crushed by the dread that filled my heart. Tomorrow was another day.
I went every night just before closing for a week. The young boy who worked there had already learned quite a bit of English in return for his short lessons in French.
I was starting to worry that I’d never see Sin again. Plus, I was quickly running out of red things to wear. I could still hear him calling me Red whenever I closed my eyes.
One of the lights above me went out, and I knew it was close to time to go. I leaned over the rail once more to get a good look at the view below. Paris was such a beautiful city. Chelsea was right; the Eiffel Tower really was meant for lovers. I could only hope that my Prince Charming would meet me at the top one day.
I leaned back and took a deep breath. No matter what, I couldn’t get discouraged. I couldn’t give up on Jacksin and run back to America with my tail between my legs.
Suddenly, a warmth pressed against my back. A familiar scent swarmed around me, and I closed my eyes as I breathed it in. My stomach did a flip and my heart squeezed in my chest. Everything I wanted was behind me. Everything I needed was putting his arm around my waist and holding me close to him
I took another deep breath when I felt his stubble against the side of my neck. He was there—he was really there.
“Sin,” I said breathlessly.
He chuckled softly in my ear, sending a wave of chills down my body.
“You looking for me, Red? I sure as hell hope so, looking like that. I didn’t know so many different styles of red dresses existed. By the way, this one is my favorite.”
I gasped. “You’ve been watching me? And you made me wait a whole week?”
“I thought you’d eventually give up, but you didn’t.”
“I wouldn’t have either.”
He smiled against my hair. “I figured I better put you out of your misery.”
I pretended to pout. “How kind of you.”
“You know better than that, Red.”
“Aren’t you supposed to say something sweet to me?”
“You were the reason, Red.”
“Reason for what?”
“That my heart beat again.”
His sweet confession warmed my cheeks. “I love you, Sin. I didn’t get to tell you, but I love you.”
“I knew that.”
I smiled, deliriously happy. “Is this the part where we shake hands?”
He spun me around, and the sight of him made my head spin. “This is the part where I kiss you and never let you go, Emily.”
“Say it first,” I rushed out before his lips could touch mine.
“And then they lived happily ever after,” he whispered.
And I knew no matter what, we would.
Four Years Later
Jacksin Marks
I reached down and grabbed Emily’s hand as we walked through the cemetery. Living in France, we didn’t get to visit Chelsea as much as we’d like, but no matter what, we always visited on her birthday.
When we reached her headstone, I laid the traditional pink rose on her grave. Emily followed behind me and placed hers. It still hurt every time I thought of Chelsea. Losing a child is something no one ever really gets over, but as the years go by, it gets easier.
There are still times when I wake up in a sweat with her names on my lips, but Emily’s always there, and she has a way that always relaxes me. I don’t know what I’d do without her. I thought for sure my life was over, but she gave me my life back.
Standing, I put my arm around her shoulder and brought her close to me.
“I love you,” I said as I kissed her temple.
“I love you too, Sin,” she said with the smile she reserved just for me. Even though I’d given the name to mock her, I fucking loved when she called me that. I guess the joke was on me.
“Happy birfday, Selsea!” our daughter Abigail squealed.
She was only three and didn’t really understand death, but we made sure to talk about Chelsea plenty so she’d always know she had a big sister that watched over her.
Abigail rushed over to me and grabbed my hand. I squeezed her tiny fingers softly in mine and silently thanked God for giving me a second chance at life.
“Daddy, when we get home, can we go to the pwincess tower?” Abigail asked.
I felt a tear come to my eye. I got teary eyed every time she asked to go to the Eiffel Tower. She was a lot like her big sister, as in she loved all things princesses. I’d even passed on Chelsea’s princess books to her since I knew in my heart it was what Chelsea would want.
“Yes, baby girl. Mommy and Daddy will take you to the princess tower when we get home,” I said with a smile and lifted her into the air, laughing with her as she squealed. I kissed her nose before I let her tiny feet touch the ground.
She took off running across the green grass, the wind catching her dark curls and bouncing them all around her face.
Pulling Emily back to my side, I gave her a long kiss. “Thank you,” I said.
“For what?”
“For giving me my life back.”
Acknowledgements
Tabatha Vargo
First and foremost, I’d like to thank Melissa Andrea. She’s always there when I need someone to bounce ideas off of. Coming into this business, I had no idea I’d meet so many great people I’d come to call my friends. I’m happy to say she is one of them, and I’m glad we work so well together. Thanks for rocking out the cover, girl. You slammed it out. It was a great time writing this book together. You. Is. Fabulous. Girl! I love you, Mel!
Secondly, I’d like to thank my wonderful husband for putting up with me. When I go into my writing spells, he makes sure my house doesn’t burn down, that our dinner is taken care of and we have clean clothes, and that my sweet baby girl gets to school safely. I’m so thankful to have
such a wonderful and supportive husband. I love you, Matthew, more than I could ever put in words, and I’m excited to live our happily ever after.
To my daughter Ashlynn… thank you for being the reason I do anything in my life. You’re the brightest thing to enter my world, and I love nothing more than to watch you grow into the beautiful young lady you’re becoming. You’re smart and kind-hearted and you give me tons of reasons to smile every day. Mommy loves you, Ashlynn, and you’ll always be my reason for everything. I love you more than love, baby girl.
I’d like to thank Cassie McCown for putting her lovely eyes all over this book and picking out all the silly mistakes that Melissa and I missed. You’re awesome, Cassie! Sending you great big hugs!
And finally to my kickass readers and insanely loyal bloggers/page admins… You guys are so hardcore and amazing, and I love you with every word I write. I can’t begin to show my appreciation for everything you guys have done for me and my family. Thanks for making this homegrown, at-home mommy feel like a rock star. You never cease to amaze me. I hope I never let you guys down, and I really hope you continue to read and love my little crazy-in-the-head stories. You guys rock entirely too hard, and I hope you all know that. Sending you all lots of big HUGS and love.
Melissa Andrea
I am so in love with this book and I couldn’t have written it without my bestie, my twin, my go-to-girl, Tabatha Vargo!! You totally brought me out of my shell and showed me how to rock my dirty side! You are my other half in this crazy, crazy world, and I don’t know how I’d survive without you!! I can’t wait to do this again, sweets!! Love you lots.
A big shout out to my hubs for making sure life goes on even if I’m not always there to take part in it. For making sure I eat when I’ve been glued to my computer all day. For making sure we don’t live like cave people, and for doing all of that on top of having a full-time job. Nobody is perfect, but you’re perfect for me!
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