I just hate how I’ve found my perfect girl at the worst possible time in my life. I’m thankful I have her in my life as a friend though even if it is becoming a struggle to be around her and not do all the things I’m craving. That I can’t be free with her. I hate keeping her at arm’s length, but friendship is all I can give her. She deserves all of me, and right now, I can’t give her that, no matter how much it pains me.
Realizing, if I continue to sit here and stare at her, that my resolve to kiss her will quickly dissipate, I gently pick her up and carry her to her room. Why continue letting her sleep on the couch when she has a full queen she can stretch out on?
The jostle of my steps must wake her because her soft voice travels from the darkness. “Chase?” she asks like a question, her voice a little hazy.
“Yep, it’s me,” I tell her as I continue toward the bedroom.
She lets out a yawn, her arms coming around to my neck, and the brush of her fingers against my skin awakens my every sense. Jesus, this woman is going to be my undoing. She giggles a drunken kind of laugh, but knowing that she hasn’t drank a single drop of alcohol today, it must be an effect of her sleepiness.
“Why are you carrying me in a fireman’s lift?”
I try not to laugh. “I’m not. A fireman’s lift is when you’re hoisted over someone’s shoulder. I’m just carrying you.”
“But why?”
“You fell asleep on the sofa. I’m just taking you to bed.”
“Taking me to bed?” she muses, and I don’t miss the suggestive tone to her voice.
I walk inside her bedroom and make my way to the bed. “Yes, but only to sleep,” I clarify with a smile as I set her down on the bed. I can hear the pout of her lips.
“Well, that’s no fun.”
I switch the side lamp on, giving the room a little light. She blinks at the sudden brightness, her eyes taking a few seconds to connect to mine. Then, the smile she throws my way takes my breath away.
“Hi,” she greets when she can see me.
“Hi,” I reply, grinning, loving how cute she is when she’s sleepy. “Come on, get under the covers,” I instruct.
Her eyes light up. “Are you going to tuck me in?”
“If you get your ass under the sheets in the next few seconds, I will.”
She wastes no time and shifts under the sheets. She starts to lie down when she suddenly jackknifes back up again. “Wait, I’m too hot. Let me take this off,” she says, referring to my hoodie she’s wearing.
She whips it up over her head, and I almost swallow my tongue when her tank top rides up with it, giving me a spectacular view of her tits.
Fucking hell.
She quickly pulls her tee back down before hauling the hoodie from her head. “You didn’t see anything,” she tells me, horrified, cautiously eyeing me, a blush rising along her cheeks.
A smirk pulls up along my lips, and I shake my head. “See what?” I ask. Then, I add, “Although it’s not the first time you’ve flashed them at me.”
“Chase!” she exclaims, smacking me.
“Hey, they’re great boobs.” Amazing in fact. Magnificent. Out of this world. God, what I would give to have a taste of them.
Grinning sleepily, she rolls her eyes before lying back down. Then, she lets out a sigh as she sinks against the mattress. “Oh God…it really is like lying on a cloud.”
“You comfortable?” I ask as I pull the covers up to her neck.
She just hums as her eyes flicker closed.
Unable to resist, I lean down and press a kiss to her forehead. “Good night, Kaelyn.”
As I pull back, one eye pops open, and I feel her hand clutch on to mine. Tingles erupt up and down my spine at the mere contact.
“Chase?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for being an amazing friend. I don’t know what I would have done without you these last two days.”
I smile; all the while, I die a little inside at being referred to as her friend, but that’s exactly what we are even though I wish I could be much more.
But, right now, it’s not a possibility.
I go to speak, but her eyes drift shut, and with the way her lips part and her breaths even out, it tells me she’s fallen back to sleep. With one last look, I switch the side lamp off and exit her room.
Kaelyn’s been staying with me for the past two weeks, and having her in my space, coming home to her each night, is honestly making me deliriously happy. The pressure has been mounting as it gets closer to the baby being delivered and to finally lay Olivia to rest, and Kaelyn has been my rock. She’s been there when I need someone to talk to, the person I go to when I need to get out of my own head. She also helped when I couldn’t decide what color the nursery should be painted. Since she’s a girlie girl, she said to definitely go with pink. I mean, in all honesty, there wasn’t much for me to do with the nursery since I got decorators in, but even the small decisions have overwhelmed me. Kaelyn somehow brings calm to my mayhem, and I’m grateful to have her here even if it is at the expense of half of her house burning down.
She even canceled her New Year’s plans with her friend, Penelope, to spend it with me, so I wouldn’t be alone. We spent the evening eating Chinese and watching back-to-back episodes of The Big Bang Theory. It meant the world to me that she’d dropped everything like that. Then, the next day, she came with me to the ice rink, and she skated with all my kids. Compared to the first time she set foot on the ice, she was a lot more confident, and I even taught her a little bit of hockey, too.
Though she’s been my rock, the only downfall with her staying with me is, I can’t seem to keep my cock under control. It’s like I’ve hit puberty all over again with the constant boners, but everything about her turns me on—and I mean, everything. Her sweet smell, her incredible body, the way she’s been leaving her hair wavy a lot more since I complimented her curls a couple of weeks ago, how she’s constantly singing, the way she bites her bottom lip when I know she’s reading a dirty bit of her book—I only know this because I took a sneak peek. Also, those goddamn black-rimmed square eyeglasses she wears for reading. Jesus, she looks like a sexy-ass librarian. I never knew eyeglasses could be so seductive, but when Kaelyn wears them, it takes everything I have not to whip my dick out and jerk myself off. I mean, I’m a gentleman. I’d never just whip it out, but the urges I have when I’m around her are making it difficult to get through the day. It isn’t as if I’m not doing something about it. I’ve been jerking off at least twice a day—once in the shower and before I go to bed—but it doesn’t do shit to relieve the sexual tension radiating through my body. She just consumes my every being. It also doesn’t help that she likes to walk around the place in a T-shirt without a bra and those incredibly tight yoga pants she loves.
Starting off my morning with a shower—and yes, you guessed it, my morning delight—I dress in jeans and a button-down shirt. Once dressed and ready for the day, I exit my bedroom, and I halt in my tracks at the sound of music playing in the kitchen. I cock my head to side, trying to decipher the song. As I make my way to the kitchen, I smile when I hear it’s “Hey Mama” by The Black Eyed Peas. Then, as I turn into the kitchen, my smile turns into a full-on grin when I see Kaelyn dancing, hips shaking, ass bouncing in the most incredible way—twerking I believe it’s called—and singing to every word while she prepares her breakfast.
Crossing my arms, I lean my hip against the counter and just watch her as she continues to dance around my kitchen, oblivious that I’m behind her. I must watch her for a full minute, and as she drops chopped up banana and berries into the blender and pours yogurt inside, her hips never stop moving to the beat, singing along with the guy who raps about rice and peas, chicken and bling.
Such a crazy-ass song.
I don’t even care that this is another trait of hers that turns me on and that my cock perks up again after only being asleep for ten minutes. Seeing her so carefree, dancing like nobody is watching is so fu
cking refreshing. It makes me appreciate life so much more. She’s the epitome of happy, and I love that about her. She’s the proof that, in between all the bad in life, there’s also good, and Kaelyn is the good in my life. Hell, she’s the best part of my life.
Seeming too lost in the groove to realize I’m in the same room as her, I clear my throat, and with a shriek, she spins around. Her face flames with heat when she takes me in, and that only makes my smile widen more.
“Shit! How long have you been there?”
“About a minute. Nice moves.” I wink before pushing away from the counter.
She reaches for her phone that sits beside the blender and turns the music down. “Sorry, but that song was my jam back in the day. I’ve not heard it in forever, and it popped up on my Spotify.”
I squeeze her shoulder, loving the way she feels between my fingers. “Never apologize for letting your hair down. I happen to love the dancing, very Step Up.”
Placing the lid on the blender, she raises a brow. “You’ve seen Step Up?”
“Yes. Well, not voluntarily. Olivia forced me to watch it with her at the movies. I only went with the promise of sex, and back then, I’d have done just about anything for sex. So, I went and watched her salivate over old-school Channing Tatum. It was worth it in the end,” I tell her with a chuckle.
She laughs with me before her gaze turns pensive.
“What is it?” I ask.
She just smiles. “That’s the first time you’ve spoken about Olivia like that—like the woman you married, not the woman you were going to divorce.”
I think about what Kaelyn said for a minute, and I realize she’s right. I’ve been so focused on the woman she became because of the current situation that I haven’t allowed myself to think of the good times we had. And there were a lot. Amazing times. Well, until I joined the Stars.
Shit. Chase, don’t go there.
When I don’t utter a word, Kaelyn speaks, “You know, it’s okay to remember the good times. I mean, you married her for a reason. You married her because you loved her. I’d really like to see some pictures.”
“Of me and Olivia?” I ask with surprise.
She nods. “I’ve only seen her once. I want to see what she looked like with life in her eyes and in love.”
I grab my phone from my pocket and click on my photos, scrolling through until I find the folder from the early days. I click on the first picture, of us on our wedding day, and I hand it to Kaelyn. Stepping around the kitchen island, she takes a seat and studies the picture. Our wedding day wasn’t a big affair. In this picture, we just stood outside the courthouse—me in a suit that didn’t quite fit, Olivia in a pretty white dress she picked up from Walmart. But it’s the look in our eyes, the pure look of adoration as I hold her tight to me.
I thought we had a love that would last, and I think, when I finally say good-bye, that will be the hardest to thing to accept. Losing what I assumed would be my forever. I always dreamed I’d die with her in my arms when were in our nineties as we slept peacefully. I never expected our future to end this way. A few weeks away from switching off her life support machine.
Kaelyn grins. “Aw, look at that baby face,” she says, her eyes meeting mine. “You got married at the courthouse?”
“Yes. Neither of us had a pot to piss in. I couldn’t even afford a ring, so I ended up buying her this piece-of-shit vintage thing that made her finger turn green. I eventually made it up to her once I was earning the big figures with the Dallas Stars and got her a ring she deserved to have on her finger.”
“Did you guys ever renew your vows?”
I shake my head. “She wanted to. In fact, she wanted to get them renewed in Fiji, but with my grueling schedule, it never happened. I’m glad because, to me, the wedding at the courthouse was perfect. I didn’t ever want to erase that.”
“That’s really sweet,” Kaelyn says. “Do you mind if I scroll through these?” she asks, lifting up my phone.
I shake my head, and I watch as she thumbs through my and Olivia’s entire married life. She makes a few comments, especially how gorgeous Olivia is. Once she’s finished looking through them all, she hands me back the phone.
“I can see why you fell in love with her. She was quite enchanting. I’m even more jealous now. You guys were just so in love. I’ve never experienced love at that level.”
I grimace, hating the pain intermixed within her voice. She thinks she’s unlovable after bad relationship after bad relationship, but, God, she has no idea how easy it is to love her.
“Don’t be jealous. We were happy for a while, but it soon became a tainted love, and that’s not the kind of love to be envious of. I wouldn’t wish what I’ve had to go through on anyone.”
Her eyes fall to mine, and the power I see behind her gaze makes it feel as if our souls are touching. Then, I just about fall to my knees with her next words.
“But she had the one thing I’d kill for. You.”
Holy fucking shit.
The breath becomes lodged at the back of my throat, her words breaking my soul just a little bit.
“Kaelyn…” I say her name with the intent to say more, but the urge to kiss her overcomes all the words.
She abruptly stands, and breaks our connection. “I need to get to work.”
She grabs her phone, purse, and gym bag and starts for the front door.
My eyes fall on the unblended contents in the blender. “What about your breakfast?”
“You have it,” is all she says before walking out of my view and shutting the door without saying good-bye.
She’s not even out of the house two minutes before I hear the door open and close again. As I’m pouring the smoothie contents into a juicer bottle, I glance up to see Kaelyn stomping toward me with an exasperated look on her face. My heart stutters in my chest at the mere sight of her.
Has she come to finish off our earlier conversation?
“Everything okay?”
She lets out a long sigh as she heads in my direction of the kitchen. “No. My car just frigging died. I didn’t even get four feet off the driveway before it gave out. I’ve tried it, but it ain’t shifting. This is all I need,” she hisses with frustration.
“Shit. Did it come up with any warning lights?”
“Nope. Nothing. Just fucking died. I’m hoping it’s just the battery because I can’t afford a new car right now. Shit. And, now, I’m going to be late for work. I really don’t need this right now.”
Her breathing has accelerated, her chest is heaving, and her skin has paled. She’s seconds away from having a panic attack. I round the counter and grasp her shoulders between my fingers.
“Kaelyn, it’s okay. Just take a deep breath. Just breathe,” I instruct softly.
She nods before taking a few deep inhales and long exhales. Once she’s calmed down a little, I lift her chin up and force her eyes to meet mine.
“This is what we’re going to do. I’m going to take you to work, and then I’ll come back and call roadside assistance. They’re usually here within the hour. Then, if it needs to go to the shop, I’ll have them take it to the garage I take the Ferrari to. It will all be fine, and if anyone can bring a car back to life, they can. I mean, I don’t just have anyone look after my baby.”
She nods, letting out a breathless laugh. “You and that car.”
“You know she’s my prized possession,” I tell her with a shit-eating grin before letting go of her chin. “I’ll just get my keys, and then we’ll go.”
I swipe the smoothie from the countertop and then grab my keys from the hook near the refrigerator. I follow Kaelyn to the front door and hand her the smoothie. “Here, you know I don’t like bananas.”
She smiles sheepishly as she takes it from me. “Thanks.”
The drive to the studio is quiet. I’m guessing she’s still stewing over our conversation earlier, but other than my comment about the bananas, we don’t bring it up again even though it’s all I can t
hink about.
“But she had the one thing I’d kill for. You.”
What do you say to something like that? It’d be easier if it was an unrequited love, but it isn’t, and everything she is feeling, I’m feeling it twofold. The closer she gets, the further I fall. We both want what we can’t have, but, fuck, what I wouldn’t give to finally be able to give in to the temptation, to finally give in to her.
But it’s not fair on her to start something that’s more powerful than both of us combined when I haven’t even buried my wife yet.
Fuck, why does life have to be so complicated?
All I ever wanted was to find the love of my life, get married, and live happily ever after. Instead, I’m weeks away from having to say good-bye to my first love while battling with my feelings for another. And what’s worse is, what I originally thought was forever love changed the instant I met Kaelyn. Olivia was my best friend, but Kaelyn…she’s part of my soul, my reason for breathing, my fucking always. She’s my person…yet I can’t have her, and I have a feeling, when it is my time to be with her, it’s going to be too late.
I pull up outside the studio and put the car in park.
Kaelyn turns to me. “Thanks for dropping me off. I have a pretty jam-packed day, so I’ll just grab an Uber home.”
“What time is your last class?” I ask, ignoring her suggestion to grab an Uber. Yeah, I don’t think so.
“Honestly, it’s fine.”
“What time does your last class finish?” I demand, my voice stern.
She purses her lips with a smirk. “At seven,” Kaelyn says, finally relenting.
“Okay, so I’ll pick you up at seven then.”
She puts me under her scrutiny. “You’re stubborn as hell.”
My Forever (Our Forever Book 3) Page 25
