"I know."
Her head pulled away and her eyes darted at him. "No, you don't. No one understands how I feel. Everyone says they do, but they don't!"
He cupped her chin and stared deeper into her eyes. "Then tell me how it feels."
Jeri's eyes began to water again as she moved away from him. "I feel like life is mocking me! The thing I wanted the most in my life I can't have! Everyone around me is ecstatic and happy with their little bundles of joy and here I am- alone." She twisted around and shouted at the trees. "Having children would have filled the void that was created when I lost both my parents!" She spun back around to Keith. "Being infertile makes me feel like my soul was taken from me. All I ever wanted was to be a mom, and it feels like someone takes the longest most jagged knife in the world and stabs my heart with it every time I see a baby or child!" Tears streamed down her face. "Every time! Every single time!" Her hands shook as she stumbled to the nearest pine tree. Small sparks emitted from her fingers. The pine absorbed them and new pine needles grew.
Keith walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. "You're right. No one can begin to imagine how you feel."
"And now this chance to have kids is being dangled in front of me like a treat, but I don't have the money or a partner..." She shook her head. "I don't know how to deal with these feelings."
He slowly ran his hands down her arms and wrapped his body against hers. She fit so perfectly against him, like they were born to be together. "You need to talk to a professional about this."
She shook her head. "It's not going to do me any good. I went to a support group for about a month, but all it did was make me depressed. Talking to Emily after each session was better than the group session."
"Emily?"
"Yes, she's the one who's now pregnant with twins."
Keith spun her around took hold of her chin. His gaze penetrated into her as he wiped away a tear with his thumb. "Jeri, one month isn't going to help. You need to see someone long- term. You remember when I first came back? I couldn't survive a 4th of July, because every explosion made me want to take cover. I desperately wanted my life back, so I went to see someone who specializes in trauma like mine, and they helped. I still sometimes have the urge to hide, but with everything I learned I'm able to cope with it better." Tears streaked down her cheeks, begging to be kissed away. It took every ounce of willpower he had to stop himself from doing it.
She exhaled. "Maybe you're right."
Keith saw her shaking and realized she had left her afghan back at the house. He took off his coat and wrapped it around her.
"Thank you." She held the coat tightly around her.
"Why don't we talk about something fun, like how you will spoil your new niece or nephew."
Her soft chuckle warmed Keith and he wrapped his arm around her and led her back to the house. "I guess sibling revenge is a niece or nephew on a sugar high!"
"Promise me you'll invite me over so I can help with that."
A small smile lit her face as she looked up at him. "As long as you make sure you bring a small drum set to give him or her."
Keith started to laugh. It was rare he laughed, and it felt great. Slowly, he maneuvered them through the forest. "You are cruel! What in the world did Dean do to you to deserve that?"
Jeri leaned closer to him, her mood changing with the conversation. "Let's see. When I was five he convinced me I would turn into a fairy if I ate all the pansy flowers in my Mom's flower boxes..."
"Dean told you that?" Keith asked perplexed. "Doesn't sound like him."
"Yes, well, Eric was involved, too."
Keith couldn't contain his laughter. He'd heard about the oldest Miller brother from Dean. Eric was the practical joker in the family, and both Dean and Jeri had been recipients of the bad pranks.
He moved a branch out of their way. "Sounds like Eric was a bad influence on him."
"Yeah, well, he still should have known better than to torment his little sister."
"Sometimes little sisters are so easy to torment." He recalled a bunch of times when he had given grief to his little sister Rose. It hadn't been meant to be mean, it had been fun.
"Your sister and I need to meet so we can compare notes and plot our revenge." He could imagine her lips curling into a smile in the darkness.
Not being able to kiss those perfect lips was revenge enough for him.
"You'll find I wasn't bad to her."
"So how is Rose doing?" Jeri asked as she stepped over a log.
"Same as always. Working during the day and partying at night." He stepped over a log and made sure his prosthesis was on solid ground before he moved his other leg around.
"It must be exciting to live in New York City."
"It's like it is in Chicago, but it's more compact and everything costs a fortune. Plus, there aren't as many flowers and vegetation except in Central Park. Not sure you'd like it."
"I'd still love to go visit. I've never been there and it sounds like a lot of fun." She took hold of his hand and veered right. He wasn't going to argue with her since she probably knew the forest better than anyone.
"How about New Year's?" His heart blurted out before his brain could catch up.
Jeri stopped and he almost ran into her. "What?"
Keith held onto her hand. It's just a trip. We don't have to stay in a hotel room together.
"Let's go on New Year's Eve. You can stay with Rose and I'll stay with my mom. It will be fun."
"It does sound like a great time, but would we be able to get plane tickets? New Year's is three weeks away." She continued walking .
"We can drive. It's about twelve hours, but we can take turns driving."
Jeri stepped on a branch which made a loud crunch. "Are you sure your sister wouldn't mind me staying with her?"
"I know she would love to have the company. We can take you around and show you all the places you've heard about." It would help them both to have a change of scenery, especially around the holidays. His sister would love her, so they would get along great. His mother, on the other hand, he'd have to work on or avoid her, depending on how things went.
They stopped in the middle of the pitch black forest and he felt her arms wrap around him. "Thank you." Her soft voice made his soul ache for her.
"We're going to end this year with a bang," he told her as they kept a hold on each other. "I want this to be a trip you'll remember forever."
There were so few things that made him happy in his life. Knowing he made Jeri happy was one of them. If only he could make her happy forever.
Chapter 3
The fresh aroma of coffee filled Jeri's senses before the intense pounding did. She pushed her head deeper into the pillow and moaned as the rays of sunshine streamed through the blinds and covered her in a blanket of light. Usually she only drank one glass of wine, but last night she’d allowed herself more because she thought she would be alone for the rest of the evening. Keith's visit was a welcome relief to her almost constant lonely nights. It had been a very long time since she was in a relationship. She’d forgotten what it was like to have a companion to talk to.
Their conversation about New York popped into her head. She'd be in New York for New Year's! She hadn't been this excited, not since... the constant throb of her head made it hard to think.
Coffee and some greasy food should help alleviate the banging.
As she stumbled into the kitchen the aroma of coffee and bacon filled the air. Keith stood over the stove and stirred the eggs and bacon in a pan.
"Good morning," He smiled. "I wasn't sure if you'd be able to eat anything, so I made you some coffee, but if you're up to it I'd be more than willing to share some of the bacon and eggs I made."
Jeri's head pounded even more as she walked. "I think I'll just stick with the coffee and maybe two aspirin," she slid down into a chair at the table and grabbed her head. The euphoria she’d felt last night was not
worth this pain.
Keith walked over to one of the cabinets and found the bottle of aspirin. When he opened it he shook out two pills and placed them on a small plate in front of her. He strolled to the coffee pot, took a mug from the cabinet above it, filled it with the piping hot liquid and handed the mug over to her. She inhaled the scent of the fresh brew and instantly felt happiness.
When she set her mug down her eyes followed Keith as he moved through the kitchen and fished out another plate from the cabinet. His short-sleeved white t-shirt clung to his torso, revealing his well-defined muscles. Why didn't she notice that before? Usually a man's arms were one of the things which attracted her. They were pillars of strength. She’d love to be embraced by them. She swore if she had a walnut he would be able to crack it in the crook of his elbow. She looked down at her coffee. What would he do if she jumped into his arms? Would he embrace her and kiss her? Her heart fluttered at the image. Bad thought to have. They were such good friends. Once they crossed that line there would never be going back. What if things didn't work out for them? She couldn't lose his friendship. He was one of her closest friends. Plus, he just got out of a bad relationship. He needed time to heal.
The clank of his plate against the table broke into her thoughts. Jeri looked up at Keith and saw concern in his expression each time he looked at her.
"I appreciate your coming over last night," she began. "I'm sorry I lost it and ran off in the forest." Her finger absently rubbed the rim of her mug.
"No need to apologize." He cut his egg. "You had a long day and a lot to take in. I know it's been a couple years, but deep wounds are hard to heal. I meant what I said about the counseling last night. You need to get some help."
Jeri sighed and propped her head against her arm. The emotions she felt last night never left. The dull heartache still throbbed every time she thought of all the new babies that would be arriving.
"I have a couple of months to figure this out." She sipped her coffee.
Keith stopped mid-chew. "Jeri, you need help right now. One session is not going to solve everything. It's a long process. "
She looked up at him. He wanted to help her, but deep down inside she wanted to skip the counseling and save the money for the new doctor. She was already looking through dating sites hoping to find a man who wanted a child and would give this treatment a try. From past experience she knew Keith wouldn't let this subject go. "I know. I just can't think straight right now with this jackhammer in my head."
Keith smiled and took hold of her hand. Jeri tried to hide the sensation she felt when he touched her. What a profound effect a single touch from him had on her. All the years she was married she never once experienced the exhilaration from such a small physical contact. What attracted her so much to him? He was always off-limits, so she never let her emotions take over. But now, could there be something more between them?
"Great. We can start researching tonight and find someone close by."
Keith let go of her hand and finished the last piece of bacon before taking his plate to the sink to wash it. He grabbed a mug from the cabinet and poured himself a cup of hot coffee. "So since I'm here, is there anything I can help you with? I know your main farming season is over, but don't you have any winter work that needs to be done?"
Taking another sip of coffee, Jeri turned to look at him. "Actually, yes, a bunch of things need to be done, one of which is to trim all the bushes in the field. It's taken me a lot longer to do because of all the rain we had in the fall."
"Sounds like great work to burn off extra stress," he told her with a smirk.
"It works for me. By the time I am done at the end of the day I totally forget what was stressing me out."
"I guess there's something to be said about manual labor."
"I think I'm going to take a shower. Hopefully that'll help sober me up a bit," Jeri said as she swirled her coffee in her cup.
"I left some things in the car last night. I'm going to go get them." He placed his mug on the counter and went to the living room to grab his keys.
Jeri's eye's followed him out the door. When she first met Keith he was in a wheelchair and hell-bent and determined to walk again. Every time he went to rehab he got stronger and better, which gave her so much hope with her own struggles. If Keith could walk, then there was hope for her.
Slowly Jeri stood up and headed towards the bathroom for her long overdue shower. As she passed by the guest bedroom she noticed Keith's jacket on the floor. On instinct she went to pick it up and a small light blue box fell out from one of the pockets. Her body froze as she recognized the famous blue color women have swooned over for generations. Her heart started to thump erratically as she could only guess what was in the box. The right thing to do would be to put it back, but her hands had a mind of their own and they flicked it open. Tucked inside was a beautiful platinum princess cut diamond engagement ring. Jeri gasped as her hands trembled. Keith must've bought the ring before he caught Jennifer cheating on him. Jennifer was an idiot. She shouldn’t have broken Keith's trust. Keith was the most loyal, honest, hard-working man Jeri ever had known. He didn't deserve someone as cold and cruel as Jennifer. The light reflected off of all the facets of the diamond when she tilted the box. Even her own engagement ring from her ex did not shine as bright as this one did.
"Keep it."
Jeri jumped and almost dropped the box. She twisted around and faced Keith's stone cold expression. "You were going to marry her," she muttered as she held onto the box.
"Yes, but she apparently was not on the same page as I was. It's over between us." His tone was cold. "Take the ring to a pawn shop and use the money for whatever you need."
Jeri looked back at Keith and closed the box. "I can't do that. This cost you a fortune and you're going to need the money for rent for the next couple of months." She took his coat, which was still draped over her arm, stuffed the box into the pocket and placed it on the bed.
"I'm sorry things didn't work out between you and Jennifer. I know how much it hurts when someone you deeply love and care for breaks your trust and your heart." She took a few steps towards him and reached out to grab his hand. The electricity between them started to crackle again, but she knew she had to comfort him as much as he comforted her. "Things will get better with time. If you ever need anyone to talk to I am always here for you."
"I appreciate it, Jeri, but I'm fine. Couples have been breaking up since the dawn of time, and we've survived and moved on. Now go and take a shower and show me what needs to be done out in the fields."
There was more than he was telling her. She knew his moods, and this one said there was something else to the story. Maybe it was too painful to talk about it, but Jeri hoped he would open up to her eventually. With Jennifer out of the picture he would probably come and visit her more often. There was enough room in her three-bedroom farmhouse, and she would definitely welcome the company, especially during times like now when the winter seemed like it would never end and she was stuck mostly indoors.
"Okay give me ten minutes and I'll teach you everything you need to know to be a farmer." She moved around him and ran to the bathroom.
Chapter 4
Sweat trickled down Keith's back while he clipped another bush in the field. Even with the cold winter air, he worked up a sweat trimming the bushes. The temperature didn't seem to faze Jeri, who kept going. She wouldn’t stop until all the bushes were trimmed. The summer harvest was what she lived off of all year long, and trimming the bushes of old branches would help the bushes grow new shoots in the spring. New shoots meant more blueberries and more blueberries meant more money. It was hard physical work, but it didn't deter Jeri. He respected her so much for it.
He grabbed a cut branch and tossed it into the lawn tractor trailer. In the row next to his, Jeri continued to cut the branches. She was covered with a thick winter coat, hat, and gloves, but it didn't slow her down. His thick jacket kept him toasty, and he wa
s tempted to take it off to cool down. At the pace they were going they would be done with half the field by nightfall.
"You doing okay?" She walked over to dump her branches in the trailer.
"Yeah, this is just like a workout at the gym." He flashed her a smile as he cut two more branches.
Jeri pushed down the branches to make more room. "But you don't work out a whole day at the gym." She wiped her brow with the back of her hand. "I really appreciate you helping me, Keith, but I don't want you hurting yourself."
Keith knew she was concerned about his stump, which had begun to throb an hour ago, but he didn't want it to hold him back from finishing the job.
"Jeri, I'm fine. I'm usually on my feet all day at work," he lied as he tossed a couple more branches into the trailer. "This is more exciting than work and my partner's definitely better looking." He winked.
There was a certain twinkle in her eyes after he made that statement, which made his heart beat faster. Even bundled up with hair completely disheveled she looked more beautiful than a supermodel.
Her lips curled and she turned to another bush. "I'll be sure not to tell your partner you said that."
Keith couldn't muster a reply as he stared at her ass while she bent down to trim the bush. Her jeans made his imagination go to hyper drive. Don't go there! He pulled his gaze away and forced his hands to continue to trim the next bush.
He had to keep his mind away from the erotic image. "So what were you planning on doing the rest of the winter?"
Growth 0f Love (The Heirs 0f Orion Series Book 2) Page 2
