by SJ McCoy
***
Everyone was quiet as they got off the plane at Summer Lake. It had been a great night, but this morning a cloud hung over them.
Jack waited at the top of the steps after the others had gone down. “What did he say to you, Jason?”
“Just that he'd be going dark for the week. Papa Charlie is still in Santa Monica, but he'll have it back here next weekend. He said you guys weren't flying this week, but if anyone needs to I can take you in this.”
“And he just said he was going dark? Didn't say anything about where?”
“No. I asked but he said he didn't know.”
Jack nodded. That sounded about right for Smoke. “Well, thanks for the ride. I doubt we'll need you, but I'll give you a shout if we do. Let me know if you hear from him, will you?”
“Will do. But I'm not expecting to. He covered everything that he and I needed to get into this week so that he wouldn't have to be in touch.”
When Jack caught up with the others in the parking lot, Pete was frowning. “I don't like it, partner. What do you think?”
As usual, Jack knew Pete was thinking the same thing he was. “Let's give him today. What do you say we all meet up at the Boathouse tomorrow night? We can see if anyone's heard anything, and then decide.”
Pete nodded. “Okay. Around seven tomorrow night? Does that work for everyone?”
They all nodded their agreement.
“I'm going to call Laura when we get home. See if she's made it back to San Francisco yet.” Missy scowled at Michael. “She spent last night by herself and now she's driving home by herself too. I wish I'd known.”
Michael hung his head. “Sorry, critter. But she asked me not tell anyone. She wanted to be by herself.”
Missy nodded begrudgingly. “I know. You only did what she wanted. I'm just worried about her. I just wish I'd known. I'll get back in that damned plane and go up there if she wants me.”
Jack smiled to himself, knowing she meant it, no matter how scared she was of flying. “If you get hold of her and want to go, Miss, let me know. I'll set it up, or come with you.”
“There's nothing we can achieve all standing around here, though,” said Pete. “And we need to get out to my folks place. Keep the grapevine open guys, and we'll see you tomorrow.”
***
Laura wandered around her apartment. She felt as if she was in shock. She still couldn't believe that what should have been a little misunderstanding had led to this. She jumped and ran for her phone when she heard it ring, hoping it would be him. Of course it wasn't.
“Hey, Jack.”
“Hey, sweetie. Are you home yet?”
“Yeah. I'm back now. Sorry I didn't pick up earlier. I was still on the road. Have you heard anything from him? Is he back there?”
“No, nothing. He's gone dark.”
“Jack if you hear from him, please will you explain what happened? I do trust him. I didn't know that Leanne was going to do that. When she said I knew what she up to, I agreed because I understood what she was doing. But he thought I'd set it up!”
“It's okay, sweetie. I know. Michael explained what went down. If I can find him, I'll explain it to him. But don't be surprised if we don't hear anything for a while. When are you leaving for London?”
“Thursday.”
“I hate to say it, but I doubt he will resurface till after you're gone.”
Laura nodded. She was kind of expecting that herself. “He's a big coward, Jack! But I love him.”
“I know, sweetie. He loves you too. I know that for sure. I talked with him last night before everything got started. He was one happy man.”
Laura couldn't help but seek reassurance. “He actually told you that he loved me?”
Jack laughed. “He told me that a week ago, before he even told you!”
That surprised her, but it made her smile, too. “It was probably a whole lot easier for him to tell you than it was to tell me.”
Jack let out a short laugh. “You know, you're probably right, and seeing how he struggled to tell me, I can only imagine what he went through with you.”
The tears threatened again as she remembered what it had taken for him to finally say those words to her—in the shower. “Did you want anything, Jack, or were you just checking in?” She needed to get off the phone.
“I just wanted to make sure you're okay, sweetie.”
“I wish you were being more reassuring. I wish you were telling me that it's all going to be okay. That he'll be fine when he's had chance to calm down and think about it.”
“I wish I was I too, but I've seen him hurt before. He shuts down, puts up walls. Even when he comes back, it's like the real him isn't even there. He just hides behind the cocky Smoke screen. I've never seen him as happy as he was about you. To fall so hard from that height is going have him hurting real bad. I just want to find him before he can build too many walls up and shut us all out.”
“Not very reassuring, Jack.”
“Sorry, sweetie, but at least it's honest.”
“Yeah. Call me if you hear anything, okay.”
“Will do. Keep your chin up.”
“Thanks, Jack. See ya.”
Once she'd hung up, she decided to try a text.
I'm not giving up because I love you.
I leave for London on Thursday.
Please say you'll see me before I go?
She really didn't expect him to reply, but she could hope. She put her phone in pocket and jumped when it buzzed. Her heart raced. It was him! She held her breath as she opened the text.
No. Do us both a favor and stay there.
Her eyes filled with tears. That was just plain mean. She put her face in her hands and let a few tears fall before she pulled herself together. She knew he wasn't really mean at all, he was hurting. He might be coward, but he wasn't an asshole. At least he'd sent something.
***
Jack had tried calling and texting Smoke, but had heard nothing, yesterday or today. He hadn't really expected to. He sat on the front deck looking out at the lake. Emma came out and planted a kiss on his lips before sitting beside him.
“Do you think it'll all work out?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I don't know, baby. I hope so, but I know Smoke. I need to talk to him soon. The more time he spends by himself, the more walls he'll put up. If I don't get to him soon it won't matter anymore. Even when he understands that Laura had nothing to do with Leanne's stupid idea, he won't risk letting her in again.”
Emma nodded sadly. “He sounds like me when I saw you with Laura and freaked out. Even when I found out she was your cousin, I was too scared. What I thought I'd seen had already hurt me too much. I thought being with you would only leave me open to more hurt.”
Jack wrapped an arm around her. “I know. I just hope I can find Smoke and persuade him he needs to be as brave as my little Mouse. I'm going to call Pete. I don't feel like going into town and sitting around with everyone tonight. I know he's thinking of calling Smoke's parents and I'm going to say we do it.”
Emma smiled at up him. “I love that the two of you kept in touch with his parents all these years.”
“Yeah. They're good people. They screwed up, but they were quick to admit it when they realized what they'd done. Smoke shut them out completely, but they reached out to us. We were their go-betweens for a long time. The fact that he took Laura to meet them says how far he's come—with them, as well as with her.
***
Pete hung up and looked at Holly. Jack and Em aren't coming in to town tonight. “He's going to call Smoke's folks. I'm going to call Ben, see if Smoke has shown up at the resort at all. I doubt it though.”
Holly nodded. “I could throttle, Leanne. I could throttle Smoke, too!”
Pete laughed. “Don't be like that, sweetheart. Everyone wanted to throttle me not so long ago. We all get there in our own time and our own way.”
“I suppose. I just hope Smoke and Laura do get ther
e. It's so frustrating!”
***
Madeleine Hamilton went to find her husband in his office. “I just talked to Cole's friend, Jack.”
Cole Sr. took off his glasses and frowned at her. “Why? What's wrong?”
“He called to ask if we'd heard from Cole. He took off from the fundraiser and no one has heard from him since. They were hoping that since we've been getting closer again he might have been in touch with us. Apparently there was a bit of a scene with one of Laura's friends and he ended up thinking that Laura doesn't trust him.”
Cole Sr. stood up and walked around his big oak desk. “And what are you thinking?”
Madeleine wrung her hands together. “I need to call him. I want to call her.”
“Remember what we said, Madeleine. Remember what we promised each other? No interference, ever again. No matter what happens. No matter what we think might be best. Good or bad, his decisions are his own.”
“That's what I came to tell you, darling. I'm not going to be able to keep that promise.”
He shook his head. “We could lose him forever if you don't.”
She nodded. “I understand that, but I'll deal with it, if it means he doesn't lose her.”
***
Standing in the check-in line, Laura couldn't help looking around. It was hardly realistic, but she kept hoping that Smoke would appear. Hoping that he would come striding through the crowded terminal and wrap her in his arms. She'd kept having these silly little hopes since Madeleine had called her and said she was going to try to talk to him. Laura was grateful that she wanted to help, but had asked her not to. She didn't want Smoke to cut them both out of his life if he thought they were ganging up on him, or worse, trying to manipulate him into doing what they wanted. Still she'd hoped and hoped for a miracle.
She checked her bag and made her way to security, remembering the last time she'd done this, with Smoke at her side. Holding her hand. Now he was gone, and as she took her shoes off to pass through the scanners, she had to face the fact that he was probably going to stay gone.
Maybe she should stay in London. Do them both a favor, like he'd said.
***
Smoke came around the side of the house when he heard a car approaching. Who the hell could this be? He seriously considered hiding in the garage until they left. Then he saw it was Ben's truck rounding the corner and heading up the driveway, and he waited for him to pull up and get out.
“Hey, Smoke.”
He nodded, not wanting to even say hello. He just needed to be left alone.
Ben reached into the back of his truck and pulled out a cooler. “I thought this might be a good time to return the favor.” He smiled and lifted the lid to reveal a dozen beers nestling in the ice. “And these ones are stinging. So, are you going to invite me in?”
Smoke pursed his lips. “How did you know I was I here?”
“Joe was out this way checking fences. He said he'd seen signs of life up here, and since you've been playing the fugitive all week it didn't take much to figure it out. Don't tell me you're going to send me and my ice-cold beers away again? I let you in when I didn't want to.”
“Come on then.” Smoke opened the back door and led him inside.
Ben cracked two beers open and they sat in front of the windows looking out at the lake. “This is some view you've got here.”
“Yeah.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don't want to talk about it.”
Ben nodded. “Fair enough. Mind if I tell you some of what I didn't want to talk about when you came to see me?”
“Go ahead.” Maybe it would take his mind off Laura.
“I told you the past was the happiest place I've ever been?”
Smoke nodded.
“It's true. For the last fifteen years, there hasn't been a day when I didn't wish I could go back.”
Smoke looked at Ben, but he was staring out the windows with a faraway look in his eyes.
“I made the same decision that you're making now. I thought it would be easier to live with loss than risk more pain.” He turned and looked Smoke in the eye. Raising his bottle he said, “Worst fucking mistake I've ever made. Every single day I wish I'd had the balls to go after her, to choose love instead of self preservation. But it's too late for me.” He took a long swig of his beer and looked back out the window. “It's not too late for you, though.”
Smoke blew out a sigh. “Are you ever going to tell me your story?”
“Maybe someday. For now I just sit back and watch the rest of you live out yours. I've seen the others all get there in the end. I knew they would, cos I knew they'd all fight for it. You've got me worried though. I'm starting to think you're as much of a coward as I was. Don't join me in the losers club, bud. It sucks!”
Smoke stared at Ben. He'd never thought of him as a loser, but he could see the pain and regret etched on his face.
Ben gave him a sad smile. “If seeing all the happy couples around you doesn't motivate you to go after your girl, I thought maybe talking to this sad bastard would do the trick. Motivate you to not spend the rest of your life living with a regret you can't get past.”
Smoke nodded. It was the same thing his mom had told him this afternoon.
Hate me if you need to, darling, but I have to interfere, because you're my boy and I love you. When you were small you used to fight all the time to get what you wanted, whatever you wanted. And you always ended up getting it. You lost that after what we did. Ever since then you've always chosen what you call flying away. I think of it as giving up, Cole. Please don't give up. Don't give up on Laura, and don't give up on happiness. You can be happy. I know that, but you'll have to fight for it. If you don't you might always regret it.
He looked at Ben. “No offense, but I don't want to end up like you.”
Ben let out a sad little laugh. “None taken. I don't want you to either, that's why I'm here. So what are you going to do about it?”
Smoke emptied his beer and reached for another. “I don't know yet.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Laura left the Levy store and put her umbrella up as she hurried out. London was certainly living up to its dreary reputation this time. It matched her mood. She hadn't seen the sun since the plane had descended through the clouds and landed at Heathrow on Friday morning. She'd hardly had time to notice though. Colin had met her at the airport and taken her to meet with Mr. Levy Sr. to discuss her new line. Saturday had been all about their ‘monthly meet up’ as they called it. She'd enjoyed the day, getting to know the team of designers—both the in-house team, and those who had worked on exclusive lines for Levy just as she was doing. Colin was right; they were a great bunch and all very welcoming.
One of the older guys was someone whose work had inspired her love of diamonds as a girl, and her dreams of one day designing herself. She'd been tongue tied around him at first, but he'd been a real sweetheart and soon put her at ease. He'd been genuinely flattered by her admiration. He and couple of the others had insisted on taking her on a tour of London on Sunday. That had been fun.
She was starting to think that maybe she should stay here. There'd be nothing left for in her San Francisco once the sale of the store went through. She certainly couldn't consider moving to Summer Lake. She wouldn't be able to live in the same place as Smoke if he didn't want to be with her—and his continued silence was starting to convince her that he really didn't. Her heel caught in the cobblestones and she stumbled forward, just managing to keep her balance. It brought her back to the present, which was where she needed to stay, she reminded herself. There was no point longing for a man who didn't want her, no matter how much she still wanted him.
Luckily it shouldn't be too hard to stay in the present. She had so much to do, and she needed to get down to work. They had really started the ball rolling on her signature collection and had already had a few more enquiries come in. She'd been relieved to see requests for earrings and neck
laces. The thought of engagement rings made her feel sick. Especially when she stupidly allowed herself to associate the thought with Smoke, and everything that now would never be. She'd been stupid to even hope. Neither of them were cut out for that kind of thing, and he was doing a good job of proving it.
She would have to deal with the sick feeling for a little while longer, since she was on her way to meet with her very first Levy client: an engagement ring. After this she intended to do everything she could to become associated with other things—in her designs and in her life. For now she would get through this meeting and then get back to the hotel. Watch some mindless TV and try to get through the evening without thinking about Smoke.
She'd thought this job might have fallen through. After the initial enquiry Colin hadn't heard anything more, and didn't have any details on what the client wanted. He'd simply been interested in an engagement ring and had specifically requested that Laura design it. Yesterday Colin had informed her that the client had been back in touch. He'd been traveling and would be in London today. He'd asked to meet with Laura to go over his ideas. She clutched her purse with her portfolio inside as she pushed her way through the doors of the Bleeding Heart Tavern. Apparently it was quite normal to meet clients here. Not quite as glamorous as she would have hoped, but still.
She looked around, a little irritated that she wouldn't know the client even if she was looking right at him. He'd told Colin he would recognize her—apparently he'd read the piece about her in National Jeweler. He'd said she'd find him at a corner table. She scanned the edges of the room. There was a guy in the far corner reading a newspaper, but he didn't seem the type to seek out a designer for an engagement ring. She looked around, not seeing anyone who did seem the type. Her gaze fell on a table in the corner by the window. Her heart stopped as she gasped. Smoke! His gaze locked with hers, the biggest smile lighting up his handsome face. At the same time there was fear in his eyes.
