by J. D. Brown
He shrugged a shoulder. “I want to make sure you drink it.”
“What if I was indecent?”
His gaze roamed over my body, not quite an answer, and yet, the gesture said everything.
I rolled my eyes. “Can I have a minute?”
“By all means.” But he didn’t move.
I crossed the room to the dressing area and then pulled the thick drapes over the arched opening. Hiding behind the far side of the wardrobe, I quickly yanked on a pair of panties, my signature plain-Jane jeans, and a T-shirt. I towel dried my hair before shoving the curtain aside.
Jesu stood and closed the gap between us, holding the crystal cup at eye level. I didn’t need to look at the red liquid to feel the yearning ignite. My chest inhaled a long stream of breath, filling my core with the tortuous metallic scent. I don’t need it. I wet my lips and then exhaled.
“Set it on the mantle, please.”
He upped his brow, but did as I asked. “You are getting better at resisting.”
“I’ve had a lot of practice.”
“Maybe too much practice.”
My hands went to my hips. “What is that supposed to mean?”
He sipped his drink before meeting my gaze. An exhausted sheen came to his eyes and he kept his voice low. “Why did you go to the Wolf Den after I warned you not to?”
I winced and my hands fell to my sides. “I knew it was risky, but I had to save them. Besides, no one got hurt. Well, at least not Bridget, or Naamah, or—”
“Ema,” he groaned. “I told you I would take care of it. You do not trust me.”
“No, it’s Nikolas I don’t trust. I believed that you would talk to him, but I didn’t think he’d listen.”
“Ema, you scared the shit out of me. As soon as I realized you and Bridget were missing, all I could think about was you getting beaten to death by the Rebels, or raped, or being shot by Nikolas’ men by mistake, or Apollyon getting—”
“Apollyon!” My eyes widened in remembrance. “He wasn’t there, Jesu. I don’t think the Rebels have any idea he even exists. Nikolas and Stefán were wrong about them.”
Jesu cocked his head to the side and scowled. “Did you hear anything I just said?”
“Sure.” I shrugged. “You were worried about me, but I’m not made of glass.”
“You make very rash decisions, don’t you think?”
“I brought Bridget with me. She knows how to fight.”
The iridescent emerald of his irises darkened. “Bridget? Bridget is not looking out for you! She only cares about herself. Do you not understand? I cannot lose you.”
My cheeks burned at the reflection in his fiery eyes. “Then who’s looking out for me, Jesu, you?” My lip quivered and I glanced away. “Because if so, you’re doing a shitty job.”
His head jerked back as if my words had physically struck him, yet he held his ground, his shoulders firmly squared as he seethed. “It would be easier if you stopped doing things behind my back.”
“Well it would be easier for me if you didn’t do things behind my back.”
“We talked about this; I only do it for your own good.”
“So when you lie it’s okay, but when I lie it’s suddenly bad?”
His gaze narrowed liked he wanted to say something, but he worked his jaw and looked away. “No,” he growled in resolve. “Lying is never right, but you cannot go off and do things like that. You could have been seriously hurt.”
“I’m a big girl.” I crossed my arms over my chest, but for some reason it became less of a show of power, and more of a self-pitying hug.
Jesu sighed and then reached out and touched the nub on my right hand, where my finger used to be. I gasped and yanked my arm behind my back. He bit his lip and then mumbled. “That could have been so much worse.”
“Don’t do this,” I begged.
“I could not bear it if anything happened to you, Ema.”
My shoulders hunched forward and my arms tightened around myself. How could he lie to my face so plainly? I didn’t doubt that cared about me, but at what level? How much of his feelings were true? How much was his mother’s command to keep me safe, and how much was a weakness for women? I didn’t want to believe Jesu was capable of cheating. It didn’t seem like him. Yet, it was possible that I was so desperate that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. Was he exactly like Anthony after all?
“I know you love her,” I said.
“What? Who?”
I eyed him incredulously.
“Wait… you mean Bridget?”
“No, the Easter Bunny. Of course Bridget. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about, I saw you kiss her.”
He shook his head in confusion. “When?”
My gaze narrowed to slits. He was really going to play this game? “The swimming pool at the hotel. Does that ring any bells?”
He opened his mouth to argue, but then realization shone through. “Oh… you saw that?”
I nodded.
He raked his fingers through his hair and sighed. “That is why you vanished that night.”
“Wow, you finally get it.”
Jesu snorted at my sarcasm. “Ema, I do not love Bridget. I never have.”
I scoffed. His words were all too familiar, hitting a dark spot in my heart.
He wet his lips and regarded me for a moment. “Why do you suddenly care?”
“I don’t.”
“Are you jealous?”
“No.”
“I only went to her because you rejected me, remember? You said—”
“I know what I said.” And I wished I could take it back.
“I tried to feel something with her… to distract myself from what I could not have with you, but I have never loved her, Ema. It has always been you.”
“Don’t lie to me. I know you guys were together in the past, too.”
He glanced at the floor as a breathy sigh blew past his lips. His hand lifted and rubbed his brow. “That was centuries before you were even born, but I never loved her, not even then. It has always been you.” His gaze lifted and he looked me in the eyes. “I love you.”
“God, don’t say that!”
“Why not?” he demanded.
“Because I don’t love you.” My heart clenched at the lie and I struggled to swallow the lump building in my throat.
Jesu froze. His gaze lowered to my feet and then traveled back to my face. “I think,” he whispered, “that you do, but you are terrified to admit it.”
I couldn’t cry, so my frustration turned to rage. I swung my arm with every drop of vampyre power I could muster and cracked my palm across his face. His entire upper body twisted from the force and his hand immediately went to his cheek. I gasped in horror of myself.
His chest heaved in deep constrained breaths as he righted himself and drew his hand away. Blood dampened his palm. Three shallow scratches slashed across the length of his cheek bone. My gaze dropped to my fingers and my breath faltered at the wolf claws there. Slowly, they shifted back into normal fingernails. I dared a glance at Jesu and opened my mouth to apologize, but the words wouldn’t come forth.
His stare was wild. Every shade of green imaginable lit his irises as his lips rolled back to expose his fangs. His jaw clench and his jugular vein lifted from the tight neck muscles as he rolled his shoulders. His chin tilted ever so slightly, a low growl blowing strands of jet-black hair about his square-set features. Fear rang like an alarm in the recesses of my mind, warning me to flee, but my legs stayed rooted to the floor.
Suddenly, Jesu was a blur of motion. A hand connected with the base of my neck, hooking me around. I lost my footing and felt myself begin to fall, but he pushed me forward and my spine hit the wall instead of the floor. He pressed his body against me, hesitating just long enough for his haggard breath to pool with mine—just enough for me to watch the scratches in his flesh sew themselves together abnormally fast. Then his lips crashed against mine; deep, for
ceful, hungry.
My body came undone. Heat pooled in my abdomen and I melted against his strong torso, feeling the taut muscles beneath his shirt. My arms wrapped around his shoulders, fingers tangling in his hair. His hands snaked behind my waist. They slid over my butt and squeezed. Then he raked his fingers up my sides, bunching the fabric of my top in his grip. A sharp tug jarred my chest, followed by the riiiip of fabric. My T-shirt fell away, exposing my breasts. He cupped his palms over them then dipped his head to take each nipple into his mouth. Watching through hooded eyes was almost too much. I ached to even the score and tugged his shirt up over his head, flinging it to the floor.
I hardly got a chance to glance at his perfect abs before he closed his lips over mine. His hands glided under my behind and he lifted me off my feet. I wrapped my arms and legs around him as he carried me across the room, our lips never parting, our tongues greedy and seeking. He tasted like an earthly god and smelled like everything I loved and missed from my childhood; sunshine, rain, fresh-cut grass, snowflakes, beach sand.
He dropped me on the bed. A low growl rolled through his throat as he reached for my pants button. I whimpered, wanting him to continue, and yet…
“Jesu, I can’t.”
My pants where halfway down my thighs, but he stopped and faced me, waiting for an explanation. I gave him one. “She loves you. She went with me to the Wolf Den because of you.”
He groaned and pressed his face against my thigh as if he could hide there. I hadn’t realized until now what a tangled mess his hair had become. It was positively adorable.
“Ema, you went to the Wolf Den.” His lips moved against my flesh. “For me, for Naamah and Maria. Bridget never would have gone if you had not prompted her.” He watched me from the corner of his eye, a small grin dimpling his cheek. “That is not proof of her love. It is proof of yours.”
I chewed my lip and then pushed myself to a sit, covering my breasts with a corner of the blanket.
Jesu sighed in defeat. He rolled onto his back, lying next to me, and dragged his fingers over his hair before reaching down to adjust his… self.
“I do not care if you push me away again,” he said. “It will not change how I feel.”
I shook my head. “Jesu, I have feelings for you that I shouldn’t have. I can’t act on them. I just…” My hand waved through the air as if that could explain everything I wanted to say.
He was quiet for a long moment. Finally, he said, “Is it because our ancestors are related?”
“No,” I admitted. “Everything is complicated and jumbled right now. I don’t know what these feelings mean, and frankly I’m not sure I trust you when it comes to Bridget.”
He sat up and took my hands in his. “Then I will earn your trust.”
I didn’t know what to say. Part of me hoped he succeeded. Another part of me was scared that he actually would.
“Ema…” He traced my knuckles with his thumb. It was strange how well our hands fit together, like puzzle pieces. “You know I would never hurt you, right? I mean… you know I would do anything for you, that I would return your love completely.”
Fear lumped in the pit of my stomach and sent a quiver to my voice. “Other men have made promises…”
“I am not just a man, I am a vampire. Our bonds run deeper than anything you could have ever experienced before. My love for you will last for millennia.” He wet his lips and then swallowed. His hand lifted to my jaw and his thumb brushed against my cheek. I watched as his gaze searched mine. “I will not ask you for an eternity right now. I know at your age such a vast time frame is incomprehensible, but someday, with your permission—”
My heart swelled. I lifted my hands to frame his cheeks, pulling him into a kiss. He returned the caress with a long building passion, his movements slow but certain. The covers fell away as my fingers burrowed into his hair, holding the back of his head. He slowly eased me onto my back and then slid the blanket over us.
Our kisses were sensual, but pure. His touch feather light, yet urgent. Our shallow breaths moved in sync, filling each other’s lungs, basking in each other’s essence. One heartbeat slowed and skipped while the other quickened until eventually their tempos matched. Our movements choreographed in perfect unison as the remainder of our clothes came away. My thoughts drifted to the evening when Jesu twirled me around the surface of the swimming pool. The entire room seemed to come alive and pulse in unity. The same phenomenon happened now, in the guestroom, enveloping me in near perfect wholeness. Jesu’s emerald gaze watched mine carefully and I knew he felt the same sensations.
His hips thrust against mine and I gasped. The room morphed into something magical. The stone walls, the decorative ceiling beams, the mantle and the hand crafted furniture, all of it transformed to witness the devotion confirmed by the joining of our bodies. My back arched, my hips bucking to receive him. He gripped the bedpost for traction, leaning into me, and his throaty whisper played against my temple.
“Ema… may I keep you?”
Chapter 19
I lay in bed staring at the ornamental ceiling without really seeing it. Images of this morning replayed in my mind. Jesu’s body had surrounded my being, enveloped it, and it was perfect. The feelings… God, I’d never felt that way with anyone before. It was intimacy at the spiritual level and it was exceptional, except… There wasn’t much there physically.
I was so taken by his love in my mind that I hadn’t realized how numb my skin was until he finished and I was left reeling. To make matters worse, Jesu could tell. He took the challenge with enthusiasm and bounced back into the game with godly endurance, trying everything he could think of to please my body. It’s a good thing vampires don’t tire easily. It would have been the best sex of my life, if I could’ve felt it.
I thought back to the time when I had hooked up with Jalmari. I was drunk with bloodlust and a total puppet to my instincts, but I was positive that I’d felt Jalmari’s touch. Of course, I didn’t tell Jesu that, but I did suggest we try using blood. I was always much more stimulated after a drink. Jesu agreed and I drained the glass he had brought me.
My Nephilim tendencies had rushed to the forefront of my being. I gave the monster some slack; a little bit of room to be rough and crazy, to see if it made a difference. It resulted in a whole day of new experiences… like the time on the ceiling.
I stared at the spot directly above the bed. The secreting glue from my pores had anchored me to the wooden surface. Jesu rode between me and the ceiling, using the thick decorative beams for leverage. Yet, as phenomenal as the experience was, the blood hadn’t worked. Our love making continued to only affect my mind. I still came. After all, sex starts in mind, especially for a woman, but… it still felt hollow, somehow. Like a really good dream you swore you could feel only, logically, you knew you couldn’t.
My senses sucked.
I rolled onto my side to face Jesu. He now lay next to me on his back with one arm behind his head, staring at the same spot on the ceiling. The slight glaze in his eyes suggested his mind was elsewhere. I took the opportunity to memorize the planes of his chest, the few freckles on his ice-toned skin. A smile lifted my lips. It was both amazing and scary how easy it was to fall in love with him. I hoped he didn’t feel inadequate because of me. He had done everything perfectly.
I scooted closer and rested a hand against his chest. He instinctively covered it with his own, but his attention didn’t waver from whatever he was thinking about. I lifted onto my elbow and pressed my lips to his temple.
“Today was incredible,” I whispered, wanting to ease his mind.
He faced me and a startling sadness shone in his emerald gaze.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head, blinking several times. “Bathe with me? It will be breakfast soon.” He got out of bed and then offered his hand to help me up.
I took it and followed him to the bathroom. The round tub was plenty big enough for the both of us. Jesu ran
the faucet and then lay against the elegant tile. His hands reached for my hips and helped ease me into his lap. Once the water filled to the brim, he turned off the faucet and then shampooed my hair, messaging delicately. My eyes drifted closed as I gave into the caress.
After rinsing my hair, he worked the loofa over my shoulders, down my chest, and across the upper portion of my stomach. I thought maybe he would move further south and tease me a bit, but his hand hesitated above my lower abs. I felt the sharp intake of his breath against my back as a shudder pass through him. His fingers clamped tight around the loofa.
“Jesu, are you okay?”
“No.”
“What? Why, what’s wrong?” I twisted around in an attempted to face him, sloshing water over the edge of the tub.
“Nothing.” His eyes closed and another tremor passed through him.
My heart leaped into my throat. “My God, Jesu, you’re having a seizure!”
“No,” he growled. His lids opened, but he avoided my gaze. He gripped my midriff and lifted me to my feet. Once I was out of the way, he clambered out of the tub as though it were suddenly filled with acid.
“Jesu—”
“Everything is fine.” He turned back and forth, as though in search of a towel despite the stack sitting on an open wall shelf next to the sink. “We should get dressed.”
I stared at him, my jaw slacked. I obviously missed something, and I didn’t know what to say. Had I done something wrong? Was it my inability to feel? Was he having second thoughts?
Oh, God.
“Jesu, are we…” My voice broke. I sucked in a breath and tried again. “…are we okay?”
He dragged a hand across his chest and made a deep sighing noise in his throat. I didn’t comprehend where his pain came from. He cupped my face and kissed me. “You have nothing to worry about. Nothing, understand?”
I didn’t.
“I love you, Ema. I will take care of you, but please, right now I need you to get dressed.” His gaze searched mine, pleading. I nodded, not knowing what to make of his words or actions. He snatched a towel, wrapped it around my shoulders, and then kissed me on the forehead. He wrapped a second towel around his waist and then went to his bedroom. The door closed behind him in a very final manner, leaving me standing in the center of the tub.
