by Casey Herzog
“I’m glad to hear you say that. We have a lot of work ahead of us and we know this flower isn’t the only ingredient. I have decided to take this seriously, but I’ve never been much for climbing. I guess there’s always a first time for everything.”
I heard a growl and looked up to see a white tiger lying on the table. I pushed my hands back in the air in mock surrender.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” I pointed my shaky finger in the direction of the tiger licking its chops. I had my eyes wide open, unable to close them for fear of becoming some sort of meal for this wild beast. “I don’t know what you’re seeing.” I used to believe I was unstoppable, but having evil seep into my soul had changed my perspective.
The tiger moved gracefully, but not in a menacing fashion over to the edge of the table. He put his two paws on the book and began to groom himself.
“I see…a white tiger with green piercing eyes.” I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth.
“Do you know what this means?” I turned to him and I found him smiling, despite the fact this animal was about to attack.
“It means I’m losing my ever-loving mind. I’ve known this was going to happen after what happened to Damien. I’ve been terrified of the same thing happening to me, but deep down I thought I was stronger.” The smile on Julian’s face was a little galling; this wasn’t the least bit amusing.
“You just met the shadow of the animal in all of us. We all have animal spirits guiding us, but very rarely do we get to see them in our lifetime. Only a select few are chosen and it appears you have been given the chance to walk a different path.” I was tired of making sacrifices and seeing things and doing things considered off the wall.
“I feel this compulsion to touch it, but I’m worried about bringing a stump back.” It cocked its head to the side, shaking, with its ears flapping. It was looking right at me, not like he was looking through me. We were connected like old friends who hadn’t seen each other in quite some time. It was kind of comforting, but also freaking terrifying at the same time.
“You’re just going to have to get used to being extraordinary. I know it’s a heavy burden to bear, but it’s one you need to embrace. Things like this happen to you for a reason. We may not see what it is right now, but we will in time.”
Chapter Five
The deathly silence around the table was hard to ignore. The tiger was following me like he was indeed my shadow. It was like I had a pet nobody could see. He was sitting at my feet curled up and sleeping like he didn’t have a care in the world. I kept glancing down to make sure it wasn’t a figment of my imagination, but he was really there. It was just one of those mysteries I was going to have to solve.
My father was at the end of the table, looking at both me and Julian, like he knew we were hiding something. He didn’t broach the topic, but I could tell he was trying to let the silence speak for itself. He wanted us to feel as if the only way to fill the void was to spill whatever secret we were keeping from him.
“We went to the library and found a book concerning the flower. We know what we need to do, but you’re not going to like it.
“I don’t know how you do this, but I always feel it necessary to tell you everything. Your daughter is a special case and one to keep an eye on. Her world is not exactly like ours; she walks a different path beyond our understanding.” I should’ve known Julian would crack first. When we were kids, my father had used the same tactic to break us under the pressure of his steadfast stare.
“The one thing you don’t have to tell me is my daughter is special. I’ve known of her gift from the moment she was born. The look she gave me when she grasped my finger with her little ones was like I was seeing the future. Her mother claimed she was nothing more than a little girl, but I saw it differently. I waited for some time, and then, she started to perform beyond my expectations.”
I didn’t want to be different, but it didn’t seem like I had another choice.
“Julian runs off at the mouth for no good reason. I still wonder why I’m friends with him when I know whatever I say to him is going to go in one ear and out his mouth.”
“There’s no reason to get mad at me! After all, we know we may not get a tomorrow. You are able to see past the curtain of reality into something more. It might be scary, but it has to be quite something to know you see things differently.”
He had no idea what he was talking about. My introduction to the magic eyes and the darker arts combined into one had ripped apart what I would consider normal. As an example, I could see the auras of other people touched by magic. Tabitha and Penelope had shown me their true colors with different auras surrounding them like their own personal halos. I knew nobody else could see it, but they were the ones to watch out for. Their magic was strong and would only get stronger with a guiding hand to show them the way. Without understanding, they could be led to do extreme things.
I took solace that Julian did not mention the shadow tiger. I had sworn him to silence, but he had already breached my trust by telling my father about what we had been up to.
“I’ve given this a lot of thought and I think I need to speak to Damien before I make any rash decisions.” I told him what Damien had said, and he scratched his chin like he was thinking hard on some solution to the problem. My father sat there with his fingers steeled to the table.
“From everything you’ve said, I also have to consider what you heard didn’t come from Damien. It could’ve been something else drawing strength from his magic and yours. Anything he said should be taken with some degree of skepticism. I don’t like the idea of you procuring this flower from such a dangerous environment. Even if I know you can take care of yourself; you’ve proven that time and time again,” my father said as if he were telling me something I didn’t know.
“I would like to talk to William, but I know he is deep in self-reflection. I’m not sure I get it, but it has always been part of the tradition. It’s a way for him to purge his sins and to be reborn into a man worthy of my love. I just wish I could see him and get his advice.”
I felt like I had no limits and somewhere inside was the power to become something more than what I was. I was blind and I tried to cover up the pain of losing the power. Nonetheless, there was hope waiting for me in the shadows; I had my guide sleeping soundly by my side. He was here for a reason ,and Julian had mentioned embracing the unknown…
The world was changing with colors so bright I felt like they were burning my eyes. I tried to feed the hunger by teaching those begging for their own path to take, but it wasn’t enough. I needed more. The life I was meant for was not tied down to conventional thinking. I only had to open up my mind and I could reveal marvels unknown to the rest of the magic community. The phantom essence of the magic eyes and the darker arts had stuck with me. I hadn’t asked for it, but there was no way to shake the evil.
“You’re not asking for my permission and you’re old enough to make up your own mind. I won’t stop you, but I will stress the careful approach. You have no idea what is happening and to run headlong into danger seems like a pointless idea.”
“I’m glad to see you trust me. I know this is hard for you, but who can I trust if I can’t trust in you both? The both of you have grounded me, but sometimes I feel like you’re holding me back from my true potential.” I’d felt this way for quite some time, but I didn’t know how to put it into words until this very moment.
“If I were to hazard a guess, I would say this world has become small in your eyes. You’re no longer content with what you see with the naked eye. You perceive things differently; you must’ve gotten that from your mother. She was always raving about one thing or another. I had to make sure her voice wasn’t public or there would be those not quite accepting of her reality. I was hoping it wasn’t going to be passed onto you and it wasn’t. This touch with evil affected you and awoke something that should have remained dormant inside your DNA.”
It was nice
to actually talk about this, but I didn’t think he would’ve brought it up unless it was absolutely necessary.
“You never told me my mother was this way. Being prepared is the cornerstone of a battle, and giving me a heads up might have allowed me to reach these conclusions on my own. I haven’t been able to sleep. I walk the halls like some kind of ghoul in the middle of the night. I’ve tried to break the cycle, but only deep meditation gives me any peace.”
The evil was still there, but I was able to control it better. It was like I had pushed it down deep where it festered and was waiting to get out. The broken pieces of my mind were hiding away someplace where I couldn’t get to them. I had managed to erect a wall of resistance against anything out of the ordinary, but it was mainly for self-preservation.
“Your mother told me specifically not to bring this up in conversation. She wanted you to have a normal life. Things would’ve been far worse had she been around. Her influence would have made it impossible for you to cling to whatever humanity you have left. It was a blessing in disguise when she departed.”
He never could bring himself to say she had died. It must’ve been too painful for him to relive those memories.
“It should’ve been my decision one way or the other. I don’t like others thinking they know me better than I know myself. Everybody makes mistakes, and the pain of those mistakes is something we all live with.”
My mind wandered and I kept thinking about Tabitha and Penelope and what kind of trouble they could make when they were old enough. They reminded me of me at their age, but they had progressed more quickly than anybody was comfortable with.
“You were still a child, and we only wanted to protect you. It’s something any parent does. You’ll always be my little girl. It doesn’t matter how old you get, who you marry or when you have kids of your own. I’ll always have a fresh image of the little baby fingers grasping onto me for the first time.”
I felt like I wanted to scream, but I held back, despite the need to get rid of the pent-up frustration. If he could read my mind, I’m sure we would be having a lengthy discussion about boundaries.
“Taking things slow is a good idea, and learning more before you decide to do anything is the prudent course of action. Damien is lucky to have you as a friend, but some fear he’s no longer amongst us. That what you see is a shell and nothing more.”
“I don’t know if I share their belief,” I said with my father reaching over to touch my shoulder.
“I want you to know I don’t believe it. I’ve never seen a fiercer competitor and he has an ability, which you can utilize, to find out who you really are. The only way you’re going to have his wise counsel is by breaking him out of whatever prison he is in.”
It was an apt metaphor. He really was a prisoner of his own body and I couldn’t imagine a worse hell to be in.
“I don’t want anybody to make the mistake of labeling me as a hero. I can’t have that kind of responsibility without feeling I’m letting somebody down.”
Suddenly a door appeared behind my father’s chair, it was completely gold, and there was a feverish knocking echoing in my ears. It sounded like a doorknob jiggling as the frame of the door shook as if it was going to come apart. I looked at my father and Julian to confirm my suspicion: they had no idea what I was seeing.
The savage beast beside me got up on his four legs and was growling at the door. I had a feeling opening the door would cause more harm than good. Just the thought of the door had me wanting to reach over and open it, but when I tried to lift my hand, something prevented me from doing so. The tiger had my sleeve in its jaws and wasn’t letting go.
My father and Julian were talking about the flower with their words muffled like I was hearing them from the deep end of a tunnel. The door was shaking even louder, and now there was the sound of heavy footsteps. I was suddenly caught in a wave of energy that pushed me back from the table, two of the legs in the air. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t scream for somebody to come to my rescue. I wanted somebody to listen, butI had no idea what I could do to get through to them.
The darkness began to close in around me and it was like I was looking through a knothole in a fence. My vision blurred and I was left at the mercy of whatever it was.
Chapter Six
I heard laughter and anguished screams penetrating my skull like somebody was driving a knife into the back of my neck. The sounds of pain were coming from everywhere and I had no idea how to close myself off from it.
“You’re not supposed to be here…you’re not supposed to be here.” The voice was like a cold slap in my face, and the laughter became even louder than before.
“You can’t blame her. It was not her doing. Nothing is as it seems. We were lost, but now she found us.” I saw nothing, but I felt like tiny insects were running up and down my arms and legs.
“This is not a place for her. She won’t survive long and we need her help. Send her back before the damage is too severe.” The laughter overwhelmed me and I found myself giggling for no apparent reason. “It might already be too late. Having her here helps all of us to hold onto our sanity. Our time is coming and we will need her to be at her best.” I looked around the darkness and tried to say something, but there was absolutely no sound.
“I don’t want to let her go. She’s delicious and I have been feeding on scraps. I don’t want to let her go… I don’t want to let her go… I don’t want to let her go.” Each time the voice said the same phrase, the laughter would fill in the void in between. A mind was a terrible thing to waste and this was starting to feel a little ridiculous.
“I don’t want to let her go either, but we have to. Survival is no longer an issue, but she does make me feel free. The two of us are the only ones she hears because of her guilt. Guilt is one key of many. One key of many will finally give us peace. Don’t you see how close we are? It’s a sacrifice, but it’s one worth making.” This voice sounded more plausible, but still very much scattered like it was having a hard time stringing two sentences together.
“I don’t care. She needs to stay. I don’t want to let her go. She can’t see us, but she can hear us. I don’t want to let her go. You can’t make me.” These two seemed to have a different idea of what my role was supposed to be.
“I don’t need to hear the same thing every time. I know what you’re going through. I want the same thing, but I see the bigger picture. This is no time to be selfish. Show some restraint and let her go before our glimmer of hope vanishes. She doesn’t know anything and we need to keep it that way.”
I moved my hands in front of my face and I still couldn’t see anything. The voices were nearby, and they were obviously talking about me.
“I won’t let her go. I won’t let go of the best thing to ever come my way in quite some time. You’re going to have to pry her out of my cold dead hands.” Once again, it began to laugh like some kind of maniac in desperate need of mental treatment.
“You will let her go home because you know it’s the only way. We both heard her whispers, and we felt the power. Feeding is only a temporary fix. We need something more permanent. I have a plan, but it means you’re going to have to learn to listen to me.” I wanted to understand, but nothing being said had any cohesion. I did feel weak, which made sense with him talking about feeding.
“I don’t like this. You can’t possibly believe you can tell me what to do. You make it sound like I’m crazy, but aren’t we all? I want control of her; I feel the fire burning within my fingertips. She was the one calling out to us. It was just her bad luck we were the ones to answer. Answer this…answer me…answers for everybody.” Once again the laughter became louder still.
“You have some lucid moments and I want you to hold onto those. This is no time to lose your head.” There was a slight snicker underneath his breath, like there was an underlying meaning behind his words, but it was an inside joke.
“I’ll let her go, but you better bring her back. I don’t want t
o think about cannibalizing you, but I have almost reached the end of my patience. I will need to feed and I will not be responsible for my actions.” They were closer than they appeared, and the rush of electricity dancing along my flesh was intoxicating.
“There is a time and place for everything. We can still feed, but only in increments. I want you to know the sacrifice you make by letting her go will return to you tenfold. I feel our salvation is at hand. You don’t need to understand, but follow my lead and everything will become clear.”
I felt something brushing my shoulder and the freezing chill was hard to ignore. I didn’t know what was going on, but I felt like I had stepped into something with no reasonable explanation.
“You don’t know what you’re asking of me. You don’t know what it does to me to let her go.” I felt this momentary sense of panic gripping me by the throat, and then, I dropped to my knees when my legs buckled. Some unknown force depleted the energy of my body.
“I said that’s more than enough. Need I remind you how long we have been here? You of all people should be ready to try something different than the same old, same old. What we have done already hasn’t worked. Starving is the only other answer we haven’t considered. Leave this one alone and I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the results.” They had no names, but they definitely had differences of opinion.
“I’m not going to apologize. It is, after all, in my nature to act this way. I have to do what I have to do. I’m done for the time being anyway; I don’t think I could eat another bite. I left enough, but you have no idea how hard it was to leave anything behind on the plate.”
I wasn’t sure it was a privilege to hear their thoughts. They had not addressed me. Did they know I was there? Did they care?
