She approached him, her hips having an added sway with the victory. His eyes darkened as they roved over her. She bent down close to his ear, to whisper delicately. “And since you are not buying these dresses, you should not be offering an opinion.”
There was a swish of a curtain as the dressmaker returned with two attendants in tow carrying dresses. Before they could even display them, Loudoun pointed to a pale blue gown the color of the ocean on a sunny day. “That one.”
“Excellent choice,” the woman gushed as she grasped May’s hand to pull her into the dressing room.
Sarah followed behind them, pointing to gowns she’d like to try on. If Loudoun thought he could strong arm her into hurrying this trip along, he was sorely mistaken.
Fifteen minutes later, May assessed her image.
Loudoun had chosen quickly to make this trip as brief as possible. She knew it was true, he didn’t want to be here and so he was pushing things along.
Even done in haste, Loudoun’s choice was excellent. It exposed a good deal of cleavage and highlighted her narrow waist. The color seemed to accentuate the rich brown of her hair and add a sparkle to her eye.
“Shall we show your gentleman?” the dressmaker asked.
May hesitated. He wasn’t her gentleman. Though some part of her warmed at the idea. His hands on her, his lips kissing her again. Their skin….
Gads, she had to stop this. And showing him the dress wouldn’t help. He’d see the dress tomorrow and showing him now would give him the opportunity to gloat. Then again, she may as well get it over with.
With a nod, she started toward the front room and the dressmaker followed behind her.
Loudoun still sat with his eyes closed. She stopped, expecting him to look up but he remained still. Clearing her throat to get his attention, she waited a few more seconds. He didn’t open his eyes. “I’m sure it will be fine.”
The dressmaker coughed delicately and May felt a blush climbing in her cheeks. First he was ordering her about and now he was ignoring her. Why did she even like this man?
Turning on her heel, she announced, “We’ll take it. Can you have it altered by tomorrow evening? Bring some day dresses, and several more evening gowns for me to try on.”
He was next to her before she’d even made it another step, his hand coming to her arm. “One dress,” he rasped.
She stood straighter and he gave a sharp intake of breath, his eyes riveted to her cleavage. Her eyebrows rising, she addressed the dressmaker. “Bring in the dresses, please. I’ll be right there.” Once they were alone, she poked him in the chest. “I forgot how absolutely annoying you are.”
His hand came to her waist, “I am trying to forget how beautiful you are.”
“Why?” she asked.
“I’ve already told you. I’m not right for you. You’re too young and too--”
“Stop saying that.” She gave him a glare. “And if you are trying to forget, as you say, why pick this dress? Or any dress for that matter.”
“I keep forgetting how…” he paused. “Well-endowed you are. And I thought if we were going to this dreadful dinner we may as well seal the contract.”
Understanding dawned in her eyes. There was nothing between them, it shouldn’t feel like a betrayal. But it did. “By displaying my cleavage for Wurts to see? I’ll admit to thinking Wurts junior might have potential as a suitor but I would never so bold as to put myself on display in such a way.”
“He is not a potential suitor. Trust me on this. And as far as the dress is concerned, I liked the color, May. I didn’t know it would,” he paused to swallow. “Look like that. And Barrett would not approve of you saying such things.”
“Pish,” she waved her hand. “Didn’t you say last night I wasn’t a lady?” Another way that Loudoun had cut her. Why could he so easily skirt past her defenses?
“The definition is different in America.” He shrugged. “There isn’t a man in New York who wouldn’t want you for a wife.”
“I’m fairly certain I know at least one.” She turned away then, motioning to the dressmaker that she was ready to try on other dresses. “
“We’re not staying all afternoon, May,” he called from behind her.
“I respectfully disagree,” she tossed over her shoulder as she returned to the dressing room. She likely shouldn’t be so antagonistic but he was irritating her with his coldness and heavy-handedness. She wasn’t one to back down from a challenge.
Sighing to herself, she was forced to admit that, she cared altogether too much about what he thought. It was clouding her judgement and she was acting like a fool, sparring with him in a dress shop.
Perhaps she’d try on a few more dresses and call it a compromise. The dressmaker carefully unbuttoned the new gown and then, once the bodice was removed, she stepped out of it. In her corset and petticoats she turned to assess some of the day dresses the attendants had pulled out for her. Loudoun appeared in the doorway.
She gasped and for a split second made to cover herself but then thought better of it and her hands landed on her hips instead. “What are you doing?”
“Respectfully telling you that it is time to leave,” he gritted out, sounding angry but his eyes were ravaging every detail of her body.
“Fine,” she gave him a sweet smile and returned to the dressmaker. “I also need a gown in white. Similar cut and fabric to the one I just tried on.” She tossed him another smile over her shoulder. “Both bills will go to the Fifth Avenue address. The first to Lord Barrett Maddox, the second to Lord Lucius Loudoun.”
If he was going to be a beast, then so would she. Loudoun was making her act rashly, wildly even and she couldn’t understand why. It was a dangerous game and threatened both their futures, but she didn’t stop.
“What are you doing?” his face was set in hard lines, a vein ticking in his neck. “Did you just order a wedding gown? You can’t be that serious about Willy Wurts. You haven’t even met him.”
This had gotten dangerous, threatened both their futures but she pressed on. She stepped up to him, her own fury evident. Seeing her in this state of undress, he had ruined her. If anyone found out, they would be forced to marry. “It isn’t for Willy Wurts. You are the one who barged into my dressing room in front of the dress maker. What are you doing?”
Turning on his heel, he left the dressing room without another word.
* * *
SHE WAS ready to leave the dressmaker’s shop within the quarter hour and the ride back to his house was a silent one. She was sure because Sarah was present. The girl had been gracious enough about leaving despite being in the middle of trying on several gowns.
This time May remembered to look out the window but she still didn’t enjoy the scenery. She was both furious and nervous about the maneuver she’d just made.
It was a short trip back to his house and as they entered the foyer, only the butler greeted them, Barrett was nowhere to be seen.
Loudoun turned to Sara, giving her a charming smile. “Thank you for accompanying us. Will we see you tomorrow evening?”
“Oh, I’d like that,” Sarah cooed.
“It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss Wurts.” May gave her a friendly smile, despite the jealousy prickling along her skin.
“You too,” Sarah barely glanced at her, her gaze fixed on Loudoun. The butler opened the door as Sarah’s carriage arrived in the driveway to return her home.
Loudoun then turned to the butler. “Would you go down to the kitchen and tell Cook that I’d like dinner a half hour earlier this evening?”
“Of course, my lord.” The butler bowed and then disappeared, leaving the two of them alone.
Butterflies flitted through her stomach because she knew Loudoun wanted to discuss what had happened and she hadn’t decided what her next move would be. She’d ordered a wedding gown, in front of him, for goodness sake and then had him charged for it.
It was not a conversation she wanted to face and so May turned too, thin
king to make a quick escape to the office but fingers firmly grasped her upper arm. “Wait just a minute,” Loudoun gave a low command.
“Remove your hand,” she returned. As his fingers let go, she turned to face him. “How dare you?”
“According to you, I’m about to be your husband, which gives me every right.”
A little harrumph escaped her lips even as a niggle of pleasure warmed her cheeks. The actual thought of Loudoun as her husband was far more pleasant than she’d allowed herself to consider. “Even if that is what I intend, and you’d deserve it for what you did in that shop, you’re too domineering by half.”
“It’s the way I am. The way I’ve always been.” One of his hands ran through his hair. “I’d make a terrible husband. You’ve been warned.”
“You are what you choose to be.” She stepped closer, her face inches from his. “Don’t think I don’t know you’re applying yourself to scaring me off. What I don’t know is why you think you need to. I have every intention of finding an American husband. I don’t want an English lord.”
“Then why kiss me? Don’t forget, I know you too, May. You’re too stubborn for your own good. A girl like you should stay far away from me.”
“A girl like me? What type of girl is that? Childish? Immature?”
UNTITLED
“Beautiful and kind.” He raked his hands though his hair. “Don’t try to make a future with me, May. I’m not lovable. I’ll never be what any woman needs.”
Surprise, pleasure, and longing made it hard to breath. But even more than that, sadness that he thought that about himself, had her words rushing out. “You’re wrong on almost every front. If I wanted you for myself, I’d simply march in and tell Barrett what you did. We’d be married in a fortnight.”
She took another step closer, her hand on his chest. “I don’t know what happened to you to make you think you’re unlovable. But I know you better than almost anyone else. I’ve seen you at your worst, and I know there is a good and kind heart in their capable of love and being loved. You just don’t want to give it a chance.” She stepped back then, her own heart hurting for him, and surprisingly, for herself. Because if he chose to love her, she had a feeling, she wouldn’t be able to resist loving him in return.
If he said he would marry her, yes might fall from her lips before she could stop it. Because, while her mind wanted an American man to sweep her away from England, her heart seemed to want Lucius Loudoun. Her heart was a fool.
6
He stared at her, trying to process her words. May had sniffed him out. Though he had to admit, the more she smiled and calmly ignored him, the more irritated he’d gotten till he’d made the completely idiotic move of storming into the dressing room.
If she told Barrett, he was as good as wed. Which was unbelievable because he’d spent most of his adult life avoiding the marriage noose. With the exception of Flora. It had been a blessing that it hadn’t worked out. Not only had they irritated each other, but the end of their relationship had sparked his sobriety. Something he was grateful for.
The only reason he’d even considered marriage was money. Now that he had more than he could possibly spend, thanks to his American holdings, now he was going to be trapped into the institution.
Which was why it was ridiculous. What was happening to him? Closing his eyes, he remembered the incident in the dress shop. He didn’t normally make rash moves. He carefully conducted his business in a way that was profitable and put him in a strategic position to meet his goals.
And he’d started like that at the dress salon. But May had deftly outmaneuvered him till he’d lost his temper entirely. She made him so…. He’d meant to say angry but instead he had the impression that what she really did was make him emotional. Worming her way past the tough shell he’d constructed around himself. Which was damn annoying.
“May, I don’t know what you’re planning with that dress but I am too old for you.” He needed to change tactics. Appeal to her directly.
“I already told you, I don’t want you. But that is a ridiculous argument. Twelve years? We are not the same age to be certain, but men far older than you have married women my age.” She shrugged, looking away from him then.
“Tell me now what you’re planning.” His voice rough with anger and fear. His chest tight. She’d seen him strung out and near death six years before. She’d helped stand him back on his feet. He cared about her even if he hadn’t exactly been nice to her during this visit. Now she was talking nonsense about marrying an American like Willy Wurts? He wouldn’t allow her to make such a mistake.
“I’m not planning anything. Least ways, not with you. I want to stay here in America and that requires an American husband.” She took a deep breath.
“You can’t marry a man like that. Find someone you love. Who loves you. At the very least, find a man who understands you value. You’re smart, attractive and kind.”
“Perhaps I should have you help me find a husband since you seem to know so well what I need. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to convince me you actually were the man for the part.” Her eyes snapped with anger and hurt.
“I told you, I’m too broken to be a good husband.” He reached out his hand and held her cheek to make sure she kept her eyes on him. He knew these next words would hurt her but he needed her to hear them. If he was going to do this, there was no room for misunderstanding now. “And even if I considered marriage, it wouldn’t be to you.”
He wasn’t trying to hurt her. The truth was, he cared about her and in ways he felt for no other. And so he did need to keep her safe from him. He’d lied to Flora, agreed to a plot where she was kidnapped just to scare her back into their engagement. He’s manipulated her exactly as his parents had always manipulated him.
Her eyes flashed with hurt and saw the tears forming there. Part of him desperately wanted to take it back but he’d hurt her more later, he was sure of it. It was better to do this now.
“When I was twelve, my mother bought me a stallion. She said it was a gift because I was becoming a man and should ride like one. It was the happiest day of my life. It had already been broken and so I had it saddled and began trotting it around the training ring. He was a beautiful dappled grey, a majestic beast that I instantly loved.” He removed his hands from her face, anger rose like bile in his chest and he didn’t want to touch her as he shared it, for fear he might inadvertently hurt her.
“My father came outside and began screaming. I didn’t know it then but his brother had died on a stallion of the same color. My mother had known, of course. I can still remember her smile of triumph as my father pulled me from the beast and smacked me on both sides of my face, screaming that I was cruel, ungrateful, useless son.” He shuddered, his head dropping. “My father had the horse killed that very day.”
“Oh, Loudoun,” he heard May’s voice catch. He had never shared these memories with any one. He only did so now so that she would understand.
“I don’t know how to love, May. I was only a pawn to my parents in their war against each other. And I would only do the same to you. You need to know that.”
“That can’t be true. Everyone has goodness in them. You just have to find--”
He shook his head, holding her cheeks in his hands again. “It’s too great a risk. What if I am exactly like them? I couldn’t do that to you.”
Her whisper was so low, he barely heard her as she said, “Send the dress back when it comes.” Then she stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “You’re not like them. I know you aren’t.” Stepping away, she retreated up the stairs and disappeared down the second story hall.
Loudoun watched her go, his gut churning. Winning had never felt so awful.
* * *
THREE HOURS LATER, he felt no better as he sat in his office. It was a damn good thing he had no liquor in the house. All kinds of crazy ideas were flitting through his mind.
A knock at the door pulled him from his thou
ghts. “Yes,” he barked. He was in no mood for company.
The butler stepped in. “Dinner is served.”
“It’s early.” He waved his hand in dismissal, wanting to be alone.
“At your request, my lord.” The butler’s eyebrows rose.
Blast it all to hell, he had requested that but only to speak with May alone. He rose and stepped through the door heading towards the dining room. He should have been in the parlor, entertaining his guests long before now but he hadn’t wanted to face May.
Stepping into the dining room, May and Barrett both stood behind their chairs, waiting for him to be seated. He gave a nod to Barrett and then greeted May while trying not to look at her as his chair was pulled out and everyone sat.
The first course was served and as he took a sip of soup, he saw it. Barrett was being poured wine. Deep, rich, and red, his eyes fixated on it as his mouth went dry. He couldn’t remember the last time it had tempted him so and, try as he might, he couldn’t look away.
“How was the shopping trip?” He heard Barrett’s rumble distantly. He couldn’t seem to break the trance the wine had created.
“Successful,” May answered, and the sound of her voice tugged distantly but not enough to take his eyes from the liquid. “Wouldn’t you say, Loudoun?”
“Mmmm,” he answered, with effort. Barrett picked up the glass and brought it to his lips.
“Loudoun,” May said a little louder. “Are you all right?”
He blinked twice and finally pried his eyes away from the crystal goblet. “Fine,” he murmured, his eyes locking with hers.
His vision seemed to clear as he drank in the details of her concerned face. That nearly broke him. He’d been terrible to her this afternoon and yet she was still worried for him.
“May is right, you don’t seem yourself.” Barrett’s gruff voice called down the table. Loudoun looked back to the duke to find him taking another sip of his wine.
Taming a Rogue Earl: Taming the Heart Series Book 6 Page 4
