by Jodi Lamm
“He’s wrong.” Marcus moved too quickly. Suddenly, he was holding her close, pinning her to the spot as though he were afraid she would run away the moment he spoke. “He’s afraid of your chaos. He’s afraid of your disobedience. But he’s wrong. He doesn’t have to kill you, Maddy. He doesn’t even have to know how much you’ve learned.” Then Marcus whispered, “I’ll tell you everything and you won’t die. I promise. Do you want to know?”
Maddy hesitated. Was knowledge really so bad a thing? Was ignorant slavery so important? She wanted to believe it wasn’t. She gulped. “Yes.”
Marcus didn’t give Maddy a moment’s respite before he spilled the secrets he’d been keeping for the last three years. It was as though a dam had burst in him, and no force on earth could stop the floodwaters now. “You’re a clay golem. I knew it the day I met you, the moment I heard the echo that should have been your voice. You were singing to yourself, but I heard you. And your coloring, the reddish tint in your hair,” he wrapped a strand of her hair around his fingers, “so perfectly matches the clay in this valley. I knew then that your Titan had heard Joseph’s story, believed in it, and used it to create a golem of his own. I knew he had little imagination, as he barely deviated from the story, except, for some reason, he made you a girl.” Here, he touched Maddy’s forehead. “He also moved the mark. He hid it. I haven’t been able to find it.”
Absently, Maddy laid her hand against her left thigh.
“Only a Titan can kill you, and he has to erase part of the mark to do it. Your creator believes he has to destroy you, but you don’t have to lie down before him and die. Be crafty, Maddy. Practice resisting him. Keep secrets from him. Reinterpret his commands if he words them ambiguously. And one day, when he tells you to submit to him, you will look him in the eyes and say, ‘No.’” Marcus didn’t try to hide his excitement. “On that day, you’ll be free, and the world will hear your voice. On that day, you can choose a new master—a better one.” He paused and leaned so close Maddy could feel his breath on her lips. “On that day, I swear to you, I will offer you a soul.”
A soul? Suddenly, it didn’t matter whether Marcus had ever lied. This, above everything else, she wanted to believe. “You can give me a soul?”
“Yes.” He wrapped his arms around her, buried his face in her hair, and breathed her in. “I learned years ago that such a thing is possible. Make me three promises—only three—and I’ll offer you a soul in return. And when you accept that soul, you’ll be just like any human… No, you’ll be better.”
Maddy stayed rigid in his arms. The heat of his embrace swirled around her like fire on the wind. Whatever had been wrong with Marcus before was still very, very wrong. “Three promises?”
He nodded. “First, promise me you won’t tell the Titan I can hear you. You must keep this a secret from him, at any cost. If you tell him I can hear you, he’ll kill me. Do you believe me?”
She was too shocked to respond.
“He’ll kill me, Maddy. And then he’ll kill you. Promise me you’ll keep this secret from him.”
“I promise.”
“Second, I beg you, never give Father’s greatcoat to anyone else. Promise me it will always belong to you. If you give it away, I will not be able to find you and you will not be able to trust me.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “I promise.”
“And third, promise me, no matter what happens, no matter how I discomfort you, no matter how I confuse you…” He pressed his fingers into the back of her neck until she winced at the sharpness of his touch. “If only you knew, Maddy. I can hardly stand it. I can’t explain it either, not yet. But this isn’t me. You’ve got to believe me. The day I made you leave… You saw it then, too, didn’t you? It wasn’t me, Maddy. And it isn’t me now.”
She didn’t dare say a word.
“I do my best to fight it because you’re my sister, even though you’re not, and I don’t want to hurt you. But if I lose the fight again… If I give in… Promise me, you won’t ever leave me. Even if I push you away, even if I frighten you, even if I kiss you again. Promise me you won’t leave me alone. If you go…” He choked on his words and wept.
The sound was so rare to Maddy that she waited to answer so she could listen to it a little longer. For the first time since she’d known him, Marcus sounded as young as he looked. “What’s happening to you?” she whispered.
“It isn’t… It isn’t me… I told you,” he said between sobs. “But it’s powerful, this… sometimes.”
“What is it?”
“You can’t tell?” He loosened his grip a little.
She shook her head.
“It’s love,” he said, as though nothing could be plainer.
No.
“It makes me sick to my stomach every time I look at you,” he said.
Maddy tried to pull away, but Marcus held her fast.
“It isn’t me!” he cried again.
“Then what is it?”
“It’s… It’s an unfortunate side-effect.” He was desperate. She could hear it in his voice.
“Of what?” She writhed in his arms.
“The magic I used to keep from losing you.” He let go of her and she didn’t run.
More magic? Maddy thought of how Jas had sealed himself into the stag. “You and him and your unfortunate side-effects.” She was beginning to see why magic had been outlawed in the first place.
Marcus rubbed the tears from his eyes with his knuckles. “Maddy, you have no idea how much it hurt me not to talk to you all those years. I wanted to tell you everything. I still want to tell you so much more, but you have to find your voice first. Learn your history despite the Titan. Keep my secret from him no matter how many times he tries to pry it from you. I’ll risk my life to give you a soul. I’ll risk everything. But promise me as I asked. Please.”
A soul.
“I promise,” Maddy said. Then, more mechanically, “I will keep your secret, I will keep your father’s coat, and I will never leave you alone.” She paused and strained her eyes to see his face. She had cared for him once, for the person he used to be. She tried to remember. “You’re my brother, after all, even though you’re not. You’re the only brother I’ve ever had.”
Marcus released a deep breath and truly laughed for perhaps the first time in years. It was a musical sound, like a distant wind chime. He hugged and kissed Maddy a few too many times, but she didn’t mind any more. Three years, she’d spent in forced silence. To learn that Marcus had heard her confessions and cared for her anyway, that he would risk his life to give her what she wanted most in the world, she couldn’t help but trust him. She wanted so much for it all to be true.
“Come back home with me,” Marcus said when he’d exhausted himself of joy. “Mother can’t keep your ‘fiancé’ talking forever.” He took Maddy’s hand, but she wouldn’t budge.
“Marcus, does Mother know about me?”
“Of course she does. I told her as soon as I realized what you were.”
He was smiling, but Maddy couldn’t join him. She felt like she’d been naked all her life and never knew there was anything wrong with it. She felt lost and stupid.
All the way home, she walked with her head down, clutching her greatcoat as though it were the only thing in the world to her. Marcus had told her he could give her a soul, and though he was not himself, she wanted to believe him. There had to be some of the old Marcus in him. She remembered how he taught her to ride her horse, patient and gentle, though she had not taken to it naturally. Deep down, he was still the same person, and Maddy wished a thousand times that night to have her brother back again.
When they reached the door to their home, Marcus stopped. “Maddy,” he whispered, “there’s one last thing I need to tell you.”
Maddy leaned in close to hear him.
“The Titan believes your time is up. He’s going to try to erase you soon.”
Maddy looked over her shoulder to see whether Jas was standing behind
her. “But he says he doesn’t want to.”
Marcus lowered his voice even more. “That doesn’t matter. He believes not doing so could endanger the lives of thousands. Did you hear what the duke told your tailor at dinner? He said you were as good as dead the day he sealed your memory away. That means you’d already become chaotic. The duke managed to stifle it, but that kind of seal is fragile. If it breaks, the Titan won’t have a choice. You’re a lame horse, Maddy—one he loves too much, but one he must ultimately put down. So I’m asking you to beware of him until you know you can resist his commands. Don’t find yourself alone with him. Avoid his touch.”
“I can’t.” Maddy wrung her hands, more afraid of Jas now than she had ever been. “He comes into my dreams. He says it’s his talent.”
Marcus pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “This is bad,” he said. Then he nodded to himself. “All right, Maddy, I wasn’t going to pry, but the mark—where is it?”
She pointed to her left thigh.
“Good. That should be easy enough to protect. Now listen carefully. Never let the Titan anywhere near that mark. Even in your dreams, don’t let him touch it. Your life depends on the mark staying whole. If you suspect him of using his talent to subdue you, call out to me. Tell me to wake you and I will. I’ll stay close. Even if you can’t see me, know that I’m nearby.”
Maddy whimpered. She suddenly realized why the body in her room was dangerous. There it sat, at the foot of her bed. She saw an image of the Titan, crawling carefully around her, lifting the covers to get to the mark without waking her. She shivered. “I’m afraid.”
“Don’t be.” Marcus squeezed her shoulder and smiled. “You’re far stronger than he is, and you’re clever. I know you are. You know more than he thinks you do, so anything he does will be obvious. Just keep your eyes open and practice resisting him. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Maddy. I still have a surprise for you.” He hugged her and kissed her cheek. “I’ll go inside first. If you hear nothing, the coast is clear.” Then he was gone.
Maddy waited. The rain clattered against her mother’s kitchen windows, but everything else was silent. Then she held her breath, pushed the door open, and slipped inside.
Her mother and Will were still chattering on in another room.
“I thought for sure you would throw me out,” Will said.
“Of course not.” Lotte chuckled, and Maddy heard the familiar lisp in her voice that meant she’d finished a bottle of wine. “Especially not after my daughter had the nerve to hire you with her brother’s gold.”
Maddy nearly cried out in humiliation and the anger of betrayal. Was nothing sacred any more? Even Will was spilling her secrets.
“I hadn’t planned to keep it,” Will said. “The truth is, I’ve grown fond of your daughter, and she’s important to my friend. I’d like to help her if I can, free of charge.” He laughed. “I’ll give the boy’s gold back to him, discretely, of course.”
“Don’t bother, darling,” Lotte said, all honey and sweetness. “Marcus is the only legal heir to my entire estate. He won’t even miss what he’s given you. You keep it, in my name. Let’s say I hired you on for Madeleine’s sake.” Then Lotte grew somber. “The truth is I worry about her. She deserves a good life, don’t you think? But as soon as people learn about her, they’ll try to use her. She won’t ever know who really loves her. I hope she can trust you as a friend, at least. I pray for it because now, more than anything else, she’s going to need someone to trust.”
Maddy ascended the stairs before she heard Will’s response. She knew how welcoming Lotte could be, and she loved the thought of Will giving in to her mother’s charms. Will and her mother both knew how to manipulate people, but neither one of them was capable of insincerity. She knew her mother, who may have begun with deceptive intentions, truly meant every word she said. Will was just the same, and Maddy liked him all the better now that she saw her mother’s heart in him. He could trick anyone into believing he loved them, but not until he first tricked himself.
Minutes after Maddy had changed into dry clothes and climbed into her bed, a tall shadow crept through her door. “Sorry it took me so long,” Will said, “but I’m here now, if you can hear me.” He slumped into a heap on the floor beside her bed.
Maddy tapped him on the shoulder and offered him a place beside her.
“Are you sure?” he said.
She answered by pulling him close and curling her knees into his belly. He was alive. He was warm. He was human. And that was all that mattered to her.
12: The Lesson
The next morning, Maddy rose from bed and readied herself for the day in silence. She sang no songs to herself, held no conversations with her own reflection. The relative comfort of knowing no one could hear her was gone. She was a creature that had lived its whole life in a tiny, dark place, only to be thrust into the brilliant light. And while she used to dream of the day she would finally be seen and heard, she dreaded it now. She dreaded meeting with her brother—that infernal spy, her liar-savior. She dreaded Jas’ searching eyes and the duke’s quiet observation. She even feared her mother, who had always known too much and never let on. Once, Maddy would have thought hiding herself from so many people too simple a task. But here, in the blinding light, she could not imagine how the wide world wouldn’t see right through her.
When she finally exited her boudoir, she found Marcus standing just outside. He smiled at her. “Are you ready, Maddy?”
He didn’t wait for her response, but took hold of her wrist and pulled her along after him. The moment so perfectly echoed the night he had thrown her into the storm, Maddy found herself resisting him. What terrible revelation would he give to her this time?
In the kitchen, Lotte leaned against a counter and gossiped with one of her staff. “Not so fast,” she said, as Marcus tore two fresh-baked rolls from the bunch and headed for the servant’s entrance, his sister still in tow. “Where do you two think you’re going?”
“Lessons start today, Mother,” he said, stuffing a roll into his mouth.
Lotte shook her head. “Children. I’ll never understand them.” But Maddy could tell by the proud look on her mother’s face that Lotte understood everything.
Marcus tossed a roll to his sister when they were outside. “Eat this.”
Maddy stared at the warm bread in her hands. She didn’t need to eat. She didn’t need to do anything to stay alive. “Why?”
“Because it’s delicious. Do you need another reason?”
Maddy stopped walking and considered it. She took a bite of the fresh role. It was good. “So,” she said, “I can enjoy things, even if he doesn’t?”
“Of course.” Marcus laughed. “Did you think you couldn’t? “
“I can’t suffer without him. It seemed to follow.”
“Don’t you remember how much you loved reading stories? Where did you think that came from?”
She shrugged. “I never had reason to question it. I believed I was human. Now I hardly know what I am or how the rules apply to me.”
Marcus looked at her with a bemused expression. “You’re so new,” he said. “Sometimes, I forget.” Maddy wondered what he meant by that. He lowered his voice. “You have no lasting scars of your own, but you can suffer without your Titan, and frequently do, if I recall. You’re capable of every human feeling, every joy and pain. The only difference is that your experiences will not mark you. They won’t change you. Now you’re stagnant. When you have a soul, everything that marks you will become part of you.” He studied her expression. “Does that make sense?”
She nodded. Never in her life would she have guessed she might one day crave her own suffering. But the idea that she would stay forever frozen, that she could never change, made her feel like she was already dead.
“We have to be quiet now.” Marcus took his sister’s hand and pulled her toward the stables. “I don’t want to wake the Titan. I wouldn’t even bother, only we should have horses
, in case we’re seen.”
But as they entered the stables, they came face to face with the enormous stag, standing at his full height and wide-awake. Marcus cursed under his breath.
“Well, you look all set to go out,” Jas said with an audible growl.
Marcus barely masked his sarcasm. “Fantastic. You’re already up.”
“Unfortunately, perhaps?” Jas glanced at Maddy. “Does this sudden outing have anything to do with the fact that I couldn’t find her dreams at all, last night?”
Maddy recalled what she was determined to do. Starting now, she would learn to resist her creator. She would deliberately misinterpret his commands. She would keep secrets from him. She would learn to lie. “You were right, Jas.”
“I was?”
“He proposed last night. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t sleep.”
Marcus bit his lip and squeezed Maddy’s hand while the stag considered her answer.
“Well, I did warn you, didn’t I?” Jas said at last. “It’s time I spoke with him about it, don’t you think?”
“Spoke with me about what?” Marcus played along.
“Your intentions. I don’t think Madeleine will make a suitable wife for you.”
The corners of Marcus’ mouth twitched, as though he were struggling to keep a straight face. “And why not? I think she’d make a better wife for me than you, wouldn’t you say?”
Maddy’s cheeks burned for Jas.
“I’m not the one with romantic intentions,” Jas said.
“Aren’t you?”
Another rush of heat.
“You’re too young to marry,” Jas said.
“I’m older than I look.”
“And there are things about the girl you still don’t know.”
“I doubt that.” Marcus opened the gates for two mares and began fitting them with halters. “She’s lived with me three years, after all. What on earth wouldn’t I know?”
“She can’t give you children, for one.”
“How do you know that?” Marcus laughed. “Have you tried? Anyway, I have no use for children.”
