That’s why she’d run. Because she couldn’t handle more. This wasn’t a relationship. It was supposed to be casual. Yet there was nothing casual about how much she dreamed of him, waking, sleeping, it didn’t matter. But she did not have room in her life for more. She just simply didn’t. She had to keep it on a purely physical level, no emotion.
She would see him again, of course. She’d see him tomorrow night. But by then, she’d have herself under control. She wouldn’t be needy. It would be sex, really good sex, but just sex.
Except that sitting on the floor, her back to the door, she could still feel the imprint of his body on hers, still taste his kiss. He was so tall, so big, so male that she felt like a princess in his arms, cared for, adored, cherished.
She might very well be going back for that. It was the most frightening thought of all.
11
ON TUESDAY, THERE WERE NO MAJOR BLOWOUTS LIKE THE ONE the day before. Even Yvonne hadn’t groused about Rachel being in charge. She was too busy showing everyone her daughter’s new ultrasound. Still, Rachel’s day would have been a whole lot better if Gary hadn’t called.
“Can you take the boys tonight, Rachel?”
Tonight? Was he insane? She had a date with Rand. Her ears started to roar like a Mack truck rushing by. No date with Rand? No fast, hot, overwhelming intensely perfect sex with Rand? Obviously her little pep talk on the entry floor about not being obsessed hadn’t stuck.
What really pissed her off, though, was knowing Gary wanted the night for a little Valentine’s celebration with his twenty-five-year-old girlfriend.
“Gary, you can’t just call up at the last minute and change all the plans.” She thought she sounded exceptionally rational.
“Why? Have you got a hot date or something?” His voice was sour.
As a matter of fact…
Of course, she wasn’t going to say yes. She didn’t want anyone to know about Rand, not the boys and especially not Gary. But she also couldn’t turn it around on him. She only knew about his little nymphet through Justin, and she didn’t want to drag her son into the middle of it like he was a tattletale. “No, Gary. I don’t. I just expect a little courtesy.”
“It can’t be helped. I’ve got a business engagement that just came up, the auditors, and they want to discuss several audit issues over dinner.”
It was a long, needless explanation. Sure, it was year-end, but he’d never had dinner with the auditors. But if he did, he’d have said just that, I’ve got an audit meeting. So he was lying.
Her blood boiled. She couldn’t be with Rand if she didn’t tell Gary she had a date she couldn’t break, but that opened up a can of worms she had no wish to deal with. She wouldn’t put it past him to tell the boys she was seeing someone. He’d do it just to be ornery.
She realized how resentful and angry her thoughts sounded in her own head. She couldn’t remember ever feeling quite this bitchy before. “All right, Gary, I’ll take them tonight. But you need to be more thoughtful in the future. I require at least a day’s notification.”
He laughed. “Since when?”
Since he’d started dating a much younger floozy, she wanted to shout. “Since I’ve decided to go back to school and get my AA degree.”
“What the hell?”
There, that got him back.
“You heard me, back to school. I’m going to take some computer classes and work toward an AA degree in accounting.”
“How the hell are you going to take care of the boys and go back to school?” he demanded.
“It requires good time management. Which means I won’t be able to change plans for you at the last minute.” She sounded so prim, so proper, so snooty.
“Fine. But don’t expect me to take the boys so you can study for some exam.”
“I won’t.”
“I don’t know why you’re doing this.”
So she could have money to pay for all the things Gary decided the boys needed. “Because I want to, Gary. That’s all you need to know. I don’t have to ask your permission anymore to do what I want.” She felt her blood pressure rising.
Across the roundhouse, Yvonne looked up from the copy machine, and Rachel realized she’d raised her voice. Dammit. She was letting Gary get to her. She pulled back, tried to sound reasonable. “It will help to pay for expenses, with the boys needing more things.” Like team uniforms, school trips, iPods, MP3s, notebook computers, driving lessons, and cell phones. Justin would be a freshman next year, and before she knew it, he’d be wanting his driver’s permit, too.
Gary snorted. “You make it sound like you bear the brunt of it. I’m the one that has to pay the mortgage.”
“You’re the one who left,” she said sharply, then closed her eyes. Jesus, she didn’t want to do this. She never should have told him about going back to school. It wasn’t his business anyway. And she should have broken the news to the boys first. Whatever, it was done now.
“Fine, Rachel, if you want to be like that. Will you take the boys tonight or not?”
“I already said yes. You call and tell them to come home after school.”
“Fine.”
“And enjoy your dinner.”
He hung up on her.
She sat for a long moment, her hands clenched so tightly her fingernails bit into her palms.
They hadn’t fought during their marriage. They hadn’t fought when it was over. There was a lot of seething resentment, sure, but now, for the first time, they were fighting about not taking the boys.
He’d started dating a floozy, she was having casual sex with Rand, and suddenly, everything was falling apart.
“I CAN’T MAKE IT TONIGHT. MY HUSBAND NEEDS ME TO TAKE THE boys.”
Rand sensed a hesitancy in her voice. Did she expect him to get mad? “That’s fine. Life happens. Tomorrow night, then.”
“Look, I’m not sure we should do this every night. Maybe just once a week would be better.”
So he hadn’t imagined that subtle pulling away last night. “Is something wrong, Rachel?” Cell phone to his ear, he rose to close his office door.
“No. It’s just that I’m not used to”—she hesitated, her breath sharp—“every night.”
“Not used to what every night?” He needed to force her to spell it out, so they could talk about it and dispense with it.
She spelled it out. “S-E-X,” she whispered, loud enough for him to hear.
“I’m sorry to hear that. But that’s what I’m trying to change for you. A woman deserves to have her body worshipped every night.”
She was silent, but he detected indistinguishable noises in the background so he knew she hadn’t disconnected.
“I want to fuck you, Rachel. Every day, every night. Under the stars or on top of a bed. Last night was hot. But you promised to suck my cock, and you haven’t done that yet.”
Ah, there it was, her slight intake of breath. “Stop that,” she murmured.
“I’m hard. If you were here right now, I’d fuck you on my desk. Have you ever done it on a desk at work, Rachel?”
“No.” Her voice was breathy.
“Well, you need to. Perhaps I should come over there right now, close your office door, bend you over your desk, and fuck you from behind.”
She gasped. “No.”
He smiled to himself. “But you want it, don’t you?”
“You’re crazy,” she murmured.
“Don’t deny yourself.”
Then she sighed. “Yes, I’m crazy, too. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
He smiled to himself. “Shall I meet you in your office?”
She laughed. “I’ve got windows along the front of my office.”
“Even better.” Christ, he’d love to show up at her workplace late at night and take her over her desk. Or on the copy machine. Against the filing cabinet. He was hard, being taken in by his own fantasies, which wasn’t a good thing right now since he had some appointments coming up. “All right, I relent
on the questions. You can come to my house, and I’ll do you on the kitchen counter.”
“You’re raunchy, you know.”
“Yeah. And you like it.”
She whispered something, and it wasn’t until he’d hung up that he realized what she’d said. I love it.
RACHEL WAS SORE, BUT IN SUCH A DELICIOUS WAY. SHE’D BEEN TO his house three nights in a row, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. He’d taken her in every room of the house and in every position possible. He’d even done her on the backyard lawn. She’d tried to be quiet. He’d considered doing her on the deck outside his bedroom, but he admitted that he’d rather keep his exhibitionist tendencies under wraps in his own neighborhood. Unlike his neighbors.
God, she was in lust, completely and totally in ever-loving lust.
Sex wasn’t the only good thing. Erin complimented her on how well she’d handled the shop while they were gone, especially the little tiff between Matt and Steve. Rachel took all the credit without saying it was like handling teenage boys. Yeah, things were looking up. More responsibility, then eventually more money.
On Saturday, she took a leisurely bath, thinking to herself how much she’d love a turn in Rand’s claw-foot tub. They hadn’t done that yet. One of these nights, she’d suggest it. Maybe tonight. She shaved her legs, then, without giving herself too much time to think, she trimmed her pubic hair. Opening a jar of homemade lavender-scented sea salt scrub her sister had sent for Christmas, she exfoliated until her skin was as soft as the proverbial baby’s bottom. After the bath, she smoothed on buckets of lotion, then dressed without panties or bra, because Rand loved to simply lift her skirt and do her. She was almost forty years old, a few strands of silver starting to show at her temples, fine lines at the corners of her eyes, and this man still wanted to do her three times a night. Yes, three times one of those nights. Rachel smiled into the mirror as she applied her makeup.
She had a complete handle on it now. It was just sex. Really, really great sex, but honestly, she wasn’t having any scary emotions about it. She wasn’t even angry with Gary about his girlfriend, who was over at his apartment almost every evening, according to Justin, though she never spent the night. Rachel would have put her foot down on that.
If she wanted her privacy, she had to give Gary his, too.
She’d let her hair dry with the hairspray on it, to give it extra body, and now she fluffed it. Perfect.
The college had sent an email confirmation that she was registered to attend, and this morning, she’d signed up for the computer class covering basic spreadsheet and word processing. It started the first Tuesday in April, once a week, three hours. On the weeks she had the boys, Nathan would have to babysit Justin. Though God forbid she should use that term in front of Justin; he was not a baby. She’d discuss the whole thing with them tomorrow when they got home. She hoped to God Gary hadn’t told them, but he’d probably want to win brownie points by making her look bad. Whatever. She’d think about that tomorrow. Tonight, she’d enjoy her last date with Rand for a week.
When she arrived at his house, he pulled her inside, pushed her against the wall, and slid his hands under her dress. She’d worn the leopard print again.
“No panties, you dirty bitch.”
God, she loved it when he did that, called her names with that cheeky grin and dimples blossoming. She fought his hands away. “And you’re a filthy man. You didn’t even offer me a glass of wine before you attacked me.”
They never ate dinner together. Sometimes he had cheese, crackers, fruit, snacks, but they didn’t have dinner and they didn’t go out. They just had sex. It was perfect.
“Upstairs.” He grabbed her hand, hauled her up against him, and lifted her until she spread her legs around him and locked her ankles at the small of his back. He liked to carry her around like that, sort of he-man and all. He loved lifting her and doing her against the wall. Or on the counter. He just plain loved doing her.
Being wanted was power. She’d never felt so powerful.
“I’ve got big plans for you tonight,” he declared.
One arm looped around his neck as he climbed the stairs, she put her hand between them to palm his cock. Cock, pussy, dirty bitch, slut, fuck; she’d started to love all those words. “Something certainly feels big down there,” she teased.
“Oh yeah.” He grinned and pulled her tight against him.
He was hard for her. She didn’t have to work at exciting him. He saw her, he wanted her. He could stay hard for a long time before he came. The man had control with a capital C.
In the bedroom, he simply tossed her on the bed. She squealed, loving it. Sex with him was so easy. There was no baggage, no fear he might reject her. He required no special ritual, no perfect words. She’d realized that the marriage bed was a battlefield. Rand’s bed was just something soft he could take her on over and over.
“So tonight we’re going to have a special Olympic event.”
She snorted. “What? Pole jumping?”
He grinned. “Olympic cocksucking.”
He made sex such fun, another thing she’d never had, yet she couldn’t imagine doing it any other way now. “And how many competitors do we have?”
“Just you.”
She rolled to her stomach and propped herself on her elbows to look up at him. “Doesn’t that mean I win by default?”
“No.” He grabbed something from the table. “We’re going to document your performance, then critique it. We both score you.”
Document? Then she saw what he held in his hand. A camera.
Her stomach plunged. “You’re going to videotape me?”
“Yes.” He tossed the video camera on the bed beside her. “I want to watch you suck my cock, every subtle nuance that I miss when you’re actually doing it.”
A chill skittered down her spine. She sat up. “I don’t want to be taped.” She’d sucked his cock. It wasn’t such a terrible thing, kind of enjoyable in fact, but she hadn’t swallowed, and she wasn’t sure she’d done a great job at it. Rand was so much more eloquent when he was fucking her, using every dirty word in the book to tell her how much he loved sinking deep inside her.
She didn’t want to critique herself, and she didn’t want to see herself on video.
He looked at her a long moment. “I’ll give you the SD card. You can preview the video yourself. Then, if you like it, we can watch it together the next time.”
“But—” She didn’t want to say the words. But really, what if someone else saw it?
“I’m not going to give it to anyone, Rachel. I’m not going to put it on the Internet.”
She swallowed. “I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did.” He sat next to her, one leg bent at the knee, his other foot braced on the carpet, then he leaned into her, stroked her cheek. “I’m not going to hurt you, Rachel, not in any way. But I want this, to see the two of us. It’s so different from doing it. But the video card is yours, not mine, and if you decide you want to erase it without showing it to me, you can do that. Just give it a chance first.”
She flipped her hair over her shoulder, picked at the comforter. “I don’t think I’ll like myself on camera.” Didn’t they say it added ten pounds?
He trailed a finger along her jaw. “You will be so fucking beautiful with your mouth full of my cock.”
He had such a way with words, the ability to take a filthy, dirty statement like that and make it an endearment.
“You’re safe here, Rachel. I might push your limits, but I’ll always keep you safe.”
She sighed. “If I could just let go of all these fears.” Then she immediately regretted admitting she had fears at all.
But Rand put his lips to hers, kissed her, then whispered, “So just let them go.”
He made it sound so easy. He’d give her the card. She could watch it and if she hated it, she could erase it. It would never truly be in his possession. But what if she liked it? What if she enjoyed watching herself? What if th
ey watched it together? How would that change their relationship?
Maybe another woman would try to figure out how he could screw her over, how he could download the video without her knowledge and share it with his disgusting buddies or post it on the Web for all the world to see.
Rachel didn’t try to work out all the possibilities. She didn’t believe he’d do anything like that. She’d known him less than a month, she’d fucked him a dozen times, if you counted multiple times in a night. She didn’t know him really. Yet she didn’t believe he’d harm her. She wanted to do as he said, let it all go.
“I’d like to see it,” she whispered, then looked at him. “I want to perform.” She put her hand on his thigh. “I want to suck your cock until you scream, then swallow every last drop.” She licked her lips. His eyes followed. “Then I want to make you watch it all over and over.”
“Done,” he said. He pulled her off the bed. “Now take off your clothes, get on your knees, and suck me, baby.”
Oh God, she’d completely lost her mind. Because she wanted it badly. And she did exactly what he told her to.
12
THE MOMENT SHE AGREED, RAND STRIPPED DOWN AND STARTED filming her.
On camera, she seemed almost shy unzipping her dress. Then she let it drop to the floor. She wore nothing beneath, her skin creamy white, her nipples already pearled with excitement, her pretty pussy freshly trimmed.
“You’re fucking hot,” he murmured, for her, for the camera.
She smiled hesitantly, her hands fluttering as if she wanted to cover herself.
“Leave the shoes, but kick the dress aside.”
She did so with a flourish.
“Now get on your knees, baby.” He watched her graceful fall on the small screen.
Her lips were lushly red, her eyes bright as she looked up at him. “Are you going to hold the camera the whole time?”
He laughed. “Part of the time. Then I’m going to put it on the tripod.” He pointed to the setup next to the chair. In hopes that she’d say yes, he’d already placed the tripod in the best spot for the best shot.
The Principal's Office Page 10
