by Isabel Jolie
I hadn’t planned on it. But Gabe also told Poppy what I’d wanted him to tell her so Luna wouldn’t be scared. So she’d move on. The kind of thing I’d do in high school, letting a friend talk to a friend.
The words “I’m sorry” were on my lips, but I couldn’t force myself to say them. Those words might be a bridge to reconciliation, and that wasn’t the answer. I stood by my decision. How I handled it might not have been the best, but as much as I wanted Luna, she and I couldn’t be together.
“Why did you return?” Her question held anger, the emotion I’d hoped for when I decided to leave a letter behind.
“Jasmine, my daughter. This seems like a good place for her to adjust. I also…just, practical reasons. I didn’t want to continue living in Connecticut.”
“You spent the holidays with your family?”
“With my brother. His wife and kids. We spent Christmas and New Year’s with them.”
“That must have been nice.”
“It was good. It’s hard to be a guest for too long. Hard to have a guest for too long…”
Luna wrapped her arms around herself, her lips in a firm line, stoic. The air between us blew cold and hard. I hated it. My Luna was warmth and sun and the stars and the moon. A guiding light. The cold wall in front of me, that wasn’t my Luna. But it was what I created.
“If Jasmine wants to come to the center, I’d be happy to spend time with her. We have a number of teen science programs.” Her professional demeanor sliced me.
I swallowed and forced a response. “She barely knows English.”
“It would be good for her.” She held her chin high.
There was no reason to fight her. “A teen science program…I’ll talk to Cali about it. I’m sure you’re right.”
The topaz in her light brown irises held an icy glaze. All her warmth gone. I’d done that. And dammit, that was never my intent.
Chapter 26
Luna
* * *
“There’s my Luna. I’ve missed you, sweet one. Come out and have some tea with me.”
“How’ve you been?” I wrapped my arms around Alice and soaked up her warmth. I could bask in her grandmotherly aura all day. True, she spoke of spirits and pails of water and owned an ungodly number of cats, but in her presence the kookiness dissipated.
“I’ve been good.” She grazed her thumb over my cheek, tilting my face up, measuring me. “Come.”
We both sat down on her back porch, overlooking the marsh. The golds and greens mixed, and the wildlife staccato vibrated around us. Winter covered the southern island with a tender stroke. The days were chillier, and some nights brought frost. A sweater combatted the chilly air on most days. The reddish-brown hues displayed prominently along the landscape offered the predominant evidence of our distance from the sun.
She passed me my tea, and my fingers warmed around the ceramic mug.
“Your family is good?”
“Yes, they are.” I smiled. “They will release Dad to work again within a week or two. That’ll make Mom happy. It drives her a little crazy when he’s just sitting around, even if it is doctor’s orders.”
“And she’s working so hard? Understandable. He’s going back to roofing?”
I sighed out my disappointment. “Yeah, I think so. But this time he’s returning as a manager, and he’ll be overseeing several sites. He’s been offered a supervisor role before, but he’s always liked being one of the workers. Says sweating in the sun makes him feel worthwhile. But I think this latest fall made him face the fact he’s getting older.”
“There aren’t many things in life that are harder to face than getting older. But it’s as certain as the sun rising. And the alternative, well, once we’re nourishing the soil, our conscience is no longer.” She paused, her dark ebony eyes honing in. “But this sad face. ’Tis not for your family, no?”
“Maybe. I always thought my parents would divorce once my sister and I left home. And they haven’t yet, but…”
“You believe they should?”
“Sometimes. It’s not what I wish for them, but I’m not sure they make each other happy.”
“How long have your parents been married?”
“Twenty-five years. They’ve been together longer.”
“Relationships ebb and flow, like a sea through the marsh. Maybe you’re right, or maybe they bring each other a happiness you can’t easily see. But it’s not for you to concern yourself with. The only two people who know the rhythm of a relationship are the two banging those drums and spinning the music.” She paused and placed her weathered hand over my knee. “If they decide to part, their love for you won’t change.”
“Oh, I know that. I do. I spent so much time thinking they stayed together for us, you know, me and my sister. And yet they’re still together. Maybe I was wrong.”
“Or maybe on some days you were right, and some days you were wrong. Ebb and flow. But this sad face. It is not for your family. Tell me.”
I sipped my tea. Her kind eyes and gentle words tempted me to unload. Poppy still hadn’t returned from Las Vegas where she’d gone to get certified in restaurant management. I’d thought about calling my sister, but she’d already written Tate off as someone I needed to forget. Nova wanted me to focus on my next gig, and she seemed particularly keen on me traveling the world like I’d always wanted. Alice’s ebony fingers squeezed mine. What to say?
“I liked a guy more than he liked me.” I lifted my shoulders and exhaled loudly enough to blend in with our surroundings. “A tale as old as time, right?”
“Are we talking about my Adrian?”
I kicked at a dried, shriveled leaf on the step, masking my smile with my hair as I bent my head down. Very few people ignored Tate’s wishes and called him Adrian.
“Darlin’, take it slow. All you need is patience.”
“Patience? He left months ago, leaving me a letter. Didn’t respond to any of my texts. And now he’s adopted a daughter. It’s over. And he’s hired this…” I stopped myself. I wouldn’t go there. I refused to spew jealous hate.
“Adrian is a good man. He’s healing. Sometimes when we heal, we have to protect the wound until it scabs. This girl he’s adopted, she’s part of his healing. He’s a little lost, but he’ll find his way. It’ll come together fine.” She put her left hand flat on my forehead, then reached for my right wrist and placed her palm over my pulse. She closed her eyes and hummed, weaving left and right. The vibrations of her song soothed the deep sadness rooted in my chest. When she opened her eyes, concern flashed momentarily across her features. She let me go.
“Sit. I’ll be right back.”
She rattled around, opening drawers in an old dresser left outside on the back porch. She stepped down and disappeared behind the brick altar. She came around the corner, her hips swaying as she sang in a rhythmic mix of Spanish and English. Mesmerized, I observed. Her bare feet crunched the leaves as she returned, holding out a woven necklace with a piece of shell for a pendant. “You wear this. Keep the good spirits with you, si?”
My fingers clasped the smooth shell, and I nodded my submission. I didn’t believe in the world of spirits Alice succumbed to, but I’d never dispute it. After all, her world version was far more colorful than mine.
She uttered one last word to me before I drove away. “Patience.”
The next day, I stopped by the Sail Shop and picked up a big, hooded sweatshirt. I rummaged through my shell collection and found an unblemished starfish and a sand dollar. Then I stopped by to bring the welcome gifts to Tate’s daughter. It felt like the cordial, southern thing to do.
Even if Tate didn’t want a relationship with me, there was nothing that said we couldn’t have a friendship. And surely his new daughter could use an extra friend. There weren’t many of us locals on the island in the offseason, and in the height of summer, the vast majority dropped in and out for a week or two at most. In such a secluded environment, the year-round residents banded together.
When I arrived at Tate’s, I found him outside pumping air into a bicycle tire. His friend Gabe leaned against the wall of the shed, chugging a bottle of water. Gabe smiled in recognition. Tate remained crouched on the ground, testing the tire.
“I brought a few things for Jasmine, to welcome her.” I scooped them up and brought them over.
“She’s out walking on the beach,” Gabe offered, not moving from his spot. “How’ve you been doing, Luna?”
“Good. What about you?” I asked him while I locked eyes with Tate. Chills washed over me.
“No complaints. Have you heard from Poppy?”
“A few days ago. She’s enjoying Vegas.”
“Is she thinking about staying?”
“In Vegas? No, I don’t think so.”
Gabe muttered something and turned to head inside. Poppy claimed he had no interest in her, but that wasn’t what it seemed like to me. He paused at the door. “Good to see you, Luna.”
Alone, an awkwardness settled between Tate and me. His windblown hair fell around his face, and he pushed the unruly, curly strands behind his ear. My heart pounded with the force of crashing waves, but I contained the turmoil. I refused to present as anything other than calm, refused to be anything other than mature.
I held out the gifts for Jasmine. “You can give your daughter these. If she’d like to stop by the center, I can take her through some of our educational presentations. Even if she doesn’t understand the words, she’ll comprehend what I’m showing her.”
“Thanks.” He reached for the sweatshirt and covered the shells with his palm. “Luna…” His eyes pleaded with me. “I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay,” I interrupted, not wanting to hear what he didn’t mean.
“Is it?” He swiped the beads of sweat off his brow, his back to the distant afternoon sun.
“No.” My gaze locked on those aqua blue eyes, and my ribcage contracted. I forced myself to breathe. I forced a calm normal. “But it will be.”
I left Tate behind and continued on my way to meet the new scientist who joined the team. Whereas I had accepted a one-year term, William Walker had accepted a permanent position. I had considered applying for his position, but for me, this place served as a steppingstone.
When I entered our group room, William and another woman sat at a picnic table in the middle of the research lab, eating orange Italian ice.
“I see you’ve already found one of the best things the island has to offer.”
William smiled. “I’m gonna gain weight. This stuff is delish.”
“Pina colada is my favorite.”
The woman sitting at the table, a petite redhead with freckles all across her face, spoke up. “I’ll try that next time. This mango is a bit too sweet.”
“Hi. I’m Luna.” I extended my hand, curious who my fellow scientist had brought with him for our initial meeting.
“Oh, hi. I’m Tegan, William’s wife.” I glanced between the two of them. The dark-skinned William who I had thought from his resume wasn’t that much older than I was, and the young, almost albino looking girl, who I had to believe was younger. Tegan twirled her spoon in the cup, her gaze down at the floor.
“You both look so young.”
William flashed a wide set of sparkling white teeth. “We got married while Tegan was still in undergrad. We’re used to people being surprised, right?” he asked her, grinning. “It’s not like our life ended after marriage.”
A flush covered her pale skin, and she bowed her head.
Dr. Wilton entered the room and greeted me with a hug.
“Luna, welcome back.”
Tegan excused herself, and Dr. Wilton, William, and I discussed plans for spring. Our meeting ran long, as Dr. Wilton had a lengthy list of items for us to work on preparing for the upcoming board meeting. William glanced at his watch with increasing frequency the longer our boss talked.
“William, do you need to be somewhere?” I asked.
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I’m supposed to meet Tegan back at the ferry. I didn’t know our meeting would run this long. I promised Tegan we’d do some shopping for the new apartment.”
“William, always feel free to interrupt me. If you need to get out of here, go. We’re relaxed around here. Right, Luna?”
“You couldn’t ask for a better place to work. Or for a better boss.” A look of surprise flashed across Dr. Wilton’s face. “You know you’re great to work for, right?” I explained myself to William. “He gives you a substantial amount of independence but involves you in the research. You’ll learn a ton under him, and you’ll get to spearhead your own projects.”
Dr. Wilton said nothing, but his soft smile told me he appreciated my outspoken compliment.
“I’ll update you in the morning on anything you miss,” I told William as he gathered up his files and notebook.
When he departed, Dr. Wilton dove back into the presentation. From my perspective, anything to get my mind off Tate served as a welcome distraction, so I didn’t care how late we worked.
“Luna, I think we should include a couple of slides on the contacts you made in Florida.”
“Oh, I can do that. I can also include a summary of some similar research coming out of the University of Miami.”
He chewed on the end of his pen thoughtfully. “Would you be up for grabbing dinner and working through this? We can bring our laptops and finish this up. I’d like to get the first draft done tonight, so Barbara has a couple of days to review and make changes.”
“No problem at all.”
Chapter 27
Tate
* * *
The screen door slammed behind me, and I closed my eyes, attempting to unsee Luna driving away. I hurt her, and the fucked-up thing was I hurt, too. Our little carefree whatever-happens-will-happen relationship had morphed into more. In another country, I could package it up in a box and ignore it. Here, I couldn’t box anything up. She picked out the paint colors in my house. Every fixture, the vents, she even found the flooring I walked on. I couldn’t shut the door on her because memories lived and breathed on every surface.
If the adoption had come later…we’d probably be living together by now, in an idyllic vacation from reality. Resenting the adoption and the impact on my life was wrong. Didn’t make the emotions any less real.
“You okay?” Gabe asked from the kitchen table. File folders covered half the surface, all part of the reason for his visit.
“Fine.”
He scratched his head and resumed typing. I leaned against the kitchen counter, staring through the long room to the ocean, seeking equilibrium. All these fucking emotions leaked out, and I’d plug the hole, and it would work for a while until they found another break. I needed to go for a run, or a swim, or something to clear my head. I had to save my ship, keep it above water. Re-focus.
“All right. I’m about to complete these transfers and close out these accounts. Are you sure this is what you want to do?”
“What are you worried about?” My mind wasn’t anywhere near my financial affairs.
“If anyone is tracking you, these kinds of deposits and purchases are going to hit your FICA, your social. Legal title changes. It’s kind of like not using a credit card when someone’s tracking you. You’re about to use some pretty big credit cards, so if anyone out there is trying to locate you, well, they’re gonna.”
“No one is tracking me.” No matter how often I insisted to my brother and Gabe I wasn’t on the run, they didn’t believe me.
Over the holidays, I’d worked out the business logistics with my brother. He dropped his suit contesting the will. He insisted he’d pay me over time for a percentage of the business. Now I just wanted to get my financial affairs in order.
I’d set my brother up as executor of my will should anything happen to me, with everything going to Jasmine. I wanted to get everything set up so if something happened, say the random Great White off the coast of NC struck or I had a strok
e, she’d be taken care of.
Adopting a young teenage girl hadn’t been easy—no fault of Jasmine’s. On some days it felt like I had a stranger in my house, or maybe I was babysitting someone else’s kid, but this bit of logistics, I could take care of.
“Do it,” I told Gabe.
He tapped some keys then folded his laptop. “Okay, it’s done. Now, what do you want to do for the rest of the day?”
“I don’t know. Bike ride? Jasmine should be done in thirty minutes or so. We can go for a nice ride and grab a late lunch?”
“She’s pretty determined to listen to those tapes you got her every day, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, she is. She spends so much time upstairs in her room. She’s always studying. But sometimes I wonder if she’s up there to avoid me.”
“I don’t know, man. She looks at you like you hung the moon. Reminds me of the way my mom’s cat used to treat us after we adopted her from the shelter. I think she’s a hard worker. You’ve given her a chance at a completely new life, and she wants to do her best.”
“I can’t imagine. Moving to a new country, not knowing the language. I mean, the adoption agency gave me lots of info on what she’s going through, but I still can’t imagine it.”
He rapped the table with his fist, then gave me the drop-the-bullshit look he perfected in undergrad. “Why’d you end things with Luna?”
“I didn’t end anything.” His facial expression stopped me short. “Technically,” I muttered.
“Dude. You left her a Dear John. Then didn’t respond to any texts.”
“I lost my phone.”
“Seriously? You lost your phone when you went out of the country?” Lost wasn’t quite the right word. I left it at the hotel, charging in D.C. Didn’t realize it until I touched down in Heathrow on my connecting flight. I bought a temp phone and had the hotel return my phone to my brother’s house. There was something about disconnecting. I found it easy to do, but a shade of guilt chased me for it.
