Once Siobhán told the driver the instructions, they rode to Annie’s place in silence. Annie got out of the car but leaned in to look at Siobhán before she closed it behind her. “I’m sorry things were such a mess tonight. Let’s sleep on things and I’ll ... I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
Siobhán nodded but didn’t say anything else. Annie closed the door behind her and stepped back.
As the car pulled away, she stared at Siobhán’s face, faintly illuminated through the dark window. Annie was left alone, her heart aching.
Chapter Thirteen
“I owe you an apology.”
Annie stared at her mother across the table, exhausted from the lack of sleep after her fight with Siobhán. She didn’t know why she’d agreed to meet her mother for lunch when she’d called that morning. Her patience was already thin. “Do you actually feel sorry, or did Dad convince you to come here and apologize?”
Heather flushed and looked away. “Both, if you must know.”
“Mom ...”
“No. You were right the other day. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I was just taken aback. You’ve never been serious about a woman like this before.” She sounded defensive.
“I’ve had a number of girlfriends over the years,” Annie said, confused. She ripped off a small piece of bread and ate it. She hadn’t been able to stomach breakfast, but she needed something in her or the wine she’d ordered would go right to her head.
“I assumed they were just an occasional fling. I certainly never thought you’d settle down with one. You didn’t introduce us to them before.”
“I’m sure you met a few of my girlfriends in college,” Annie said with a puzzled frown, trying to recollect some specific instances. “Don’t you remember Alicia?”
“Was that the brunette who helped us move you into the dorms at Northwestern? She lived down the hall from you or something.”
“Two floors below me, but yes.”
“Annie, I never realized she was your girlfriend. I simply thought she was a female friend who was very helpful.”
“Oh.” Annie felt vaguely idiotic for assuming her mother had picked up on that. “Well, she definitely was my girlfriend. We dated for four months.”
“I don’t think you ever specifically introduced us to a woman you were ... involved with. I have distinct memories of you introducing us to Mark as your boyfriend years ago. And a few months later, you two moved in together.”
“What does that have to do with my relationship with Siobhán?”
“Seeing you and Siobhán together ... well, it made me realized you were serious about her.”
“And you have a problem with that?” Annie tried to keep her tone neutral. She took another sip of wine.
“Well, I don’t love it,” Heather admitted. “It’s just not the life I saw for you.”
The words hurt and made her furious at the same time, but Annie forced herself to take a few slow, deep breaths before she responded. “But I’m happy.”
“You couldn’t be as happy with a man?”
“I couldn’t be as happy without Siobhán,” she explained. Despite the fight last night, her love for Siobhán hadn’t dimmed. Annie missed her. She knew they had a lot to work on, but she was no more done with Siobhán than she was done breathing. “Look, being happy has nothing to do with the gender of the person I’m with, Mom. It’s about being in love with someone who loves me back. Who wants to make me happy. Who brings out the best in me. I want what you and Dad have.”
Heather folded her hands together, her diamond wedding ring sparkling in the sunlight. “And Siobhán makes you happy?”
“Yes,” Annie said. “There are a few things we need to work on, but she truly does. I know you scoffed at my idea of starting a website—it’s a blog really—but Siobhán’s the one who encouraged me to find something I love to do. Something I’m passionate about.”
“And that couldn’t be journalism?” Heather said with a sigh. “We invested so much in your career, Annie. We just want you to live up to your potential.”
“I know that, Mom.” Annie tried to keep her voice gentle. “But look at it this way. If I start this blog, it will be similar to journalism. I’ll be using the skills I was taught in school. I’ll be doing research, writing articles, trying to hook readers ... it’s not so far off. There are already people excited about advertising on it.”
Well, that might be stretching things, actually. She had no idea if the argument with Siobhán had soured Gabriel’s interest in working with her. She’d have to straighten that out soon, although Gabriel was the last person she felt like talking to at the moment.
Heather’s expression was dubious. “And you’d really enjoy this ... this blogging?”
“I really think I would,” she admitted.
“And it could generate income? I don’t want you racking up credit card debt for some pipe dream.”
“I’m doing everything I can to make sure it pays the bills. I don’t know. Maybe it won’t be a success. But I want to try. And for the first time, I’m really excited about my future. About the blog, about being with Siobhán ... it’s been a long time since I’ve feel this happy, Mom.”
She sighed. “Well, then, I wish you luck. I do want you to be happy, Annie. I hope you know that.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Annie reached out and squeezed her mom’s fingers. “That means a lot to me.”
Heather took a sip of her drink. “And tell Siobhán we’d like to have you both over for dinner. If she’s going to be around, we’ll have to get to know her better.”
“I’d like that,” Annie said. “I’d really, really like that, Mom.”
“And—and I’ll apologize to her for my poor behavior,” she added.
Annie reached out and grabbed her mom’s hand. “Thank you. That means the world to me.”
Heather sighed. “You know, you expect a lot of people, Annie.”
“Yeah, I suppose I do,” she admitted.
***
Annie’s phone rang shortly after she left the restaurant. She was disappointed to realize it wasn’t Siobhán, and the sight of Gabriel’s name popping up on her screen didn’t really improve her mood.
She took a deep breath and accepted the call anyway. She might as well rip the bandage off and get it over with. “Hello.”
“Oh, Annie. I’m so glad I caught you.”
“Look, Gabriel, I want to apologize about last night,” she said. “I’m sorry Siobhán and I disappeared like that and—“
“No, no!” He protested. “I’m calling because I need to apologize. I was kinda drunk, and I totally stuck my foot in my mouth. I never thought about the fact that Siobhán might not already know about what happened and ... I figured it would be something we’d all laugh about. Shit, I feel so guilty.”
“It’s okay, Gabriel. Obviously, it was a bigger issue for Siobhán than I realized. I don’t think any of us really reacted well,” Annie said with a sigh. “I appreciate the apology though.”
“Yeah, of course. I like you guys. I hope it didn’t cause too big of a problem.”
“We’ll work it out,” Annie assured him, hoping that was true. She couldn’t imagine what would happen if they didn’t work through it. Life without Siobhán seemed so bleak.
“Good. Glad to hear it.” Gabriel was silent for a moment. “Are we still on for doing the cross-promotion then?”
Annie paused as she wondered if that was why Gabriel had really called. No doubt, felt guilty about sparking a fight between her and Siobhán, but in the end, he was probably more worried about his business than their friendship—such as it was. Then again, Annie supposed she any different. She’d been more worried about the possible impact on her blog than any relationship she had with him.
“Yeah, we should be,” she said. “I’ll talk to Siobhán about the painting, but I don’t see why we can’t keep moving forward with that.”
“Fantastic!” Gabriel sounded relieved. “That’ll be gre
at for both of us. All of us, really.”
“Yeah, I think so,” Annie agreed.
“I actually talked to a couple friends to see if they were interested. I figured if you were too mad, I could tell you it was a peace offering.”
“Oh?” Annie asked, surprised. Maybe he really did feel bad about the way things had gone the night before. Or maybe he just didn’t want to piss off the girlfriend of one of his most successful artists. Siobhán was established enough to take her work anywhere. Gabriel wouldn’t want to risk losing that. It certainly worked in Annie’s favor.
“Yeah, I’ll email all of the info to you, but there’s a wine bar and restaurant interested in advertising too. And I may have an in with someone at a museum, but I’ll have to get back to you on that.”
“Thank you,” Annie said sincerely. Whatever Gabriel’s motivation, she really appreciated the effort he’d put in. “I really appreciate you doing this. And your confidence that this blog will be worth supporting is really nice.”
Gabriel scoffed. “I meant what I said last night about your writing, Annie. I remember the pieces in The Boston Chronicle you did, and they were damn good,” he said, referring to the newspaper she’d written for. “You’re a talented writer. I’m really looking forward to the blog.”
“Thanks, Gabriel. That means a lot.”
“So everything’s okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Annie said with a faint smile as she said goodbye and hung up the phone.
Maybe he was a bit of a pompous boor about art sometimes. And his fashion choices left something to be desired. But Annie was starting to think he was a better friend than she’d realized—loose tongue aside—and she wondered if she’d been a little unfair to him.
She sighed when she realized that was the theme for the day. Maybe she needed to re-evaluate the way she treated the people in her life.
The question now was: had she expected too much of Siobhán?
She’d planned to call Siobhán when she got home, but instead, she sent a quick text asking if she could come over. They needed to clear the air and see if they could find a way to work through the fight. There was less chance of a miscommunication if they spoke in person.
She got a one-word response, but it gave her hope.
Please.
***
Half an hour later, Annie knocked on Siobhán’s door, her heart in her throat. She’d spent the time on the subway and walk from the station trying to figure out what she was going to say, but the moment Siobhán answered the door, all of the words fled.
“Hey,” Siobhán said. She seemed unusually subdued, and the corners of her mouth trembled when she tried to smile. It made Annie’s heart ache.
“Hey,” Annie said softly. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” Siobhán opened the door wider and stepped back.
They stood there staring at each other for a moment after the door had closed. Before Annie could formulate another word, Siobhán threw her arms around Annie.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice muffled by Annie’s shoulder. “I’m so fecking sorry, Annie.”
Annie hugged Siobhán against her. “Me too.”
Siobhán pulled back and wiped at her damp eyes. “What do you have to be sorry about?”
“I should have talked to you about what happened with Gabriel. A part of me knew you’d be upset by it, and I was avoiding that.” She tugged Siobhán over toward the couch.
“Well, if I wouldn’t fly off the handle every time something comes up, maybe you wouldn’t feel that way,” Siobhán muttered.
“It would help,” Annie admitted. “I get it, Siobhán; you’re a passionate person. And we both have a bit of a temper. But I don’t want to fight all the time.”
“No, I don’t either.” Siobhán frowned. “Can you forgive me, Annie?”
“Of course. But I do think we need to talk about something.”
Siobhán sighed heavily. “Laura?”
“Yeah.”
“I know.” Siobhán rubbed her wrist. “I don’t mean for her to be hanging over us, Annie; I swear.”
“I know you don’t. It’s just ... it seems like there are three of us in this relationship right now, and I never wanted that.”
“Me either.” Siobhán let out a frustrated sigh. “I just don’t know how to get rid of her, Annie. I never got to say goodbye. I never got any closure. I swore to myself I’d never date another bi woman and ...”
“And I’m a bisexual woman.” Annie made a face. “I just wish I could understand why it makes such a difference, Siobhán.”
Siobhán’s eyes looked huge and sad as she stared at Annie. “Because a part of me is always afraid you’ll decide I’m not enough.”
Annie stared at her in shock. “Siobhán, that’s never going to be an issue.”
“You say that now, but how do I know you aren’t going to decide that you need something I can’t give you?”
“Like what?” Annie asked. “A dick?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Siobhán!” Annie said. “How can you possibly think that matters?”
“I don’t know, Annie. There’s obviously something you like about men!”
“Well, I don’t mind a good dick,” Annie admitted. “But only if it’s attached to someone I care about! That’s the part that matters. Why is that so hard for people to grasp? I had the same discussion with my mother today.”
Siobhán blinked at her. “You talked to your mother?”
“Yes,” Annie said. “And we smoothed things over. She wants to have us over for dinner and to apologize to you.”
“You were still planning things for our future even though I’ve been horrible to you?”
“You have to be kidding me.” Annie stared up at the ceiling for a moment. “Of course, I was! I never thought this was the end of things. I was just mad and frustrated. But don’t change the subject.”
“Sorry.”
“Listen to me about this, Siobhán. I don’t care what your gender is. What’s between your legs or anywhere else. I want you. You stubborn, hot-headed Irish woman.” Annie blinked back tears. “I love you.”
Tears spilled down Siobhán’s cheeks. “I love you too. And I’m trying to understand.”
“I know you are.”
“I just went crazy when I heard Gabriel talking about you and your roommate, and I started to doubt everything. What if six months from now you decide you need a threesome?”
Annie stared at her in shock for a moment. The idea was absurd to her. She had enjoyed the ones in college, but they had just been flings. Never with anyone she was in love with. That was a world away from what she had with Siobhán. She couldn’t imagine sharing Siobhán with anyone else, but she knew it was something Siobhán was genuinely worried about, and she hastened to reassure her.
“Trust me; it isn’t some huge kink of mine. It was silly experimenting in college. Yes, I enjoyed the ones with Brigid and Nora, but it never meant anything. And the one with—with Gabriel was fun until the next morning when we sobered up, and then it just made everything awkward. I haven’t had one since as none of them meant anything. It isn’t something I want, Siobhán, much less need.”
“Oh.”
Annie gave her a quizzical look. “Did you really think I was running around having a bunch of threesomes before I met you?”
“No, not really,” Siobhán said with a sigh. “I just couldn’t stop the little voice wondering if you’d feel like you were missing out on it in the future.”
“I won’t. I promise,” she said firmly.
“I could use a strap-on sometime if you wanted,” Siobhán offered.
Annie chuckled. “You can if you want sometime. I’m not opposed to the idea. But it’s not because I want it to be a dick. I don’t care how you fuck me. All I need, all I want, is you, Siobhán.”
“I believe you.” Siobhán reached out and drew Annie toward her. She came willingly un
til she was stretched out on top of Siobhán. “I love you so fecking much, Annie.”
“I love you too.” Annie kissed her with all of the fervent, pent-up passion from their argument. When Siobhán shifted so she lay between Annie’s legs, worshiping Annie’s mouth with her own, Annie felt the tension that had been in her since the night before finally fade.
But in a small, distant corner of her mind, she wondered if they’d put Laura’s ghost to rest or if she was still lurking there.
Waiting to disrupt their happiness again.
Chapter Fourteen
“Morning, mo álainn,” Siobhán whispered in her ear. They were lying on their sides, spooned together.
“Morning,” Annie said sleepily.
Siobhán slid a hand over Annie’s hip and gently coaxed Annie’s legs apart. She moaned when Siobhán’s fingers met the slightly aching flesh between her legs. She and Siobhán had spent half the night making love. She should have felt thoroughly content and uninterested in anything more, but the feel of Siobhán gently stimulating her made her moan.
“Does that feel good, Annie?” Siobhán said, her lips feathering against Annie’s neck and making her shiver.
The best Annie could manage was another low moan of pleasure. She hooked her leg on top of Siobhán’s, who took full advantage of the increased access to Annie’s body. Siobhán delved deeper, gently sliding two fingers into her. She was wet—either from the night before or from what Siobhán had just been doing—and she accepted the intrusion of her fingers easily.
Annie whimpered when Siobhán bit at her shoulder, and she contracted around Siobhán, moving her hips to encourage Siobhán to go deeper. The sweet, slow strokes pushed her higher and higher, and her whole body tensed in anticipation.
“Are you close, mo grá?”
“Yes,” Annie managed to gasp. Siobhán pressed closer and slid her free arm under Annie’s body so she could tease Annie’s nipples. When she cupped Annie’s pubic mound and fucked Annie with her fingers, it sent Annie quickly spiraling over the edge. She cried out loudly, her entire body shaking with the force of her orgasm.
Everything went white and fuzzy, and for a few moments, she lay there gasping. Her head was buried in the pillow, and Siobhán was wrapped tightly around her.
A Brighter Palette Page 14
