She turned in my arms and gazed up at me innocently. “So, what you’re saying is, you’re a giant wuss?”
“Cheeky wee mare. But yes. Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. And no, there won’t be any tattoos for me any time soon.”
She scrunched her face. “Hmm. Well, your beautiful, smooth back is like a blank canvas crying out for a big piece, in my opinion.”
I shook my head defiantly. “Na. Not happening. They look good on you, though.” I bent and kissed her neck.
She flicked me away and turned around again for me to rinse out the suds. She was obviously not falling for my attempt to change the subject. “Okay. Tell me about your passion for music.”
“Ah. Well now, therein lies a story. Our housekeeper, Hetty, was a real gem. She used to bring the best CDs in for me to listen to. She was quite the music connoisseur. I’m talking rock music from the seventies and eighties. Whitesnake, Deep Purple, Rainbow, to name only a few. When Dad was working, I used to put on the old Discman she gave me and jump around my room, miming to the songs as if I was on stage.” I laughed at the memory and how ridiculous I must have looked.
“Wow. Hetty had great taste, huh?”
I sighed and smiled as I thought about my dear friend. “She sure did. I owe her a lot, actually.”
There was a long pause before Star spoke again. “I…I don’t mean to speak ill of your parents, but…well, Hetty sounds like she was more of a mom to you than your mother was.”
I stood silently as I let her words sink in. She was right. And that fact made me a little sad. She turned to face me again.
Her brow was pulled in and she chewed the inside of her cheek. “I’m sorry, Fin. I should keep my opinions to myself.”
I cupped her cheek in my soapy palm. “No, you’re right. The more I look back on my childhood, the more I think I was an inconvenience to my mother. And my dad…well, let’s just say nothing was ever good enough, and some things never change.” She covered my hand with her own where it sat on her damp cheek. I sensed a drop in mood once again and had to lighten things up. “Oh, come on. Let’s not get all melancholy, eh? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”
We agreed that she would leave at around eight in the evening so I could do a little more research prior to my first day at McKendrick Law. Well, I say we agreed…Star insisted. I was more than happy to feast on her for the rest of the night, but she quite rightly pointed out that one just does not turn up with sex hair to the first day of one’s new and important job. So, reluctantly, I acquiesced.
After we devoured a delivery of Chinese food and shared a bottle of wine, I called a cab to take Star home. The driver buzzed up and announced his arrival, and I walked Star to the door.
I held both her hands in mine. “I’ve had such a wonderful day. Thank you.”
“Me too. I’m so glad I made the rash decision to turn up on your doorstep last night.”
I smiled as she used my own words on me; the words I had uttered on the morning I turned up to ask for her forgiveness. “Well, I think it was the best rash decision you ever made.” I kissed her nose.
“Why thank you, kind sir. I’m glad it worked to my advantage. So, are you excited about tomorrow?”
Excited wasn’t a word I would have chosen to describe the prospect of starting all over again in a new job. “Hmm. Nervous is more like it, I think. I hate the whole settling into new situations thing. I’m much happier just hiding in a corner.”
She laughed at me and shook her head. “Says the guy who gets up on stage and rocks out to Soundgarden. And the guy who has just agreed to front a rock band.”
I scrunched my face. She had a valid point. “You got me there.”
She slipped her arms around my neck and tiptoed up to kiss me. Her lips touched mine lightly. “Have a wonderful first day, and let me know how it goes, okay?”
“I sure will.”
She pulled away and I opened the door for her. As I watched her go, my stomach knotted, and I wasn’t sure if it was nerves about the job, or sadness at watching her leave.
Fin
“And this is your office.” Alasdair waved his arm at the plush-looking space surrounded by glass walls. I wasn’t expecting an office right away so it was a pleasant surprise. I stepped inside and glanced around the room. A sleek modern desk and chair sat against the window wall and was juxtaposed with the period features adorning the ceiling, but it somehow worked. The view from the window was stunning. A clear vista that took in some of my favourite architectural features of the city of Edinburgh.
“Thanks, Alasdair. This is great.” I could hear the enthusiasm in my own voice and cringed at my over-eagerness.
Alasdair smiled and patted me on the shoulder. “This is what you should have had for a long while now, Finlay.”
“Look…call me Fin, okay? I feel like I’m getting in trouble when you use my full name.”
He laughed. “Well, we don’t want that, do we? Fin it is. I’ll let you get sorted in, and I’ll get your new secretary to make you some coffee or tea, or whatever you’d like.”
“Actually, I’m good at the moment. I called at my girlfriend’s coffee shop on the way here and had my caffeine fix.”
“Ah, I see. That’s fine then. You just get settled in and she’ll get you for the morning meeting.”
He turned and left me in my new surroundings. I pulled my phone from my pocket and dropped a quick text to Star. I’d only seen her briefly when I collected my coffee, and it hadn’t been anywhere near long enough. I had it bad. There was no doubt about that.
F: Hey beautiful. Guess who has a luxurious new office?
After a few minutes, I got my much anticipated reply.
S: Hey yourself. Let me guess… ;-) You seem happy.
F: It’s been a long time coming and I’ve only been here ten minutes but so far so good! Speak to you later. Miss you.
S: You’re so sweet. Miss you too.
After the morning meeting, Alasdair called me into his office to go through some of the current cases that the firm was working on. I know it may sound a little cliché, but McKendrick Law seemed to be the good guys. They fought for the underdog. The folks who struggled to fight for themselves. I was shocked to discover how much pro bono work went on. And it was clear the passion that Alasdair had for his work and the respect he had for his employees.
Things finally felt right.
It was as if, for the first time in my life, someone was actually interested in my opinions. And that, for once, I was going to be a part of something good. I was going to be a part of something positive and fulfilling instead of being both my father’s scapegoat and his yes man.
My new secretary, Fiona, was a whirlwind. And a mind reader, so it would seem. It was as if she knew what I needed before I even voiced the request. Dressed smartly in a navy blue pin striped suit, and with her grey hair in a neat knot at the back of her head, she had the appearance of a school headmistress. She was uber efficient and smiley, but not in a fake, annoying way. I got the feeling from our first day working together that things were going to run like a well-oiled machine.
At the end of my first day, Alasdair insisted on taking me for a drink across the way to a place called The Voodoo Rooms. We claimed a curved booth opposite the bar and I took in the surroundings of the place I had never been to before. The ornate carved ceiling and padded seating gave the place the feel of an exclusive gentleman’s club.
“So, how are you feeling after your first day?” Alasdair’s direct and to the point question caught me off guard.
“Oh…great. Great. A little too easy though, if I’m honest.”
Alasdair assessed me for a moment as he took a long draw from the amber liquid in his glass. “Too easy? What were you expecting? Walking over hot coals? Being thrown in at the deep end?”
I let out a long breath and pondered my words carefully. “I don’t mean the cases are easy. I’m not arrogant enough to feel that. I just mean settling
in was easier than I expected. Everyone’s been so respectful. Nice even.”
Alasdair’s responding laugh was genuine. “Well, I’ll get them to throw rotten tomatoes and hurl abuse tomorrow then, if it makes you feel at home.”
His laughter was contagious. “No, no. Don’t get me wrong, it was good to be enveloped in such a positive atmosphere. I can’t say it’s something I’m used to.”
He frowned. “What the hell were you subjected to at your father’s firm?”
“Oh, you know, he made a point of there being absolutely no favouritism where I was concerned. In fact, I think he maybe went to the opposite extreme now I think about it. Nothing I ever did was good enough. And I don’t just mean at work.” My mouth was running away with me, and the easy-going nature of my new boss made opening up far too easy.
Fuck. Too much information.
Alasdair clenched his jaw and he leaned toward me. “Well, let me tell you now, Fin, you deserve to be treated with respect and to be acknowledged for your talent as a lawyer. I hope you believe me when I say that. I don’t tell lies.”
I nodded and swirled my drink around in my glass, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed for sharing so much of myself with him. “Thanks. That means a lot.” Why did I feel like I had been rescued on more than one occasion recently?
“Look, I know your family life has nothing to do with me, Fin. And I know that I was seen as the enemy for so long, but I just want you to know that how you were treated before, nothing ever being up to standard, your relationship with Elise… If you’d been my son, things would have been completely different. My daughter, Eleanor, runs a fashion boutique in the city.” His eyes softened with fondness. “When she was growing up, all she ever wanted to be was a fashion designer. She’d sit for hours making dresses from scraps of fabric for her Barbie and Sindy dolls. Then she’d make me and her mother sit and watch her fashion shows. Bless her heart. She knew how to put an outfit together though, I’ll give her that. She studied fashion at university for a while but then decided it wasn’t for her so she dropped out.”
I gasped. In my family, failure wasn’t an option. Dropping out wasn’t an option, and choosing your own career path was definitely not an option. “Oh. You must have been disappointed.”
He scrunched his brow and shook his head. “Why would I be disappointed? She used her brain and made a decision that made her happy. She put a business plan together and went to the bank. She got a loan and opened up a vintage clothing boutique. She has made a great success of fashion just like she wanted to. It just wasn’t the route she initially expected to take. But she’s happy, Fin. She’s doing what she loves, and that’s great as far as I’m concerned. That’s what’s important. Whatever she decided to do, I didn’t care as long as it was right for her. That’s what I’m trying to get you to understand. A parent should want their child’s happiness above anything else. Success alone means nothing. This is why I feel it’s so important for you to be with my firm. I think you could be fulfilled here.”
“I…I don’t get why you’re so concerned with my happiness. Anyone would think you were my father and not Campbell.” Oh fuck. A cold sweat broke out on my forehead. “You’re not my father, are you? This isn’t some kind of Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader situation, is it?”
Alasdair burst into laughter and held up his hands. “No, no. I can assure you, Fin, I’m not your father. And I’m not trying to get you to join the dark side. Quite the opposite.” He shook his head, still laughing. “I think I got the lines wrong there somewhere. That’s not how it goes in the film at all.”
A wave of disappointment rushed through me. I think every kid, at some point, goes through the whole “Am I adopted?” thing, and Alasdair sounded like the kind of dad I would have liked growing up. I could have been a musician with a dad like him. If only we could sometimes choose our family as well as our friends.
Star
Fin’s nerves almost got the better of him, and it took all of my feminine wiles to get him to attend his first get together with Hydde. I had never known someone so mercurial. One minute he was the shy, sweet guy who blushed when ordering coffee, and the next he was this amazingly sexy, confident singer with the stage presence of Chris Cornell or Eddie Vedder. In a strange way, it was nice that I got to see the sweet, tender side of him, but the stage persona of my very own Jekyll and Hyde was a major turn on. He brought a whole new and positive meaning to the word duplicity, that’s for sure.
We made our way across the city to an old warehouse on the outskirts, and as we sat there in the back of the cab, Fin clung to my hand so tightly I was sure my fingers would drop off. I glanced sideways at him and my heart squeezed in my chest. He was chewing the thumbnail on his free hand, his knee bobbed up and down, and his jaw was ticking.
He was terrified.
I reached up and stroked my fingers along his fuzzy, bearded jawline, and he turned to me. In a heartbeat, he leaned in and slipped his free hand into my hair, and his mouth tenderly moved over mine in a sweet but panties-melting kiss. When he pulled away, he gazed into my eyes and a crease appeared in his brow.
“Thank you for coming with me. I don’t think I could’ve faced it alone.”
I shook my head. “You’re going to be great.”
“But what if they realise I’m not actually that good, Star?”
Smiling warmly, I cupped his face. “Fin, I believe in you and so do they. You are amazing. Please try to accept that.” Without speaking, he gave me a tight-lipped smile and pulled me possessively into his side.
I suddenly realised he and I had one very big thing in common. Neither of us truly believed in ourselves or our talent. The things he had said to me about my photography were exactly how I felt about his singing. It was like kismet. Even after such a short time, we each saw the best in one other. The realisation made my eyes sting a little. I was meant to meet this guy. At that moment, sitting there in the cab, I knew this for a fact. Regardless of my previous thoughts on such things, this felt like fate.
The rehearsal studio was like something from a movie set. I observed as the guys sat in a circle, jamming. Fin’s voice had its usual effect on me, and my body prickled with goosebumps. Every so often, he glanced over and winked at me. I decided that the photos I was going to take would only be taken when he wasn’t aware—when he was lost in the music.
To say this was Hydde’s first practise with their new vocalist, things were going remarkably well, and the more I listened, the more impressed I became. My new shy, unassuming and kind of emotional man had found his Eden. There in the studio where he could just be ruled by the music, he let go and gave it his all.
As it was their first rehearsal, they stuck to covers they all knew and loved, and hearing the familiar songs delivered so emphatically by Fin made my heart soar. Nate began to play the intro to “Breathe You In” by Stabbing Westward on his acoustic guitar, and Fin closed his eyes. The softness of his voice took me by surprise as he began to sing lyrics that clearly resonated deep within him. They spoke of being afraid to love again, and the fear surrounding letting himself feel.
The honesty of the lyrics was disarming, and my heart ached for him. He had been let down by those closest to him, people he had trusted, including his fiancée, and so there was no wonder he was reluctant to expose his heart again, but at the same time, he was saying he wanted to try.
At the chorus, he opened his eyes and stared straight at me. Into me. Without thinking, I lifted the camera and began to shoot. I threw my original decision to only take incidental photos out of the window. I was mesmerised. Hypnotised by the emotions in his vivid blue eyes.
I was lost.
Captivated.
♫♫♫
Once the rehearsal was done, Fin made his way over to me where I sat perched on a stool in the corner. The shy smile on his face was enough to make me spontaneously combust, and I shivered as he ran his hands up my bare arms and rested them on my shoulders.
He leane
d in and placed a kiss on my forehead. “So? What did you think?”
Think? Oh, shit. I’m actually supposed to respond with something intelligent. How can I when I’ve turned to a gelatinous pile of mush? Come on, Star! Put brain into gear.
I gazed up into those pools of blue and finally found some words. “You were amazing. You just…you gel. As a band, I mean. It…it just works.” My excitement grew as I enthused about the rehearsal. Every word filled with honesty. “You’re just so natural, Fin. You were born to be on stage with that voice. And those guys, wow. It all sounded phenomenal.”
His shy smile widened and became a full blown, shit-eating grin. “You really think it was that good? Or are you just biased?” He narrowed his eyes at me and tilted his head to one side.
“God, no. I mean, yes. Yes, I’m biased in a way, I guess. But honestly, you have such an effect on me when you sing.”
“Oh yeah?” He stepped closer and I widened my knees to allow him to slip his arms around me and rest his forehead on mine. “What effect do I have on you?”
I glanced in the direction of the rest of the band and they were making kissy faces like dumb teenage boys.
I rolled my eyes and then focused my attention on Fin once again. “Um…judging by what the guys are doing right now, I’m guessing this is not the place to have this conversation.”
Fin turned around and the guys began whistling and pretending to pack up their gear. I couldn’t help laughing at their feigned occupation. They were a great bunch of guys and, oh boy, were they talented. But they were typical guys when all was said and done.
Fin turned back to me, shook his head, and kissed my cheek before whispering, “Hold that thought, Miss Mendoza. You can show me later what I do to you. Come on, let’s go. The sooner we get back to my place…” He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and grinned. He took my hand and pulled me down from my seat and then led me out the door.
Fin
As Star and I walked out of the rehearsal studio, I was buzzing. It was the best high I’d had that didn’t involve sex or alcohol. The cab ride over had been terrifying. I had felt nauseated and light-headed, but Star had calmed me simply by being there. Something about her grounded me. Even though she had considered us opposites to begin with, I now knew we had more in common than either of us first realised. Yes, there was an obvious and undeniable attraction, but there was so much more.
Duplicity Page 15
