by Amy Clipston
Her expression softened as guilt rained down on her. “I’m sorry. Danki for supper.”
Katie watched him leave silently and wondered if her brother was right. Did she have a poor attitude, and was it her fault she never connected with anyone in her community? Even if it were true, she still couldn’t shake the feeling that Jake was supposed to be her friend since they got along so well. How could she look for someone else in her community when she was wishing she could get to know Jake Miller better?
Peanut Butter Pie
8 ounces of cream cheese
½ cup peanut butter
1 cup powdered sugar
8-ounce package of whipped topping
Mix cream cheese and powdered sugar. Add peanut butter and mix well. Fold in whipped topping. Put in baked pie crust and refrigerate 90 minutes.
11
Jake couldn’t get Katie out of his mind all evening. The image of her running through the rain toward the back door of her house had haunted him since he’d dropped her off. Instead of going straight home, he’d driven around for more than an hour, thinking of her and wondering what she’d faced when her father found out Jake had driven her home.
Guilt nipped at him when he thought of the punishment she’d have to endure alone. Jake wished he could’ve stood by Katie and defended her actions to her father, but he knew the idea was preposterous. Katie was Amish, and he was Mennonite. He had no right to even think about her as more than a friend, but he couldn’t stop the growing feelings he had for her.
As he motored down the street, he glanced toward the turn that led to Katie’s farm and he steered onto that road. He wasn’t certain why he was going that way, but he felt the urge to do it. When he reached Katie’s house, he slowed down, staring at the building and wondering which bedroom was hers. Was she asleep? Was she thinking of him?
Jake looked next door to the farm where Matthew lived with his sister and her family. He spotted the barn door leading to Matthew’s shop was open and a faint light spilled out onto the rock driveway. He turned into the driveway and slowly drove up it. He parked by the barn and hopped out of the truck, noticing the rain had stopped.
Matthew met him by the barn door with a surprised expression. “Jake.” He shook Jake’s hand. “What brings you here tonight? I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I was in the neighborhood and saw your light,” Jake said. “I hope it’s okay.”
“Of course it is.” Matthew gestured toward the house. “Would you like a drink?”
“No, no.” Jake held up a hand in protest. “I won’t bother you for long. I just wanted to say hello. I was out driving around, and I thought I’d stop by and see if you were up. How are you doing?”
“Fine. Would you like to have a seat in the shop?” Matthew motioned toward the barn where a lantern sat just inside the door. Jake assumed it was the light he’d seen from the street.
“That would be nice.” Jake followed Matthew to the back of the barn where a small area had been converted into a shop. He spotted a couple of workbenches, two stools, and a collection of tools. An unfinished bookshelf sat in the corner awaiting stain. A line of lanterns had been placed on the workbench and illuminated the entire area. The heaviness of sawdust, the pungent odor of stain, and the sweet smell of wood filled Jake’s lungs. It was the same fragrance he’d become accustomed to when he began working with his grandfather. It smelled like home. “What are you working on?”
“A surprise for Lindsay.” Matthew ran his hands over the hope chest that sat on the bench in front of him. “This was mei mamm’s. I am going to sand it down, stain it, and replace the hardware as a Christmas gift for her.”
“It’s beautiful.” Jake ran his fingers over the wood. “Cedar, right?”
Matthew nodded. “Mei mamm loved this hope chest. She told me to give it to someone special when the time was right.”
Jake smiled. “Lindsay will be very happy this Christmas.”
“I hope so.” Matthew hopped up on a stool and motioned for Jake to sit. “I miss our conversations at the store. How are the display cabinets going at the bakery?”
“They’re going well.” Jake climbed onto the other stool. “We’ve gotten the old ones disassembled, and we’re designing the new ones. Elizabeth seems quite pleased with them.”
“That’s gut.” Matthew pulled out two bottles of water from a cooler nearby. “I just remembered I’d brought these out earlier. Have one.” He handed one to Jake.
“Thanks,” Jake said. “How’s the entertainment center coming along?”
Matthew sipped his water and then raised the bottle as if to toast. “It finally went heemet with the customer last Friday. I was certain I was going to work on that piece of furniture until the day I was buried, but I got it all done. The customer was very happy, which was a plus.”
Jake sipped the drink. “That’s always great news. You don’t want any complaints.”
“No, I don’t.” Matthew drank more water and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “What seems to be on your mind, freind? You look like you want to discuss something.”
Jake fingered the cool bottle while considering his words. He couldn’t stop thinking of Katie and what she was going through in her house tonight. He wondered about the Amish life and the rules by which they lived every day. “What’s it like being an Amish man?”
Matthew looked surprised by the question. “What do you mean?”
“Did you ever feel like you were missing out on anything?” Jake asked.
Matthew rubbed his chin. “You mean like modern conveniences, such as a car, electricity, and a cell phone?” He shook his head. “I was never interested in having those things.”
“Never?” Jake asked. “Not even when you were young?”
“No.” Matthew smiled. “You can’t miss what you’ve never had, ya? It would be different if I had those modern things and then gave them up to become Amish, like Lindsay did.”
“Very true.” Jake placed the bottle on the workbench. “Did you ever go through rumspringa?”
Matthew shrugged again. “Not to the extent some of mei freinden did. I didn’t go to wild parties or move out into an apartment and buy a motorcycle. But I spent time with mei freinden. We had some late nights and we listened to music, but that was it. I was baptized very young.”
“How young?” Jake asked.
“Sixteen.”
“And you never had a second thought?” Jake asked.
Matthew shook his head. “Not one regret or second thought.”
“That’s astounding,” Jake said. “You knew in your heart you were meant to be Amish. God put the feeling there without any doubts.”
Matthew was silent for a moment. “I’ll be honest with you, Jake.” He leaned his arm on the workbench. “Mei daed left the faith and abandoned my family, so I’ve seen firsthand how painful it can be when someone leaves under bad circumstances. I was determined to follow the opposite path from the one he chose to take, which is why I was baptized so young.”
“I didn’t know that,” Jake said with surprise. “I knew you had a rough time at home, but I had no idea your father walked out on you. That had to be devastating.”
“It was.” Matthew sipped his bottle of water. “But a lot of good came out of it. I’m glad mei mamm and I moved here and I met everyone.” He grinned. “Especially Lindsay. And I’m really happy she joined the church.”
Jake smiled. “I know you are.”
Matthew’s expression became serious. “Samuel came over tonight to talk, and he shared that Katie got a ride heemet with you today.”
“He knew about it?”
“The whole family knows.” Matthew frowned. “Apparently she got into a lot of trouble because of it. She’s not permitted to leave the house except for work and church for a month now.”
Jake groaned. “Oh no. That’s what I was afraid of. I’m certain her father was really upset.”
Matthew grimaced. “He was more than ups
et. Sam used the word conniption when he described the scene. It was bad.”
With dread filling him, Jake ran his hand over his face. “It couldn’t be avoided. I would never do anything that would risk Katie’s relationship with her family. She was stranded at the bakery after everyone else left, and she couldn’t reach anyone else for a ride home. I had a really bad feeling about it, but it wasn’t like I could let her walk home in the pouring rain. What else could I do, Matthew?”
“I’m sure she’ll be okay, but I would imagine she has to steer clear of you.” Matthew finished his bottle of water and tossed it into a nearby trash can.
“Spending time with me will only make it worse for her.” Jake shook his head. “Katie and I had lunch together at the bakery, and I have to admit I enjoy spending time with her.”
“You know you can’t be with her, right?” Matthew asked. “You’re only going to make problems for her if you pursue her as more than a freind.”
“I know, but I wish I could find a way to make it work with Katie,” Jake said. “I care about her, and I wish we could be together.”
“That’s impossible. She’s Amish, and you’re not. To make matters worse, her father is very stern. The best thing you can do for Katie is stay away from her. She’s baptized now, and she’ll run the risk of being shunned if you try to be with her.” Matthew looked at the clock on the bench. “I had no idea it was after ten. I better close up for the night. I have to get up early to care for the animals.”
“I’m sorry for keeping you up so late.” Jake hopped down and tossed his bottle in the trash can.
“Don’t apologize. I enjoyed our talk.” Matthew turned off all but one lantern and used it to guide them through the barn.
Jake stopped at the door and pointed toward the lantern there. “Why do you keep a lantern here?”
Matthew laughed. “It’s to help guide mei schweschder if she comes out looking for me. She tends to trip and fall a lot.”
“Even if she has a flashlight?” Jake asked.
“Yes,” Matthew said. “Mei mamm was a klutz too.”
Jake chuckled and shook Matthew’s hand. “Have a good night. Thanks for talking with me.”
“Any time,” Matthew said.
Jake stepped over to the truck and fished his keys from his pocket. “See you soon.” He climbed into the driver’s seat and rolled down the window.
“Oh, wait.” Matthew stepped over to him. “Could you possibly do me a favor tomorrow?”
Jake shrugged. “Of course. What is it?”
“Mei schweschder’s refrigerator died today, and we were talking about going to look for one tomorrow. Could you possibly take mei bruder-in-law and me to the store?” Matthew leaned on the door. “I’d really appreciate it.”
“Absolutely,” Jake said. “I can be here around nine. Will that work?”
“That would be perfect,” Matthew said. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night.”
“Good night,” Jake said before starting the truck and backing down the driveway. As he motored toward his house, he thought of Katie and the horrible evening she must’ve endured with her parents. He wished he could make it all better.
Saturday morning, Katie leaned over and pulled more weeds. Her back ached from the action, and she had to strain to stop yawning. She’d spent most of the night staring at the ceiling and listening to her sister snore. Throughout the night, her mind raced with thoughts of her horrible discussions with her parents and the reality of never being able to enjoy a friendship with Jake.
“I’m so glad the ground was able to dry overnight. I think we’re just about done,” Janie said. “It looks really gut. Mamm will be pleased.”
Katie nodded and pushed aside a stray lock of hair that had fallen out from under her headscarf. She was thankful for her mother that morning. Her mother had actually spoken to her while they’d eaten breakfast. On the other hand, her father had acted as if Katie were invisible during breakfast. Even when Katie asked him a question and tried her best to engage him in conversation with her, he looked away and spoke to someone else. It nearly moved Katie to tears, but she was determined not to show him how much he hurt her.
She briefly wondered if that was what it felt like to be shunned. If so, then she was certain she never wanted to endure that in her lifetime. Although it was painful to accept she could never be friends or anything more with Jake, she knew she couldn’t face being invisible to her own family. She loved them too much.
“Katie?” Janie asked. “Are you awake?”
Katie glanced over at her sister, who was crouched by nearly a dozen pots of mums. “I’m sorry. What did you say, Janie?”
Janie motioned for Katie to join her on the ground. “Let’s start planting.”
“Oh,” Katie said. “Right.”
Nancy appeared next to them holding a trowel. “Need help?”
“Ya,” Katie said. “We can use all of the help we can get.”
Her sisters began digging and placing the mums in the ground, and Katie assumed the task of covering the mums with soil. While her sisters discussed the mums’ beautiful fall colors, Katie continued to think about her predicament with her father.
She was covering the last mum when she heard voices behind her. Turning, she found Samuel talking with Matthew and Jake in the driveway. Although Jake looked handsome, she wished he were dressed like her brother and Matthew.
If only he were Amish, all of these problems would evaporate. If he were Amish, we could be freinden, and no one would tell us we were wrong.
She pushed the thoughts aside and looked back at the flowers. When she felt someone staring at her, she glanced back toward the driveway and spotted Jake’s intense stare.
“What are you looking at?” Janie asked.
“She’s looking at Jake Miller over there by Matthew and Samuel,” Nancy said while wiping her hands on her apron.
Katie bit her lower lip.
Janie hopped up. “I’m going to go wash my hands and fill the watering can. I’ll be right back with some water.” She rushed off toward the house, leaving Nancy and Katie sitting alone by the flowerbeds.
“You know you can’t talk to him,” Nancy whispered. “If you do, Dat will only get angrier, and you’ll get in more trouble. Is that what you want?”
“No,” Katie said. “But I need to tell Jake that’s why I am avoiding him.”
“I can go keep Dat busy in the barn while you run over and you can say what you have to say to Jake,” Nancy offered. “But hurry, I don’t know how long Dat will stay in the barn.”
Katie smiled. “You would do that for me?”
Nancy shrugged. “Why not? You’ll owe me one someday when I want to go talk to a bu.” She looked toward Jake. “Go before he heads heemet.”
Katie squeezed her sister’s arm before jumping to her feet. “Danki.”
“Don’t thank me yet. It might not work.” Nancy frowned. “If you get caught …”
“I won’t get caught.” Katie rushed toward the driveway, and the three men all shot her questioning glances. After sharing an intense stare with Jake, she continued over the property line through a stand of trees, heading toward Matthew’s barn.
Standing by the barn door she suddenly felt silly. What if Matthew’s sister, Betsy, came outside? What excuse could Katie possibly use for why she was standing by the barn looking stupid? Maybe she could say she needed to borrow something, like apples for making an apple pie? But would Betsy even believe Katie needed apples?
“What are you doing?” a voice behind her called.
Katie turned and found Jake coming toward her with a concerned expression. “Jake!” She rushed toward him. “I had to see you.”
He glanced behind him toward her father’s barn, which stood behind the trees separating the two properties. “This isn’t a good idea. Matthew and Samuel told me you got in a lot of trouble yesterday.”
“But I have to talk to you.” She stood in front of him. “I can’t see
you anymore. Mei dat has forbidden it, and I can’t risk making him even angrier. I needed a chance to tell you I’m going to miss talking to you.”
“I’m going to miss you too,” he said. “I’m very sorry your father was so angry. It’s all my fault.”
“No, it’s not.” She shook her head. “You were just helping me get heemet in the rain. I disobeyed mei dat by being alone with you and got what I deserved.”
Jake frowned. “No, you didn’t. You didn’t deserve it at all.” He shook his head. “I want to be your friend, but I can’t risk your getting shunned. I don’t want to be the reason you get into more trouble with your father.”
“I don’t want to be shunned. I love my family too much. The mood in our house is already too difficult to bear. Mei dat wouldn’t even talk to me this morning at breakfast. I feel as if I’m already invisible, and I haven’t even been shunned.” Scowling, she shook her head. “We’re going to have to pretend we’re not freinden. It’s going to be so difficult, Jake.”
“I know.” He took a step back and motioned toward her house. “You’d better go. I’ll see you Monday at the bakery.”
“But we can’t eat lunch together anymore, not even with my cousins,” she warned him. “We have to keep our distance.”
“I know.” He gestured toward her yard. “I don’t want you to get into more trouble.”
“Good-bye, Jake,” she said.
Jake climbed into his truck, and Katie began to trot through the trees toward the barn. Her feet hit the grass on the other side of the property line as Jake’s truck came to life in the driveway. She started across the yard just as her father stepped out of the barn and shot her an accusing look.
“Where were you, Katie?” he demanded as he charged toward her. “Why were you over at Betsy’s haus?”
“I needed to go speak to Betsy,” she said, her voice trembling under his glare.
“What did you need to ask her?” He folded his arms over his wide chest as he towered over her.
