by Nella Tyler
"But Maggie, I just wanted you to have-"
"You still don't get it,” I sighed, frustrated. "Most of my stuff might have come from thrift stores and consignment shops, but it doesn't matter. I don't care how new or expensive something is; I didn’t buy them. Those other things? They were mine. And while the things you bought were certainly lovely, I can't keep them. I don't want to be obligated-"
"I'm not asking you to be obligated, Maggie," he interrupted. "I see how hard you work. I just wanted to give you some nice things so that when you got home from a hard day's work, you could be a little bit more comfortable."
“How did you know I didn’t have nice, comfortable things in my apartment?” I suddenly asked. My heart trip-hammered. I frowned. “How many times have you been in my apartment?” I tried to keep the alarm from my voice, but failed.
He shook his head, like a little boy being punished for something he felt he didn’t do. “I wasn’t,” he insisted. “I know you don’t get paid a lot as a dealer-”
“Stop.” I stared at him a moment, tilting my head and looking at him, as if in doing so, I could see inside his thoughts. It was impossible. He wore an innocent look, but I knew nobody could be that dense. He had known what he was doing. Was he so arrogant, so conceited, that he thought I would be dripping with enthusiasm that he had replaced my belongings?
"Maggie, listen, let me explain."
I nodded. "Okay, then, you can explain why you think my stuff wasn't good enough for me. Because that's how you're generosity made me feel. Are you ashamed of me, then? Embarrassed to be seen out with me-"
"No!"
"Are my clothes not nice enough? Would it embarrass you to be seen riding in my car-"
"Oh my God, Maggie, no, that's not the impression I was trying to give you." He extended his arms out to his sides and then let them drop heavily. He leaned his head back, staring up at the night sky, slightly shaking his head. "Maggie you're a beautiful, desirable, captivating woman, and I would never want to do anything to make you feel anything otherwise. I just wanted to give you some nice things, to show you how much I admired you and liked you."
I wasn't sure whether I believed him or not, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. "Look, Ben, like I said, I appreciate the gesture and the generosity. I have to admit that it’s difficult not always having the things that I would like, but what I do have, I want to earn myself. A box of chocolates is one thing, but an apartment full of new furniture, appliances, and a table full of gifts?" I shook my head. "I can't accept all that, and like I said, I can't be bought."
"I'm not trying to buy you, Maggie," he said quietly.
"Then, what are you trying to do?" I felt confused. Certainly someone as charismatic as Ben knew how to woo a woman, and it certainly wasn't, at least in my case, by plying her with gifts.
"I guess I'm just trying to show you how much I like you," he said. "I thought you would be pleased. It certainly wasn't my intention to insult or anger you."
I said nothing for a minute, my emotions roiling. "I don't know what kind of women you've gone out with before, Ben, but let me make one thing plain. I'm not like a lot of them, especially around here. I'm not on the hunt for some billionaire who can give me material things. I know some of the girls who work in the casino are, and they'd be more than thrilled to have you paying them the kind of attention you've given me." I paused, trying to put my thoughts in order and express myself so that he understood.
"Maggie, I-"
"Ben, if you like me, all you have to do is say so. You don't have to ply me with expensive gifts. That's not the kind of person I am, nor the kind of person I ever want to turn into."
He grinned. "Okay, Maggie, I like you. A lot."
I didn't know what to say. I knew he liked me, but hearing the words and seeing the look in his eyes brought me to a crossroads. My past and my present clashed. The fears and the barriers that I had erected around myself following my divorce instantly went up.
"Maggie, I just want you to know-"
"I already told you, Ben, I'm not looking for anything permanent. I'm not ready for anything like that. I'm being honest with you. I am trying very hard not to lead you on, not to give you false impressions. To be perfectly blunt and honest with you, I don't know what I want. I don't know if I want to enter into any kind of a relationship with a guy. I don't know if I'm ready."
He stared at me for a minute, and then I saw the grin reemerge. I wasn't quite sure what brought that on, but I was glad I hadn't offended him or hurt his feelings. That hadn't been my intention. My only intention had been to create some boundaries, to let him know where I stood.
"You're something else, you know that, Maggie?” He smiled. “Everything is fine, and I'm telling you now that I'm not going to push you. If I ask you to go out, there are no strings, no pressure, and no obligation. It's just because I want to spend time with you." He paused a moment, shifting from one foot to the other. He slid his hands into his pants pockets. "I have to be honest and say that I've never met anyone quite like you. Beautiful, smart, and I'll tell you, you encompass the most deep-seated sense of dignity that I've ever come across."
I wasn't quite sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing in his mind, but before I could say anything, he continued.
"I want you to know that I respect you, Maggie, and I respect your standards, and I appreciate your honesty. I don't come across that too much. The minute people find out I'm a billionaire, I feel like a target.” He paused. “I get the distinct impression that my money doesn't impress you one iota."
I had to smile at that. "I've never cared so much about money as I've cared about people," I said. "You may be able to buy anything in the world that you want at the snap of your fingers, Ben, but you're still a man. You put your pants on one leg at a time. You know what I mean?"
He nodded. "Okay, Maggie, let's do this. Let's start over,” he suggested. “I won't do anything else that will make you uncomfortable, and if I come up with any more harebrained ideas to impress you or to try to sway your opinion of me, I'll let you know about it ahead of time. Deal?"
"You don't have to impress me, Ben, and you don't have to sway my opinion of you. I like you. It's just that I'm not sure I want to get involved-" He raised a hand, stopping me.
"I get it, Maggie. You've been hurt and you're on guard. I understand, really, I do. I've been there. Like I said, I like hanging out with you. You’re fun. You don't put up a fake front. You're honest, caring, and your sense of pride in what you've accomplished says volumes about the kind of person you are."
I was glad to hear him say those things about me. Who wouldn't want to be recognized for their efforts? I didn't get the impression that he was patronizing me or putting one over on me, but that his comments were honest and genuinely heartfelt.
"So here's the thing. Like I said, I'll try not to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I will have the things that I bought removed from your apartment and replaced with your belongings. I'm sorry if I overstepped." He offered a self-deprecating laugh. "I understand where you're coming from though – finally. You see, not many people say no to me anymore, and I guess I'd just gotten used to… Well, I'm going to work on that."
"Thank you, Ben," I said. I was quiet for a moment, and then glanced up at him, trying to keep from smiling. "You won't be able to bribe the maintenance manager to let you into my apartment this time. I had a talk with him, but I'll let him know to expect you and that you have my permission to get into my apartment."
He nodded. "Okay, Maggie, as you wish. And like I said, I'll try not to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or invades your space like that."
"Thank you, Ben," I repeated.
"So, how about we go out to dinner on your next day off? When is that, by the way?"
"Day after tomorrow," I said. I had to think about it for a moment. There was no doubt that I did enjoy spending time with Ben. He was handsome, self-assured, arrogant sometimes yes, but not
obnoxious. I supposed that I did deserve to have a little bit of fun, but I didn't want to give him the wrong impression. "Okay, I’ll go out and have dinner with you on Thursday evening. But remember, no strings. No expectations, okay?"
"Okay, that's fine. I agree to your terms."
I shook my head, again fighting a smile. "I'm not preparing for battle or surrender, Ben. I just want you to know that I think of us as just friends. I know that we've shared some…" I let that go, because I didn't even want to mention the memory of the Jacuzzi, or of waking up in his bed the next morning aching in places I hadn't ached in years. "Let's just say that for now, I just want to be friends. I can't think beyond that, at least, not now." He took a step toward me, as if he wanted to hug me, but then he changed his mind.
"Like I said, Maggie – no strings, no expectations, no demands, and certainly no sense of obligation." He turned to walk back toward the casino. He then turned to glance back over his shoulder. "As soon as you leave your apartment for your shift tomorrow, text me and I'll make arrangements for everything to be put back, okay? By the time you get off shift tomorrow night, everything will be the way it used to be."
I nodded. "Thank you for understanding and not getting angry."
He smiled and then continued on his way back into the casino. As I walked the rest of the way to my car, I wondered if I had made a mistake. I hoped I hadn't hurt his feelings or offended him, but I needed to put my foot down and reestablish those boundaries. I didn't want a relationship. I didn't! Still, it was hard to resist someone as handsome, charismatic, and oh-so-sexy as Ben.
I got into my car, wanting nothing more than to go home, take a nice, warm shower and go to bed. I supposed I could enjoy one more night of luxury in the bed he had purchased and the softness of those extravagant sheets. But come tomorrow night, things would be back to normal. I wouldn't go home and feel so much like a fish out of water. I wouldn't go home and be reminded of everything I didn't have in life.
*
By the time I got home, I was having quite a conflict with my conscience. I knew had done the right thing in insisting on the boundaries in this odd relationship I was developing with Ben, but at the same time, a very small part of me wished desperately that I could've kept some of the nice things he had given me. There is no doubt but that bed was one of the most comfortable beds I've ever slept in. The stainless steel refrigerator did look good in the kitchen. It was nice to have so many small appliances, no doubt about it.
The new sofa and coffee table? I loved them, really I did. The style wasn't overstated, and each piece was designed for utilitarian use. I wasn't afraid to sit on it, but as I did, I tried not to think about how comfortable it was, how plump and fluffy the cushions were, how so comfortably I sank into the sofa. Yes, as I put my feet up on the coffee table, I did sigh with pleasure. Still, I knew I had done the right thing. I would not be bought. I would not be bribed. I would not be wooed with material things.
If…and it was a big if, I ever got involved in a relationship with a guy again, it would be based solely on an emotional connection. I liked comfortable things, nice things, new things, just like anybody else, but I wasn't going to allow material things to become the foundation of any relationship, and I didn't care how handsome Ben was.
I was still thrilled by the idea that he was attracted to me, that he wanted to get to know me or even have a relationship with me. But my common sense told me he was not the kind of guy that was into long-term relationships. He was a player. He had women fawning at him whenever he so much as turned around. Every time he walked into the casino, women turned to stare. While his attention seemed to be focused on me for the moment, there was no telling how long that would last. Tomorrow, next week, another pretty face might capture his attention and his affections. Then what?
I sat on the comfortable sofa for a little while, and then decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I had to talk to someone about what was going on with Ben. Who better than my BFF, Savannah? With a smile, I retrieved my cell phone from my purse and dialed her number. I couldn't remember if she was off now or if her shift overlapped mine. After two rings, she answered.
"Hey, Maggie, how's it going?"
"I wasn't sure I would catch you are not. I couldn't remember what your hours were tonight," I said.
"My shift ended at around eight o'clock this evening. I saw your table was pretty busy, and that handsome Ben was sitting there, as usual."
"Yes, and that's what I wanted to talk to you about, if you've got a minute?"
“Oh, I've got more than a minute, girlfriend," she said. "What's going on?"
"Well, let me put it this way. When I got home to my apartment last night, I felt like I had accidentally entered the wrong one."
"What you mean?"
I proceeded to tell Savannah that I had walked into my apartment and found new furniture, appliances, and a pile of gifts on the table. Before I could even continue, she demanded that I tell her about every single one, right down to the thread count of the sheets that were now on my bed. I smiled and indulged her curiosity.
"So what's the problem?" she asked.
That startled me. "Well, for one, it kind of invaded my privacy, my space, don't you think? Bribing the manager to let him into my apartment while he switched out my furniture?"
"Well, yeah, that is kind of on the creepy side, but he meant well, didn't he?"
"Yes, but that's beside the point, isn't it?"
"Look, Maggie, some guys are pretty dense. Obtuse. They don't think beyond their dicks, if you know what I mean."
"But that's just it, Savannah," I tried to explain. "While I appreciate the gesture, I'm not the kind of woman who can be bought with a fancy bangle, a box of chocolates, or even Egyptian sheets."
"I get where you're coming from, but why don’t you just enjoy the ride?"
"Here's the thing, Savannah. I already told him that I didn't want to get involved in another relationship. But the fact that he's going through all this, buying me all these things, just to ask me out for a dinner date? What do you make of that?"
“What do I make of that? I think he's crazy for you," she laughed. "In fact, I think it's quite awesome."
I said nothing for several moments, second-guessing my intention to commiserate my emotions was Savannah. I sensed her excitement over the phone and knew she was going to tell me to just go for it.
"You said you told him to have all the furniture and stuff replaced by the time you got home from your night shift tomorrow?"
"You bet I did," I said.
"I don't have to be on shift tomorrow ‘til three o'clock," she commented. "Can I come over before work, see your stuff before it's all carted away? Please?"
I had to laugh. "Savannah, you're nuts. But yes, you can come over tomorrow afternoon and look at the stuff. But it's all going back, from the Egyptian sheets to the espresso machine!"
"Espresso machine?" she gasped. "Oh, Maggie, are you sure about this? Seriously, if you're unhappy with any of these gifts, you can certainly send them my way," she joked. "In fact, I doubt Ben would even notice that a couple of items are missing."
I laughed. "Sorry, Savannah, every single one of these is going to be returned. I just hope he kept all the receipts!" She said nothing and I could sense her frowning disapproval even over the phone.
“Are you sure, Maggie?”
I felt that what I was doing was right, and I wouldn't change my mind. I nodded. "I've been never been more sure of anything in my life."
*
True to her word, Savannah had appeared at my door at two o'clock the following afternoon. She had spent half an hour oohing and ahhhing over all the nice things that Ben had purchased for me. She kept glancing at me and I wondered what she was thinking. Did she really think I was crazy wanting all these things returned? Was she envious? She didn't say anything, but she did turn to me and lift her eyebrows when she rubbed the fine fabric of the Egyptian cotton sheets between her fingers. She had
admired the tapestry rug in my bedroom and had giggled with delight when she sank onto the sofa and looked at the changes in my living room. She admired the flat screen TV, the coffee table, and to say she loved the kitchen was an understatement. She kept looking at me, as if I was going to change my mind. When she saw the jewelry and the other gifts that had been boxed, she came right out and said it.
"You're crazy, Maggie," she said bluntly. "If I ever had a guy give me this much stuff, I'd give him anything…and I mean anything." She swept her arm around the apartment. "This stuff is gorgeous and I know that all of it is extremely expensive and of the highest quality."
I agreed, but once again emphasized that it wasn't my stuff, that I hadn't done anything to earn it, and I didn't want to feel obligated to Ben by keeping it. By the time she left my apartment a little while later, I got the distinct impression that she was slightly miffed with me for my "attitude." Still, even though I was expecting a little more support from my friend than I had actually received, I had to stick to my guns.
I was not a woman to be bought, bribed, or cajoled into anything, and the sooner that Ben realized that, the better. For now, I considered Ben a friend, and I wanted to continue doing so. As long as he didn't cross the boundaries, overstep like he had with the apartment, I looked forward to spending time with him. He was fun. He was sexy and charismatic, but if anything happened with this relationship, it was going to happen at the pace I set. Period.
"Is he putting any pressure on you to do anything?" Savannah asked, as she was getting ready to leave for her shift.
"No," I replied.
"Then I don't understand the problem," she said. "He obviously likes you.” She swept her arm around the apartment. "So, why exactly do you feel as if you'd be obligated to him for these things? It's not like you've been leading him along."
