The question is not new to me. My parents are elderly and when my mother had her first stroke, I began to question the security of my future. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. As long as my father can manage to bring home a meager living, and I can help out in the village, I will be fine. Once both my parents are gone, however, it will be much more difficult to survive on my own. Life is not kind to poor, unwedded women in the rural countryside of Japan. I will need a husband. For prosperity, and for protection.
Lord Nakaguchi knows this answer as surely as I do. I can see by the smug set of his smile, he has come to the same conclusion.
“I could help you, Ai-chan,” he says. “If you would allow me. You would be quite the jewel to keep in my castle.”
He draws my hand up to his lips and kisses the back of it. My stomach churns. The daimyo may be charming to some, but I see through his words to their deeper meaning. I would not be a jewel, I would be a prisoner. I can see it in his eyes. Lord Nakaguchi does not care about loving me, only possessing me.
“Thank you, my lord, for your generous offer,” I answer. “But, my parents are not dead yet. I cannot abandon them to a life of hardship, just so that I can live a pampered life in a castle as the wife of a daimyo.”
Lord Nakaguchi takes my hand away from his lips, the smile spreading further across his face. “I must apologize. I think you may have misunderstood me, Ai-chan. I was not making an offer of marriage.”
My breath catches in my throat. “Oh? But my father said you asked to court me. I thought that he meant, that you meant…marriage.”
“I’m sure you can understand that someone of my rank and position cannot marry a girl in your…situation…no matter how much I would like to. No, I did not mean marriage.” He turns my hand over in his, and brings the palm of my hand up to lips this time and kisses it. His lips travel down the length of my hand, resting against the pulse beating wildly under the skin of my wrist. “No, Ai-chan, I cannot marry you. But, that does not mean you cannot serve your lord and master well and enjoy all the luxuries I am willing to give you, if you will just give yourself to me.” He places one final, possessive kiss against my wrist and releases my hand.
A courtesan. That is what he wants of me. My hands betray me with their trembling. I do not want to show my fear in front of this man. I will my limbs to stay still, but they do not obey me any more than I intend to obey the daimyo. He may be my lord, but he will never be master.
“There are other benefits of placing yourself in my care,” he continues. “I am willing to exempt your family from the recent taxes, in exchange for your cooperation. I know this would help your family a great deal.”
Here, at least, I can avoid the daimyo’s attempt to blackmail me into submission. “Actually, my lord, I have something for you. Please give me a moment.” I walk back to the house and close the door enough behind me to give myself some privacy as I pull the washi-wrapped coins out of the recesses of my kimono. They gleam in my hands. I have never felt so grateful to Grandfather Koi in all my life. His gift will be my redemption. I take a deep breath and open the door.
Lord Nakaguchi is waiting for me just outside. I thought I had hidden my anger and disgust from him, but I can tell by his face that I did not do a good enough job. I can see he is also trying to hide his true feelings, but just beneath the surface of his skin his muscles clench and release. He knows I do not want him. He knows I am going to refuse him.
“This is for you,” I say, holding out the gold coins, “as payment for the recent tax increases you have imposed on our region. I am certain this will be enough to pay our debt to you.”
I drop the coins in his hands and they chime together delicately as they hit each other. They catch the light as Lord Nakaguchi turns them over, and for a glimmering moment they look just like golden fish scales. I blink, and they are the same rose-stamped coins once again. He turns them over and over again, holds them up to the light, and inspects them.
“Where did you come by these?” he asks.
“That’s not any of your concern.” The words leave my mouth before I know what I’ve said. I regret them instantly. The daimyo’s reaction is immediate. His face contorts into an angry scowl. His eyes blaze as he stuffs the coins inside his robes and holds up his fist. For a moment I think he is going to strike me. I refuse to look down. I want him to know without a doubt that I will not consent to belong to him in any way. He cannot buy me.
“I don’t know how an impoverished mountain girl came to possess coins like these, and I don’t care. You may think my offer is crass and beneath you, but I’m sure you’ll change your mind when the reality of your situation sets in. You may be beautiful, but beauty will not set food on the table, once your family is gone.”
The daimyo turns and walks towards his rickshaw and drivers. He pauses by the river a moment and I wonder if he sees Grandfather Koi swimming in the waters. Lord Nakaguchi throws me a look of contempt as he boards the rickshaw and his drivers lead him away.
When Father returns home that night, the doctor is still attending to my mother. He arrived not long after the daimyo made his hasty, and angry, exit up the mountainside. The doctor has confirmed my fears; my mother has had another stroke. He is optimistic that she can heal, though he warns us that she may not survive another one. A feeling of helplessness pervades over my spirit and I find myself doing anything and everything I can to keep myself busy. I may not be able to help my mother stay well, but I can make her life as easy and comfortable as possible while she is here.
“Thank you for your help,” I say later as the doctor leaves. “I will look for you again in the morning.”
I am glad the doctor will return tomorrow. With Mother ill, I am confined to spending most of my time indoors to be near her. I have not even been able to sit outside and speak with Grandfather Koi today.
I don’t usually feel lonely, although most of my time is usually spent by myself. But, as I watch my father sit on the tatami mat next to my mother and take her hand in his, I am struck by a sudden emptiness. I wonder if I will ever have the privilege of living my life out with another person who loves me just for being me.
The daimyo wants me, but I know he does not love me. I’m not even sure he is capable of love. I know Kaito loves me, but he will always remain a part of my imagination. I will never be able to walk hand-in-hand with him in the waking world. I sigh. Perhaps I should just accept the fact that I will likely live the rest of my life alone.
Father joins me at the table as I ladle out stew from a pot and pass a bowl to him.
“It was very good of the daimyo to send for the doctor,” he says.
I nod and give my father a tight-lipped smile. It is the most I can do.
“I don’t know what we’re going to do about the payment for the doctor, though,” he says. “Lord Nakaguchi made it clear that he expects us to repay the doctor’s fees. With that, plus the taxes that we owe to the daimyo, I’m not sure what we’re going to do.”
“The taxes? But didn’t…” I stop. It is evident from Father’s expression that Lord Nakaguchi did not say anything about the payment I gave him this afternoon. I consider telling him about the gold coins, but then hesitate.
I’m not sure if telling Father is the wise thing to do. I have no wish for Lord Nakaguchi to find out about Grandfather Koi’s enchantment. If I tell Father, there is a chance that he will be forced to give the secret away. Although I despise using secrecy with my father, I decide not to say anything other than, “I will take care of it. Don’t worry.”
I feel sick. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to tell him of my need. I don’t want to cause him pain again. But, I’m at a loss for what else I can do. I drop an onigiri into the water and wait for Grandfather Koi to come to the surface.
“Good evening, Ai-chan,” he says.
“Konbanwa, Grandfather Koi,” I say. “I’m sorry to ask this of you, but I need your help again.”
He says nothing, but instead
retrieves the samurai sword from the bottom of the river and places it on the bank of the river.
“I am always happy to help you, Ai-chan. You never need to be afraid to ask.”
When I dream that night, nearly all the leaves on the maple tree have fallen to the ground. Kaito is leaning against the tree, and as I look closer I see that while he is standing, it is the tree that is supporting him. His face is ashen; he has no strength.
“What is happening to you, Kaito?” I ask, putting my arms around him and drawing him close to me. He feels so solid, so real. How can this be just a dream?
“Don’t worry, my little mountain girl,” he replies. “It’s not as bad as it seems. And in a way, I’m glad this is happening. It means my curse is finally ending.”
“Curse? Kaito, what are you talking about?”
I pull Kaito to me, holding him tightly, afraid that he will disappear if I let go.
“I could not tell you before, because I was not ready. I was selfish. Even in my love for you, I have been selfish. And that is how my story begins as well, with my selfishness.
“I had not been a samurai for long when my daimyo was killed in a battle. I was on my way to Edo, ready to make my own way in the world. I was confident that I would become someone powerful and important, perhaps even become a daimyo myself. I was willing to do whatever I needed to make sure that happened.
“As I traveled through the countryside, I met an old man. He was just a peasant, trying to collect firewood. I was brash and arrogant, and I was also starving. I demanded that he take me to his home and wait on me. I was a samurai; I thought the people were responsible for taking care of my needs. They owed me. I could not see beyond my own selfishness.
“The old man took care of me, fed me well, and offered me provisions as he sent me on my way. But instead of gratitude I only offered him contempt and berated him for his simple meal and meager offerings.
“I was an arrogant fool.
“As I began to leave, the old man’s true form was revealed. He was not flesh and blood, but was a spirit of the forest. He changed into a fox and before I could leave, he cursed me for my selfishness and hardness of heart.
“For over a hundred years I have been cursed to a half-life, until I could truly learn to love another without any form of selfishness. Only by giving away all of myself for love would I ever be able to save myself.”
“I don’t understand, Kaito,” I say. “What does that mean? What do you have to do in order to save yourself?”
Kaito looks into my face and I see the tears shining in his eyes. He leans into me and kisses me gently on the lips. His touch takes my breath away. I could happily stay with him here, forever in his embrace. His lips pull away from mine too soon.
He answers me. “It means I must die.”
Chapter 6
Kaito’s words echoing in my ears the next morning are all I can think about as I prepare for the day. What did he mean? Is this all just part of the fantasy of him that is in my head? Is he real? Did he really live a hundred years ago? Or is he just a part of my overactive imagination? I silently curse the rise of the sun, frustrated that I will need to wait until I sleep again tonight to see him. I have so many questions, and there seems to be so little time.
Reluctantly, I shake off the last vestiges of sleep and force myself to get on with the day. The doctor arrives later in the morning and I am grateful for his presence. I cannot leave my mother alone, and there is a delivery I must make.
It is nearly noon when I reach the castle. My walk up the mountain alternated between great haste to get this over with, and great reluctance to meet with the daimyo again. I carry two more golden, rose-stamped coins in the folds of my kimono to repay Lord Nakaguchi for the services of the doctor. I wish to make it very clear to the daimyo that I will not allow myself to be indebted to him in any way, no matter what he desires from me.
I approach the outer wall of the castle and am stopped by a guard. Although the man is courteous enough, I am sadly reminded of Kurasawa-san’s absence. The guard makes no small talk and does not hesitate to take me inside the castle to see Lord Nakaguchi. I wonder if he was told I might arrive.
As he leads me through the labyrinthine halls of the castle, I quickly realize that we are headed toward the daimyo’s personal chambers again. I hope the daimyo is not alone. I briefly consider leaving, so I do not have to take the chance of meeting him without an escort of some sort, but then we are his door. I swallow my fear as the guard announces my arrival.
“Come, Ai-chan,” the daimyo’s voice calls from within the chamber. “I have been expecting you.”
I look to the guard, but his face gives away nothing. I take a deep breath and enter the chamber. Other than Lord Nakaguchi, it is empty.
He is sitting cross-legged on the floor, at his table. Plans and papers are strewn about the desk haphazardly. Although the day is half over, the daimyo is lounging in his sleepwear. He is barefoot, sitting in loose-fitting pants. His chest is bare, and his sleeping yukata hangs open off his shoulders.
Although I want nothing more to do with him, I can’t help but notice his strong physique. He is muscled enough to be a samurai warrior himself. He notices me looking at his bare chest and a smirk slides across his face. I feel the blush rush up my throat and across my cheeks and berate myself for my mistake. I don’t want to give the daimyo any hope that I am at all interested in his proposition. Staring at his chest and blushing in front of him is not going to do me any favors.
“What can I do for you, Ai-chan?” he asks.
“Why did you not tell my father that I already paid our debt to you?”
The question does not seem to surprise the daimyo. Instead, his gaze hardens and he takes a moment before answering me. “After you gave me those coins yesterday, I had to ask myself why your father didn’t give them to me himself. Why you? Surely, as head of your household, your father would want to present the tax payment. But, he didn’t give the coins to me. You did. By the time I reached the castle, I realized that your father must not know about the coins. For some reason that I don’t understand, you kept them hidden from him. Why?”
He stands up and circles around the table to stand just inches in front of me.
“What is so special about those gold coins that you didn’t even tell your father about their existence? Where did they come from?”
I refuse to answer, and say nothing.
His cruel smile remains slashed across his face.
“I didn’t suppose you would tell me,” he says after several moments of silence. He lifts his fingers to trace the edge of the kimono fabric that rest against my neck. “I wonder if perhaps you have already sold your beauty to the highest bidder. Perhaps that is where the coins have come from. I know I would pay such a price.”
I hear the smack of my hand against his face before I even know that I have lifted my hand.
“I am not for sale,” I say, the words sputtering out of my mouth in a quick burst. “Least of all, to you.” I pull the two coins that Grandfather Koi sacrificed for me last evening from the fold of my kimono and throw them at the daimyo’s bare chest. “Our debt to you is repaid in full,” I spit out and spin around to leave.
“Wait!” The daimyo grabs my hand and pulls me toward him. Before I can stop myself, my free hand flies across his face, and blood pools around the scratch marks I leave from my fingernails. He recoils, and releases me. I use this opportunity to flee the room.
Lord Nakaguchi doesn’t follow me, but I still cannot get out of the castle fast enough. The guard who led me to his chamber is gone, and I have to navigate myself through the maze of corridors, all the while pushing away tears that threaten to blind me. I finally find my way outside and run eagerly to the embrace of the mountain forest.
The green of the trees and grass blur together with the tears in my eyes, and I barely see the path down the mountainside as I run home. Distancing myself from the castle gives time for fear to grow in my heart.
What will Lord Nakaguchi do to me, to my family? What repercussions will I be responsible for because of my hasty words and actions? I may have doomed us all; there is no one who will be able to save us if the daimyo decides to be vindictive.
I can only hope to warn my father when he comes home tonight. Perhaps we can leave, make our way to another region. A picture of my mother, lying sick in her bed, flashes in my mind. Of course, we can’t leave. Mother is too sick, and honestly, both of my parents are too old. They would never survive a trek across the country. We will have to stay, wait, and simply endure whatever punishment the daimyo decides to render. My plans and worries are all I think about as I stumble down the mountain, weeping and hoping that I can somehow salvage my future and my family.
I don’t even see the old man, until I nearly run into him.
He is stooped over, picking up fallen branches off of the forest floor. His clothes are dark brown and tattered, and he blends so well into the background that I am only inches away from where he stands when I notice him. I jump back and squeal in surprise. The man drops the branch he was holding and stumbles back as well. I’m not sure how he didn’t hear me crashing through the forest, but it’s evident that he is just as startled by me, as I am of him.
The old man missteps and falls down to his backside with an “Oomph!”
“Ojiisan!” I cry out, “I am so sorry. Please, let me help you.” I hold out my hand, and the old man takes it. I pull him up. His hands feel like leather, and his age rivals that of my father. A long, gray beard adorns his chin, and though his face is wrinkled, his eyes are bright and sparkle with intelligence.
“Thank you, little one,” he says. “I appreciate your help.”
“Please, forgive me. I did not mean to startle you.”
Ai of the Mountain (A Fairy Retelling #2) Page 5
