He should go in the house, tell her friends she needed them, and they’d go take care of her. If Gregory got out of jail, Ethan would do anything he had to in order to keep her safe, including break his contract with Savaged Illusions to protect her himself. Yeah, he’d be a fuck up professionally, but Ana would be safe.
That’s what mattered.
Go inside. Yet, he couldn’t. How much time had passed since he’d left Ana? Fifteen or twenty minutes?
The front door opened, and Chelle stormed down the steps toward their rental car when she spotted him. Pivoting, she jogged to the passenger side of Ethan’s car, ripped open the door and dropped into the seat. “You’re a jerk.”
Ana must have called her friends, and Chelle had probably been on her way to the casita. “I know.”
“I’m not done. I’m guessing Ana didn’t tell you, or maybe she did but you’re so busy with your new exciting life you don’t care.”
His guts clenched, and dread dug in. “Tell me what?”
The anger drained out of Chelle, leaving her pale. “Ana’s fine. But for a couple weeks, she was scared to death that she had cancer. She went through it all alone.” Chelle’s eyes welled with tears. “We never knew. But the worst thing is she tried to tell us, but Franci and I were so busy dumping our problems on her, she never did. She went through finding a lump, the doctor’s exam, mammogram, biopsy and getting the results by herself.”
Jesus. He couldn’t get his head around it. “I don’t understand, how could she not tell anyone?”
Chelle looked away. “Because I’d gotten in way over my head with my graphic design business, and my boyfriend dumped me. Ana spent several nights working with me on QuickBooks so I could invoice customers correctly. She loaned me money to get me through. I’ll pay her back. I swear it.”
Guilt bore down on his chest, tightening it until he could barely breathe. Ana had been fucking scared, and no one had been there. But it made sense why she hadn’t realized how much Gregory was fixating on her in San Diego. She’d been distracted.
“And Franci’s dad found out her mom was cheating. Ana helped him find a good lawyer and stood by Franci as she was torn in two by her loyalties to both parents. Plus Franci’s been worried about paying for law school.”
Ana hadn’t said a word to him. Nothing. But she had told him repeatedly that she took care of herself. Obviously she had. Another thought hit him. What if the doctors had found something and she wasn’t telling them? “Are you sure she’s okay?”
“Yes. I only found out about the whole thing because I was at her condo and saw the biopsy report. She’s clear, no cancer.” She scrubbed the palm of one hand on her thigh. “She had no one. Ana refused to tell Linda about her cancer scare for fear she’d cancel her trip to Italy.”
Ethan closed his eyes, knowing exactly why she hadn’t told Linda. In Ana’s mind, she owed her stepmom for helping her when she needed it. She wouldn’t burden her again. God. He rubbed his chest.
“And tonight you told her she was too much trouble. All she asked was for you to make her feel alive and wanted for a little while. Like maybe she didn’t have to be so damned perfect all the time. Ana’s done this for so long, she doesn’t know how to let someone else take over and help her anymore.”
Her words slammed into him. All this time, Ana’d been telling him that. Asking him to let her have this fantasy with him where they could both lose control for a while. But he’d been too busy struggling with his demons and going after his big dream to really hear her. She’d been asking him for help, and he’d let her down.
Just like everyone else.
Then tonight, he’d been scared, worried, and lashed out at her, basically telling her she was a burden. No wonder she told him to leave.
“I’m going to her now, while Franci packs the rest of our things. We’re getting her out of here, away from you, tonight.”
Chelle’s words snapped him out of his thoughts. “No, wait. Give me another chance. Please, just let me go to her now.”
She lifted her head, eyes blazing. “Finally pull your head out of your ass?”
He blinked. A lot of people mistook Chelle’s creative flightiness for stupidity. That was a mistake. The girl was smart and caring. She’d seen through Ethan when even he couldn’t admit the truth.
“You either get real here and figure out you love her, or you let her go. What’s it going to be?”
He’d known it the second Ana’d called out to him behind the locked bathroom door. He loved Ana, but would she give him another chance?
Chapter 10
Ana sat on the couch in the pretty casita with her knees pulled up to her chin, scanning the airline flights for tomorrow on her phone.
She couldn’t concentrate.
“The last thing I need is to worry about your safety.”
Ethan’s voice rang in her head. Her throat ached more than the throb in her arm and hand. She wanted to hate him, but instead it just hurt. It was worse than when her mom refused to listen to her about her stepfather. She’d always known she was nothing more than a pawn to her mom.
But Ethan…deep down she’d thought he cared. Idiot. Hadn’t he made it clear eleven months ago that she wasn’t important enough to keep? Pressure built behind her eyes. She wished she could cry, just break down and let go for a while. Get some release from the swelling pressure inside her.
But she couldn’t. Not anymore.
She hadn’t cried since that day she left her mom’s house. She’d tried hard to be good, not a moody or difficult teenager. No dramatics, no sobbing over boys or arguments. She’d trained herself not to break down. Yet the pressure inside kept growing. It freaked her out.
Like she was cracking inside where no one could see.
She glanced at the door.
She’d told Franci and Chelle what happened, but then insisted she was fine and would sleep here.
But wouldn’t they check on her?
You told them you’re fine. Why would they?
There was really something wrong with her. She didn’t know how to ask for help anymore.
Except with Ethan. That twisted inside her, pain so deep she squeezed her eyes shut. Help me. The words had come out when he’d been deep inside her, driving her to pleasure so intense, it was the flip side of the pain she felt now.
And she’d had that same sensation of not being able to let go. But he’d helped her.
Later, she’d told him about her stepfather, and he’d believed her.
Then tonight he’d saved her.
And decided she was too much of a burden.
A click echoed in the room. Ana jerked her head up. What—?
The front door opened. She shot off the couch, her skin prickling. The terror drained once she recognized who was coming in. “Ethan.” She didn’t understand; he’d left, she’d heard the car drive away. “What are you doing in here? How?”
He lifted a key. “Master.” He tossed it on the table and prowled toward her. “I’m sorry for being an ass tonight.” He settled his hands on her face. “No job is as important as you are. The truth is, when I realized you were in trouble in the bathroom and that door was locked, I freaked the hell out. Something in me broke—I’d have killed anything that got between you and me.”
“I don’t…” She backed up, backing away from his touch. This wasn’t real. She’d learned that lesson twice with him, and it had finally sunk in. Trapped between the couch and coffee table, she had nowhere to go. “Don’t do this because you feel sorry for me. I’m fine.”
His jaw flexed. “No, you’re not. You were attacked by a crazy bastard and I blamed you. Yelled at you for not seeing him in the restaurant. Which, by the way, I should beat my own ass for that. I’m trained to spot trouble, and I didn’t see him.”
She didn’t know what was happening here. “Okay. But it doesn’t change anything. I need to go home. I know it was supposed to be just sex, but there’s something wrong with me.” She didn’t want to tell him she was
breaking inside. That she loved him so much it hurt to breathe. She’d been a fool, lying to herself and him. “I can’t do this. I can’t.” She fisted her hands, then winced at the pain in her left one.
Ethan caught her hand, gently caressing her fingers. “Aside from your injuries from tonight, there’s not a goddamned thing wrong with you. You’re the bravest person I know. I’m the coward here, so afraid to admit that I’m in love with you. I kept telling you I was protecting you from my past, but it was me that was afraid to take a risk. But you? I rejected and hurt you once, and yet you tried again. That’s brave.”
She’d been desperate, not brave. Like she was too close to the edge of a cliff and had no one to catch her before she fell over.
Ethan went on, “You’re my one good thing, and I was too fucking stupid to hold on to it and fight to keep you. Please, just stay a few more days, and I’ll prove it to you. I’ll talk to Hank—”
His boss? “For what?”
“I’ll leave the job and help you get through this ordeal with Gregory. You’re going to have to fly back here for depositions and trial if it goes that far. Or if he gets off by some fluke, I’ll be there to protect you.”
“Ethan, no.” He was upset and feeling responsible for her. “You’re making promises you don’t mean.”
“Let me take care of you for a few days, will you give me that?”
Say no. Just go home. Stop this now. “I can’t.”
He looked down. “Okay. I’ll make the arrangements for tomorrow afternoon. I’ll fly with you on Savaged Illusions’s jet, then meet with Sloane. He’s going to make sure you’re safe if Gregory is released and allowed to leave. Right now, let’s get you to bed.”
He was giving her up that easily? He really hadn’t meant it. “I don’t need you to stay.”
“Too bad. I’ll sleep on the couch, but I’m staying.” Before she could form a protest, he got her up into the loft, helped her change, and tucked her into the soft sheets and thick comforter. Her head was spinning from the adrenaline crash, vulnerability and the pain pill he’d coaxed her into swallowing.
“I’ll be right downstairs. No one can get in without going through me. Go to sleep.” He kissed her forehead.
She didn’t want to be alone. This was her last night with the man she loved. You’re not making sense. One moment you can’t be near him anymore, and the next, you can’t let him go. But right now, he was all she had to hold on to. “Will you sleep with me?”
The harsh lines of his face softened. He climbed into bed and pulled her against him.
Ethan’s warmth surrounded her as the drugs kicked in, pulling her under.
“I’m right here, I won’t leave you. You’re safe, Ana.”
How was she going to face the rest of her life without him?
* * *
Ana stumbled down the stairs toward Ethan’s voice. Who was he talking to?
“I want to meet with you alone first.” Ethan stood in the small kitchenette, his shoulders tense as he held his cellphone to his ear.
Who did he want to meet with? Siena? Pain stabbed her chest and she hated herself for it. She knew how important the apprenticeship was to Ethan, yet she was jealous and wishing she could be that significant to him. But she wasn’t. Her nose clogged and tears she couldn’t shed burned her eyes. Her head ached.
Ana had been going to the coffeemaker, but she changed direction and went to the couch where she found her cellphone. After sitting, she unlocked the screen and stared in surprised. She had a dozen missed calls and texts.
“What’s wrong?” Ethan moved up to sit on the coffee table directly in front of her. He grabbed a throw pillow, slid it beneath her injured hand, and arranged a cold pack over it.
She hadn’t heard him finish his call. Had he just hung up? “My stepmom tried calling several times.”
“News broke overnight that Roger Kendall’s daughter was attacked in a restaurant bathroom. She probably heard and is worried. You need to call her.”
“I will.” She didn’t want Linda upset.
“How’s your hand?”
Beneath the ice and ace bandage, she gently flexed her fingers. “Little sore. It’ll heal.” She made herself look at him. Tell him goodbye. “It sounds like you have a meeting. I’ll call Franci and Chelle—”
“Franci will be here in a few minutes,” he cut her off. “I didn’t want you alone while I’m gone.”
Surprised, she blurted out, “You talked to them?”
“Chelle caught me last night as she was rushing to the car to get to you. I begged her to stay at the house and let me take care of you.” He swallowed. “I’d hoped you’d change your mind and stay. Give me another chance.”
Elation sprang up in her chest, but Ana shut it down. Hadn’t she lied to herself enough? She was always going to come in second, and if she got in the way of his career, he’d resent her. It’d be like this week with Siena pulling him one way and Ana the other. And which way did he go each time? Siena. Ana wasn’t enough. “I can’t.” Everything hurt at letting him go, but it’d be worse later when he finally realized he just didn’t love her enough. “I’m sorry. I—”
“Don’t apologize. You gave me two chances. I have to prove myself to you before you ever give me another.”
Prove himself? She didn’t know what he meant by that.
“We’ll fly home this afternoon on the band jet. It’s all arranged. I’ll make sure you’re safe in San Diego.”
“Gregory’s in jail here. You don’t have to do that.”
He smiled sadly, and leaned forward to push a strand of her hair back. “I want to. Please, Ana.”
Then he’d be able to walk away with a clean conscience. Ana loved him because he was this man who would go to all this trouble. But then he’d go on and become Siena’s apprentice. “Okay.”
His eyes burned into hers. “One more thing. I’m sorry I wasn’t there, that you didn’t think you could call me and I would come. It doesn’t matter what I say now, you won’t be able to believe me.”
“There for what?” She couldn’t keep up.
“When you found the lump. For all of it. I can’t believe you didn’t tell anyone.”
Stunned, she drew back. “You know?”
“Chelle told me last night right after she ripped me a new one for being a jerk.”
Now it made sense. Why he was so upset and gentle last night. Between the attack and finding out she’d had the little tiny cancer concern, he’d felt sorry for her. Tell him it’s fine, that you’re fine. Instead she blurted out, “I almost called you. The night before the biopsy, I couldn’t sleep and sat there holding the phone opened to your number.” She slapped her good hand over her mouth. What was wrong with her? “I shouldn’t have told you that,” she whispered, her voice thick and raw. She was making him feel worse.
Ethan slid his hands beneath her and lifted her into his arms. “Ana.” His chest rattled against her cheek as if he drew in a ragged breath. “I fucking hate that you were alone.”
She had to fix this. Fisting his T-shirt, she raised her head. “I’m very lucky. Not everyone gets good results. But coming here to you, this was wrong, Ethan. I was using you, trying to heal something broken inside me. But you can’t do that, only I can. And this—we’re hurting each other. I know you care, but you have dreams.” She loved him enough to want him to be happy. “Go after them and be successful. You have a meeting with Siena, right?”
Something fierce flickered in his gaze. “Yes.”
She scooted off his lap and grabbed her phone and ice pack off the floor. “I’ll call Linda and then get my stuff together.”
Ethan rose and went to the small dining table. He scooped up his wallet, phone and keys then looked her. “I get why you can’t trust me, why you didn’t call me when you were scared. You were afraid I’d let you down.”
She opened her mouth, but he went on.
“Hush. Give Linda a chance, Ana. She loves you. Think about how you�
��d feel if she kept something like a breast cancer scare or a stalker from you. What if she was in trouble and didn’t tell you?”
The realization hit her dead center. “I’d be upset.” She was beginning to realize just how much she’d hurt her friends too. She should have made them listen, and they would have. “I’ll call Linda. And apologize to Franci and Chelle.”
Relief eased a fraction of the tension in his jaw. “I’ll be back.”
She clenched her sore hand, the physical pain better than the ripping sensation in her heart. He was going after his dream exactly as she’d told him to. Every step he took toward the door cut deeper. She managed to say, “Good luck.”
Ethan paused at the door, his gaze locking with hers. Then he nodded once and vanished.
Ana sank down on the couch and stared at the phone in her hand. Desperation clogged her throat. She needed help and reached out to the one person who’d rescued her in the past.
As soon as Linda answered, Ana spilled out everything from the moment she found the lump to now in a torrent of words.
“Honey, why didn’t you tell me?” Linda asked. “I’d have cancelled my trip. Nothing is as important as you. You’re my daughter.”
She couldn’t breathe past the swelling in her chest. “Linda. I—”
The door opened, spilling in Franci. Her friend’s dark gaze swept over her, saw the phone in her hand and she waved an acknowledgement that Ana was on a call.
“Honey,” Linda went on in her ear. “If you need me, I’ll get on a plane and be there as quickly as I can.”
Give Linda a chance. Half her instincts screamed to assure her stepmom that she was fine. But she wasn’t. A man she barely knew attacked her, and Ethan…oh God…he’d told her loved her and she was terrified to believe him. A merciless fist in her chest squeezed her heart. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I love him too much.”
“Ethan?”
“Yes. He said he loves me, but how can I know?” Unbearable agony swelled in her throat. “I really messed this whole thing up.” The words clawed her throat. “He’s feeling guilty or some responsibility and—”
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