by Jordan Bell
The tent floor shimmered like a mirage in a circle beneath Micah’s fabric panels. And, as if by magic, where there was black tarp one moment, a swirling cloud of white began to fall from the ceiling. Bright when the light struck them, dazzling and blindingly white as it settled across the floor.
And where there was only black tarp before, now there were drifts of snow and several small pine trees reaching up towards the trapeze girls who skimmed their tops, gliding to knock snow from the top branches in a volley of laughter.
The temperature dropped and some of the snowflakes fell across the laps of those seated along the first row of benches. Children stuck their tongues out to catch the magic snow.
The reaction was amazing. Some climbed to their feet, then fell back down not trusting their own legs to hold them. Others held perfectly still and gazed unblinking at the mirage before them, afraid of what might happen if they closed their eyes. Despite everything I’d seen at the carnival, even I was clutching the curtains, one hand covering my mouth to hold back to cry of surprise. Snow continued to fall from the ceiling in slow, steady drifts and it reminded me of the night I met the Magician on his stage and the globe of snow he’d created around us.
When Micah began to perform amongst the trees, spinning and appearing, using the boughs to push off and swing from her wrists like a swan, then like a dove, then like an angel.
When Micah dismounted and fell to a crouch in a bank of snow, kicking up clouds and sinking ankle deep, everyone in the room found themselves on their feet, beating their hands bruised in applause.
I was one of them.
It took almost ten minutes to clear the tent, everyone straining their neck for one last look at the trapeze girls or the aerialist. Several children broke off from their parents to run out and touch the snow to make sure it was real.
(It was.)
I waited until they’d all gone to find Micah who was waiting in the wings of the curtains for one of the acrobats to collect the snow globe that sat on the edge of the little mirage. She turned the key backwards, the music box notes performing themselves in reverse. As soon as she turned the key she back flipped three times out of the globe’s area of influence. The world shimmered once more and disappeared when I blinked against the blinding white light. The music clicked off and where there had been snow and trees there was now only the snow globe, glittery snow hovering against the glass.
The snow globe was collected and delivered into Micah’s hands. She cradled it in her arms as we headed back into the backstage where a small trunk sat waiting on a table.
“Carnival magic?” I asked as she settled the globe into a spot beside two others, all three of them cradled in velvet.
Micah grinned as she tucked the snow globe into its bed. “You’re catching on. These are very old tricks. Some of the original tricks to the carnival. We have six left, but once upon a time there was more than dozen. They’ve either broken or stopped working on their own.”
I shook my head. “They’re beautiful. Like the carousel.”
“Same magic.” Micah rubbed a little fingerprint with the corner of the velvet blanket. “They belong to the acrobats now. We have to be careful when putting the snow back where it belongs. We only have four notes to get out of the way or risk being pulled in with it. Something I don’t think anyone would enjoy. Acrobats are the only ones who can make the jump in time.”
She covered them with another piece of cloth then closed the trunk and locked it with a large, silver key.
“Where would you go if you didn’t get out of the way?”
She shrugged and slid the key into her pocket. “Wherever the carousel goes? We’ve never been foolish enough to find out. Carnival magic is unpredictable and unmanageable, like Eli said. It usually works in our favor, but we have to be careful.”
Eli. Even his name made my heart act foolishly. I absently touched the spot on my chest over my heart and willed it to settle down. “But he got the carousel to work for us earlier.”
“Oh, sure, but probably because he asked really nicely, not because he has any influence over it. Some things around here are even outside Eli’s power. Including the snow globes. He’d never use them in his own acts because they would likely backfire.”
“You realize you sound like a crazy person when you talk about the carnival that way.”
“Might I remind you that you blackmailed the magician in order to gain entrance? Who’s really the crazy one here?” She looped her arm through mine and pulled me towards the exit.
“You hang upside down by your ankle twelve feet above the ground.” I gave her arm a squeeze. “So it’s still you.”
21
__________________
This was what I learned about Imaginaire from Lily - there were actually two carnivals. One performed during the day - acrobats, tumblers, and the sideshow performances of sword swallowing and fire eating. Midway games and candied apples and cotton candy.
The night carnival catered to private individuals who came to witness impossible wonders and dark, beautiful women who pretended to love them for the few minutes they took the stage. The carnival stayed solvent because of the wealthy investors who came to be seduced by Lily.
The show that night was to be for these special guests, men in masks and suits who watched unblinking and hungry from their velvet seats. I watched from the curtains between changes as Eliza, a brunette with a lingering crush on the Beatles, was tied to a ring suspended from the ceiling, her body contorted into impossible shapes to expose her tan, naked stomach as melted wax was dripped along her belly.
The theater was quiet except for her gasps and sobs. Her hands clung to the ropes that held her, clawing at the hemp, writhing and pleading for mercy. Her captor, a male dancer I did not know by name, masked like the devil wearing soft, weathered jeans and no shirt, ignored her protest and drew patterns on her tight abdomen muscles until they glistened an opaque white. Before our eyes she turned into a sculpture of herself, twisted in something like pleasure and something like pain and I found myself gripping the curtain cords with such desperation I nearly accidentally pulled them down.
This was not their usual playful, flirty performance. These were dark and lovely and reminded me of the Magician’s hands, his intensity, and the way he tied Katya before he levitated her or contorted her into painful, gorgeous shapes. I could not take my eyes off the dancer’s hands when he touched Eliza, when he knelt and spread her knees until she almost touched the floor, tears in her eyes, begging for more.
When the male dancer released her bound wrists and let her collapse at his feet, bent over, her forehead touching the floor beside his feet, I heard her whisper a shuddering thank you. He petted her and urged her to stand. When she did he took her by the hand to the edge of the stage where one of the men in the front row stood and reached up to run his hand over the cooled wax. She shuddered under his touch, almost fainted into the dancer’s arms, and was carried off stage.
Lily, small and ethereal, was brought onto the stage by the hand of the dancer, whose body rivaled the Magician’s for power, his muscles thicker and hardened over. She was ceremonially stripped of the costume I’d painstakingly laced her up in, and then laid out on a platform, surrounded by mirrors. The dancer bound her in rope, lovingly twisted and tied and knotted down her spine, her body spread, arced, reclothed by hemp coils. Contorted. Controlled. Craved.
I couldn’t watch after that because even taken in supplication she was too lovely, my envy too much. She moaned and gasped and jumped under his administrations and even though it was just a story, a play, a performance, it was so real and vivid that I couldn’t enjoy it because all I saw was the Magician in the dancer’s place and my reaction to the image was visceral.
Why wouldn’t he want that? I didn’t even know how to do these things, had never even imagined them. But she knew them all, knew how to make something so brazen seem sophisticated and refined.
Whatever they did out there next brought
the audience to an ovation that rivaled one of the Magician’s shows.
I finished my duties that night, cleaned up the dressing room, and left the dancers’ tent confused and jealous and overwarm everywhere.
Fully intending to go to my tent and spend the night overanalyzing my head and trying to turn off everything that was turned on, Micah placed herself directly in my way. She met me outside the red velvet tent, already changed from her costume into tight black pants and a slinky, pink and black striped dress.
“How’d the show go?” she asked, knowing full well how the show went.
I blushed and scowled at the same time. “It was enlightening.”
She grinned, “Welcome to the real Imaginaire. That’s what the VIPs come to see. The clientele in the boss’s little black book come here for Lily.”
We fell in step together, though I had no idea where we were going since I doubted she’d gotten all prettied up to go hang out in my tent and brood.
“Lily is certainly something to watch.” I knew better than to ask, but I did it anyway because I was clearly glutton for punishment. “Is she and Eli…have they been…are they now…?”
Micah laughed. “Are you going to finish any of those questions, or shall I infer?”
“Infer, please. I am not saying it out loud.”
“I have no idea. Not in any public way, although there are always rumors. Not that you can believe them a bit. There are so many rumors about you and him going around, you might as well spend your days tied to his bed. So who knows?” She paused dramatically. “You’re not spending your days tied to his bed are you? Because if you were and didn’t tell me and I had to hear about it from Katya, I’d have to ask for my friendship bracelet back.”
“My, aren’t you punchy tonight.” I hip checked her and she sent one right back “It’s not what you think. Stop listening to gossips. Especially Katya.” Micah and I did not often enjoy silence. Even with a place as big as the carnival, there always seemed to be someone else within earshot. That we were alone nudged my curiosity into full blown madness. “Can I ask you another question you’re not going to want to answer?”
A single dark eyebrow shot up and she cast me a wary sidelong look. “I don’t suppose I could stop you.”
“Probably not.”
“Well, alright then. Shoot.”
“Did you know Castel?”
Sure-footed Micah tripped over herself and nearly pitched face first into the grass. She choked.
“Don’t say his name, for crying out loud,” she hissed. “Do you like to tempt rattlesnakes and grizzly bears too? Maybe I could find you a stranger with candy you could have a chat with as well.”
“Please. You forget that I got to spend some up close and personal time with the little sociopath. His name is the least scary thing about him.”
Micah shot me a scolding look before glancing away, her bottom lip caught nervously between her teeth. She searched the area to make sure we were alone.
“Yes, I knew him. Not well. Eli was always my favorite.”
“What happened? Eli said they used to perform together. He was reluctant to say any more than that.”
“I don’t doubt it. Look,” Micah set a hand on my arm. I could feel her shaking through my sleeve. “It’s not my story to tell. I’m not trying to be cryptic, but this is Eli’s story and he’ll tell it to you when and if he’s ready. But…there was an accident. Before the carnival shut down. It messed his brother up and in his grief he caused a performance to go wrong and people died. The rest you’ll have to get from him. He would never forgive either of us if you knew before he was ready to tell you.”
“Fine.” I sighed and we started into the trees again, away from my tent. “I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
“I know it’s asking a lot.” She grinned.
“Oh yes, you’re very funny tonight. Where are we going, anyway?” I asked, though I doubted it mattered. The acrobat had me by the hand and was dragging me towards a tent behind everything else at the very back of the private lot, beyond the cook house and Alistair’s dark wagon, right up to the fence that blended seamlessly in with the real woods. Light spilled through the panels where fabric had been hastily threaded together. As we approached I could hear music playing. And laughter.
“This,” she said as she tugged me to the make-shift doorway. “Trust me, Sera.”
I did not trust her but I went anyway.
The room was half full of tables where, mostly men, were playing cards, drinking, and smoking. The air was thick with tobacco stench that hung like a cloud along the top of the tent. Some of the dancers had made their way here after the show, those who did not have more important places to be. Several acrobats greeted us from a table in the corner, no Katya thankfully, and Micah dragged me for them.
At the back of the tent, several of the roustabouts were set up with a jumbled of mismatched instruments, plucking away and chatting over tumblers of amber liquor. One of them took his hands off his guitar and curved out a woman in the air with his hands. They laughed and eyeballed us and I felt a blush start in my ankles and travel the whole course of my body.
“Join us, Sera,” a tumbler named Addy shifted to make room for another chair after Micah appropriated the last one. “We’re about to deal some cards. You gamble?”
Micah swept the table top clear and produced a pack of well-loved cards, not surprisingly adorned with a pattern of an acrobat standing on her head. They reminded me of Eli’s cards that I had stashed in my tent.
“I play cards.”
Micah tsked. “She’ll take us for everything we’ve got too. You’ve all been warned.”
The girls grinned but settled in as Micah dealt.
I saw Eli before he saw me. He looked so much like he did the night I met him, white undershirt and black suspenders loose over his shoulders. He was slouched down, one boot on an empty chair beside him, a hand of cards fanned carelessly between his fingers. His eyes were still rimmed in kohl as if he’d come straight to the gaming tent after his last show.
Three other men sat at his table and my first thought was that they should have made him play one handed at least. Or blindfolded. If I could cheat at cards, he shouldn’t have been trusted within a mile of a gaming table.
He looked so fine to me, casual, a little sweaty, and a little flushed from the alcohol next to him. Young and old at the same time. Like a trick of the light.
It seemed impossible I’d slept beside him, had my hands in his hair, his arms around me, sharing the same pillow and I’d never felt his kiss, never tasted his mouth.
My thoughts flitted back to the show, to Lily’s ropes and Eliza coming off the stage shaking and flushed and euphoric. The dancer, whose name I still didn’t know breathing hard as he held them down.
The Magician and his rope and his hands and his bed and me in it.
His eyes snapped towards me, stormy and wide. Once again I felt the sudden, embarrassed sensation that he heard my thoughts, knew my darkest wants. His hand hovered over his cards, seconds from choosing one to lie down, but instead he stared at me unblinking. He exhaled, ran his finger across the sharp edge of his cards. I followed the trail he made over them and down to his lap where he fisted his hand.
Almost imperceptibly he shook his head and I looked away.
A cold wind whooshed into the tent, making everyone swear and bark orders to grab the door as several more people joined the lazy revelry. Lily was among them, dressed down to a simple slip dress that followed every one of her movements like it was part of her body. She went straight for the Magician’s table and fell into a chair beside him. She crossed her legs politely and took up a hand of cards dealt to her.
The male dancer from tonight’s show made his way for us. Him I watched because it was easier than the other table.
Someone handed him a drink as he pulled up a chair between me and Addy. He settled in backwards on it, arms crossed over the chair back. Several voices called for him to join them f
or cards, but he only waved and leaned over to set a peck on Addy’s cheek. She laughed and scooped up her cards.
Without his mask on, he was handsome. He didn’t make my insides go stupid, but I liked the way his shirt clung to his strong body and I couldn’t shake the memory of what he’d done to the girls on stage. I didn’t mind his company, and he smiled easily.
He turned his gaze down at me and his smile spread.
“You’re Lily’s dresser,” he said and without a hint of restraint, reached for a tendril of my hair that had fallen over my forehead. The tips of his fingers ran across the edge of my face as he moved it away from my eyes. “Did you like the show tonight?”
Yes, oh yes. “It was more than I expected.” And then because I refused to be intimidated by any more men in my life, I tilted my head back to look into his expectant face. “It was amazing, actually. I’d never seen anything like it.”
He leaned closer and I caught his manly, woodsy scent. I knew every smile, every flirty tilt of my chin was playing with fire, that this was not a game I could win with him or with the Magician, but a part of me really didn’t care. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d even noticed a man smiling at me and here was one who knew how to make my knees buckle when he wasn’t even touching me. I’d take what I could get.
His hand brushed the outer curve of my thigh under the table, but I was sure everyone had seen it. “Which part did you like the best?”
I flushed a looked away.
Micah kicked my ankle and I yelped, loud enough to bring the attention of half the tent. I shot her a scathing, mind your own business look and she narrowed her eyes in warning. The dancer flicked his attention between us, both eyebrows raised.
“So sorry,” she said smoothly. “My foot slipped.”
“Micah.”
“Serafine.”
“Put your slippery foot in check.”
“I am not the one who needs to be put in check, little miss…”
“Finish that sentence. I dare you.”
