“This,” she said, then climbed out of the car to help with the luggage that the bellboy had begun unpacking.
David reached his hand to the back of his head where she had touched him, then pulled it back. What did you know, the woman was right, he did have a telling sign when he was nervous. And being this close to Sarah was making him very nervous.
* * *
David was trying to listen to what Sarah was saying, but he kept being drawn back to the flickering light of the candles as it reflected off her deep brown eyes. Her touch the night before had caused something in him to go haywire. When he should have been taking in all the information in the seminars today, his mind had continually wandered back to that touch, that smile that had lit something inside him, which he was having a problem understanding. Now he sat here like a wide-eyed sap.
His only consolation was that Sarah didn’t seemed to have noticed. He knew she had no idea how beautiful she looked tonight dressed in a violet dress with her hair left down to fall past her shoulders. She wasn’t a classic beauty like Lisa. No, Sarah’s beauty was deeper. It was those deep brown eyes that lit up when she talked about the kids at the hospital or the horses at the farm. Her smile was infectious and the compassion she showed for the parents she dealt with showed him that she was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.
They’d both been required to dress up tonight as one of the organ procurement vendors was hosting a special dinner for the attendees and now that all the ceremonies for the night were finally over and the others from their table had left to mingle, the two of them were alone. Leaving a sense of intimacy that reminded him of the time they’d shared in the dark car driving into Dallas.
But there was something different tonight. Whether it was the atmosphere or just the change their relationship seemed to be going through, he didn’t know, but he was becoming more aware of Sarah as a woman then as a co-worker, a very attractive woman who had his body reacting in ways that it hadn’t in years.
“What about you?” she asked as she finished informing him about the last seminar she had attended that afternoon, a talk by a group of doctors that were involved in a new research program that hoped to help them determine which chemotherapy drug was the right medicine for their patients’ specific cancer. He should have found it fascinating. He did find it fascinating; he just found this woman in the short violet dress more fascinating.
“David?” she asked again as she reached over and took his hand. “Are you okay?”
He looked down to where her hand lay over his. This intimate touch should have bothered him as he wasn’t one of those touchy-feely people, but it didn’t. Something had changed between the two of them in the past weeks. That was the only way he could explain why he would have bared all the unpleasantness of his marriage, of the hurt he had felt of not being enough, of him and Davey not being enough for the wife who had carelessly left the two of them.
“Why don’t you call and check on him?” she asked as she moved her face close to his trying to get his attention. It was the closeness of her lips that brought him to his senses.
“Call who?” he asked, then realized there was only one person that he needed to check on. “I called before he ate his supper to make sure his medicine was given on time. I’m going to call back at bedtime. I’ve set an alarm.”
“So, what do you think of the conference? What did you find out at that statistics seminar as far as this year’s numbers?” she asked as she pulled her hand away from his.
“Basically what we all know. The need is great and though the numbers of donations have been rising, there’s still a shortage,” he said. “I did run into someone from our local procurement office, I think her name is Heather.”
“Yes, Heather Long. She’s great isn’t she,” Sarah said as she looked out over the room at the other attendees as if to locate the woman.
“She seems to be. We had a moment to discuss some of the patients we have listed right now and she seemed to think that we should be able to get Lindsey moved up once she stabilizes. Not that it will make much of a difference if we don’t get a donation match soon,” he said, then glanced back down at his watch. “What are your plans for tomorrow?”
“I’m attending the forum on donor and recipient relationships and privacy,” she said, as once more she looked away from him and scanned the other people in the room. “I’m really looking forward to it. Do you want to go with me?” she asked though she still seemed to be looking over his shoulder.
He glanced back over his shoulder and wondered what it was now that had her preoccupied, then turned back to see her eyes had now returned to him. Was she feeling that same strange sense that something was changing between the two of them? Was that what seemed to be making her uncomfortable now?
“I promised Heather I’d attend her talk on how to create a closer community relationship between the local hospitals and the organ procurement programs,” he said.
“Oh, okay,” she said. He could tell she was disappointed, though he wasn’t sure why.
“I thought maybe you’d be interested. You know, because of Davey,” she said. She was back to looking past him again. “Do you ever wonder about the donor?”
“I do, sometimes. It’s strange. I mean at first I was really busy taking care of Davey, but it was still there in the back of my mind. It’s almost like a survivor’s guilt. You know when you get a transplant of any kind, unless it’s a living transplant of course, that someone lost someone that they loved very much and because of their loss, now someone that you love very much has a chance at life.” Just talking about receiving the gift of donation, the gift of another one’s child, tore at his heart. How had Sarah managed to live through losing her son as well as her husband?
“I remember one of those first nights after Davey’s transplant I was just watching him sleep, just watching how much more comfortable he breathed and marveling at how fast his pale gray cheeks had turned a healthy pink after his surgery. It must have been about two or three days post-op and I couldn’t help wondering if somewhere there was another family standing over a casket where their child now lay,” he said. He looked up and saw the color blanch from Sarah’s face.
“I’m sorry. I know that must sound a bit morbid,” he said, relieved when he saw that the color was returning to her face.
“No. I appreciate you sharing that with me,” she said, though he noticed the excitement she had shown for the next day seemed to have faded. “Have you ever thought of contacting them?”
He thought for a minute about those first few days and of the guilt he had felt. Had he ever considered contacting his son’s donor’s family? “No, I guess I always figured that if the donor wanted to contact me I would hear from them. I wouldn’t want to cause them any more pain. I really haven’t given it as much thought as I should have, I guess.”
“Maybe they thought the same way you did,” she said her voice a soft whisper across the table.
His phone beeped an alarm and after giving Sarah an apologetic shrug, he made his evening call to Davey. As always his son’s happy voice made him feel better and calmed the fears that he always suffered from when he was away from his son. He could be accused of not thinking anyone could care for his son as well as he could and he wouldn’t argue with that. He’d spent hours learning the best way to give Davey his medications, how to tell when he wasn’t feeling well, what to look for if he ever started going into heart rejection. But after saying goodbye three times and then having a short conversation with Ms. Duggar who assured him that Davey’s voice was not scratchy sounding just tired from playing rodeo that day, he had ended the call feeling satisfied.
He noticed that the crowd had been clearing out as he’d been on the phone and Sarah was alone, lost in her own thoughts now.
“I guess we better leave before they shut the doors on us,” he said as the wait staff started cleaning
off their table. Then he added, “What about tomorrow after the forums we take in some of the sights? I’ve never been to Dallas.”
He didn’t want the evening to end while Sarah appeared so unhappy.
“I was thinking about going over to Fort Worth, it’s only a half hour away. The weather is supposed to be nice and they have a beautiful park that’s made up of water gardens. I went there with a group from school one day,” she said, smiling now presumably from an old memory. And if a walk in a park was what would keep that smile on her face, a walk in the park was what they would do.
“I think you’ll like it and if we have time we could visit the stockyards. It’s more of a tourist place now, but it does have a very colorful history.”
“Then it’s a date. I mean—” He stumbled over the words. “It’s a plan.”
* * *
Sarah was next to David as they walked to their rooms. For weeks, she’d wanted to know how David would feel about learning that the donation of Davey’s heart could have come from her son, Cody, and even after their conversation tonight she had no idea how he would take the news. Would he be angry that she hadn’t told him earlier? She knew that was a possibility that he could feel that she was being untruthful by holding back the information she had. She’d have to explain to him that it had taken time for her to come to terms with the possibility herself. If anyone would understand the mixed feelings she felt, he would. He’d admitted himself that he wasn’t comfortable trying to approach the donor’s family.
“Are you okay?” David asked her as they stopped at her door.
“I’m fine. It’s been a long day,” she said as she inserted her key card and opened the door to her room. “I’ll see you at noon? Downstairs after the forums?”
“That sounds great,” he said as he looked up and then down the hall. “I’ll wait for you to lock the door.”
“Okay, good night,” she said, then shut the door and latched it.
It had been a long time since someone had worried about her safety, not that she didn’t feel safe when Jack was around. The man had a shotgun that could take down any rattlesnake or intruder. And it wasn’t as if she couldn’t take care of herself—Jack wasn’t the only one who knew how to shoot that shotgun. But it was kind of nice to have someone care about her.
David was that kind of man. He wouldn’t be as good of a doctor as he was if he didn’t care about his patients. And she had never seen a more caring father. It was only to be expected that he would care for his friends.
Just friends, she reminded herself. He had taken her hand while they’d left the dinner with the rest of the crowd. A crowd that had threatened to separate the two of them, and it had made her feel an excitement that she hadn’t felt in years. There had been no one since Kolton whose touch had affected her the way David’s touch did. There had been a few men that had asked her out over the last couple of years, but she’d never been tempted by any of them.
We’re just friends...we can be only friends, she reminded herself again as she fell asleep.
CHAPTER SIX
THEY DECIDED TO hit the stockyards first as they both wanted to eat at a small barbeque shop there that Sarah had looked up online. They ate their sandwiches and toured the museum before heading outside to watch the daily cattle drive of longhorn steers.
“I love the longhorn steers. Aren’t they pretty?” Sarah asked.
“They’re awful big and those horns are massive, but I don’t think pretty is the right thing to call something that could trample you to death in seconds,” David said as he moved closer to hear over the noise of the animals as they were herded in front of them.
“Davey would love it here,” she said, though she could see the doubt in his eyes.
“He’d love it, all right. I’d be chasing after him while he chased those steers down the road. He’s taken a big interest in the rodeo since I started taking lessons.”
“Jack once told me that Kolton was in love with the rodeo by the time he was three, so Davey’s a little bit of a late starter.” They moved off the main road and followed the walkway that let by the specialty shops. “Hey, I want to look in here for a belt buckle for Jack. It’s his birthday next month.”
As she paid for the oversized silver and golden buckle with the Texas flag displayed on it, she saw David pick up a small toy steer.
“Davey will love it,” she said as he showed the toy to her. He quickly paid for it then rejoined her, both of them heading back out onto the walkway.
“He thinks that he’s going to grow up and ride one of those bucking broncos like he sees the cowboys do on TV. I don’t have the heart to tell him that it’s not something that he’ll ever be able to do,” David said as he put the toy back into its bag.
“He’ll change his mind a thousand times before he’s grown,” Sarah said, though she knew that there could be a lot of limitations on what Davey would be able to do when he got older.
“My brother’s little girl wants to ride a bronco too and she’s only four. His wife caught her out in the pasture trying to climb a cow the other day and almost had a heart attack,” Sarah said.
They walked back through the shops then out to where the steer were corralled. She told David about being raised on a cattle ranch and then about her time barrel racing on the rodeo circuit. She found herself mentioning Kolton in a story of the days he was on their high school steer roping team. She had spoken so little of her deceased husband except when she and Jack were alone, but it seemed that the more she talked about him the easier it was becoming. Maybe her mother had been right. Maybe she did need to talk to someone, only for now the only person she wanted to talk to was David.
She felt the pressure of his hand against her lower back as they moved through the crowd and she buzzed with excitement as a shiver raced through her body. It was like it was so in tune with his that just the merest of touches was enough to weaken those walls she had put up against feeling anything more than friendship for him. She felt the temptation to move back into him so that she could feel what it would be like to be held in his arms. It wasn’t until he’d moved his hand from her back that she felt her heart rate return to normal. Did he know he was doing this to her?
“Weren’t your parents a little afraid that you’d get hurt riding that fast,” he asked after Sarah explained how the sport of barrel racing was timed.
“Not really. I mean barrel racing is a lot safer than steer roping or bull riding. It was just part of our life,” she said as they headed back through the cloud of dust that still hung in the air after the steers had gone through.
“Thanks for sharing that with me,” David said as he started the car.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Sarah said as she buckled herself in. She was enjoying her time with David but she couldn’t continue to be a coward. She had to tell him about Cody, about that night. She couldn’t live with this between the two of them any longer.
“No, I mean you sharing your memories with me. I know you don’t talk about Kolton very often. I appreciate that you trust me enough with those memories,” David said, then reversed the car.
She felt the heat of embarrassment as it flushed through her body. If she trusted David like he believed she did she wouldn’t be holding back from telling him about that night. She had to make things right between the two of them.
* * *
After the noise of the stockyard, she was relieved to see that the water gardens were as peaceful as she remembered.
It had been Kolton who had first been so amazed by the gardens when they had made the trip with their junior class to Fort Worth. He’d already been fascinated with building things and had made up his mind to major in architecture at Baylor University by then so it wasn’t a surprise that the architecture of the fountains would interest him.
“Let’s go this way,” she said as they turned a corner and headed toward the m
editation pool.
“I came here with my high school one year and fell in love with this part of the park,” she said as she took his hand and led him down the path.
While the other kids had rushed off to the larger terraced falls where they could wade down the steps to the pool below, she’d found the private meditation pool surrounded by cypress trees as a respite after the noise of the bus crowded with her friends. It was there that she would tell David about her son. Their sons.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she asked as she led him to a spot where they could sit. The lights had come on across the park and the sun had begun to set as they had walked through the collection of fountains that covered part of the grounds.
“It is,” David said as he sat next to her. “It’s very peaceful.”
She looked around the area to see that very few people were remaining now. Now the time had come, she didn’t know where to start. She decided on the beginning when she’d first seen David in that waiting room over three years ago, or maybe more appropriate was to start with the ending of a young life that was taken too soon from this world.
Sarah turned toward David, noticing that instead of looking at the fountains he was staring at her.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“There’s nothing wrong,” David said as he moved closer to her. “It’s been a great day. There’s only one problem.”
“What problem?” Sarah asked. The only problem she was aware of was the fact that she was sitting talking nonsense with David when she should have been leveling with him.
“Sitting here surrounded by this beautiful park and earlier when we were at the stockyards, the only thing I’ve been able to think about is how much I’d like to kiss you,” David said. While his voice contained a teasing note, there was no laughter in his eyes.
She tried to make her mind concentrate on what he was saying, but all she could think about was the deep longing she could see in eyes that now appeared more of a smoky gray then their usual mix of green. She knew that feeling. She had felt it ever since he had touched her earlier that day as he had laid his warm hand against her. And before, when his innocent touches at the stable had sparked a long-forgotten desire in her.
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