by Jane Henry
Shit was getting real. And now it was time to reach deep down, give herself to Paolo, and enjoy the ride.
***
Meredith drove home on cloud nine. She was so happy, she sang to herself in the car, music blaring, windows down, though she was very careful to make sure she didn’t speed.
Her friend understood. She got it, and she gave her advice that was invaluable. And when things got hard—which she suspected they would again—she could go to Kirstin.
Paolo loved her. He was her best friend, her lover, and dom. He cared enough about her that he would tell her what to do and enforce those rules. He’d put her over his lap if necessary. He’d listen to her when she was down. He’d fist her hair and kiss her roughly and take her hard. Shit, he was hot. She couldn’t wait to get home to him.
Life was good.
As the music blared, she was lost in her own world, eager to get home to Paolo, eager to get back to her home, riding the high of hope, happiness, and contentment. Her phone buzzed. Without thinking, she glanced at the screen, saw it was Paolo, and clicked “answer.”
“Hello?” she said, grinning in expectation of hearing his voice as she flicked on her directional to take a left.
“You answered the phone?” he said in response. “Tell me you’re pulled over.”
Ice pulsed in her veins.
What the hell had she just done? With a quick glance in the rearview mirror, she pulled over to the side of the road and came to a halt.
“I am now?” she said in a hopeful voice.
“You think because you’re cute I’ll let you put your life at risk?” came his curt response.
Shit.
“No, sir,” she whispered. “I was just—I didn’t think—I answered and I…” her voice trailed off.
“How far are you from home?” he bit out.
“Like two blocks,” she whispered.
“Hang up this phone. Get your ass home. You drive carefully, as if you had fucking dynamite in that car. You put your bag and phone on the kitchen table. March into the bedroom, and when I come in, I want you stripped and kneeling. Am I clear?”
Her stomach dropped and a lump formed in her throat.
Shit, shit, SHIT!
“Yes, sir,” she whispered.
“Good,” he said. “I love you. Now get your ass home.”
Click.
He was gone before she could reply.
She stared at the phone in her hand. Damn phone! She’d been having such a good day, and one split-second decision landed her in trouble. Now, instead of arriving home to Paolo happy and eager to talk to him about her conversation with Kirstin, she had earned herself punishment. And he didn’t take her safety lightly either. It would be no reminder spanking. She sighed.
He’d given her a litany of instructions. What were they again? Drive home. And when he came to her he wanted her stripped and kneeling. Oh, God. She buried her head in her hands.
It’s the real deal.
Reach down into yourself.
Extend that trust.
Put yourself out there.
He would never hurt you.
With trembling hands, she pulled back onto the main road. She thought back to just several months before, and how she used to drive. She’d think nothing of answering the phone while she was driving. Hell, she’d read texts—always at lights—and respond. It was not unusual for her to hit the volume on the side of her phone or tap the “next” button for a song to come on her playlist. Now, she was forbidden from doing anything that would take her focus off the road, no putting on make-up, touching her phone, or even eating a snack. Nothing. He’d been sweet when he’d laid down the law about it.
“I love you too much, Bonita, and it would kill me to lose you to something so senseless. Be a good girl, and drive safely.”
But there would be no gentle admonition today. No. No sweet reminder of how much she meant to him. Not until after, anyway, after he’d burn her ass for disobeying. She groaned out loud. She thought about picking up the phone and calling Annalise. She wanted someone to say, “It’s okay. You can do this. You’ll get through.” She thought of Kirstin. No, not now. Not yet. Her only choice was to head home and face the music.
She slowed as she neared their house. He was waiting. What had he told her to do again? Bag and phone on the table. Ugh. What did that mean? Was he going to ground her from her phone, too? She felt a twinge of anger. Really, now that was maybe taking things a bit too far. So she’d answered the phone without thinking. There hadn’t been anyone else on the road, and it wasn’t like she’d swerved or anything. Her eyes had been on the road the entire time. Was it really necessary to spank her and take her phone and bag? She shoved down the anger that threatened to make her lose her cool. Anger would get her nothing but a worse punishment.
She had to maintain her composure now. If she didn’t, she would say or do something disrespectful, and earn a more severe punishment. She most certainly did not want to earn a more severe punishment.
Opening the front door, she walked quickly to the kitchen, deposited her bag and phone and paused briefly, trying to figure out where Paolo was. A light burned in the den, though she couldn’t hear the television. He was likely reading, or sketching out a project he was planning on doing. She turned to the hall, and walked to their bedroom on trembling legs. When she arrived, her breath caught, as he’d already laid out the heavy wooden paddle on the bed. If there was any doubt about it before, there certainly was none now.
She’d be sleeping on her belly tonight.
She closed her eyes briefly, mustering up the courage she’d need and doing what Annalise had taught her, going through the internal self-talk reminders that would help her do what she had to do.
He loves you.
He does this because he wants to keep you safe.
You consented to this.
Why did the idea of going over his lap sound so much nicer before she actually had to do it?
She heard the sound of his wheels in the hallway, and she drew a shaking breath as she quickly removed her clothes and tossed them toward the hamper. Her knees hit the floor just seconds before the door was pushed open.
“Good girl,” he said, as he entered the bedroom. “You did as you were told. I’ll keep that in mind when I punish you.”
Her heart began to pound at the sound of his voice.
You can trust him.
She kept her eyes on the bed in front of her as she heard him coming over to the bed.
“Eyes to me, Meredith,” he said. His voice, though stern, wasn’t angry, but in control. She lifted her eyes to his, and when she did, something in her softened. Those dark eyes of his were so full of love and concern, she couldn’t help but feel guilty for having disobeyed him. His finger traveled under her chin and lifted her face to his and another pang hit her in the chest. She felt tears prick her eyes. She swallowed.
“Why are you in this position?” he asked evenly.
“I disobeyed you, sir,” she said. He nodded encouragingly. She continued. “I answered my phone while I was driving,” she whispered.
“And what is my rule about your phone?”
“I’m supposed to pull over to answer it.”
Finger still under her chin, he nodded again. No trace of a smile on his face, nothing but stern and steady. He dipped his head and raised his eyebrows. “And what happens when you put yourself in danger?”
She swallowed, her stomach clenching. “You punish me.”
He nodded. “How will I punish you for this?”
Why did he have to ask her that? He knew how he would punish her!
“You spank me, sir,” she said, and even now, when she knew she was about to be punished, when she knew it wouldn’t be pleasant and she’d be reduced to tears, she felt a glimmer of arousal at having to say it all out loud.
He released her chin and ran his hand down her naked back and to her bottom, sending a shiver down her spine. Without warning, he raised h
is palm and swat! He spanked her, hard. She barely stifled a yelp as she jumped.
“Over my lap.”
She stood and placed herself in position, perched over his knee, ass in the air. She knew it would be hard, so she crossed her ankles to avoid flailing and buried her face in her arms. She trembled as she felt the cold, unyielding paddle on her bare skin. She drew a shuddering breath. And without warning, he spanked her.
As hard, sharp swats took her breath away, she did her best to stay in position but it was too hard. It hurt too much. When he punished her, he spanked her firmly, and it was all she could do not to fly off his lap. Involuntarily, she moved to block him and he deftly took her arm and pinned it to her lower back.
“Stay over my lap,” he ordered sternly. “I want the memory of this to last.”
“Yes, sir,” she gasped.
“You will not put yourself in danger like that again.”
“No, sir,” she agreed. She yelled out as the paddle met its mark again and again. Slow, deliberate swats fell, one after the other, and when she could not fight or make it stop, she felt herself sink into her submission, deep, deep down and her mind grew hazy. She was aware of the paddle falling to the bed, his hand on her sore bottom, and his voice no longer stern, but soothing now. This is when the tears fell. This is when she knew she was forgiven, and the release of her emotions cleansed her infraction.
“Shh, baby girl,” he soothed, as she sniffled into the covers.
“I’m sorry, Paolo,” she said. “I didn’t mean to disobey you.”
“It will happen, Meredith,” he said matter-of-factly. “Everyone does things without thinking. You’re already reaching the point where it’s habit to obey me, and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. You will get there, and I will help you.”
She felt a rush of gratitude. She was so grateful he was patient with her, even when he did just punish her soundly.
She hiccupped. “I was just… I was lost in my own world and not paying attention. I was so happy and I wanted to come home to you. And I had a really great time with Kirstin, and she knows about us, well at least a little, and it felt so good to have someone I could talk to, and I—”
She paused, as his hand had frozen on her bottom.
“Come again?” his voice was no longer soft and soothing, but had taken on a hard edge again.
“What?” she whispered, as the sound of his voice caused her to pause. She lifted up off his lap to look at him. His eyes had darkened and a muscle ticked in his jaw.
“Get up on the bed,” he ordered. She scrambled up as he came to meet her, her nerves on edge, as he lay back on the pillows and crossed his arms on his chest. “Meredith,” he said, “you’ve just been soundly punished, and I’m not going to punish you again, even though I’m not happy with you.”
She frowned, disappointed that she’d somehow let him down. Tears began to fill her eyes. “What did I do?” she whispered.
He raised his eyebrows. “You don’t know?”
She thought back. He’d frozen at the mention of Kirstin knowing about them. “Because I talked to Kirstin?” she whispered.
He nodded, lips pursed together tightly. “That’s something you discuss with me first. Revealing about our personal lives to someone is risky. I don’t want—”
“But I can trust Kirstin!”
His eyes narrowed and his voice lowered. “Did you just interrupt me?”
She cast her eyes down, abashed. “Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir.”
He leaned over and put his hand on her chin. “Eyes to me.”
She obeyed immediately. She quaked when she looked into the depths of his dark, stern eyes.
“Are you sore right now?” he whispered. She nodded and swallowed.
“Do I need to put you over my lap again?”
She shook her head vehemently, eyes wide. “No, sir!” she said. “Please don’t. No, I really don’t want to do that.”
He released her chin and nodded. “Then you behave yourself. As I was saying, no one knows about our personal life unless I allow it. Am I clear?”
“Yes, sir.”
He gave her a long, appraising look. “How much does she know?”
Meredith shrugged. “Mostly that you tell me what to do. And she said something about it being real. She thinks it’s great, though, Paolo. I didn’t talk to her about you being a dom or anything. I didn’t talk to her about you punishing me, or any of that.”
He nodded. “She thinks it’s great now, until I punish you for something she thinks isn’t fair, or she has a negative experience herself. Then she might think differently. There will come a day when she thinks I’m unfair, or mean, or too harsh on you. So you talk to her of none of that. This is private, Meredith. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, sir.” She felt terrible, chastened, just having been punished and now the closure from the punishment she’d gotten felt mitigated by the guilt she felt again. One of the things she liked about being taken in hand was that there were no more hard feelings. Things were resolved, and not only was she motivated to behave, but she felt relieved, and at peace. Now, she felt unsettled.
Reach deep into yourself.
Trust him.
He loves you.
With a sigh, she lay back in bed, suddenly overcome with exhaustion, trying to process her thoughts and rely on her inner strength. They did this for a reason… no, for many reasons. She sought his love, and attention, and concern. There was his guidance and accountability. It was deeply erotic. But she couldn’t reap the benefits of being Paolo’s submissive unless she obeyed him, even when the going got rough.
Especially when the going got rough.
She rolled back over to him and lifted herself up on one elbow. It had been a few days since they’d made love, and she was eager to have the sense of re-connection. She leaned up to kiss him, but he shook his head.
“I need some time alone, Meredith,” he said. Stung, she turned away.
Time alone?
“Why?” she asked. “Are you still angry with me? I only—”
“Meredith, enough!” he said. He pushed himself to sitting and pulled his wheelchair over, sliding into it.
“I’m not angry with you,” he said, momentarily softening. “But I need some time alone. I need to recharge. I don’t want to talk right now.” He settled himself into his chair, and pushed for the door. He turned and looked at her. He didn’t look angry, but weary. Tired. Older, even, somehow. “I’m sorry,” he said. “This isn’t about you. You’re forgiven. This is all behind us. But I need to process some things, and it would be best if you don’t approach me until I come for you. You may read, or rest, or do what you need to do around the house. But leave me alone for a while. Am I clear?”
The last line was delivered with a sigh.
She nodded, swallowing against the lump in her throat.
“Your phone is mine until further notice.”
Her heart sank even further.
He left the room.
She stared at the door, not entirely sure what just happened. Still sore from being punished, she felt alone and abandoned. Why had he left so abruptly? Where had the sweet reassurance gone? She closed her eyes and dropped her head to the pillow. The memories of being alone and abandoned were far from distant memories. She hated that her thoughts immediately went to how things were after the accident. The nights spent in solitude, nothing but her own thoughts and fears to keep her company. Paolo had been present, but distant. She’d hated those months when they were forced apart, and would do anything to stop them from going back there. She knew that their new arrangement had empowered him, and she’d finally seen the return of the man she’d fallen in love with. She wanted to run after him, pull him back to her, and beg him not to leave.
But she couldn’t.
He’d told her not to, and she was certainly not going to do anything that would warrant another punishment. She shook her head. What to do?
She would do what he s
aid, and be patient.
Pulling the covers back up, she tried to remember what was on her to-do list for the day. She’d even gone over her list with him the night before, but now she couldn’t remember a damn thing. Her list was on the phone, which he had.
Annalise would know what to do. She had told her… what had she told her? Something about him pulling away and withdrawing? But no, Meredith couldn’t remember anything she’d told her, her mind too focused on Paolo, and wanting him back.
The realization that her contact had been cut off from her friends and the solace they could give her rekindled the disappointment she’d felt just moments before.
She wondered what she’d done to push him away from her. But the minute she began the self-doubt, she shook herself and tried to stop that train of thought. He would not be happy with even self-deprecating thoughts.
Maybe it isn’t anything I’ve done. Maybe this is just his thing. Sometimes it takes me a minute to get up the strength to submit to him. Maybe he needs a minute to deal with domming me.
She stood and pulled on a light blue summer dress Paolo had bought her, but as she dressed, exhaustion overcame her. She was physically and mentally tired. He’d said she could read, but her books were on the app on her phone. The only things she could remember on her list were “laundry,” “out with Kirstin,” and “mop kitchen.” She’d already done all of those things. Weary, she climbed into bed and pulled an old, dusty paperback from the bedside table. She’d put this down in favor of reading some of the romance books she’d found online, and with a sigh, she began to read. She wanted Paolo, but she knew the only way to get him back was to let him go and give him the space he needed. Her eyes drooped as she read. The book fell from her hand as she fell into a deep sleep.
***
When Meredith woke, the first thing she noticed was that the sun had dipped lower on the horizon. She sat up, rubbing her eyes in confusion. What day was it? What time? It took her a minute to remember, but when she shifted and felt the soreness, it all came back to her with vivid clarity. She sighed, as she felt the emptiness and longing to be back with Paolo.
Maybe Paolo would feel better now? Maybe he’d be ready to be with her again? As she sat up, she realized Paolo must have tucked a blanket over her. She warmed at this, and as she moved the blanket, a note fluttered to her side.
