Brad followed her home and pulled into her parents' driveway directly behind her. He helped her carry the groceries into the house. "I'll be right back," he said as soon as he set one of the sacks down. "I'll meet you out front in a few minutes."
Penny hurriedly put the groceries away, found her mother working in the flower garden and told her that she was going out to have a drink with Brad.
"If Gregory should call, tell him I'll be home within the hour."
Helen glanced up at her absently. "I will, dear. Have a good time."
Have a good time. How often had her mother said that to her over the years? Probably every time she had taken off with Brad. Her mother had never seemed to worry about her as long as she and Brad were together.
Penny thought about her instructions to her mother for a moment. She didn't really expect Gregory to call. He'd been out of town all week and had told her last night he would probably have to work at the office all weekend. But they were going to have dinner together that night.
Penny smiled to herself as she walked through the house and out the front door, thinking about next week. They were going to take a week off for their honeymoon, although she had no idea where they were going. Gregory told her it was going to be a surprise. She really didn't care as long as she didn't have to compete for his attention with his law practice. For a few days, anyway, she would have him all to herself.
'There's that wicked smile again, Runt," Brad said, and she realized he'd already returned to his car and was waiting for her. "If I didn't know you better, I'd think the innocent Ms. Blackwell was thinking impure thoughts about something—or somebody."
She could feel the color mounting in her cheeks and cursed her fair complexion that let her reaction to his remark show. She knew from his grin that he hadn't missed her blush. "What makes you so sure I'm all that innocent. Brad?" she drawled. "After all, I'm twenty-five years old."
"Age has nothing to do with your innocence," he said with emphasis, holding the passenger door open for her.
He backed out of the driveway, and because she was so caught up in the conversation. Penny didn't notice that he had turned the opposite way from town when he got to the road.
"You don't know everything about me." she said emphatically. "After all, you haven't seen me in three years."
"So what? That doesn't mean I haven't kept up with what's been happening to you."
Penny turned so that she unconsciously fell into the familiar pose she'd always used whenever they went anywhere in the car together—she leaned against the door and pulled one knee up on the seat so that she was facing him.
He darted a lightning glance at her and immediately returned his gaze to the country road, a slight smile on his face.
"Your mother doesn't know everything I do," she said, irritated that she felt the need to defend herself.
"No, but yours does."
"Hah! Not likely." She was quiet for a moment, then asked, "Are you telling me that Mother has been writing to you?"
"Sometimes. Sometimes she just tells my mom, who passes along any relevant information."
"Which I'm sure you found very boring."
"You might be surprised."
They were quiet for a few minutes. Penny watched the passing countryside without registering that they were leaving Pay ton farther and farther behind. She was too busy trying to analyze what Brad was telling her.
"Then you knew all along when I started dating Gregory?"
"I knew," he agreed with a smile.
"If that's the case, then why did you ask last night?"
"Just being polite."
"That's a laugh," Penny said, although she didn't sound particularly amused. "You don't know the meaning of the word."
"Aah, Penny. I'm crushed. After I tried so hard."
"I know how hard you tried—to be irritating and aggravating."
''Did it work?"
"What do you mean?" she asked, straightening her back. "Do you think you bothered Gregory with your childish remarks? He's much too mature for that," she added, her tone sounding remarkably pleased.
"I'll say. He's almost old enough to be your father."
"He is not! He's only fourteen years older than I am," Penny responded heatedly, unaware that she and Brad had fallen once again into their age-old conversational pattern of baiting and fencing.
"Does he have any children?" Brad asked with polite interest.
"Since he's never been married, I rather doubt it," she replied with more than a little sarcasm.
"Or if he does, he probably doesn't talk about it," Brad added agreeably.
"Brad!"
"Sorry," he said with a grin, neither looking nor sounding particularly sorry. "So why is he getting married now?"
Penny could feel her temper getting the best of her, which only added to her irritation. How was it that Brad could set her off so quickly with his idiotic remarks? "You are really being insulting, you know that, don't you?" she said, her eyes frosty with disdain.
"Well, of course he loves you. Penny," Brad hastily assured her. "Who wouldn't? I just wonder what other reasons such a logical and analytical person might find to choose you for his mate, particularly since he's waited this long to marry."
Who wouldn't? Penny's mind repeated in surprise, losing much of what he had said after that. Was it possible that Brad had actually intended to pay her a compliment? If so, it was the first she could ever recall receiving from him.
"What other reasons could he have?" she asked, curious about his line of thinking.
"Oh, there are all kinds of reasons to get married. Maybe he's tired of living alone. Maybe he wants a family, a hostess. Maybe he's marrying you for your money "
"That's a pretty vivid imagination you've got there. Brad. Do you write those stories on television as well as act in them?"
"There's nothing imaginative in any of that. It happens all the time."
"Not with me, it doesn't. I doubt that my teacher's salary attracts him. After all, he's a very successful lawyer.''
"Then why did he move to Payton?"
Penny relaxed a little more against the door, watching Brad's profile. "Why not? It's a nice place to live, even though you found it dull."
"I never found it dull," he pointed out mildly. "I just wanted to become a professional actor, and Pay-ton doesn't have that many job openings in that particular field." He glanced over at her and grinned when he saw that she was absently twisting a curl around one of her fingers. She only did that when she was agitated. Good. At least he had her thinking. "Besides," he went on blandly, "I wasn't talking about what you make. You're an only child and your family is very well off."
"So what? I'm certainly not apt to be inheriting anything for years to come, and you know it. Good grief. Mom and Dad are still in their forties."
"I know. They got married very young and they made it work but it was tough, which is why they're against teenage marriages."
Penny looked at him in surprise. "How do you know that?" she asked. "I've never heard them say anything about their early years."
"Never mind," he replied, deciding it was time to change the subject. "So if he isn't interested in your money, Gregory must want you to play hostess for him and preside over his home."
"What's wrong with that?" she asked, puzzled by his tone.
"Oh, Penny, that isn't you, and you know it. You've got too much vitality and sparkle for that kind of life. If you would just be honest with yourself, you'd admit that you're already bored with teaching school. How do you think you're going to feel playing helpful Harriet for a man who could pass as your father?''
''Would you stop with the stupid remarks about Gregory's age? In the first place, Gregory doesn't even look that old. As a matter of fact, you may have noticed that he looks a little like you—same hair coloring, similar build."
He grinned. ''Is that why you fell for him? Because he reminded you of me?"
She stared at him in horror. "Of cour
se not! He's absolutely nothing like you, thank God."
"You don't have to sound so thankful. I didn't turn out all that bad, did I?"
She heard the hint of pain in his voice again, and wondered about it. Brad Crawford was too self-confident to be easily offended. And yet twice today she had heard a slight hesitancy in his voice as though he were unsure of himself.
"You're living your life the way you want to, Brad. I can't fault you for that," she said quietly.
"But are you living your life the way you want to? That's my concern at the moment."
She glanced at him, puzzled. "That's the second time you've made a remark Hke that. I am not bored with teaching. I am very content with my life." She studied him for a moment in silence, then asked, "And why should you care what I do or how I feel, anyway?"
"Come on, Penny, you know me better than that. I have always looked out for you and cared for you, ever since we were kids." He gave her a quick glance from the corner of his eye and smiled. "Why should I stop now?"
She wasn't going to let that statement go unchallenged. "Yet you could hardly wait to leave here once you finished college.''
He was quiet for a moment. He heard the hurt in her voice and realized once again what a fine actress she truly was. Until now he had never really known that she had cared when he'd decided to go to New York. An interesting discovery, considering how he'd felt when she had blithely greeted his news three years ago by wishing him well.
"You could have gone with me," he said finally.
The interior of the car seemed to reverberate with sudden emotion. The silence that fell between them seemed to grow like a living thing, until Brad felt that he could almost reach out and touch it. Whatever she was feeling, it wasn't indifference. That he knew. He wished he'd had this conversation with her then, instead of now. He'd paid for his cowardice every day since.
When she did speak, her anger surprised him. "Of course I could have gone. We could have starved together! Why would I have wanted to go to New York, Brad? I was twenty-two years old. It was time for us to grow up, accept responsibility, make something of ourselves. Playtime was over.. .at least it was for me."
"Is that all that acting was to you, Penny? Playtime?"
She laughed, but she didn't sound in the least amused. "Well, it certainly isn't a way to make a living."
"I haven't done so badly at it."
Penny felt a sudden urge to hit something, she felt so frustrated. Who was she kidding, anyway? Why didn't she just admit the truth?
"Actually," she said, wishing her voice didn't sound quite so uneven, "the biggest reason I didn't go with you to New York was simple. You never asked me."
There. She'd finally said it, spoken the words out loud. In doing so, she finally faced them for the first time.
"Would you have gone?" he asked in a neutral tone.
Who knew the answer to that at this late date? The whole point was he hadn't asked. He hadn't even acted as though he'd given such an idea a thought. And Penny had been faced with the harsh reality of their shared life. At one time Brad Crawford had been everything in the world to her while he had considered her a friend—his buddy, a pal.
"It hardly matters at this point, does it?" she asked, staring unseeingly out the window.
"Have you ever thought about trying to make it as an actress?" he asked.
"Not for years. Brad. I'm content with my life."
"You keep saying that, but I'm not sure which one of us you're trying to convince. You were always such a natural on stage, you know. You seemed to come alive. It was a beautiful thing to see." He glanced at her, but she had her head down and he couldn't see her expression. "Don't you ever miss it?"
"Not really. I'm active with the local group... and I directed the high school play this year."
"When you could be starring on Broadway? Penny, that's a shameful waste of your talent and you know it!"
Once again she made no response.
Forcing a lighter tone, Brad asked, "What does Gregory think of your acting abilities?"
"He's never seen them," she muttered.
"But he knows about them, surely."
Penny rested her head against the window. "He knows I've had training in that area and assumes I minored in drama while I was getting my degree in education."
"Why haven't you told him? Showed him your clippings and reviews?"
She shrugged. "There's no reason to. That's just part of my past."
Brad wondered if he was too late. Was it even his place to attempt to save her? Obviously she didn't see herself as needing saving. She had chosen not only the man, but an entire way of life, and she was within days of cementing that relationship.
How could he let her do such a thing? Yet how could he, in good conscience, interfere if that was what she wanted?
He loved her. He had always loved her. He would always love her. And he wanted her to be happy. For years he had hoped that her happiness would lie with him. He'd listened to both sets of parents as they had urged him not to rush into a permanent relationship too early in their lives. They had insisted that each of them needed some space, a chance to mature separately, in order to recognize their own feelings.
So he had taken their advice. Because of it, he had lost Penny. He had wanted to be fair, and to do what was best for both of them. Instead, he had lost the only woman who had ever meant a damn to him.
But even in his worst nightmare it never occurred to him that Penny would turn into this subdued, quiet woman who was willing to accept so little in her life.
Now that Brad had brought up his move to New York, the past began to tumble into Penny's consciousness like a child's building blocks. They fell in colorful disarray around her. Mr. Akin at the post office had been right. She and Brad had been inseparable as far back as she could remember. Had anyone asked her back then. Penny would probably have explained that she and Brad would marry someday.
Strange how things had worked out.
She and Brad had never talked about their feelings for each other. There had been no reason to. They were so much a part of each other's life—until Brad announced his intention to go to New York.
Penny could still remember the day he told her. They had been home from college a week and had taken his family's boat out on the lake. The day had been warm and they had found a quiet spot to anchor and laze in the sun.
Penny had been almost asleep when Brad spoke.
"Have you decided what you want to do now that we're out of school, Runt?"
''I'm doing it," she replied in a sleepy voice.
''I mean, to earn a living?"
"I filled out an application to teach. I suppose I'll wait to hear from the school board. Why do you ask?"
He was silent so long that Penny eventually opened her eyes. He had turned so that he was facing her, and she found herself staring into his eyes. "I've decided to go to New York."
She smiled because they had talked about New York for the past year. "To become rich and famous?" she asked with a grin.
"I won't know until I try," he answered in a quiet tone.
Penny's smile slowly disappeared. "You're serious, aren't you?" she asked, and even now she could recall the sudden jolt to her system as the fear of losing him swept over her.
"Yes."
Penny never knew how she managed to get through that day. She'd fought hard to hide her reaction. Somehow it had been important for her not to let him know how devastated she felt. If he could so calmly plan his life apart from her, then she must not mean as much to him as he meant to her.
She determinedly hung on to her pride.
Penny had kept up the act of well-wishing friend until Brad left home. Only then did the true enormity of what had happened sweep over her.
Brad Crawford had blithely and without a care walked out of Penny's life. He didn't need her to make his life complete. Penny had never known such rejection, nor did she know how to deal with it.
As the months wen
t by Penny mentally packed away all of their shared memories methodically and with grim determination. Obtaining the teaching position had been her salvation. She threw herself into the new experiences of teaching and interacting with students and co-workers. Penny learned to hide her thoughts and feelings from others, relieved to discover after a while that her highly charged emotions seemed to disappear.
When Gregory came into her life she was content. He filled a place in her daily routine. He offered companionship and conversation, all she really wanted anymore in a relationship.
Penny had overcome the pain and desolation she had felt when Brad had left. She'd forgotten, until now, what a hole he'd left in her life. Penny knew she could never allow anyone to become so important to her again.
❧
As they continued following the country road. Penny slowly became aware of their surroundings. They had been steadily winding through the rolling hills for miles, she realized with dismay. Brad turned into the entrance of a state park and followed the road toward the bluffs where they had spent countless hours as children.
"What are we doing out here?" she demanded. "I thought we were going to get a drink?"
Brad began to laugh. "I wondered when you were going to notice."
"Brad, I don't have time to be out here. I've got to get home. I told Mother I'd be back by—" she glanced at her watch "—by now, darn you!"
"Okay, so you're late. Big deal. She knows you're with me. I thought it might be fun to come out here again. I haven't been to the park in years. I threw some snacks in a sack and brought some cold drinks. Why don't we wander around for a while, relax and enjoy the scenery? I'll take you back home whenever you say."
"Why is it I've never trusted you when you've used that tone of voice?"
"I have no idea. Everyone else always has."
"I know. But no one else knows you the way I do."
"Good point, Penny. You might want to think about just what that means to both of us. It could surprise you."
Chapter 3
Brad and Penny spent the next hour hiking along the bluffs, skipping rocks across the water and wading in the shallows—all activities they had shared during their years together.
1. That's What Friends Are For Page 3
