by Moana Hope
My Way
MOANA
HOPE
My Way
MELBOURNE UNIVERSITY PRESS
An imprint of Melbourne University Publishing Limited
Level 1, 715 Swanston Street, Carlton,Victoria 3053, Australia
[email protected]
www.mup.com.au
First published 2017
Text © Moana Hope, 2017
Design and typography © Melbourne University Publishing Limited, 2017
Images © Moana Hope and individual contributors
This book is copyright. Apart from any use permitted under the Copyright Act 1968 and subsequent amendments, no part may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted by any means or process whatsoever without the prior written permission of the publishers.
Every attempt has been made to locate the copyright holders for material quoted in this book. Any person or organisation that may have been overlooked or misattributed may contact the publisher.
Excerpts from Eliza Sewell’s Herald Sun articles on pages 116–17 and 157–8 are reprinted courtesy of the author.
The article on pages 80–81 appears courtesy of Samantha Lane, sports journalist with The Age and Channel 7.
Transcripts on pages 95, 97, 98 and 100 courtesy of Australian Story on ABC.
The AFL press release on pages 153–4 is reprinted courtesy of AFL Media.
Text design and typesetting by Typeskill
Cover design by Philip Campbell Design
Printed in Australia by McPherson’s Printing Group
National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry
Hope, Moana, author.
My way/Moana Hope.
9780522871524 (paperback)
9780522871531 (ebook)
Hope, Moana—Biography.
Women football players—Australia—Biography.
Contents
Kicking off
Part 1 Flashpoint
1 Life in the tough lane
2 The loves of my life
3 No better man
4 Sport on my mind
5 Hitting rock bottom
Part 2 Counterpoint
6 Back in the game
7 Susan’s way
8 Collingwood calling
9 A hundred for the Sharks
10 Six for the Dogs
11 A whirlwind
12 Welcome to the Magpies
13 Across the ditch
Being true to who you are
Moana Hope Statistics
Acknowledgements
Kicking off
YOU KNOW THAT feeling you get, when it seems like you’re living a dream? That’s how I felt in the week leading up to the first game of the AFL Women’s competition in early 2017. It seemed completely surreal that it was happening. For so many years women who wanted to play footy had been pushed to the edge of the sporting community. We had been forced to play on any spare cow paddock we could find. We had been seen as freaks. But here we were, on the verge of an official AFL women’s competition, with teams being fielded by AFL clubs and the players getting paid to play, rather than us forking out our own money to play, as had always been the case in the past.
On many occasions during that week I found myself pondering if I was really, really going to play for the mighty Collingwood Football Club against its arch-rival, Carlton, at a famous AFL venue, on a Friday night, in a game being televised around the nation by Channel Seven and Fox Footy. To be honest, on a number of occasions I was momentarily gripped by a fear that it was all unreal. That I was going to wake up and find myself back at some suburban ground digging for change to play. But then I would be snapped back into reality by a Collingwood media manager asking me to attend a press conference or a photographer asking me to pose for a photo. And I would smile at the thought that it was really, really happening. I was about to play for the biggest club in Australia, in an AFL competition before a crowd that was being tipped to reach 20,000. It was, to put it mildly, bloody amazing.
The whole week leading up to it was a blur of activity. For a start, I still had to run the traffic management company that is my key source of income. Doing that involves a 3 am start most days to get my crews out on the road in time for the commuter rush. So each day, except on the day of the game, I spent the hours between 3 and 7am working hard before I had time to even think about anything else. As I am also the full-time carer for my disabled sister Vinny, once my traffic management work was done I would spend an hour or so getting her ready to be dropped off to the centre where she is cared for during the day. Then, after all that was out of the way, I had some time for my footy commitments, of which there were many.
On the Monday I did a shoot for Channel Nine’s new women’s footy show, then I headed off to a shoot for Special K breakfast cereal, as I am now one of their ambassadors. By the time I arrived for training at Collingwood’s amazing Holden Centre, I was ready for a nap. But nothing makes me happier than running around with a footy in my hands, so training recharged my batteries. The energy at training that night was like nothing I had experienced before. None of us were taking for granted that we were preparing to be part of history. I think that week all of us in Collingwood’s squad had to pinch ourselves at times.
Across the Tuesday and Wednesday I did a photo shoot for a magazine, took part in a segment being filmed for a morning television program, then did a presentation to the staff at CGU Insurance, which is one of Collingwood’s major sponsors. Given I was very shy as a kid and really struggled to cope with the way people judged me because of the way I looked during my late teens and early twenties, I found it extraordinary that so many people now wanted to see and hear from me. It made me feel proud of myself and the journey I have taken, and it added to my sense that everything was completely surreal.
I also called in to see our cheer squad making the banner on the Wednesday. The passionate folk who make up the Collingwood cheer squad are my kind of people. A number of them are battlers from the northern suburbs, where I grew up and still live. Like me, they love their families and their footy in equal measure.
On the Thursday morning I did my weekly segment on Gold FM, then fronted a press conference to promote the game with one of Carlton’s marquee players, Darcy Vescio. As I was driving back to the club, I was waiting at a red light when the driver in the car next to me started tooting his horn. I thought I must have cut him off or something, so I opened my window to have a chat. He just smiled and said, ‘Good luck for your game tomorrow!’
Stuff like that had been happening to me all week. People kept stopping me in the street to wish me luck. It was so beautiful. Three or four years before, I would never have believed that a female footy player would be so recognised and admired that she would be stopped in the street.
At our final training session on the Thursday night, the atmosphere out on the track was electric. The ball hardly touched the ground. Then our team list was released to the public. I immediately logged on to the AFL website to see my name at full-forward. It was a standout moment in an incredible week.
On game day, a Friday, I managed to conjure a rare sleep-in because someone else took over my job so I could rise at 7 instead of 3 am. Once I was up, I just wanted the game to start as soon as possible. Getting Vinny ready for her day helped me relax. She loves to laugh, so we are always mucking around, and it was no different this time. I dropped her off, and then went to my regular cafe to have my favourite breakfast: smashed avocado. I grabbed a copy of the Herald Sun. It was mind blowing to see women’s footy on the front and back pages. I had even written a column, with some help from one of the reporters, and it was prominently displayed only a couple of pages in from the back. Women’s footy had made it to the big time, and I was on bo
ard for the ride.
On my way to the Collingwood homeground, I called in to the cemetery where my dad is buried. As I stood by his grave, I imagined how proud he would have been had he been around to see me play for Collingwood. Dad was the one who taught me how to kick and mark and handpass, and who encouraged me to play. I had a little chat with him in my head. I felt like he was going to be right by my side during the game, cheering my every move.
After our arrival at the ground, my teammates and I were taken by bus to Carlton’s homeground, Ikon Park. The game was actually meant to be played at our training ground next to the Holden Centre, but the interest in it was so high that it had to be moved to a venue with a much greater capacity.
When we stepped off the bus, the atmosphere was already building. It was a beautiful summer’s evening and I could see people dressed in footy jumpers having picnics around the stadium. We walked into our change rooms. Our gear was laid out around the rooms. I picked up my jumper with the number ‘23’ on the back and gazed at it for a minute or so. I picked up a copy of the AFL Record, which had been specially produced for the women’s competition. There I was on the cover, next to a number of the other marquee players. It was another completely surreal moment. Here I was, about to play for Collingwood.
It wasn’t all serious stuff in the lead-up to the game, though. A few of us went out onto the ground before we put our playing gear on and took a selfie, which ended up on the front page of The Age the next day. I have never been one to get worked up and serious before a match, so doing these kinds of things helped me get in the right mindset. When we took that selfie, the gates had not yet opened to the public. But by the time we ran out for our warm-up, the stadium was more than half full. The crowd had been greatly boosted by the presence of my family. Around twenty of them had found excellent seats on the wing, where they were accompanied by a crew from ABC’s 7.30 program, which was putting together a series of stories about me.
We headed back into the rooms where our coach, Wayne Siekman, reminded us to soak up the occasion and to stick to the game plan that we had spent so many weeks refining. Then it was time to head out for the start of a new era in Australian Rules. There was a minor hiccup when a pole snapped on our banner, which said, ‘See the future in black and white. Side by side. History’. I felt really sorry for the members of the cheer squad, but they eventually hauled the banner into shape for us to run through it. As I crashed through and was able to gaze around the ground, I was staggered by the size of the crowd. There was barely a spare seat in the place. I found out later that the AFL had to close the gates during the first quarter because there was no more room for spectators inside the stadium. That meant the crowd had topped 24,500.
The people in the stands cheered our every move as we went through our warm-up. Then we gathered on the northern wing for the national anthem. When it was finished, the crowd went bananas. It felt like the start of a men’s AFL Grand Final. We took our positions, the siren sounded and the crowd roared again. Women’s football had arrived and my dream of playing footy at the highest level was really coming true. Those bad times in my life, when I had thought about walking away from the game I love and that means so much to me, seemed like an eternity ago.
Part 1
Flashpoint
MIDWAY THROUGH THE 2009 football season, I received a call from the Victorian Women’s Football League’s (VWFL) media manager, Leesa Catto. She wanted me to take part in a photo shoot for the Herald Sun, to accompany an article on the growth of the women’s game.
‘I’d love to do the shoot,’ I told Leesa. She then paused, and said, ‘Oh, yeah, but just one thing …’
‘What’s that?’ I asked.
‘We need you to wear a long-sleeved jumper to cover up your tattoos.’
At first the request seemed to go straight in one ear and out the other. I really wanted to take part because, to be honest, I was just buzzed about the prospect of being in the paper. That’s all I was thinking about right then. I had been the VWFL’s leading goal kicker for the previous three seasons and I felt like this was some recognition of all my efforts. However, the more I thought about what was being asked of me, the more I started thinking the request to cover up my tattoos was outright wrong. She was telling me that I was not allowed to be me in the photo. As I thought about this I became angrier and angrier, until I worked myself up into a fury.
At the time I was living at home with my mum, Rosemary, and many of my thirteen siblings. Mum overheard my phone conversation and came in to see me, thinking I would be happy and excited about the photo shoot. But instead she found me sitting on the couch in our lounge room, crying. I told her about being asked to cover up my tatts.
‘What’s wrong with my tatts? What’s wrong with me?’ I asked her.
‘Nothing,’ she replied. Mum was calm when she was comforting me, but she was angry, too—so much so that the next day she wrote a letter to the league about it, but I don’t think she ever received a reply. She and I were both adamant that what was being asked of me was a disgrace.
I sat on the couch for what felt like hours. I was in a state of shock. In my mind, I argued with the woman on the phone: ‘I’m one of your league’s best players, the kind of player that has made people sit up and take notice of the competition, but now you’re telling me to change who I am. I just don’t understand what I have done wrong to deserve such treatment. I’ve done nothing but play good football, to the best of my ability. And suddenly you don’t like tattoos and short hair? Are you serious?’
Then it hit me. I knew exactly what the request was all about. It was because I looked like a boy. And if you look like a boy you’re considered ‘butch’, and those who run the show were starting to want to manage the ‘look’ of the game. This was the crux of their concern: how I looked. The VWFL had suddenly decided it wanted to control its image, because everyone thought women’s football was full of short-haired, tattooed butch lesbians. The people who ran the league had, out of nowhere, decided they only wanted pretty girls—the ones with clean skin and long hair—to be the face of their competition.
I think what they were trying to do was to promote women’s footy to mothers who thought that playing such a rough game was something that girls should avoid. They wanted to reassure these mothers that their lovely girls weren’t going to be roughed up by a bunch of tattooed lesbians. The people running the game believed that I could masquerade as one of those pretty girls … as long as I covered up my many tattoos.
Why should I cover up my tattoos? I thought. Why should I be ashamed of the way I express myself? I sent Leesa a text saying that I thought the idea discriminated against me and that I was pulling out of the photo shoot.
Although I was an emotional wreck for the next couple of days, I eventually pulled myself together, played out the 2009 season and was part of the fourth straight premiership team with my team, the Darebin Falcons. But I now had seriously mixed feelings about football and the people who ran the women’s game.
I almost walked away from footy at the end of that year, but my love of the game ran too deep to make such a massive call. So I returned to Darebin and did most of the training in the lead-up to the 2010 season. I then played one game, but after that I found myself in a state of near depression.
Football was the love of my life. Football was my outlet, my place to get away from my crazy home life.Yet I felt like the people running the game were judging me all the time. I felt like they had decided that being a good player was no longer enough. I now had to look the part as well.
Whenever I have moments to just sit and think—when I am not at work, training, playing or trying to keep my siblings and their kids on track—I can go off into a dreamlike state and talk to my dad, Gary. I have always felt that he is still by my side. Dad and I had been so close—like best mates—and he was the one who had encouraged me to play footy and cricket. He had always loved me for who I am. He never judged me if I wanted to play sport with boys. An
d he never said anything negative to me if I wanted to have short hair or run around with my shirt off when I was a kid, like the boys did. He was my Number One supporter, and he always told me I was better at footy and cricket than most of the boys I faced off against on the field.
At this low time in my life, I was thinking about my dad even more than I usually did. Almost every day I went to the cemetery and sat beside his grave and thought about how being myself was no longer good enough for the league, and cried. I didn’t know what to do. Playing footy was my connection to him. When I was out on the field, it felt like he was out there with me. But now a barrier stood in my way. Just the thought of leaving the game weighed on me like a ton of bricks.
Looking back now, I realise Leesa had not meant any personal harm, and I now know she had a totally different perspective, which I talk about later. She was sick of people saying that women’s footy was full of butch, tattooed lesbians, when it was a game that attracted women from all sorts of backgrounds and allowed them to play a sport they loved and excelled at. I can now see that, because of all the tired stereotypes about female football players, she was worried I would be portrayed as a cliché, despite my being just a girl who loved playing footy.
Her request that I cover my tattoos had sent me into a spiral. It had made me believe that my favourite sport no longer liked or valued me. That, combined with the fact I was living a crazy life, including being a foster mother to two of my nephews and trying to run my own traffic management business, meant my enthusiasm for football evaporated. I felt deeply hurt. It was like that wounded feeling you have as a teenager when you break up with your first love.
As I pondered my future, I rang my great friend Nicole Graves, who was like a big sister to me. Nicole had been the Darebin Falcons’ president in the mid 2000s but was now working in women’s football in Western Australia. I told her what I had been going through over the past twelve months, starting with me being told to cover my tattoos, and how it had affected my feelings about the sport I loved. Nicole is a straight shooter, the kind of person who can get the game’s hierarchy offside at times by calling things as she sees them. She agreed that I had been treated very poorly. She didn’t tell me whether to quit footy or not, she just said, ‘You do what you want to do.’
