by Nana Malone
"I'm sorry to barge in. I know it's your night off, but I thought we should talk."
Talk? Outside of small talk and the surface shit he'd learned to do to appear normal, he didn't really talk to anyone. "Okay."
Her smile deepened, and a dimple appeared out of nowhere. He blinked in surprise and confusion. It sort of made him forget she was a serious ball buster. He could see why Caleb adored her.
She grabbed his beer and took a swig. Setting it back down, she blinked at him. "Okay, here's the deal, your uncle isn’t very good with this feelings shit."
Despite his sour mood, he smirked. "Feelings shit?"
Micha quirked a brow. "Yeah. Granted, I'm probably not much better. Though I'm pretty good with other people's feelings. He came home today, a little bit broken."
Fuck, he didn't need this shit. "I already apologized. What more does he want?"
Micha's body sagged a little, and the beguiling smile was gone. "You don’t understand. He felt like shit for putting you on the defensive like that. He's beating himself up. All he ever wanted was a family, and he thinks he's screwing that up."
Oh. Shane wasn't sure what the hell he was supposed to do with that. "I'm sorry. I lost my shit for a second. I didn't mean—"
She wrapped her hand around his. "What I'm trying to say is he wants to reach out and see if you're okay, but he has no idea how. And he'd kill me if he knew I was here, but you need a friend, and he needs you to understand that you mean the world to him. He didn't even know he had a nephew until a year ago, but he was so excited. Especially since you are so close in age. He doesn’t want to jeopardize that."
"I—he didn't." Fuck, what was he supposed to do with this information?
"A few years ago, I got myself into a nasty situation. I kept it bottled up for years, and it ate away at me. But Caleb helped me deal with the repercussions. Give him a chance to help you."
Shit. That weird prickly feeling in his eyes got worse. Before he knew it, he was telling her about losing his shit in the office. "I don’t even know what happened. But there was something in his eyes. He was furious. And I wasn't seeing him anymore. All I saw was my father. I couldn’t see anything else."
"I know. He feels terrible."
"I'm the one who fucked up."
"You didn't fuck up. You reacted to a stimulus. You've been through a lot. Cut yourself some slack. Does your girl help?"
"You mean when she's talking to me? Yeah, a little."
"Then why don't you talk to her? Find out what went wrong."
"She won't see me."
The dimpled grin was back. "Men—you're all the same. Find a way. Once you get to the bottom of it, you can talk it out."
Maybe she was right. Because this shit he was doing wasn't working for him.
2
Tris needed a couple of days off. But thanks to Shane, and Dr. Gifford, they all had to revise their last papers on turning lust into love. She hadn’t been pleased with anything that had been turned in. Tris had no doubt Shane had something to do with it. She'd worked her butt off to get the damn thing done on time, but now, she had to work tomorrow with Ricca, so she had to turn it in early to her TA...Shane. And it had to be turned in in person for everyone to sign the honor code that it was their work. This was just a whole new level of fucked up.
The more she tried not to think about Shane, the more she obviously thought about him. Then the more she missed him, and the more she dreamt about him.
The dreams were possibly the worst part. Because at any given moment in the day, she could close her eyes, and her mind would recall how he smelled, how he looked when he said her name. The way he looked at her like she was precious. The way he touched her like he couldn’t believe she was letting him, or the quiet words often spoken through clenched teeth or whispered into her ear as he stroked her deep.
He was even careful never to restrain her more than holding her hands above her head. Like he knew how that would make her feel. But she had a feeling that, with him, she wouldn't have a problem.
And now she had to face the startling reality that she might never feel that way again. She'd been so desperate to feel normal. Desperate to date and be a normal person. And now she had all the pain of a normal girl with a broken heart.
And the cruelty of it was no one made her feel the way Shane did. Every night she'd been unable to sleep because she'd been staring at the light shining in under her door.
It was the only way she'd have any warning that someone was coming for her. She'd learned how to protect herself, but could she do it in the face of danger? She'd had all kinds of self-defense training after everything went to hell. But if she was really in danger again, would she be able to pull it off? Or would she freeze? Would she just stand there and let someone hurt her? Despite breaking up with Shane, she knew she couldn't just let those pictures stand. She might have done what she was told, but she certainly wasn't going to sit in fear for her life.
The only reason she hesitated was because she didn't want to give up her newfound freedom yet. But it was time to stop being a child. Someone had access to her email. They'd followed her to L.A. They'd photographed her in intimate moments. This was more than just a random prickly neck feeling. This was real serious, and they'd threatened to hurt Shane. It was starting all over again, and she had no idea what to do or how to stop it.
No. You are not helpless. She had Caleb, and he was going to help Shane.
She might not know the right thing to do, but from now on, she'd make sure she never went anywhere alone. Even today she'd had Ricca meet her outside the building for work, and she'd hired an Uber driver to take her. If her cousin had been suspicious, she didn't say anything. Tonight, like last night, Tris knew there would be no sleep. Instead, there would be endless minutes staring at the light under her doorway for shadows.
Tris knew what she had to do, she just wasn't feeling brave enough to do it. Needing a boost of confidence, she tugged on leggings under her emerald green tunic. Shane had always liked her in this outfit. And to top it all off, she pulled out the shoes that had gotten her into this whole love mess in the first place. If she was going to see him, she needed the boost. The text she sent was difficult to compose.
I need to turn in my paper. Where can I find you?
Shane's response was instant.
I'm at War's place. Will be here till five.
Thirty minutes later, she was knocking on his door, shifting on her feet. The shoes were gorgeous, but she still teetered on them a little. Heat flushed her body as he opened the door. Stay strong. Stay strong.
"Hey, Tris."
She wiped her hands on her leggings. "Hey." She held up a large manila envelope with her paper. "Do you think we can do this quickly? I need to get back and pack for my trip with Ricca."
A shadow of pain passed over his face, but then he stepped back to let her inside. "Sure. I have the signature sheet right here."
The whole place smelled like him, and her heart squeezed. Maybe he and War wore the same cologne or something. Or maybe he'd been hanging out here to avoid seeing her, just like she'd changed her whole routine so she wouldn't run into him.
"Thanks," she said, absently.
He tossed her paper onto the coffee table and handed her a clipboard with a signature sheet. As she signed and verified with her thumb print, she could feel his gaze on her, deconstructing every move.
"Tris, I've been wanting to talk to you." He licked his lips. "I've missed you."
She was so relieved she almost wanted to cry. She'd been so cruel to him, but he hadn't abandoned her even though logic called for him to. No, you don’t want that. He's in danger. "Well, I don’t want to talk to you. We're over. I made myself clear."
"You didn't give me a chance to make myself clear. I'm not giving up on us. We have something special. I see it; you have to see it."
She shook her head and tried to hand him back the clipboard. "No, we don’t, Shane. You need to leave me alone."
He took the clipboard from her and tossed it where he'd tossed her paper. His gaze was intent enough to melt her bones. Seriously, she needed help.
"You don’t want me. That's what you want me to believe." He walked toward her slowly, his gaze never wavering from hers.
"Yes." She backed up against the door. "I don’t want you. Sleeping with you w-was a mistake." She squeaked. Oh yeah, squeaking. Nothing said I'm standing my ground more than a squeak or stuttering.
"Okay. If that's true, then I want you to prove it."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm going to kiss you. If you really don’t feel anything, you won’t respond. I'll walk away, leave you alone. Never bother you again."
There was no way she could let him kiss her. That would not work out in her favor. She'd melt into him just like always, and it would be a disaster for him. If he kissed her, she would have to find a way to guarantee she never saw him again. She'd have to leave. "Shane, I don't want you to kiss me."
He cocked his head. "Are you sure about that?"
"Yes. I'm sure." She had nowhere to go, her back pressing into the door.
"Then why are your pupils dilated?"
"It's dark in here."
"Your lips are parted."
She tipped her chin up. "I have a cold. I'm congested. You'll catch it if you kiss me."
His smile was brief. "I think I'm willing to take my chances."
Shane crowded her, and instead of the fear or intimidation she should be feeling, she felt powerful and sexy and hot. Heat pooled between her thighs. Need pulsed through her veins as her muscles turned to liquid.
His lips were soft when he brushed them over hers. It was more of a brief tickle than a kiss. A tease. "Tell me you don't feel that. Tell me you don't want me. Tell me you don’t have any feelings for me, and I'll stop. Or should I make a liar out of you?"
She opened her mouth to tell him just that. That she didn't want to kiss him. That she hadn't missed him. That she didn't want this, but when she parted her lips, he licked into her mouth and made her a liar.
Their lips melded together and she pressed her body into his. With a low growl, Shane picked her up by her ass, forcing her legs to wind around him if she wanted to hold on.
It wasn't a fair fight. She couldn't keep resisting. Not when her body craved his. Not when she needed him so much. Not when she needed to feel alive.
3
Shane's gaze drifted to her lips. "Do you have any idea how much I missed you?"
His hands slipped into the hair she'd tied back at the nape of her neck, and she sucked in a sharp breath when he tugged gently. His thick erection pulsed against her belly.
The moment his lips slid over hers, she couldn't remember why she was staying away from him again. Why had she been denying herself for weeks? This is what they needed to be doing. They had a lot of time to make up for.
But it was more than the flutters of butterfly wings or the need that tugged low in her belly. She'd missed him. Talking to him, him texting her just to make sure she was okay. The way he'd send her a teasing text in class, telling her to pay attention. The way he held her hand and gently tugged her out of the way of anything he saw as dangerous. But at the same time encouraged her to do things that completely terrified her.
Shane didn't take it at all easy on her with the kiss. It was as if with every lick of his tongue he was telling her they belonged together. That what she felt was real. That she needed to listen to her heart. Be brave. Be bold.
Her knees wobbled, and her head spun as she drowned in him, in the heat and need that washed over her body. Instinctively, she raked his shoulders with her nails, and he growled low in response. His vibrating chest reverberated against hers. She loved that she could get him to make that sound. That he wanted her that much.
He lifted her easily and carried her through the living room and outside onto the balcony. Electricity hummed along her skin as he deepened the kiss, all the while backing her up against the concrete of the balcony. Cell by cell, he ignited her body until she was pulsing and ready to explode from the kiss alone.
His cock throbbed against her in time with her own pulse, their breathing matching the same erratic tempo. Shane dragged his lips from hers, and his gaze was intent, fierce, fiery. "I want you so bad. I don't think I have enough control for this."
Tris shook her head. "I don't want you to have control."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't. Show me what real make-up sex is like."
"Fuck, you drive me insane." He dropped his forehead to hers, and every word tore out of him on a ragged breath.
"Then show me." She knew he was always gentle with her for her sake. He always wanted to take care of her. But she didn't want that. She wanted raw passion. She wanted to see him unhinged just a little.
"Damn it, Tris." His grip on her waist tightened.
"Shane." Feeling bold, she palmed him.
He hissed and squeezed his eyes shut. "Tris." His voice sounded pained, but he didn't stop her.
His cock pulsed in her hand. Fascinated, she watched as he grew harder under her touch. After this time, she'd stop. After this time, she'd stay away from him. But right now, she missed him too much.
When she unbuckled his belt, he tightened his hands on her hips. But it wasn't until she dragged down his zipper that he wrapped a hand around her wrist, but added slight pressure so she knew to stop.
He shook his head from side to side. "You touch me, and I’m going to explode. Can you turn around for me?"
Giddy anticipation tripped through her veins as she complied.
"Hands on the railing, baby."
She held her breath as she waited for him to touch her. When she did, he knelt behind her, his hands sliding up her calves, then over the divots of the backs of her knees. Then finally over the curve of her thighs and her ass. He tugged down her leggings and nipped at her flesh as he went. She had never been more grateful that she'd taken Sydney's rule to always wear sexy underwear until he hooked his thumbs into the lacey edges of her thong.
With the balcony's concrete wall, she knew no one could see them, but that didn’t stop her skin from flushing hot. She'd never been this open. Never this adventurous. Never taken any of these kinds of risks before.
Shane's breath was hot on the back of her thighs, and her legs trembled as she waited for him. She knew what was coming. How he would make her feel.
His hands slid over her ass and tugged down her panties, guiding her legs gently to step out of the flimsy fabric. "So pretty. Open your legs for me, Tris."
Oh God. What was he—
She felt his tongue on her slick folds, and her knees buckled. Grasping onto the railing for support, she groaned out his name as he made love to her. The slow penetration of his tongue as he gripped her hips tight made her shake. But it was when he replaced his tongue with his fingers and wrapped those skilled lips of his over her clit that she came...hard. And he didn't stop. He just kept licking at her and stroking her G-spot until she came again.
This time her knees buckled, and he braced her up with his strong hands. "I'm not done with you yet. Can you hold on for me?"
Oh...God, there was...more? "Shane, I don't know if I can take any...."
Her words trailed off when his fingers ghosted over her clit. He was careful not to apply direct pressure. He knew her body well enough to know that would be too much. By then, Shane was the master of the tease. The master of making her crazy. All it took from him was a simple look or soft touch, and she was lost.
Behind her, she heard the crinkle of the condom foil, and she let her eyelids flutter closed as her breathing swallowed. Just a second ago, she'd thought she was done, but she knew how good he would feel. Knew the pleasure that waited for her.
When he kissed her shoulder, she shuddered, the zing of anticipation skipping along her skin. He guided the head of his cock over her folds and teased but didn't slide in like she wanted. With shallow penetrations, he gave
her the tease of making love, tempted her with how good it could be, but never gave her enough.
"Damn it, Shane, make love to me."
His chuckle was low. "Oh, is that what you wanted from me? I had no idea."
"Please. I—I need you."
The dusting of his lips on her nape quickly became a love bite as he growled. "What do you think I've been trying to tell you all this time?"
He slid in to the hilt, and she groaned.
Shane clamped a hand over her mouth and whispered in her ear, "I love hearing how much you want me, but you're going to need to be quiet."
The condo was a ground floor corner unit, so it wasn't a thoroughfare for residents. And they were surrounded but tall shrubs. The only thing on this side of the complex was the guard office. She kissed his hand and he released her. "It's not my fault. You're making me crazy on purpose."
"Guilty as charged. I've got days to make up for."
And he did make up for it. With every retreat, he hissed, and with every stroke back home, he cursed. His hands were never still. Never silent, as if trying to memorize every inch of her with his fingertips.
And he knew how to use them to play her body just right. With his thumb and forefinger, he plucked at her nipple, and then his other hand slid over her belly, down to her sex. Gently, he parted her folds and found her slick dewy button.
"Tris....missed...so much."
"God, yes."
"Missed...thing about you...don't...again. I missed this...missed smile....more. Jesus...made for me. Tight."
His words washed over her, even as the searing heat spread from the center of her chest. Like she was being electrified from the inside out.
She came again, biting her bottom lip to keep from screaming like she really wanted to. But this time, it was Shane who was likely to wake the neighbors. She could feel his cock jerk inside her, and he yelled out her name.
