by Kendall Ryan
If I’m not careful, I’ll become aroused just thinking about it. And it’s an unwritten rule that dudes don’t get aroused in the gym. Jack would punch me in the nuts if he saw me sporting a woody while he’s spotting me bench-pressing.
“You haven’t caved, have you?” Jack asks out of the blue. It’s like he’s reading my mind. It’s freaky.
“Fuck no. There’s no way I’m washing your laundry for a year. I’ll tell you one thing, though. My hand hasn’t gotten this much action since high school.”
“Roger that.” He chuckles.
While Jack finishes a set of hammer curls, I grab my water bottle and plop down on a nearby bench in an attempt to get my focus off of what happened last night in her bedroom.
Instead, my mind immediately wanders back thirteen years to the memory of when Jack and I met Natalie. It was her first day transferring to a new high school, and she wandered alone into the lunchroom, looking a bit lost. As if transfixed by her long honey-colored hair, wide blue eyes, and the glint of her metal braces, he and I fell completely silent from our usual teasing.
“Who’s that?” I asked. Jack’s mouth hung open, but he didn’t answer.
Seconds later, Natalie approached our table, still with that look of uncertainty that she wore so well. In my rush to rise to my feet, I knocked over my chair and it clattered loudly against the linoleum floor. Jack stood too, pulling out the chair next to his and offering it to the new girl. When she thanked him and slipped into it, he shot me a look that said suck it.
We only spoke for a few minutes, learning that she’d transferred from the prestigious all-girls academy down the road. Then Natalie rose to her feet, going to enter the lunch line that had now died down.
No longer hungry, at least not for food, I pushed my peanut butter sandwich away and leaned in toward Jack.
“Dibs.” I smiled.
He kicked me under the table, his shoe landing a hard blow to my shin. “No fucking way. I saw her first.”
“You did not.”
“Did so. And she sat down next to me.”
I pressed my lips into a line. That part was true, but only because I’d been so overcome, I’d been too clumsy to pull out her chair, and knocked my own over like a maniac.
Jack’s mouth curled up in a grin, like he knew he’d already won. He and I had already been best friends for a couple of years by that point. I knew him inside and out.
I was about to come back with some quip like may the best man win, when I was suddenly struck by a realization. If one of us went for her, the other one would be pissed. We’d never allowed a girl to come between us, and I knew it would have the power to create a huge rift in our friendship.
Shit.
“Hey, you hear me?” the very real Jack standing in front of me asks, waving one hand in front of my face.
“Yeah. What’s up?”
He blinks at me, his expression amused. “What’s up with you? You’re lifting like shit today.”
He’s right, of course. I’m in no frame of mind to be lifting heavy objects above my head right now. What happened last night changed me, plain and simple.
But unless I plan to completely fuck up the two closest relationships I’ve got, I need to keep this information to myself. Which isn’t going to be easy, considering the fact that every time I close my eyes, impure thoughts invade my brain. I shouldn’t know that my bestie shaves everything bare—yes, everything. I shouldn’t have the urge to strip her and spread her out before me so I can lick her pretty pink pussy or hear those tiny whimpers that drove me insane.
I feel like I’m losing my mind, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. Because this shit is all my doing, and it’s that knowledge that fuels my anxiety the most.
Chapter Twelve
Natalie
I haven’t picked up my knitting needles in almost a year, so my dexterity is a little rusty. As fall is reaching its peak, I have already developed the holiday jitters. Always around this time of year, I feel the intense desire to deliver handmade gifts to my loved ones. My only talent is with two needles and a ball of yarn, however, so Jack and Cam have grown accustomed to receiving all of their cold-weather accessories from me.
This year, however, I’m going big. Matching scarves for the boys. Very soft, very warm. Hopefully, they’ll be better received than the gifts I gave them last year . . .
“Natalie, I hate to say this, but I’ll never use these.” Jack sighed, holding up the purple potholders I knitted for him. “They’ll just get dusty in the pantry.”
I pouted, regretting all the time I’d spent picking out the right shade for his kitchen and practicing the perfect pearl stitch for durability. How ungrateful!
“I’ll take them then,” Cam said, swiping them out of Jack’s hands. “My pots need some holding.”
At the time, I’d been too fed up with Jack to appreciate Cam’s sweetness. Now, I recognize my knight in shining armor more and more every day.
That settles it. Something lame and store bought this year for the undeserving Jack, and a beautiful blue scarf for Cam.
I smile at the thought of giving it to him, watching him wrap it around his neck and burrow into the softness.
He’s going to love it.
It’s the least I can do after all the things he’s done for me. Just this month, Cam has come to my parents’ terrible cocktail party, fixed my car, brought me doughnuts on more than one occasion, and helped out a sexually frustrated girl. I blush at the last thought. All of that, yet he hasn’t asked for anything in return. Not even a hand job! True, I haven’t offered . . . but still. How would I even do that?
Hey, Cam, remember that time you finger-fucked me so hard I almost screamed? How about I return the favor with a hand job? Or is a little mouth service more to your liking? Sure thing, whatever floats your boat, after all.
That’s a conversation for a different time. I’d have to be extremely drunk or living on Mars for that to happen.
When my fingers begin to cramp and my mind wanders, I take a break from my knitting. I have plenty to do, what with the three of us leaving tomorrow morning to spend the weekend at a resort to celebrate with our group of college friends.
I don’t often get to see some of our old college buddies, since most of them are living in different cities now, but it’ll be nice to have the gang back together. Even better, I get to embark on this adventure with Cam.
And Jack. When did I get so fixated on the taller, darker, handsomer half of that duo?
I slip into my room to begin packing my bags. First, I need to brainstorm the different outfits I will wear. What will the weather be like? Chilly? Mild? Obviously, I need my bikini for the hot tub. Forgetting that would be a tragedy, to say the least.
After I have a few options laid out on my bed, I pick up my jewelry box to further complement my choices. Dumping out the contents, a piece I’d nearly forgotten about catches my eye.
The silver half-heart pendant necklace Cam gave me for my seventeenth birthday still has the same sparkle as the night he gave it to me. It sits comfortably in my palm. The outside of the pendant is engraved with a delicate lily-of-the-valley design. A perfume of the same name used to be my favorite perfume at the time. I lift the pendant to my nose, indulging in the fantasy that I might smell the flower’s sweetness. That I might relive that fleeting moment on my parents’ front porch. Even back then, tall, gangly Cam, who wore shirts too big and pants too short, was a charmer.
I place the pendant against my chest and clasp its chain behind my neck. It falls perfectly between my breasts, a simple reminder that I have many blessings in this life of mine.
One in particular I’m truly grateful for.
• • •
“Please turn on the radio?” I beg Jack in the car the next morning. We’re twenty minutes into our two-hour trip to the resort, and I can’t bear the silence.
“It’s not even eight in the morning, Nat. I don’t want music or talking or anyt
hing other than coffee this early.” He pushes his sunglasses farther up his nose and then reaches blindly for his travel mug.
“Both hands on the wheel,” Cam grumbles from the back seat. He’s much more of a morning person than either Jack or me, so his grumpiness is peculiar. I peek at his reflection in the rearview mirror and observe him. His hair is messy, like he rolled right out of bed and into Jack’s car. He’s so cute.
“Hey, sleepyhead, you okay?” I ask him. I want to relish this side of him.
“I’m fine. Didn’t sleep well.” Cam yawns, rubbing his eyes. His hoarse voice is kind of . . . sexy. I wonder if I should tell him that to cheer him up, but then decide against it.
“Here, have some sugar,” I say, passing him back a maple-frosted doughnut from the half dozen we picked up. I’ve never known what his favorite kind is. He always just eats whatever I don’t.
He accepts the doughnut with a grateful smile and takes a generous bite. I want to know. I want to know a lot more about Cam.
But Jack groans again, flipping his visor down to block the sun, and I chuckle, rolling my eyes. Being the owner of a popular bar, his hours generally run from the late afternoon until well into the evening.
“You going to survive there, sport?” I ask, my voice chipper.
Jack frowns and flips me the middle finger. “Fucking morning people.”
My gaze lifts to the rearview mirror again, where I expect a snappy reply from Cam, only he doesn’t seem to be paying attention at all. His head is turned to the side and his eyes stare blankly out the window. The doughnut I handed him is balanced on his knee, resting on a napkin, and he looks deep in thought.
Something about that makes my stomach tighten. Unsure what to do with myself, I dive into another doughnut, if only to distract myself from the thoughts invading my mind.
• • •
By the time we pull into the resort pavilion, everyone has arrived. Meredith, Jessie, and Grace wave from the front steps, smiling brilliantly at us. I’m thrown back to our college days, watching the three bosom buddies conquer the dating field from afar. We were friendly back then, but never really friends. After high school, I was always a little nervous about befriending girls. I wonder how much they’ve changed, if at all. Sure, we’ve stayed connected on social media, and we exchange congratulatory messages when someone gets a promotion or has a birthday, but that’s about the extent of it.
“Can we help with your bags?” Grace asks, prancing up to the car. The former homecoming queen is still eager to please, I see.
“Not a chance,” Cam says with his signature half smile. I almost want to remind him he’s in the middle of a bet with Jack that doesn’t encourage flirting, but I bite my tongue.
As we check in at the front desk, I listen to Jessie talk about the new position she’s taken on at work. The look on her face is lovely, full of what I imagine to be pure bliss. “I’ve waited so long for this,” she says, positively glowing.
“That’s amazing, Jess,” I say as genuinely as I can. Jealousy truly is a feisty bitch. I hate that I’m irritated that Jessie seems to have exactly what I want—a promotion at work, and love in the form of her devoted boyfriend, Tyron. I would love to find a special someone to start a family with . . . a family that will love me and accept me without expectation. I haven’t been so lucky yet.
Meredith, who hasn’t yet acknowledged me, wraps me in a quick side-hug. “Hi, sweetie, it’s so good to see you. Us girls are going wine tasting downtown while the boys go golfing. Tyron and Max are already there.”
“Fuck yeah,” Jack says. “I haven’t golfed since the eighth grade.”
“Where’s the course?” Cam asks, slinging his duffel over his shoulder.
Grace hands the boys a map of the resort from the welcome desk, and they gather around.
Watching Cam and Jack interact so comfortably with other women has never made me uncomfortable or envious. So, why the uneasiness? Why the sudden weight in my chest? While both guys have taken a vow of celibacy, I can’t help but wonder if mixing single men and women together for the weekend will inevitably lead to someone hooking up, and I’m not sure how that would make me feel.
“Come relax after that car ride,” Meredith says, winding her arm through mine. “We have so much catching up to do. And besides,” she leans in, “you have to tell me when the hell Camden evolved into such a sexy piece of eye candy!”
My cheeks flush red with emotion. What emotion, I can’t really tell. I look away to watch Grace and Jack discuss directions over the map. I’m not perturbed by that interaction in the slightest.
But watching Meredith undress Cam with her eyes has me prickling up like a porcupine.
• • •
At the end of the afternoon, I take one look at Cam and immediately do a double-take.
He’s all sweaty from golfing, but that’s not what caught my eye. What’s intriguing me is how tall he looks standing next to the group of guys. I never realized he was the tallest of them all. Guess it’s just something I’ve never thought about. It’s not like I’ve ever made it a point to check out Cam. The thought is almost funny, but I can’t stop my gaze from wandering the length of his toned body now. He looks particularly fit standing there in a pair of khaki pants and a pale blue polo shirt.
When he laughs at something Tyron says to the guys and pushes his hands through his dark hair, my lips curl up in a smile. Maybe it’s only because I caught Meredith checking him out earlier, but suddenly I feel like I’m seeing him with new eyes.
God, Cam could have any woman he wants . . . so, why is he still single?
“You there?” Grace asks, waving a hand in front of my face and laughing.
“Yeah. Sorry.” I blink and return my attention to the girls, who are now watching me closely. “Might have had one too many glasses on the wine-tasting tour.”
Jessie raises her empty wineglass and grins. “Cheers to that.”
Meredith struts over to where the guys stand near the valet since returning from golfing, and places one perfectly manicured hand on one of Cam’s broad shoulders. She rises on tiptoe and whispers something in his ear. Cam looks down at her and lets out a deep laugh.
Something low in my spine tingles.
“How in the fuck is that boy still single?” Jessie asks, shaking her head.
Grace gives me an appraising look. “You and Cam never—” When I swing my head around at her, she snaps her mouth shut, catching herself.
Cam and me? No. That would be insane. Wouldn’t it?
Only now am I starting to wonder why we’ve never hooked up.
I open my mouth to respond as Meredith strolls back to the group.
“Okay, girlies, the plan is that we grab a bite to eat before we shower and rest for an hour, and then we’ll meet back up at the fire pit by the lake.”
“Sounds perfect,” Grace says.
My heart is still lodged in my throat as I nod and follow them down the stone-paved trail that leads to our hotel rooms.
Chapter Thirteen
Camden
Standing in the shower under the heavy downfall of water is a relief to my aching head. After spending the afternoon traipsing around an expansive golf course with my college brothers, I’m much more tired than I expected. Golf has never been my favorite sport. Too much walking, too little game. I prefer the excitement of hockey.
I remember the beaming smile on Natalie’s face from the bleachers at my last game. Her enthusiasm is always infectious, making me play harder, move faster. I wonder what she’s been up to all day. A wine tasting isn’t exactly up her alley either, but I hope she had a decent time. Maybe the wine helped her loosen up and shake some of those nerves she always has around her female friends.
In retrospect, I shouldn’t complain. Spending the day catching up with the guys has been great. We’ve easily fallen back into our easy banter from college, giving each other shit for every missed hole. It’s equal parts hilarious and exhausting, but I’m w
illing to expend that energy because I don’t get to see the guys very often anymore.
I turn off the shower and rub my wet hair with the towel as I drip onto the tile floor. As I wrap the towel around my hips and exit the bathroom, I spot the time on the alarm clock next to my bed. It’s almost time to join everyone around the bonfire. After that, we’re dedicating the night to decompressing in the hot tub. The shower didn’t soothe this headache I’ve been carrying around with me all day, so hopefully relaxing in the warm water will.
I dig through my luggage, pulling out a pair of trunks I bought on my last mall run with Natalie.
“Navy blue is your color,” she said, tossing them at me. That was all I needed to purchase them. Yet another aspect of my life Natalie has had an influence on.
Will there ever be a day that I don’t associate her with everything around me?
God, I hope so.
I leave the trunks on my bed and dress for the bonfire in a pair of jeans and a shirt. After I push a little product through my still-damp hair, I head out the door with my thoughts as my only company.
When I arrive at the clearing at the back of the resort, the fire hasn’t been lit yet. Grace and Meredith are already lounging around the stone pit.
“Hi, Cam.” Meredith smiles. She’s in her bikini top and sweat pants, a loose cardigan draped over her shoulders in a feeble attempt to ward off the cold. The temperature is too low to be so scantily clad, in my opinion. By the way she squeezes her breasts together and smiles at me, I don’t think she’s thinking about the weather.
“How was golfing?” Grace asks, genuinely interested. She’s more practically dressed in her oversized plain sweater, leggings, and long socks.
