by Brooks, Abby
She found her clothes and pulled them on, handed him his shirt but couldn’t look him in the eyes.
“Lilah. Look at me.”
She wanted to, but she was afraid of what she’d see. She froze. Blinked a few times. Then lifted her gaze to his.
“I’m not ready to let you go,” he said.
“Then don’t.”
“But I don’t know how to handle not knowing who you are.”
“You do know who I am.” Lilah held his gaze and prayed he saw the truth in them. “And now that you know I really am a worthless, spoiled little princess, there’s nothing left for you to learn. I’ve shown you everything.”
Lilah wondered at the distance between them. He stood several feet away, his arms hanging loosely at his sides. Was this the way it would be now? Together but apart?
“How can I give you anything when you already had everything?”
Lilah turned away from him. How could she ever explain to him what her life was like before all this? “You’ve already given me more than I already had.”
He scoffed. Made this nasty little sound in the back of his throat. “Don’t blow smoke up my ass, Lilah. I don’t need pretty words right now.”
She whirled, truly mad for maybe the first time in her whole life. “You know what? Just because I had a lot of shit, doesn’t mean I ever really had anything.”
“That doesn’t even make any sense.” Cole’s eyes flashed a warning. He didn’t like being yelled at.
“That silly little wounded girl you met? The one who didn’t know how to jumpstart a car? The one who didn’t know how to balance a budget? The one who had to Google a recipe for sugar cookies and even managed to mess that up? That wasn’t an act. I may have had lots of stuff, but I didn’t know a damn thing about how to live. You know who showed me how to do that?”
She stepped towards him and took a breath. Softened her eyes and tilted her head. “You, Cole.” She held out her hands to him. “You showed me how to be strong. How to save my money. How to make sacrifices to keep things going. You taught me to be proud of myself. You taught me the value of hard work. You showed me what it meant to be really fucking happy. Taught me the difference between living and existing…” Lilah dropped her hands. “Are you really trying to tell me that you have nothing to give me?”
Cole studied her for a moment and she watched tension drip from his body, the last drops of rain after a storm. He laughed, just one short outward breath with a slow shake of his head and closed eyes. When he opened them, that damn grin she loved so much twitched to life at the corner of his mouth. He opened his arms and she rushed into them, pulling him close and swearing to herself that she could never let go.
“When you put it that way,” he said and looked down to catch her eye. “Sounds like you owe me big time, princess.”
27
Cole left shortly after. He packed his bag, apologized to Lilah for leaving, and told her he had to be with his mom. She promised she understood, which she did, and they made plans for her to come visit in the morning. The moment the door closed between them, all the rational thought about how much sense it made for him to leave left with him. Lilah was a shaking bundle of nerves, afraid that his absence said more than the fact that he had come back.
Sleep never fully showed up. Every time she slipped over the edge of consciousness, some terrible dream woke her. By the time morning rolled around with its too-bright sunshine, Lilah had a pounding headache. She stared at the food in her fridge, knowing she should eat, but anxiety had already made a meal of her appetite.
They hadn’t decided on a time for her to show up at the hospital. In fact, they hadn’t said much to each other at all after he fucked her against the wall and she yelled at him. When she brought up talking to her parents about the money again, his eyes had gone blank and he told her they would talk about it with Maggie. That she deserved to be part of the decision.
Well, she thought to herself. He said that I should stop by in the morning and I’m pretty sure it’s morning. There was no way she could stand to be here alone any longer. Not when each second was an eternity of patience and suffering. She ran upstairs, stress speeding her steps, and stopped in the bathroom to splash water on her face. Her eyes were bloodshot from all the crying. Still swollen and red-rimmed. Her hair was a disaster, matted with sweat and tears and standing away from her head. She remembered Cole’s hands twisting in it last night and shivered.
A shower. Then some makeup. A quick glance in her closet to choose an outfit—one of Cole’s favorites, a long sundress with thin straps and a low back. Light fabric that whispered around her ankles when she walked. And that was that. She was out the door.
Maggie was awake and sitting up when Lilah peeked into the room. Maggie smiled, or tried to around the bruises and swelling. “There you are.” Her voice still sounded terrible.
“Here I am.” Lilah forced a smile and bounced her gaze off Cole, still afraid to meet his eyes.
He stood up from the chair he was in and crossed the room to wrap her up in his arms, crushing her into his chest. He kissed her. Not a polite kiss. Not the kind designed for public. This kiss was passion and need and forgiveness. His hands came to her cheeks, cupping them gently.
“Cut it out, you two.” Maggie cleared her throat.
Cole pulled away, but kept one arm around Lilah’s shoulder, holding her to him. “I told mom about your parents. Told her what you offered.”
Lilah looked up, studied his eyes to see if she could see through them and read his thoughts. “Yeah?” A blush worked its way across her cheeks. Why did it feel like she had been caught lying? “What did she say?”
“She said I was a fool for even caring. That there was no way you were anyone other than the person we knew. Rich kid or not.”
“Does that mean you’ll let me help?” Lilah directed the question at Maggie. “You guys have come to my rescue time and time again. This is the one thing I’m good at. Asking my parents for money.” So much shame in that statement. She meant it as a joke, but now that it was out, she hoped they wouldn’t laugh.
“That’s not true,” Maggie croaked. “You make one damn fine sugar cookie.”
Lilah laughed, trying to sound natural while she waited nervously for their response.
“Bennetts aren’t one to take money from people,” Cole said, his eyes locked on his mom. “We’re stubborn as hell and set in our ways and sure that everything can be solved if we can just put one foot in front of the other.”
Disappointment bloomed in Lilah’s chest. “I understand…”
“But,” Cole looked down at her and smiled. “We both took turns convincing each other that just because we’ve always been this way, doesn’t mean we have to stay that way.”
“Does that mean you’re gonna let me help?”
Cole nodded. “Yes.” And then his jaw clenched tight and he swallowed hard. He shook his head and took a breath.
“I think what he’s trying to say is thank you,” Maggie said, her voice thick with emotion.
* * *
Lilah spent the next hour on the phone, talking to her parents, explaining the situation. It didn’t take long to get them to agree to pay for Maggie’s hospital expenses and to help get her set up with counseling if she wanted. Frank and Diane were kind-hearted, eager to help others, to use their money to make life easy—the very traits that had made Lilah who she was. They ended the conversation by inviting Lilah and Cole to dinner.
“You haven’t even really gotten to meet the baby.” Her mother’s voice just melted with pride. “He’s getting so big so fast.”
“I’m sure Cole would love to meet you guys,” she said, even though she wasn’t so sure that’s exactly how Cole would feel.
“It’s a plan then! You know the drill, show up when you feel like it, but I’ll put dinner on the table around six.” There was some muffled conversation, someone talking to her mom. “Here, Lilah, James wants to talk to you.”
; Before Lilah could protest, her mom was gone.
“Giving up already?” asked James, his voice all happy and condescending.
“I’m not giving up.” Lilah crossed her arms and sat back on her heel. She didn’t have time for this.
“Sounds like you just asked mom and dad for some money. Pretty sure that means you just lost the bet, little sister.”
She let all her breath out in one strong rush. “Maybe you should know what you’re talking about before you open your mouth. And if asking for money to help someone who really needs it means I lose some stupid ass bet, then so be it. I expect you’ll go get the rest of the story and I will be waiting for your apology when I see you tonight.”
And with that, she hung up the phone and felt almost giddy. All bets were off. Her secret was out. She could stay in her apartment. Work at the diner. Hell, she could even figure out what she really wanted to do with her life because Lilah had proven that she sure as hell could take care of herself.
* * *
Cole had agreed to dinner with her parents without putting up even a little fight. One look at him now, fussing over his outfit, that damn hunted look back in his eyes, told Lilah that he wasn’t looking forward to it. Not one bit.
“You don’t have to worry you know. You’re gonna love my family and they’re gonna love you.”
“Sure. I know lots of rich dads who love knowing their only daughter is dating some dirty scumbag.”
“Don’t be silly. Money means nothing. What matters is how you treat me. And you treat me like a queen.”
Cole fidgeted with his hair and met her eyes through the mirror. “Giving yourself a promotion? Tired of being a princess?”
“Hell no. Every time you call me that I think of that night you had me kneeling on your bedroom floor and I get all warm and shivery.”
Cole smiled. “I like making you warm and shivery.”
“Good. Now we’ve got a plan for after we get back from my mom and dad’s.”
They left the apartment complex in the rust bucket. Even though Cole laughed and joked, something was off. He didn't touch her. Didn’t put his hand on her back to guide her to the car. Didn’t rest his hand on her knee. Didn’t thread his fingers with hers. There had been a measured distance between them ever since he left her apartment last night. Lilah didn’t like it but pretended not to notice. She spent the drive over their trying to entertain him with witty comments about anything and everything. Maybe he was just nervous.
“Fuck. Me.” Cole stared open-mouthed at her parents’ home. He didn’t move as she turned off the car, parking it behind Harry’s vintage GTO.
“If that’s what you want.” Lilah unbuckled her seat belt. “But don’t you think we might be seen from the house?”
“I can’t do this,” he said, shaking his head.
“You’re Cole Bennett and you can do anything. You can make a living pulling shrimp out of the water when no one else can anymore. Of course you can walk in there and meet my family.”
He nodded. Set his jaw. “Damn right. I’m Cole-fucking-Bennett. I got this.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. Walked up to the front door with Lilah, his hands not once coming near her. Distance between them. Foreign and strange. She met his gaze and he smiled but it never reached his eyes.
Something was wrong.
But she didn’t have time to figure out what it was because the door opened and they were swept into warm hugs and introductions. Cole shook hands with her father and then each of her three brothers while Diane complimented Lilah on her hair.
“I never did like it as straight as you did,” she said and gave her daughter a squeeze on the shoulder.
Lilah caught sight of Ellie bouncing a smiling baby on her hip. He had a shock of dark hair, wispy and light and sticking straight out of his head. “Is this Benjamin?” she asked, eyes wide. “He’s so big!” Lilah reached out and Ellie put little Ben in her arms. He was soft and warm and so squishy. “Oh my goodness, those rolls!”
While Lilah introduced Cole to the rest of the family, James caught her eye. “Mom filled me in,” he said as Cole was led away on the Official Moore Family Tour. Her mom was already pointing out appalling old pictures of Lilah with gaps in her teeth, braids, and plenty of skinned knees.
Lilah yanked her attention away from Cole and gave it to James. “And?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a jerk. I totally understand why you asked for the money.”
“It’s okay. If the roles were reversed, I’d have given you one hell of a hard time, too.”
“So, you know, extenuating circumstances and all. I guess the bet’s still on.” James smiled and shrugged and she could have sworn he considered rubbing her head like he had when they were little.
“Nah,” Lilah said and heard Cole’s voice in her own. It made her smile. He was part of her. “The bet’s off. I’ve learned what I needed to learn.”
James looked surprised. “So you’re coming home? Moving back in?”
Lilah stared after Cole and found him smiling widely, listening to a story told by her parents and her brothers, each of them interrupting the other to get to the next funny bit. “I don’t know,” she said. “There’s a lot up in the air right now. But I do know this.” Lilah turned her attention back to James. “I’m really glad you pointed out what a stuck up bitch I was.” She patted a stunned James on the back and went to join Cole with the rest of her family.
28
Life went back to normal. Maggie came home and moved back into Cole’s bedroom. Lilah stayed at the apartment. Kept her job at the diner. Cole spent most his night’s in her room. They laughed. They talked. They joked. They even touched. Cole’s hands were back where they belonged. On her lower back as they walked out the door. Stroking her knee when they sat on the couch. Kneading her breasts and teasing her clit as they fell into bed at the end of a day.
All in all, things were wonderful. Days spread into weeks and weeks stretched into months. Maggie’s bruises healed and disappeared all together. She did see a counselor and she didn’t go back to her husband. Eventually, she just took over Cole’s apartment and he moved his stuff into Lilah’s. It was gradual. Not some grand gesture of their commitment to each other. It just happened. And it was good.
Lilah was looking into starting some college courses in the spring, although she had not one single clue what she wanted to be when she grew up yet. She did know that she had every intention of paying for it herself. She worked hard at the diner and saved every dollar that came her way so that once she knew what she wanted to do, she’d be ready.
Tonight was one of those nights that sucked while she was in the middle of it but would feel so good when it was over. At least that’s what she kept telling herself as she raced from table to table on aching feet. Her apron was already full of tips and the night was only half over. As tired as she would be when she finally fell into bed, stuffing that money into Lilah’s Official College Fund would be so worth it.
Cole would be here any minute. She kept looking towards the door every time it opened, expecting to see him. If he didn’t get his ass here soon, he would miss her dinner break and he would have to eat alone. She just needed to get her tables caught up and she’d be ready to sit down. Of course, wouldn’t you know it, the serving station was out of ranch and she needed some for three of her four tables. She pushed through the double doors that led to the kitchen and drew up short when she heard a familiar voice. Deep and strong. One that didn’t belong here.
What the hell was Cole doing back here?
Something in his tone of voice was off. Hushed. Intimate. Instead of rounding the corner to ask him what he thought he was doing, she slowed to a halt and listened.
“Thanks, doll,” Cole said. “You’re pretty fucking awesome, you know that?”
“You better believe it, big boy.” That was Christy-Anne, using her sexiest, flirtiest voice. She might as well have been purring.
Lilah’s heart
managed to stop completely and start pounding on her chest like it wanted out at the same time.
“I better get out there,” Cole whispered. “It would be bad news for her to find us like this.”
Christy-Anne giggled. A simpering little thing. “I’d hate for her to get the wrong impression.” Except her tone of voice said she didn’t feel that way at all. Christy-Anne seemed to find the idea of Lilah getting the wrong impression absolutely hilarious.
Lilah took a deep breath. She considered bursting around the corner and confronting Cole now, but couldn’t seem to get her feet to move. She most definitely didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, but what possible explanation could Cole have to be back here whispering with Christy-Anne? She listened to them whisper their goodbyes and fuck if that bitch didn’t think this whole thing was just the best ever. She giggled as she ushered him out the other set of swinging doors. Completely forgetting the ranch, Lilah wandered into the break room and took off her apron. Clocked out for dinner.
She put in her order. Went ahead and put in Cole’s, too. Not like he was going to deviate from any of his patterns. Same damn burger. Same damn iced tea. Same revolving door for women.
Fuck it, she thought. Looks like I’m gonna go right ahead and jump to a conclusion.
When their food was ready, she put it on a tray and carried it to the table. He smiled at her as she drew near and she glared at him. Thunked his plate down in front of him so hard most of his fries hit the table. Plunked not one, but two iced teas down and then dropped into her seat, her meal still balancing on the tray on her hand.
“Damn, Lilah. What’s wrong?” Cole paled under the weight of her gaze.
Lilah tapped into her rich bitch roots and pulled out all the snideness and condescension she could muster. “I don’t know,” she said mechanically. “I’d hate for you to get the wrong idea.” She lifted an eyebrow and sniffed, pursing her lips and purposefully avoiding his gaze as she put her food down so very gently. She slid the tray onto a clear spot on the table and looked up to find him laughing.
