by Maria Duffy
‘They just didn’t have a need for me. I’m not qualified so all I can really do is reception work, and the vets can handle that.’
‘Ah, Holly, love, that’s terrible. What are you going to do now?’
She shrugged. ‘I’m not sure. But I’m not going to stay idle. I’ve applied for loads of jobs but I’d really love to keep working with animals, if I could.’
‘Well, that’s settled then. If you’re free to do one or two walks per day, I’ll pay you for it.’
‘No way. Thanks, but I’m not taking money from you. I’ll walk Simon because I want to. Because we’re neighbours and friends.’
‘Well, it’s no deal then,’ he said, a defiant look on his face. ‘I was going to look into dog walkers anyway. And when I went into hospital, I’d have to pay to send him to kennels. Maybe now I could leave him in the house and you could pop down to him every day to let him out and feed him. I’d pay you the same as I’d be paying the kennels.’
It sounded perfect to Holly. ‘As I said, I’d be glad to walk him, and of course I’ll look after him when you’re in hospital. It would have to be in your own house, though.’
‘Of course. I know your David isn’t too keen on our furry friends.’
She was about to argue but he was right. ‘So will I pop down to you tomorrow and we can arrange a schedule for walking? And you can let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you while I’m at it – shopping or cleaning or anything.’
He chuckled. ‘I’m not a complete invalid yet, but thanks. And yes, tomorrow would be great. But as I said, it’s no deal unless you’ll accept some money for it. Your time is valuable, and with you not working, you’ll need every penny you can get.’
‘We’ll see,’ she said.
He stopped to rub his hip. ‘I’ll let you go ahead, Holly, love. I’m going to turn back. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Any time you like. I’ll be there all day.’
Holly felt buoyed up as she arrived at the row of shops. Mr Fogarty had offered her exactly what she needed. She already missed the animals at the practice and being at home made her feel useless and unwanted. It was only a couple of walks a day, but being with Simon and getting herself some much-needed exercise at the same time could only be a good thing.
As she passed O’Malley’s, her hand went automatically to the phone in her pocket. She remembered how she’d felt when she’d bumped into Josh that day. It was one of the best evenings she’d had in ages. At the time, she’d wondered if it had been fate. If fate had brought Josh to live on her street and if fate had made them bump right into each other. But now she knew that fate was overrated. All of that stuff was just coincidence and she needed to stop living in a fantasy world. What she needed now was to get her head into the real world and that meant organising her wedding and planning to live the rest of her life with David.
Chapter 26
Josh was in the sitting room decorating a Christmas tree he’d picked up on the way home from work. Things had been very strained between himself and Stephanie since the previous day when he’d confronted her about smoking that joint. After her initial outburst, she’d come down from the bedroom looking all sorrowful and remorseful. She’d scraped her hair back off her make-up-less face and was wearing one of his hoodies, which was down to her knees. He’d taken one look at her and his initial instinct had been to fold her into his arms and tell her everything would be all right. Until he’d remembered why they’d been arguing and decided not to give in.
She’d sat down at the table, where he’d been eating a sandwich, and had tried to explain. She’d told him how stressed she was about the baby and how sometimes she just needed something to take the edge off. That’s when he’d realised that it hadn’t just been a once-off, like she’d previously claimed. She’d admitted to it then. She’d said it had only been a few times and she’d blamed her friends. It was difficult being in their company, she’d said, when they were all smoking weed and she was the only one not. She’d tried to justify it by saying it was better than getting drunk every night. That she’d been trying her best. That it wasn’t easy. Josh had listened and tried to be supportive, but he’d still felt angry.
‘I was going to make some dinner,’ said Stephanie, appearing at the sitting-room door. ‘What do you fancy? I could do a chickpea curry?’
‘Whatever.’ He didn’t look up at her.
‘Or how about I make the curry but divide it up and throw a chicken breast into yours. There’s loads in the freezer.’
‘I’m not really hungry, to be honest,’ he said, glancing up at her briefly. ‘I ate a sandwich when I came home.’
‘Well, we can have it later. I’ll go and make a start on it.’
Josh sighed as he opened another box of baubles and began hanging them on the branches of the tree. She was definitely making an effort. He couldn’t deny that. And he liked that Stephanie. The one that wasn’t just thinking of herself. The gesture of the chicken breast was a small one but it hadn’t gone unnoticed. Maybe she’d realised how selfish she’d been and was trying to make amends. He knew he’d have to get over his anger and they’d have to find a way to move forward. He wanted to be able to trust her again but she was going to have to earn that trust. He didn’t want to come across as a nag or a killjoy, but she needed to take responsibility for her own actions and to stay away from any drugs until, at the very least, the baby was born.
He glanced at his watch and saw it was a quarter past five. And it was Wednesday. Exactly a week since the day he’d bumped into Holly. He felt awful for how he’d behaved towards her the previous evening. He’d been so angry that he hadn’t been thinking of what he was saying or how he was speaking. When he’d thought about it afterwards and remembered the look of shock on Holly’s face, he’d felt ashamed. She’d been a friend to him the previous week when he’d needed somebody to talk to. He’d confided in her and she’d offered him some brilliant advice. And then he’d gone and spoken to her like he didn’t care. He really needed to do something to make it up to her.
He wrapped the last string of lights around the tree and plugged them in. It looked fantastic. The room was transformed and the twinkling of the lights made him feel a lot better. He even smiled at the noise of pots and pans clattering in the kitchen, imagining Stephanie doing her best to cook something edible. But despite all the distractions, he couldn’t get Holly out of his head. She’d said that she usually finished work at six so if he went out for a walk again now, just like he had last Wednesday, maybe he’d bump into her again and he could apologise. He stepped out into the hall and grabbed his coat from the bannister. Zipping it right up, he added a scarf for extra warmth.
‘Stephanie, I’m heading out for a walk. I’ll see you later.’
She came to the kitchen door, a wooden spoon in her hand, sweat dripping down the side of her face. ‘On your own? Why?’
‘I just want to clear my head. Listen, I know we’ve had a bad couple of days, but maybe we’ll sit down to dinner later and have a proper chat.’
Her eyes lit up. ‘That would be lovely. I’ll set the table for us and we can have the curry when you get home. How long will you be?’
He thought about Holly and about their chat in the pub the previous week. He thought about how he hadn’t wanted to leave. He looked at Stephanie and shrugged. ‘Dunno. I’ll see how I feel when I’m out.’
He plugged in the outdoor lights before leaving and then stood at the garden wall to admire them. He felt his spirits lift as he headed down towards the shops on the main road. But it wasn’t long before his mood changed again. Despite lingering around the street for twenty minutes and watching the front of the veterinary clinic, there was still no sign of Holly. The door of the clinic had opened once and he’d held his breath, but Holly hadn’t appeared. He hung around for another ten minutes, buying a packet of mints in the newsagent’s and standing against the wall at the corner, pretending to be on his phone, but still nothing. It was well after six o’clo
ck when he realised that his mission was futile and he should just go home. He’d just have to find another way to bump into her.
He felt deflated as he rounded the corner back onto his street. But as he approached his house and looked across at number forty, he saw Holly out front on a stepladder, putting Christmas lights up over the front door. He couldn’t believe his luck. He crossed the road and stood watching her for a moment. She had a string of fairy lights strung over her shoulder and was trying to get them to stay in place. She was obviously getting frustrated and hammered down a little too hard.
‘Shit, shit, shit,’ she said, sticking her hand under her armpit, sending the ladder wobbling precariously.
‘Hey, hey, watch yourself,’ yelled Josh, rushing to her assistance. He held the ladder while she climbed down.
She turned to look at him, her hand still stuck firmly under her armpit. ‘What are you doing here, Josh?’
‘Saving your life.’ He grinned but she just stared at him.
‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘But you can go now.’
‘Don’t be like that, Holly. I’m sorry, okay?’
‘For what? You don’t need to apologise to me for anything.’
‘I think I do. I’m sorry for how I spoke to you yesterday. I know it’s no excuse, but I had a lot going on. I was angry about something and I took it out on you.’
She took her hand out from under her armpit and examined her thumb. ‘Apology accepted. Now, I really need to get on with this. David will be back soon and if the lights are up already, he can’t object.’
‘So he’s not a fan of Christmas cheer?’
She glared at him. ‘He’s just not a fan of too many lights. He loves Christmas. We both do. And we’re planning a fabulous one this year, with it being our first one as an engaged couple.’
Josh knew she was trying to hurt him and he couldn’t blame her. ‘Look, Hols –’
‘Don’t call me that.’
‘But you used to love when I –’
‘Josh! Stop talking about what I used to love or what we used to do. The past is gone. That girl called Hols is gone. I’m Holly. Engaged to David. In love with David. About to be married to David. And you’re about to be a daddy to another woman’s child!’
She was shaking and he wanted to put his arms around her but something in her eyes warned him not to. He stood uncertainly for a few moments as she breathed deeply to regain her composure. He’d obviously really hurt her the previous day because this girl was far removed from the loving one he’d had a drink with only a week before. He tried again.
‘I don’t know what to say except I’m sorry, Holly. I even went out to try and meet you coming from work again this evening. I wanted to apologise as soon as possible for my behaviour.’
‘Well, you would have been waiting because I don’t work there any more.’
‘What? Why?’
‘I finished last Friday. They were over-staffed.’
‘God, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise.’
‘How would you realise?’ she spat. ‘You don’t know me. We’re nothing to each other.’
‘Okay. I deserved that.’ He was about to ask her more about what she was going to do but realised she wasn’t in the mood for a conversation. ‘I’ll leave you to it, so. Good luck with the lights.’
Her face softened a little. ‘Josh,’ she said, as he turned to leave.
‘Yes?’
‘Did you tell her? And did you go and see the doctor?’
He smiled. Despite her steely exterior, she obviously cared. ‘Yes, I told her, and yes, I went to the doctor. I had some blood tests on Friday and they all came back clear.’
Her face lit up. ‘That’s fantastic, Josh. I’m delighted for you.’
He nodded. ‘I’m going to see a specialist next week who’ll run a few more tests to see what’s causing the pain.’
‘I was worried,’ she said, her voice barely a whisper.
‘I know you were,’ he said, holding her gaze. ‘And thanks.’
‘What for?’
‘For being there for me when I needed you.’ He turned and headed back across the street. The conversation hadn’t gone quite as he’d hoped but at least he knew now. He could see it in her eyes. She still cared about him. Really cared. And despite the fact she was angry with him, and rightly so, they still had that connection and he found himself breathing a deep sigh of relief.
Chapter 27
July 2002
‘My parents are moving to Dublin,’ Josh said, as they walked hand in hand through St Stephen’s Green.
It was a beautiful summer’s day and they’d come into Dublin to do some shopping and to meet some of Josh’s college friends. This had always been Holly’s fear. Ever since he’d started college in Dublin two years before and she’d stayed working at various jobs in Kildare, she feared the day would come when he’d want to move.
‘When?’ was all she could manage.
‘By the end of the summer. Dad got transferred to a new department in Dublin city centre so they’re going to rent out the house in Kildare and look at buying here in Dublin.’
‘The end of the summer? But it’s already July.’
‘I’m not going with them, Holly. No way. I’m not leaving you. Not after everything that’s happened.’
Holly’s heart lifted and she stopped to look at him. ‘You’re not? But what will you do? Where will you stay?’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t know yet, but I’ll figure something out. I know Dublin is only an hour away but I couldn’t bear not to see you every day.’
‘But it would be handier for you. To live in Dublin, I mean. With college and everything.’ She felt she had to give him the opportunity. Allow him to spread his wings, if that’s what he wanted.
‘Commuting is fine,’ he said, ‘if it means I get to stay close to you.’
She squeezed his hand as they continued walking in silence. Nothing would ever tear them apart. They’d already been through a lot these last few years and now Josh was choosing her over his family. She lifted her face to the sun and gave thanks for such happiness.
‘I think you need to talk to him,’ said Milly, as they walked down O’Connell Street towards the shops on Henry Street. ‘If you don’t have a proper conversation about the past, about what happened, then things will never run smoothly between you.’
Holly sighed. It was the day after Josh had come over to apologise and she was doing some late-night shopping with Milly in Dublin’s city centre. She’d relayed the whole conversation to her friend and Milly had listened intently to every word.
‘And furthermore,’ Milly went on, ‘if things continue to be strained between you two, either Stephanie or David is going to notice and begin to ask questions.’
‘You’re right,’ said Holly. ‘But sometimes I think if I open my mouth about the past, about how I felt when he left me, it will be like opening the floodgates and I might not be able to stop.’
‘But maybe that’s what you need, Holly. Have you ever really spoken to anyone about it?’
She thought for a moment. ‘Carina was the only one I really spoke to at the time, but she’d just had a baby and was all loved up so I didn’t want to bother her too much. I suppose she knew I was upset but I didn’t really talk about it a lot.’
They rounded the corner onto Henry Street and began the walk down to the Jervis Centre. ‘You know,’ said Milly, linking her arm through Holly’s, ‘I still wonder if fate is trying to tell you something.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean if maybe Josh is the one you’re meant to be with and not David.’
Holly shook her head. ‘We both have our own lives now. That will never happen.’
‘But would you want it to?’
Holly turned to look at Milly and saw the twinkle in her eye. ‘You’re such a shit-stirrer, Milly Martin. And I’m not going to answer that.’
‘Ah! That’s because you would like something to happen.’
‘No, I wouldn’t. And stop trying to put words in my mouth.’
They arrived at the Jervis Centre and were glad to get in out of the cold. ‘Look, Holly. Just talk to the guy. Tell him what you told me about how you felt when he left. Tell him what you never got a chance to tell him at the time. I honestly think you’re holding on to a lot of angst from the past. Maybe if you talk to him, I mean really talk to him – tell him everything and give him a chance to tell his side of the story – then you can put things to rest and move on with David.’
Holly nodded. ‘Maybe.’
‘Or maybe you two will fall madly and passionately in love again and run off into the sunset!’
‘Milly!’
‘Sorry, sorry. I’m just a sucker for a fairy tale.’
They spent the next hour happily shopping for Christmas gifts until their legs and their credit cards couldn’t take it any more. So they found themselves a nice coffee shop and were glad to take the weight off their feet.
‘I should really have ordered a salad,’ said Holly, digging into her enormous cream slice. ‘I’m not going to get thin by eating these.’
‘You don’t need to get thin, Holly. You’re gorgeous. I just wish I was as tall and elegant as you.’
Nobody had ever called her elegant before and Holly beamed at the compliment. ‘What am I going to do about a job, Milly? I hate not earning, especially when David brings so much into the house.’
‘You’re not even a week out of work,’ said Milly, stirring sachet after sachet of sugar into her tea. ‘Why don’t you just relax until after Christmas and think about looking for something then?’
Holly shook her head. ‘That’s just not me. I need to be doing something. Even the few days at home this week have driven me mad.’ She told her then about Mr Fogarty and his dog and Milly nodded sagely.
‘You need to be working with animals, Holly. You were born for it. Why don’t you try the other clinics around? There are quite a few between here and the city centre.’
