by Sasha Silver
Dom be gone!
I did speak to a couple of other “Doms” over the course of the years – none were as bad as that first guy. They were often very dominant and just wanted to explore me having sex with other women.
Then, one day, I wascontacted by a polar opposite – a slave. I thought this was an interesting opportunity to experience the other side of the fence, in this strange world. In fact, at one point I was playing the submissive role to a Dom, and being the Mistress to the slave at the same time (all online, of course). I talked to three slaves in total in the over five years, and learned more than I would have imagined. Let’s just say I no longer consider myself naïve sexually.
So, what is a slave? Well it appears they devote their life to you. You are their Mistress.
I askedlots of questions.
“So, if I want a holiday and I told you to sort it, you would sort it?”
“Yes, Mistress. If that is what you wanted.”
“If I told you I wanted to spend all day in the Trafford Centre with you with a smile on your face and you were not allowed to moan?”
“Yes, Mistress.”
“So, if I said I wanted my dinner cooked every night when I got home, you were to run a bath for me, clean up the kitchen and then moisturize me. You would do all that without moaning?”
“Yes, Mistress”
I’ll have some of that. A slave. The thought of having a compliant man was heaven. He would even dominate you in the bedroom if you commanded it. I decided yes. I wanted a slave. How easy can life be with that, right?
WRONG!
There is a cost, a price to pay.
They want to wear a dog collar and/or a Chasity belt. They will be bowed kneeling at the door when you arrive home, and they want to kiss your feet. Some slaves would like you to humiliate them in these circumstances. They would like you to kick them or tell them to stop being so stupid and get up.
One of them wanted to come and do my garden after I had complained that it was a mess. He wanted me to invite some friends round so we could take the piss out of him and humiliate him, making him work harder and he would serve us lunch and drinks. I thought long and hard about it and the two friends I had in mind were confident, assertive, and I felt we could have a laugh. I felt these particular friends were open minded enough. I just really wanted my garden done, to be honest. I begged my friends, but they insisted it was too weird for them. Needless to say, my garden was never done. Even today, as I look at the tall grass and the weeds poking through, it’s a reminder of the betrayal of my friends who wouldn’t play along. I jest with you.
You see, along with the adoration they will give you, is the crushing need to be belittled and rejected. I concluded that I am far too nice and normal for that and decided sadly that having a slave was not for me. (Although I always keep one eye open for a slave without the odd bits.)
So, it appears I am too nice and not dominant enough to be a Mistress, and too bossy and not submissive enough to be a sub. Guess then, it’s time to leave that one alone. Box checked and deleted.
At the beginning of this whole thing, I promised some stories about my adventures. Here is the first one about a dominant man that I met and became friendly with. The names have been changed, but the facts are all true.
Dominic from Preston (The Dom)
I had telephoned my friend, Ann, excitedly from work to tell her how many pages I had now written in my book. She sounded really down and was crying. I asked Ann what she was doing that night, and I said I would come over and cheer her up. I left work and went straight to her house.
Within half an hour I had put a smile on her face and had her laughing. Eventually, we ended up talking about dating sites, and she seemed disappointed and disheartened once again. I guessed she was experiencing the same kind of things as I was but didn’t have the emotional resilience to deal with it. Ann said she felt empty and lonely and the worst thing was the feeling of hopelessness. The feeling that she would never find anybody.
We continued chatting and I saw an advert on the television, and it gave me an idea. Why don’t we try and find each other a date? I would do all the vetting for her and vice versa. I could probably chat more freely and be a bit more probing. She loved that idea and gotonline immediately to startlooking for me. I could see Ann smiling as she flicked through her phone and that lifted both our spirits.
Now my intention here was that she would start talking to somebody about me, having picked somebody she thought I’dbe attracted to. But then, she might end up talking to somebody who she ordinarily wouldn’t. And who knows, she may end up making her own connection with him. That was my plan.
Half an hour later she said, “Oh my God, I got you a date.”
Well I couldn’t believe it. I was struggling to engage men for her and was getting comments like, “Oh grow up. We aren’t in the school ground now.” (Even days later I was struggling to achieve my challenge of finding her a date.)
She wouldn’t tell me anything about my date other than his name and age. She wanted me to meet this guy without knowing anything about him, including what he looked like, so that I didn’t have any preconceptions. Normally I would have spoken on the phone, or by text, but I had nothing, and the thought of meeting him was scary. I was very much outside of my comfort zone.
I pulled into the car park a few nights later and waited. My friend’s text had informed me that Dominic would be driving a black BMW 56 plate. My heart was thumping. I am usually in more control on a first date. It was scary and exciting all at the same time.
Then, I saw him pull in. We got out of our cars, kissed each other on the cheek, and ran through the raininto the pub. After ordering drinks at the bar, he guided me towards a quiet corner of the pub. We sat down and the conversation flowed between us
Now, I don’t know if I have mentioned this before, but there is something about me that creates a familiarity with people. People have always said to me over the years – men and women – that when in my company, it’s like they have known me for years and people relax. This can be a bad thing sometimes because familiarity breeds contempt, but on the other hand people reveal sides to me quite quickly without meaning to. Something when dating, is a bonus.
So, we were talking about our internet experiences. Dominic sounded a little like me – meeting lots of people. In fact, he’d met four women the previous Saturday: one at 10am, one at 2pm, one at 4pm and one at 7pm. He was very open and honest about it all. He had even met a woman the night before we met.
Then it happened, somehow, he moved the conversation on to sex.(He did say to me after the conversation that he had never spoken so freely or candidly on a first date before. But I was kind of glad he did.)We discussed my experiences of internet dating, and I confessed that I was writing this book because of some of the interesting situations I’d found myself in. He seemed quite interested, telling me he was thinking of writing one too - from a male perspective.
As we continued talking, I was thinking to myself, “Well done Ann, you beauty.” She’d found me a right, good little gem.
Then the bombshell came. He was a Dom looking for a sub. My heart sank, and the feeling of disappointment just swept over me.
He was a true Dom. Not just somebody dabbling. He wanted complete sexual submission and showed me some very graphic pictures of a naked woman curled up on her knees, with her hands handcuffed to her feet. This frightened the hell out of me. All I could think about was what my arse would look like stuck in the air. My rolled stomach slumped on the floor. And at my age, I can’t be on my knees for too long. I think with a Dom you spend a lot of time on your knees, and this wouldn’t work for me. I looked at the picture and said, “I would never be able to do that.” He talked about opening my mind, confronting my fears, dealing with my inhibitions, and freeing my mind. To be honest, I do need all of that, but I didn’t think he was the man to do it.
Dominic continued to explain what life would be like as a submissive woman an
d explained the kind of emotional intensity this kind of relationship endures. He explained that this kind of relationship needs a lot of emotional commitment. That kind of intensity and emotional commitment from the outset feels like just too much for me, even with him just saying it, I felt suffocated.
At the end of the evening Dominic asked me for my number and told me he would like to see me again. He also explained that he had met a lot of women recently and he had some lined up for a second date; a couple were about to be a third date. Interestingly, he said he wouldn’t sleep with any of them until he had made his selection. Dominic was very clear that once he had made his selection, he would devote complete loyalty and faithfulness to that lady. He was only seeing a lot of different women now in order to make his selection.
I left the date intrigued and went home to reflect. I decided this was way out of my comfort zone. I wouldn’t be contacting him again. I hoped he wouldn’t contact me and make the decision for me, as I didn’t know if I could resist him if he asked to meet me again.
Of course, he did make contact again. But my decision that this wasn’t for me made communicating with him easier. I didn’t have any emotional hang ups about him, and that meant I could talk freely. I wouldn’t care if I pissed him off or not. So, now, I could get all my questions about this Dom/slave stuff answered.
Me: Can I ask you a question?
Dom: Ask your question
Me: Are Doms capable of true love?
Dom: Well, first of all, true love might mean different things to different people. I am capable of loving and committing to one person, but equally, I am able to move on very easily if it breaks down. So that might mean I wasn’t truly in love, but I know I have felt completely and truly happy at the time I was in it and it was working.
Me: I just wondered if “love” meant that you had lost control
Dom: I know what you’re saying and I am not sure I can define it in a text. By the way I liked you, you were good company – I could see us being friends and meeting up for a coffee and a natter sometimes if you feel the same.
Me: Yes, that might be nice.
We did keep in regular contact, and he often gave me the male perspective on things. But then one night before I went on holiday, I got a text from his phone.
Her: Hi, this is Mandy, Dominic’s final choice. I am using his phone to let you know that Dominic died suddenly last Saturday morning. Our relationship was very intense and extremely happy from the moment he decided. I am utterly devastated but here are his funeral arrangements if you would like to attend.
Me: I am so sorry, what happened?
Her: They are continuing to investigate but the initial results show a brain hemorrhage.
Me: He told me about you. He said you were the amazing last chapter of his book.
Her: Thank you for saying that.
I could not stop thinking about them as a couple, how sad it all felt. How he had invested so much time into finding the “right woman” for him and then dying so soon after finding her. I found the similarities of our health circumstances really quite bizarre, and it took me weeks to stop thinking about him.
Bradley from Bury(The slave)
Bradly contacted me on the site and his profile was lovely. He had quite attractive pictures and lived not too far from me. We started chatting and all seemed quite normal.
Then he sent me a message saying, “I have not been on this site too long and have been single for nearly three years after a twenty-year marriage, but I am looking for the right woman. I want to be her lover, partner as I enjoy pleasing, and, to be honest, obeying her as I am used to it as my ex expected that. I respect and miss it. I like to do as I am told. I hope that is ok with you.” Ok with me? Ok with me? Wow a man that likes to do as he is told? Of course, it’s ok with me.
“So, you’re a slave?”
“No one has said that, but kind of. Yes, I think I am submissive.” He seemed surprised that I had put a name to his desires. “I mean I am the kind of man that likes to please a lady: cook for her, clean for her, massage her and be told what to do.” Helloooo! If that’s it, then saddle up kid.
At this point, I am just sussing this situation out. I don’t want any sexually deviant behavior.
Well, it turned he didn’t have any sexually deviant behaviors. Combined with his desire to have me give him some instructions, I figured I’d give this “slave” thing a go again.
I told him that he had four rules:
If he couldn’t text me because he was busy he had to text me to let me know that he was going to be busy and for how long.
He must answer every text quickly (unless he has done number one).
He was not to go on the site any more.
He was to plan our first meet.
He failed to do all of them. So, either he isn’t a real slave, or, boy, does he need telling what to do.
We have over the course of our internet relationship arranged to meet several times. He has cancelled me twice, and I have cancelled him twice. But, to be honest, I lost interest. One of the occasions he cancelled was an hour before he was due to leave his home. His daughter was apparently poorly and was demanding some attention from him. This is why “no kids” that are young is part of my “wish list.” Selfishly, I want a man who puts me first.
Bradley continued to pursue me and I cancelled our next two dates. But I did finally meet him. Actually he was attractive, more so than I thought.
This date was a first for me. I didn’t know how I was going to react. Ordinarily, when you go on a date you play down your bossy side, don’t you? You want to impress a man. But on this date, my bossy side was what he wanted to see.
I did it, and I did it well, too. Bossy is not something I am very good at, usually, but the way I felt about men at that moment, I fell into that role very easily.
As we walked into the pub, I told him, “Right, you get me a cappuccino, and I will go find us a seat.” Off I went. He returned with my coffee, but no sugar. “Where’s my sugar?” He scurried off and returned with my sugar. “And how do I stir it?” Off he went again to find a spoon. He was of course more prepared when I told him I wanted a second coffee.
We chatted quite easily, which surprised me. I did feel a tad awkward. I think because I have had this guy running around after me for weeks. I have made him stop in his tracks and go and find somewhere to wank. Not because this turned me on, but because I could. So, to be sitting and chatting away just seemed odd.
When I got home after our meeting, I got a text from Bradley. “I thought you looked amazing, my mistress, and I would be so grateful if you would allow me to serve you.”
Now, I have a dilemma here, he feels to me like a man with a broken heart. He has not had a relationship since his twenty-six-year marriage broke up, which caused him to have a breakdown. It just felt wrong to take advantage of that weakness in him at the moment. I was not sure how this was going to work.
It turns out it didn’t work. He has asked to come to my house for the second date. Or even take me away to a hotel so he could “serve me.” I categorically told him that sex was not on the agenda for a second date. He went off in a strop, and we stopped talking.
I think the whole slave concept is a ruse, honestly. It’s just another sure-fire way to get a woman to sleep with you. This way she thinks she is in control and calling the shots. Clever, I say, very clever.
Scammers
It was a couple of years ago that I received my first message from what I have now come to know was a scammer. His profile picture was of a seemingly very attractive man so I was already interested. To add to my excitement, he sent me the mother of all messages.
You look like a beautiful angel. Your eyes are so gorgeous and blue they made him melt. From the moment I looked at your photograph, and for the first time in my life, I have fallen in love. With you. This has never happened before just from looking at a photograph.
Well, of course, l I was taken aback and really flatter
ed actually and responded very quickly. (I realize now, in hindsight, him being a scammer, this was probably one of many messages he sent like that.)He never replied. I was upset and thought about his message for a long time, wondering if I had said something wrong in my return message. But, in the world of internet dating this isn’t all that rare (see next chapter on Houdinis), so I pulled up my big girl panties and soldiered on.
The next scammer that came along was Teddy from New York. This was a few years ago and I was still quite cyberly naïve (is that a word?). Similar thing as the first guy: an attractive picture and an amazing message that talks of my beauty and finding a soul mate. This guy said he wanted to look after me for the rest of his life.
At the same time, I was talking to Teddy, another American sent me a message and he was stunningly gorgeous, so my head was turned (yes, women can be shallow too). As I continued talking to them both, something started to dawn on me. Something wasn’t right. I had questioned both about their nationality many times. Both insisted they were born and bred in the USA. Then why was their English so poor? They also both seemed to have lots of similarities in terms of what they wanted from a woman, in life, their jobs. They both even told me they were on a mission in Kabul. Both said they were widowers and had a child living with their mother in another country. It felt strange, so I Googled it. I think I typed the words “internet scams – Kabul – widows.” The first thing that came up was International scammers. My heart dropped, and I quickly stopped talking to them.
I was contacted by some more of these scammers, and I began to notice the similarities in their profiles. They all talk about finding love and marriage. In my experience, men don’t talk like that often, at least the men that I’ve known. These scammers write stuff like that knowing it will draw a woman in because it’s different from most guys they’ve met and dated, and most women are looking for exactly that.
Here is a typical profile of a scammer. I have written it word for word, mistakes and all. Pay attention to the spelling mistakes and use of words. I think he typed into Google Translate in posted exactly what came back. There’s always a bit of a disconnect when you do that, small nuances of the languages that are missed. Key pieces of information to look for, other than the bad grammar, are they say theyare currently working in the US Army and a widower, sometimes throwing in a child they are separated from. And remember, this profile is coupled with a very handsome picture.
