by Sasha Silver
Then, two hours later he messaged me back with a broken heart emoji.
Honestly, I think this guy was married. He didn’t text at night and was pestering me to meet him during the day. He didn’t do evenings. Of course, he denied it, and that he’d been divorced for fifteen years. I just didn’t believe him.
I blocked him on my phone and he then contacted me a few weeks later on the dating site. He just kept sending me sad faces.
Four weeks went by and he sent me a broken heart picture on the dating site. So, blocked him on that site. Then another month later he contacted me on Kik Messenger. Once again he sent pictures of broken hearts. So strange. I didn’t reply.
Martin from Chorley
Martin contacted me and he looked reasonably attractive. The main reason for me accepting his contact request was because he was tall and he lived locally – I told you my requirements have gotten a little less strict.
We started chatting and I got a sense of a naughty boy straight away. I don’t mind naughty, but I did have to make sure if he was local, that I didn’t let him get too naughty in case we met.
Martindid tell me that he wasn’t a man who wanted to send endless messages, and wanted to know if this would result in me meeting him. He didn’t want to waste his time. He was straight to the point, but I liked that. Direct, blunt and you know what to expect. I assured him that I had every intention of meeting him.
One conversation we had, really put my guard up.
ME: Is that photo you just sent me of you right now?
HIM: Yes in a pizza house in Bordeaux
ME: Lol are you in the toilet?
I didn’t get a reply for some time, which was fine because I figured the pizza arrived. Then he sent a photograph of the pizza parlor.
ME: Lovely. You with the lads?
HIM: Yes although wishing I was actually inside someone.
Now it is at this point where I consider what to do. I can either ignore the message and look like a prude or encourage the talk. Or the third route. Which is the one I decided to take; engage on a halfhearted basis. I was hoping to either divert the conversation or find out more without me ending up telling him to fuck off.
ME: Got someone in mind?
HIM: I certainly have
ME: Lol, I wonder who?
HIM: With my balls deep inside you
ME: You’re cheeky
HIM: And very dirty
ME: Oh, what makes you so very dirty then?
HIM: Sexy Women
ME: No I meant, what is it you do that makes you so dirty? (I appreciate at this point the conversation could take a very slippery slope, but if this man has some odd fetishes, now was the time to find out.)
HIM: Love licking my cum off my woman
ME: Yes lol that’s dirty. You sound experienced.
HIM: Depends who is turning me on.
I decided to let the conversation end there and left it until the next day to send another message asking him when he was going to be back in the UK. He was planning on being back the next day, so I waited to hear from him. I didn’t. Since our scheduled date was the day after he returned I expected at least a text letting me he’d made it home.
The next day I still hadn’t heard from him. By late afternoon, I realized the date was not going to happen. I debated what to do; do I let it go or do I send a rude message to him? I decided to send him a message, I couldn’t help myself.
ME: Well it’s evident now that we aren’t meeting tonight. I can only assume you either met somebody else or you lost interest. Thank you for your fucking honesty. I had rearranged my plans in order to meet you. So, thank you, you selfish prick.
Ten hours later he replied.
HIM: Even I cannot anticipate striking French wankers!
ME: A text would have been polite.
HIM: Clearly
ME: Do you disagree?
HIM: Usually x
One has to wonder why you can text as frequently as you do and yet at the crucial point of meeting you go quiet and then get upset when challenged implying it’s not your fault.
I was contacted by a guy who talked like he knew me. I was kind of freaked out to be honest. You hear stories about stalking and all sorts of scary things that happen from online dating, I was worried that it was happening to me. It turned out that it was Les…remember the body builder and former lodger? Yeah, that’s the one. (On a side note, this is the third time that I’ve mentioned Les…read into that what you want.)
Well, Les got quite dirty with me pretty quickly. He kept just asking if he could come to my house and fuck me. He never really talked to me, but would just keep sending me those kinds of messages. My reply was always the same, blunt and authoritative in tone…a definitive no. Obviously our conversations started to phase out until we were no longer in contact.
It was about three months later that Les made contact again on the dating site. He said that he’d reinstated his account just to make contact with me. Apparently, he had changed his working patterns now, and was ready to date. That was why he’d gone quiet before, he knew he really had no free time. He appeared quite genuine and spent ages asking if he could start texting me again. I agreed and the conversations started.
This time he was well behaved and didn’t mention anything about coming to my house and fucking me. This pleased me. We texted each other for about two weeks before he asked me out for a drink. I agreed, although deep down I was a little apprehensive. He was a short with no hair, and obsessed with the gym. Oh, and the food lifestyle that being obsessed with the gym brings; boiled rice, chicken. He still lived in a shared house, renting only a room and drives a really old car. He didn’t really seem to have progressed much in life from when I knew him. I knew I was being shallow though, so decided that I would meet him and see what happened.
The night before our date, he was texting asking about the venue we were meeting and what time. I asked if I could meet him in the car park. Then Les asked me how I was feeling about meeting him. I told him I was nervous and excited. He said that he felt the same way, but couldn’t wait to see me again. Finally, he reminded me of how he had spent six months living with me, fancying me the whole time, in great detail.
On the morning of our date, I hadn’t heard from Les. For the first time ever he hadn’t messaged me to say good morning. I was at work and got distracted and at lunch time I checked my phone. He had blocked me! Can you believe it? He had blocked me. I have no idea why either. The last text he sent said, “Yes, looking forward to seeing you.” I was actually slightly relieved, so wasn’t terribly upset, just couldn’t believe he’d blocked me.
Paulao from Liverpool
Every now and then a guy comes along and I wonder, “Is this the guy that’s going to be the final chapter of my book?” Every now and then I think I found the one that will end all my stories worry that if “this is the one” there will be no more stories. But they always fuck it up. I’ve learned not to worry too much because I’m pretty sure that I’ll always have another story to tell. Which brings me to Paulao from Liverpool. Paulao sent me a first message that said, “U want to meet?” I answered in my normal way about surely he should introduce himself first.
Paulao was thirty-nine years old, but explained that he had a love of older women. I’m still not totally sure what he did for a job as it changed several times during our conversations. As our chat moved very quickly to mobile it became clear he had forgotten what he had told me. One minute he was a professional carpet cleaner, then a car salesman, sometimes he cooked for his dad in the family restaurant and sometimes he was a chef who also baked cakes. These inconsistencies make me question why I continued to talk to him. I guess I just believed things would go right in the end if I gave it a fair crack of the whip (excuse the pun).
For a whole weak, Paulao phoned me. He got on my nerves actually. He was definitely a cheeky, cocky, confident character. While he was covered in tattoos and was heavier than what I normally find attractive,
he was also six foot four with a cocky, cheeky attitude that I did quite like. He grew on me. He was relentless in his quest to get a date. So I finally succumbed.
I heard all week how different he was from other guys, and how I was about to find out. All I heard from him was what a good catch he was and how he was going to make me happy. He was going to take me away on holiday, inundate me with flowers, chocolates and gifts. He wanted to cook for me and look after me. There was a point when he did get sexual with me, but I slapped his virtual hands and he soon stopped.
We had arranged to meet at seven-thirty on a Saturday night at a pub in my local town. I was going to send him a post code of the location. I was surprised as the week went on that he didn’t badger me for it. I do play this trick sometimes. It has never failed me. I usually know by the night before the date that I am going to experience a no show.
On Saturday morning, he sent me a text in the morning just like he normally did. It just said, “Good morning babe.” And had lots of love hearts.
I replied when I woke up. But when it got to midday I was surprised he hadn’t made contact again. This was unusual for him.
I didn’t really want to send another text, but I needed to know if we were going to actually meet that night. “Hey, are you working?”
He replied minutes later. “Yes I am.”
“Oh, okay. What time are you done?”
“I’ll be done by five.”
I left him alone after that. Then around two-thirty I got another text from him. “Can’t wait tosee you.”
“Me too,” I replied.
I assumed, like normal, he would call me when he was done with work. But, it got to be six o’clock, and I still hadn’t heard from him. I was feeling a little cross. I texted him again. “Are we still on for tonight?”
Once again, he responded very quickly. “I’m still at work. Itold you I was in work until 7.” Uhhh no, you did not.
I sent him the caption shot of our conversation where he’d said he was finishing at five. By now the time was pressing on and we were arguing.
PAULAO: Can we meet at 9? I had to work. I can’t help that.
ME: I understand that. And delaying the time is fine. I just wish you would have communicated with me.
PAULAO: I don’t have a good signal at work.
I was livid with him. If he had apologized for not communicating, I would have been fine. But he was very aggressive with his tone implying that I was being unreasonable. I decided I would not meet him.
At ten to nine he sent me a message, “So you’re not meeting me then. Cheers.”
I responded with my usual expletive rant about his attitude. He finally sent me a text saying, “Okay, I’m sorry is that what u want me to say. Put that in your book.”
I will, thanks Paulao, and you just got me to 40,000 words.
I have to say, these men just absolutely bewilder me. I have no idea why a guy would arrange a date with the intention of never meeting you. A thought did occur to me though and you have to bear it in mind. You have no idea who you are really talking to online. They could even be somebody just having a laugh whilst they are sitting in a hospital bed in a lunatic asylum.
Men Behaving Badly
One thing that I have learned about internet dating is that men can and are, very full on sending texts before they meet you. To the point that it can be quite suffocating. Some guys are so attentive they count down every hour until they see you. Some tell you things like, “I feel like a school boy going on his first date.” I have had guys talk about the butterflies they are experiencing, and actually, I have told a porky lie and pretended to be as equally as excited.
When you meet them their body language tells you that they like you. After meeting I get a text telling me how lovely the evening was and how they enjoyed meeting me…then the withdrawal starts. Now, I thought the withdrawal was about not finding me attractive, but often they boomerang back and ask why I didn’t text them. But I always send one text the next morning and possibly two…but no more. I find this behavior disappointing and is the number one contributory factor as to why I am still single. Maybe I just don’t have the patience to play the game afterwards?
Some guys have said to me that they don’t want to look too keen. Keen! Not look too keen? Isn’t this exactly the time to be keen?
I asked one of my male friends about this withdrawal process. His reply was,“Men are told women don’t like a man seeming too keen. On the other hand, it can freak some people out of either sex, if someone’s keenness suggests they are wanting to set a wedding date and they’ve only just met. People are always saying what they think they should say and trying to interpret what someone means. It would be a much better place if people just said what they mean and not leave people to read between the lines. “
“So, to confirm, are you saying that men think women don’t like keen?” I asked.
“Yes. And there is that whole ‘bad boy exciting/ good boy boring’ stuff going on. Playing it cool might suggest that he is a bad boy. Seeming keen might cover too earnest, dull and boring.” I can’t make up my mind about this. Keen is sometimes dull, I will agree. But not from somebody that you really like or fancy.
So, guys out there, if you’re reading this, if a woman likes you, show her you are keen or she’ll think you aren’t and look for someone who is.
I recently watched a wild life documentary on TV. There was a part of it that I felt resembled, internet dating. The program was about the natural migration of elephants in Africa. The presenter talked about the yearly trek that these elephants make to this particular reserve. The reserve welcomes elephant herds from different regions. The elephants wore collars around their necks so that camera crew/journalists could track them on this journey.
There was one particular elephant that I focused in on, Matt. Matt is an elderly, experienced, enormous bull elephant who was in a heightened state of arousal/aggression. He needed to mate with a female who is also hormonally ready to mate. This story interested me as it reminded me of the human males currently hiding away on these internet dating sites. Matt had walked many hundreds of miles to the reserve. It had taken him several weeks to reach his destination, andhe’d encountered many difficulties on his journey.
As I watched, fascinated, Matt came across a female elephant. He looked at her, focused as he walked towards her. She was surrounded in a circle by ten other younger, inexperienced bulls all waiting to mate with her. I felt a bit sorry for her actually, she looked like prey being hunted. Matt watched over her and kept guard, and when the timing was right he decided to make his move storming towards his competition. Matt eventually won the right to mate with her; it took all of five seconds. That’s right, five bloody seconds of sex! That says it all.
This kind of male bull behavior is indicative of our fellow man too. I have personally witnessed that for myself from these dating sites; I have seen the lengths a man will go to and how much he himself will endure for a promise or a hope of a sexual encounter. So, when I say that internet dating is a jungle, it’s absolutely true.
This chapter delves into some of those things that men will do for that five seconds.
Joseph from God Knows Where
Joseph sent me a message and I found his photographs attractive, but his location was Worthing, which, for those of you who don’t know, is in the South of England – not so close to me. Usually I would have just deleted the message. I didn’t want to get into yet another conversation about how he was prepared to drive to me and how we could make this work seeing each other once every eight weeks or so. I find them boring and pointless. These conversations can often disintegrate quite quickly, so no point starting them. For some reason, though, I answered this message from Joseph. Now, I wish I hadn’t bothered. I learned a lesson, however, and I will definitely never answer a message again from somebody living too far away from me again.
I replied to Joseph and told him that Worthing was too far for me. I thanked him for ma
king contact and I was flattered he had. He instantly responded, saying he lived in Preston - which wasn’t too far from me. My attitude changed.
We chatted for a few days, and I felt that there was a connection, albeit a small one. As per usual, progressed to swapping mobile numbers and started “WhatsApping” each other. He sent me a message saying, “I’m about to board my flight to Turkey so will go quiet for a couple of hours.”
I quickly replied. “Oh, you’re going on holiday?”
A few hours later her replied, but only told me that he’d flown to Bodrum from Instanbul. He never really answered my question about being on holiday, so I tried again.“That makes sense. How long are you on holiday?”
“A month.” A month? There was no way I was going to be able to sustain talking to him for a month. And really I wouldn’t want to. Add to that, the fact that he would be returning as I was going on holiday to Holland…it would be about five or six weeks before we actually met. This did not sit well with me and my heart sank a little.
I thought about it, for a few days, however, and decided that I would continue to talk to him. But I would definitely keep myself emotionally detached. I would continue to talk to other guys, and maybe even go on dates. Just go with the flow. Who knows what would happen?
Joseph and I continued to talk. At one point, I asked him about his return date. He tried to cleverly steer the conversation away from that question, but I was having none of it. My guard was up. It felt like he was hiding something.
The next time he phoned I asked him directly, “What is your return date? You avoided giving me an answer.”
“I don’t have a return date. I bought a one-way ticket. I will come to UK to meet you though, I promise,” he finally admitted. I knew there was something sketchy about this one.
“You told me you were from Preston.” I was a bit angry that I’d wasted time on him.
“I know, I actually live here, in Turkey,” he confessed.“If I’d told you from the beginning that I lived in Turkey, you wouldn’t have spoken to me.”
