The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

  “Lars double-crossed us. He’s got at least two other guys with him, two level fours. One’s a wizard and the other’s some sort of gun mage, from what I’ve found out. That’s three badasses coming at you at once.” Tyler let out another long sigh. “You’ve got to believe me, Brownstone. I didn’t plan this shit. I would have called you sooner, but Lars had two goons watching me and they had my phone. You can ask Lieutenant Hall later about the beat-down they gave me. I risked my handsome face for you.”

  James grunted. “I don’t think you would plan something like this. You’re a dick, but you’re not a psychopath.”

  Tyler chuckled. “You should also know that Maria is pissed at both of us. She chewed my ass out enough for the both of us, but if you make it through this, you might want to avoid her for a while. I think she might try to put her foot up your ass.”

  James stopped loading magazines into his harness. “Shit, Lieutenant Hall knows about all this?”

  “Yeah. Other than her being pissed, what’s the big deal?”

  “She might…tell some people I know, is all, and they’ll be pissed.”

  “Some people you know?” Tyler laughed. “You sound like you’re afraid of a woman finding out. You got a girlfriend, Brownstone? How did you hide that shit from me?”

  “Fuck off, Tyler. None of your fucking business.” James grabbed a few grenades and clipped them onto his tactical belt.

  “Hey, don’t worry about it. Anyway, I still have faith in your ability to kick ass. I’ve never lost money betting on you, and…fuck. Sonofabitch.” Scratching filled the other end of the line.

  “What’s going on?”

  Tyler muttered something before coming back over the line. “Someone just took out all my drones. Fuckers. I had eyes on Lars and Patrick—that’s the wizard—but I don’t have eyes on the third guy—the gun mage. Lars and Patrick are behind a large dune about a hundred yards out from the coordinates.”

  James started slipping throwing knives into sheaths. “At least now I know the fuckers are already here.”

  “Without the drones, I’m not going to have a lot of the good aerial camera angles. And that’s if they don’t jam the shit.”

  “So sorry. Next time, make sure you don’t get double-crossed by a cop-killing psychopath.” James grunted and slid a K-Bar into his final open sheath. “You’re still gonna make a shitload off the betting, even if they take out every camera.”

  “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Look, like I said, I still believe in you, asshole. I haven’t lost money yet by betting on you, and I’m betting heavily. So if you die, it won’t just be hard on you. It’ll be hard on me.”

  James snorted. “Love your priorities. Doesn’t matter. Let’s make lots of money. I’ve got to save up for Disneyland.”

  “That isn’t too far off. No matter how much money you make, there is a way to spend it all there. They make Happy Magic Land seem cheap by comparison.”

  Both men laughed.

  “See you, Tyler.” James ended the call and lowered his phone.

  He was about to stick it in his pocket when it rang again. He lifted it back to his face.

  “What, Tyler?”

  Alison laughed. “It’s not Tyler.”

  James’ stomach tightened. The timing of her call was too perfect.

  “What’s up, kid?”

  “Tell me you’ve got the amulet with you. Please tell me that you’ve already got it on.”

  The amulet whispered in his mind. Pride, maybe.

  James sighed. “Yeah, but how did you know I needed it?”

  A few beats of silence ticked by. “That’s not important. What is important is that Mom is going to rip your manhood off if you get hurt doing your stupid pay-per-view event. She’s pretty hot right now since she’s worried.”

  James frowned. “What? Okay, I don’t know how you know about this. Well, I have an idea, but I guess that’s not important. Why would Shay be that mad about it? I’m a bounty hunter. I go after bad guys. The only difference this time is that I knew where they’d be, so why I am in trouble?”

  “Are you serious right now?”

  He shrugged. “I’m just saying. Maybe things haven’t gone the way I planned, but that isn’t different from any other bounty, so why would she be so worried?”

  “You know how you can tell if someone’s lying to themselves?”

  James closed the back door of his truck. He had all the equipment he needed. “You look at their soul energy?”

  “No, Dad. That’s how I would know.” She laughed. “I meant, how do you know if you’re lying to yourself?”

  He leaned against the side of his truck. “I don’t lie to myself. Ever.”

  “Everyone does, and I know you did, but given what Mom was saying, it’s obvious that you didn’t tell her. Are you going to honestly tell me you didn’t know about this pay-per-view thing for the last few days? It doesn’t sound like something that’d be set up in a day.”

  James winced. “Yeah, I’ve known about it for a few days.”

  “Which means you didn’t tell her on purpose, so you’re lying to yourself if you’re saying that you didn’t purposely keep it from her. That means that, on some level, you knew she’d worry.”

  James groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Well, I didn’t want to distract her. She needs to concentrate on… Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll tell her that next time I talk to her.”

  “I’m glad you understand. Now get out there and kick their butts, and maybe wear a cup next time Mom’s home. And you owe me a show when I get home, too.”

  “Sure. Maybe we can go see Hamilton at the Pantages.” James smiled.

  “Love you, Dad.”

  “Love you too, Alison.” He hung up and pocketed his phone.

  So even if I survive Lars and his asshole friends, I still have to survive Shay.

  James marched toward the coordinates, thinking about everything Alison had said. She was right. He could have told Shay, but he’d held back.

  Fuck. That’s not the way to have a relationship. She’s got every right to be pissed at me when she comes back.

  As James approached the appointed area, he frowned. Still no sign of Lars or anyone else. He wasn’t that worried about taking on more than one at a time, but he needed them to at least be somewhere he could see them.

  He looked at the far dunes. Tyler had said they were there, but they might have moved.

  James considered calling Heather, but it wouldn’t help. Even if she could get drones in the area, they’d just be taken out like Tyler’s.

  It was time to apply the same strategy everyone was always trying to apply to him.

  “Fucking Lars,” James shouted. “Why don’t you come out and face me? I thought you were ready to face me, but you’re just a pussy, huh? A fake reputation.”

  Something slammed into James’ chest. Pain spiked through his ribs, and he fell to the ground, blood soaking into his shirt.

  The amulet shouted in his mind, furious.

  “You’re telling me,” he muttered. He hissed and scrambled back to his feet, running zigzag toward a nearby dune and trying to ignore the pain. Something else whizzed by his head. Someone was blasting at him with high-powered, high-velocity rounds that could wound him but not make any noise.

  Fucking gun mage.

  Bullet after bullet struck behind him, kicking up dust and rock. A bullet grazed his thigh, and another clipped his shoulder.

  James grunted and continued running toward the dune. He leapt behind an extensive outcropping, trying to ignore the pain from his wounds. The throbbing in his leg made him wonder if the bone had been damaged.

  “That shit got past you, huh? That means someone with a big-ass gun is out there. If I didn’t have you, I’d probably have a hole the size of Kansas in me.”

  The amulet raged in his mind. Vengeance. Anger.

  The bounty hunter ignored his angry body partner for a moment and grabbed one of the healing potion
s from a pouch. “Glad I got a six-pack from Zoe.”

  He downed the potion, and his wounds sealed themselves in under fifteen seconds.

  James eyed the empty potion bottle. “Guess the tweaked recipe was a good thing after all.”

  The amulet continued murmuring loudly in his mind.

  Kill.

  James blinked. The word might be alien in his mind, but the translation rang perfectly in his thoughts.

  “I’d love to kill the asshole, but he’s a sniper and I’ve got no eyes on him. Unless you have some brilliant ideas, shut the fuck up. I’m guessing the gun mage can make his gun super-quiet, so I don’t have a prayer of figuring out where he’s shooting from. I don’t know how much you can understand me now, but if you got any other tricks, it’s time to fucking show them.”

  The amulet fell silent for a few seconds. Bullets pinged and sparked against the outcropping. The sniper hadn’t given up. If James stood, he’d be picked off in a second.

  Increase.

  Pain shot through James’ eyes, and he groaned and slumped over. There was fire shooting through his eyeballs.

  “What…the...fuck?”

  The pain abated, and the amulet shouted in his mind.

  Kill.

  James blinked. Faint green lines arced away from the rock toward a dune in the distance.

  “What the…”

  Kill.

  James nodded slowly. “Showing me where he is? Yeah, I can do that then.” He took a few deep breaths and turned his head, taking note of the lines leading to the dune. A decent distance, but if he moved hard and fast, he shouldn’t take too many hits.

  He pulled out his .45 and squeezed off several shots in the opposite direction. After emptying his clip, he reloaded and grabbed two frag grenades.

  Shit. Wish I’d packed some smoke grenades.

  “Okay, hopefully, our guy thinks I’m gonna go the wrong way. Time to fucking move.” James tossed grenades to either side.

  The bounty hunter burst into a sprint when the grenades exploded, shifting direction every few yards as he closed on the target dune. Bullets tore up the ground but didn’t clip the speeding bounty hunter.

  The green lines faded from his vision. He wasn’t sure if it reflected a limitation of the amulet, or if it was just trying not to distract him.

  James threw another grenade toward the back of the dune, and someone yelled from behind it. He took the opportunity to stop dodging and barrel straight toward the dune.

  A dark form crested the hill, a huge rifle with glowing runes covering the barrel in hand. Blood trailed down the side of his face.

  James didn’t hesitate. He put three bullets into the sniper’s chest and the man fell and rolled down the dune, leaving a trail of blood.

  “One down.”

  23

  James cracked his knuckles. He had a smile on his face, and tension drifted away from his body. He’d half-worried about the ambush, but he didn’t have to read a lot of Sun Tzu to understand that if an ambush failed, it put the enemy force on the defensive.

  Fuckers got overconfident. Thought they could win, but they didn’t know about my potions or my defenses.

  He snorted. The more James considered things, the more insulted he was. Lars’d thought he had the upper hand but had badly underestimated the bounty hunter.

  Lars using a gun-mage sniper to win didn’t impress James. Hell, the gun-mage assassin the Harriken had sent after him had been far more dangerous.

  Wait, is that the point? Is the fucker just testing me?

  James grunted. Overconfidence could get him killed, even with potions and his amulet.

  Kill, the amulet whispered.

  “Huh. Better than dying.” James shook his head. “What’s wrong, Lars?” he shouted. “That was your big ambush? Some fucking sniper behind a dune?” He gestured toward the dead man. “It stung a little, but otherwise big fucking deal. I’ve had tougher times taking down level threes than I had dealing with that asshole. If you want to kill me, you better come at me with everything you got. Otherwise, only one of us is leaving this place still moving.”

  Lars and Patrick stepped out from behind a dune. The level-five’s skin was already gray and hard, like he’d been covered with a thin layer of rock. The wizard’s bone wand dangled from his fingers, the feathers at the end blowing lightly in the warm summer breeze.

  The bounty shrugged. “You know what they say, fucker. You never know until you try.”

  James snorted. “Did you honestly think that would work? You think no one’s ever tried to shoot me before?”

  “I think that Victor’s killed a lot of fuckers before you.” Lars smirked. “But you got me all wrong, Brownstone. Some of this is about seeing if this shit is a waste of my time. Some of this is just whittling you down, just to be sure.”

  Patrick stepped forward.

  Lars shook his head. “Not yet.”

  “But we could finish his ass.”

  The other man’s mouth contorted into a sneer. “Don’t fucking take my entertainment from me, Patrick. This isn’t just about killing Brownstone. I didn’t drive three hours for a five-minute fucking fight, okay? I want my money’s worth, fucker.”

  The wizard frowned and stepped back. “Okay, okay. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

  James looked at the two. “What are you playing at, Lars?”

  “More fun. This shit is entertaining.” The gray-skinned man glanced toward another dune.

  Two more large men stepped out, identical twins who dwarfed James. The bounty hunter grunted. He recognized them as level-four bounties.

  “The Winter brothers? I thought they were still hiding out in Mexico.”

  The twins smiled.

  “We flew up when we heard about this shit,” one explained.

  The other nodded. “How could we pass up the chance to help beat down the famous James Brownstone?”

  Lars laughed. “Yeah. You see, when your boy Tyler called me and started asking about fighting, it got me to thinking. I was thinking that I should kick your ass, but then I thought that what I really wanted was for you to be fucking humiliated before I took you down.” He shook his head and shrugged. “So I reached out to a bunch of people, and we all agreed we’d take shots at you.” He held up a finger. “But, you know, honor among thieves and fucking shit like that. So Victor wanted to do his thing, and the Winter brothers wanted to do their thing, too. I don’t give a fuck as long as I get my money and time’s worth.”

  James grunted. “What, so this is some sort of multi-stage shit?”

  “Yeah, something like that, fucker.” Lars pointed to Victor’s body. “Victor was Round One. The Winters are Round Two. Me and my boy Patrick are Round Three.”

  “Sounds like you’re afraid to just come after me.”

  Lars shook his head. “Nah, fucker. You of all people know how much people will pay for the great James Brownstone to die. Maybe assholes are too afraid to be open about it, but if you know where to look, you’ll get a reward.” He grinned. “I’m fine if you’re dead, but it’s even better if I can get money out of it. Even if I don’t get the reward, I have a shitload of money bet with that bitch Tyler on your ass dying.”

  James snorted. “Too bad you won’t live to collect on that bet.”

  “Whatever.” Lars nodded to the twins and gestured toward James. “Fucking kill him already, or die. I don’t give a shit which. Getting boring now.”

  The Winters brothers advanced, wearing identical frowns and smacking their fists into their palms.

  James whipped out his .45 and fired a single round into each brother. They stumbled, but the wounds sealed a second later.

  Yeah. I guess level fours wouldn’t go down that easily. Maybe I should start collecting a few magic knives or shit like Shay, or borrow her Masamune sword or something.

  The bounty hunter grunted. From what he’d read, the twins’ mother had been a witch who’d used some sort of protection spell on them in the womb,
even before the truth of magic became known. Regeneration and enhanced strength made for a hell of a combination.

  James holstered his .45. “Nice trick.” He’d just need to think of a good way to slow their regeneration while he finished both men off.

  “Scared yet, Brownstone?” one of the twins asked.

  “Have any last words?” the other wondered.

  The bounty hunter took a few steps forward. “You seriously think you’re gonna intimidate me with that sort of shit? Level fours I can beat without even bringing my A-game, so I’ll give you this chance to turn around and fuck off before I beat you down.” He pointed to Lars. “His ass is going down, though.”

  The twins glared at James, and a few seconds later they yelled in unison and rushed him.

  Nobody can say I didn’t give these fuckers a chance to get away.

  James sprinted forward to meet their charge. He threw his shoulder into the first twin, sending him stumbling back with a grunt.

  The other brother grabbed James’ arm and yanked him back. He slammed his fist into James’ face several times, the blows barely stinging thanks to the amulet. The twin picked up the bounty hunter and brought him hard down on his knee in an attempt to break his back.

  James bounced off and landed on the ground. He rolled and hopped to his feet, rubbing his back. A little ache and probably a bruise, but nothing worse.

  The bounty hunter shook his head. The amulet murmured away, a certain smugness radiating from its words. He still couldn’t decode much other than ‘kill.’

  Whatever your name is, if you have one, thanks. Without you, that first asshole probably would have taken me down.

  The twins jogged back a few yards and stood together, frowns on their faces.

  The bounty hunter shot them a grin. “What’s the matter, not used to people not snapping in half when you try hard? Sorry, assholes. Last time I was here, it took some pretty powerful magic to hurt me. I don’t think you assholes have that. Just because you’re tough doesn’t mean you’re gonna win against me.”

  “Fuck you, Brownstone,” the men growled in unison.