The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

  I guess I shouldn’t be so upset. It’s not like he’s doing anything different than when I first met him. He’s opened up to me, but that doesn’t mean he’s changed from being a bounty hunter who goes after nasty assholes.

  Sure, I’ve changed. I’m not the same cold-blooded killer I once was, but when we went down to Mexico together, he took a detour to go after a necromancer the Mexican military was trying to bomb into submission. He makes this guy look like a Boy Scout in comparison.

  Shay groaned. Oh, they spent time together and chatted, but some of her most exciting memories with James involved them killing dozens if not hundreds of people together. Harriken, magical assassins, the Nuevo Gulf Cartel. Hard to complain about him getting into danger when she enjoyed getting into danger with him.

  I just wish I could be there with you.

  The tomb raider routinely went on jobs that were, in many ways, more dangerous than the bounties James dealt with, given the strange monsters and magical beings she encountered. She didn’t let him know many of the details, but there was some thick hypocrisy accompanying her complaining about him going after a level-five bounty when she’d had to flee invisible armies and had fought a demon-possessed elf who might have been planning to invade another planet.

  She leaned her back against the tree trunk she’d been kicking and slumped until her knees were at her chest. “The dumbass is just learning what a relationship is like and how to deal with a kid. Maybe I’m asking too much. Stupid fucking men, being stupid all the damned time. How our species continues to exist is a wonder no one may ever understand.”

  The tomb raider smiled when James slashed the wand in half.

  Yeah, I have to remember that you are James Brownstone.

  “Nice move. It won’t always work for you, but it’s a good tactic. Now it’s really just you and Lars.”

  Shay nodded to herself. She’d have to remember to compliment him on it once the fight was over. She needed to let him know she respected him.

  James would survive. He had to survive, and he had the Whispering Amulet of Doom, which had already proven how quickly it could adapt. She’d personally tested it.

  Wonder if any of the other dumbasses watching this understand what they are witnessing, and now know why they should never, ever fuck with him.

  Most of James’ lower shirt was in burnt tatters, but the upper part still concealed his amulet and provided a nice view of the abs that proved her lover should be crowned Emperor of Abtopia.

  Don’t die. I’ll miss those.

  Shay blew out a breath. She shouldn’t have called Alison in a fury. She might not be prepared to let the girl call her Mom, but she was still Aunt Shay, so she needed to be strong and act like a damned adult.

  The tomb raider ran a hand through her hair. “I guess this is the hard part of love: worry.”

  Shay tapped out a quick text to Alison.

  Sorry I got so heated earlier. I appreciate you talking me down and contacting him. It was a good thing I didn’t yell at him right before a fight. Wouldn’t want him off his game.

  No problem, Alison replied. I know we both love and worry about him.

  Shay returned her attention to the camera feed. “Just finish Lars off already, James.”

  James slammed a fist into Lars’ face. He might as well have been hitting a rock wall. The bounty hunter shook out his fist, and the criminal knocked James back with a powerful blow.

  An exchange of fierce punches followed, both men landing solid blows but both unable to do much damage.

  Kill, the amulet hissed.

  James tried a kick next, but it only sent Lars stumbling back a few feet.

  How do I finish this asshole off? Any ideas?

  Enemy.

  Yeah. Thanks for that.

  The bounty hunter backed up and narrowed his eyes. Every defense had a weakness. He just needed to find it.

  Lars swaggered forward, grinning. “I’ll give you credit, Brownstone. Those hits would have caved in most men’s faces, but you’re still standing; just a little burned and bloody. I guess we’re similar. That’s making this shit exciting.”

  “Nope, not similar at all. You’re a psycho asshole. I’m a little OCD, at most.”

  “Psycho asshole? No, I’m just a realist, Brownstone.” Lars took a few more steps toward James. “My question is, how long can you last?” He pointed at James. “You may be taking a lot of hits, but you’re still hurt, and it’s time to make sure that you stay hurt.” He charged.

  James brought up his fists but Lars ducked low, tackling him. The criminal threw a few stinging punches before the bounty hunter kicked him off and got back to his feet.

  Lars laughed. “I win now.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about? That barely hurt.”

  The gray-skinned criminal pointed at the James’ tactical belt. “Sorry, had to crush your little potions.”

  James kept his gaze focused on Lars while he felt in the pouch; nothing but glass shards and loose liquid.

  “Fucker. Do you have any idea how expensive that shit was?’

  “Don’t worry, you’ll be dead soon enough.” Lars offered James a wide smile.

  That was when the bounty hunter noticed a key detail: blood on the man’s teeth.

  James yanked out his .45, grateful it hadn’t been incinerated in the blast. “Time to end this, you fucking psycho. Just so you know, I’m earning a shitload of money off my bets on this.”

  “A gun?” Lars stalked toward James. “You already tried that. Desperate, Brownstone?”

  “Nope. Just tired of your ass and your mouth.”

  Lars took another step forward. “Then lay down and prepare to—”

  Wisps of smoke floated off the edge of James’ fired .45 as the bullet passed through Lars’ open mouth, into his brain, and out of his head, along with a good chunk of bone.

  James holstered his pistol as Lars’ body fell backward, the criminal’s gaze locked in a death stare.

  “Learned that little trick in Japan. Say hi to the Devil for me, asshole.”

  25

  A few days later, James leaned against a wall of the Brownstone Building watching the men go through PT led by Staff Sergeant Royce. The former gang members had always been strong, but it’d been interesting to watch their bodies slowly be sculpted into warrior physiques.

  Crunches followed push-ups, which led to burpees.

  Royce had kept on about strong minds and strong bodies. Given how the men had been performing in both LA and Las Vegas, James was a believer. He might not be a good leader or trainer, but at least he was good at delegating to men who were.

  The Brownstone Agency had a bright future. It wasn’t just about improving the lives of some ex-gang members. Once they finished getting all the men up to speed, they’d have to look into recruiting more trainees.

  James ran his hand over the amulet underneath his shirt. He wasn’t bonded with it, but the last couple of weeks had changed his perspective on the artifact. He could communicate with the thing, at least a little, and it had more potential than he’d realized.

  Huh. Shay said it probably had more powers I could unlock, but I didn’t figure it’d happen that way.

  He still wasn’t sure how much to trust the thing or what motivated it, but for now he’d keep it near him as he continued to delve into its secrets.

  Wonder what else the bad boy can do?

  James frowned. Relying on a self-aware alien amulet wasn’t exactly high on the list of simple ways to live and work, but at the same time, he couldn’t ignore such a useful tool. The amulet wasn’t just an artifact. He’d been found with it, as if it were meant for him. A legacy of his parents perhaps, and his world.

  The bounty hunter blew out a breath and shook his head. So many things had changed. He had been just a simple man who loved barbeque and lived alone with his dog.

  Trey stepped out of the building in his workout shorts and T-shirt. He had a smile on his face “You know why
I like you, James?”

  James looked Trey’s way. “Why? I was just standing here.”

  “Nah, you don’t get it. It’s because no matter what stupid shit I think I’ve done, you do stupider shit. It makes me feel better about my shit.” Trey grinned. “But you keep surviving it. That shit with Lars and his motherfuckers is all over the internet now, you know. They’re calling it the Brownstone Summer Beat-Down. Those motherfuckers never saw what was coming.” He snorted. “They actually thought they were gonna win against James motherfucking Brownstone with that weak-ass attempt.”

  “Everyone thinks they can take me down. Some come closer than others, and someday some asshole might get lucky. You never know.” James shrugged.

  The door opened again, revealing Charlyce.

  “I’m gonna shut everything down in the office and head to the orphanage now.”

  James nodded at her. “Thanks for all your help there.”

  “Says the man who donates so much money.”

  “Donating money is easy. Donating time is hard.”

  Charlyce offered her boss and nephew a final smile before slipping back into the building.

  “All right, maggots,” Royce shouted. “Now we’re going to do some laps around the neighborhood. Stretch, and I’ll be right back.”

  The drill instructor jogged over and picked up a brown paper bag from the ground and headed over to James.

  He held out the bag. “I swear by this product, James.”

  James hoped so. It’d be critical to protecting a vital organ in a dangerous confrontation down the road.

  The bounty hunter took the bag. “Thanks, Royce.”

  The drill instructor nodded and headed toward the street. The other men stopped stretching and hurried after him.

  Trey nodded to James. “I better join them for that, at least. Paperwork’s not a good excuse for missing PT.” He jogged after the Marine and his boys.

  James was just about to head inside the building when a police cruiser rolled into the parking lot. He frowned and walked toward it, only to relax when Sergeant Mack stepped out of the vehicle.

  The cop laughed. “Yeah, I saw that look on your face, Brownstone. Sorry for showing up in the car all of a sudden. Took care of some stuff downtown, and thought I’d stop by before I headed back to the station.”

  James grunted. “No problem. What’s up?”

  “Figured I’d let you know I’ve got everything set up for our wood. We can start prepping tomorrow if you want.”

  “Good to hear. I think it’ll be good to get the men all working on some quality barbeque. All this warrior philosophy and exercise shit is fine, but people need to know how to appreciate quality meat and do shit that doesn’t involve kicking people’s asses.”

  Mack smiled. “Yeah, I agree.” His smile disappeared. “But that’s not the only reason I stopped by.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

  Fuck. That doesn’t sound good.

  “What’s the other reason?”

  “Also wanted to let you know not to pull a stunt at the Salton Sea again like you just did. At least not anytime remotely soon.”

  “It turned out all right, didn’t it?” James shrugged. “What’s the big deal?”

  Mack glanced at the police car and back at James. “You’ve got to understand… Lieutenant Hall is pissed. AET collected all those bodies when they arrived, but she’s been bitching about it for days. About you being stupid and stubborn, and how you should have been working with AET and not doing video. All sorts of stuff. Don’t give her another reason to notice you, Brownstone.”

  “So things are back to the way they used to be? She gunning for me?” James grunted. An angry AET lieutenant was the last thing he needed.

  Mack shook his head. “Not saying that. Just saying don’t piss her off again anytime soon.”

  “I wasn’t trying to. I thought I was doing things the safe way.”

  “Only you could think that marching to a dried-up former inland sea to fight a level-five psycho is doing things the safe way.” Mack laughed.

  “Yeah, but—” James’ phone chimed. “One second. Just need to check my texts. Shay’s barely been talking me the last few days. Think she’s still pissed about what happened.”

  “You better apologize right away when you see her. Women want apologies.”

  The text wasn’t from Shay but from Tyler. He wanted Brownstone to come over and discuss his winnings.

  James looked up from his phone. “Sorry, but I’ve got something to take care of. Need to chat with Tyler at the Black Sun.”

  Mack stared at James. “Yeah. It’s still weird for you to be going there on purpose and peacefully.”

  “Tyler’s not so bad for a money-obsessed piece of shit.” James shrugged. “Talk to you later, Mack.”

  “Talk to you later, Brownstone.”

  James made himself comfortable in the chair across from Tyler’s desk as the information broker and temporary bookie stared at a spreadsheet on his computer. Royce’s brown paper bag sat on the bounty hunter’s lap.

  “Damn,” Tyler muttered.

  “What?”

  Tyler looked up from his computer. “Just thinking about how much money we made. Those idiots poured so much fucking money into Lars that I almost feel bad for them.” The bar owner chuckled. “Almost. But the money makes that feeling go away.”

  “This probably won’t work again, you know.”

  The information broker sighed. “Yeah, I know. Your beat-down was too good, and it was hard enough to find someone this time. Just keep an open mind. You never know what opportunities might present themselves.”

  “I don’t know. My girlfriend’s pretty pissed at me.” James shrugged. “Not sure it’s worth the trouble.”

  “Yeah, Maria came by to scream at me again for this. I still think it’s not a big deal. All we did was add a little extra to what you do anyway. Everyone’s freaking out for no good reason.”

  James grunted. “Yeah. Everything worked out exactly like we thought in the end, so what is the problem? It didn’t end up being that different than a few bounties strung together.”

  “I agree, but chicks…what are you going to do?” Tyler sighed. “They aren’t rational like guys.”

  “I’ve got one idea about what to do.” James reached into the bag and pulled out a jock strap. He tossed it on the desk.

  The other man eyed the accessory, his brow furrowed. “What the fuck, Brownstone? You trying out for a football team?”

  “Nope. You owe me one.” James stood. “My daughter suggested I use this the next time I encountered my girlfriend. I figured you might need one the next time you saw Lieutenant Hall. That, and a bulletproof vest.”

  James took a deep breath as the garage door closed behind his F-350 and killed the engine. His doom wasn’t that many feet away.

  Thanks to his phone alerts he knew that Shay had come home early and was already in his house. He hadn’t been looking forward to this, but he knew it was inescapable.

  Maybe I should bond with the amulet to be safe.

  The bounty hunter chuckled and stepped out of the truck. No use trying to run away from his destiny. He opened the side door and stepped into his home.

  Shay stood in the living room, her arms crossed, frowning. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

  “Yeah, I figured.” James cleared his throat. “Hey, Shay. Didn’t know you were coming home early. You didn’t text me to say you were.”

  “Figured I better show up before you went and did some other dumbass stunt.” She snorted.

  “You know, I was talking with Tyler earlier about that, and we both kind of were thinking about how it ended how we wanted. So is it really a big deal when you think about it?”

  Shay’s jaw dropped. “Yes, dumbass, it is a big deal when you basically set yourself up to be ambushed. You got lucky these guys didn’t have some weird-ass artifact that could have taken your head off. I’m sure the Whispering Amulet of Doom can’t do
much if you’re dead.”

  James pondered that. He wasn’t honestly sure, but he wasn’t eager to test the theory. He opened his mouth to respond when Mack’s earlier words replayed in his head.

  Women want apologies.

  Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

  The bounty hunter shrugged. “I’m sorry.”

  Shay shook a finger at him. “Of course, you think… Wait, what?”

  James nodded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it. I guess it ended okay, but it was crap, and I know it. Alison even pointed out how I didn’t tell you, so that proves something. I wanted to take down some assholes and make some money, but I never wanted to piss you off or worry you or Alison.”

  Her face pinched, and her mouth twitched. James suspected she’d had a far-longer rant built up and didn’t know what to do since he’d already surrendered.

  Thanks, Mack. I’ll have to thank you later.

  “Well, don’t do it again,” Shay muttered, “or you’ll bring the old Shay back. You want to go after bounties, do it the smart way, not some grandstanding gambling way involving that asshole Tyler. You can’t trust that piece of shit.”

  “Okay. Fair enough.”

  She narrowed her eyes. Her face was still red, and there was something calculating in her eyes. “No, I can’t let this go that easily. You made me feel helpless and pissed me off, and I need to take my revenge. I have to let out this aggression. Kicking trees didn’t do enough.”

  “Your revenge? Kicking trees? What are you talking about?”

  Shay stalked toward James, the corners of her mouth turning down. “This is how it feels, dumbass.” She slammed her foot into his crotch and her eyes widened. “Dammit, who the hell told you to wear a cup?”

  FINIS

  Author Notes - Michael Anderle

  July 5,2018

  THANK you for not only reading this story (or rather ALL of them) but also reading these author notes.

  The tale of Mr. Brownstone is over…But is also starting fresh in book 09.