The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

“But what if we can’t win? What if they say you can’t be my dad?”

  James marched over to the bed and sat beside her. “They don’t get to make that decision.”

  “But don’t they? I mean, that’s the whole point of this.”

  He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter who says what. Unless you say otherwise, I’m going to be your dad, and if they try to fight that, I’ll fight harder until they give up. You know me. I’m straightforward, and I like to keep things simple. And occasionally I like to blow things up to make my point.”

  Alison managed a light chuckle, but her smile disappeared, and she swallowed. “I was thinking earlier that we do have a back-up plan if we lose in court. Something to keep in mind.”

  James frowned. He didn’t want her scheming about fleeing to Mexico. “We don’t need a backup plan. We’re gonna win in court and make them sorry they ever tried to challenge this adoption.”

  “But if we don’t, then we need a plan, and I have a plan. That’s all I’m saying.” Alison shrugged.

  “Okay, Alison, what’s your plan?”

  The girl took a deep breath. “The wish. Maybe if we used it, it’d make the whole problem go away without you beating anyone up or destroying buildings.”

  James shrugged. “Maybe, but it could have effects we don’t even know about. We need to be careful about how and when we use it. And are you sure you want to use it for something like this?”

  “Yes. I’d rather lose the wish than lose you.” Alison sniffled and wiped away a fresh tear.

  James pulled her into a hug. “And that’s why I still have it. It’s a decent plan, but the situation isn’t bad enough yet. We can do this. We can fight and win, and your mother will know that we didn’t just cheap out against someone coming at us.”

  He nodded. They would fight, and they would fucking win.

  James sat on his couch reading through the latest barbeque news, desperate for a distraction. He wanted to get ready to fight the adoption case, but this was one time where being a bounty hunter with an alien amulet wouldn’t help him. He’d have to rely on the adoption lawyer’s advice. He didn’t like feeling helpless. Not one damned bit.

  There was a light knock on the door. James stood and marched over there, slipping his phone into the pocket. He wasn’t surprised. He’d already scheduled a meeting before he’d been hit with the news about the adoption. Canceling the meeting was a possibility, but sitting around brooding wouldn’t do him any good. Shay was also supposed to come by soon to take Alison out to get her mind off things with some girl time, but for now, the teen remained in her room skimming the web with the help of her haptic reader.

  James didn’t expect Shay, though. Not yet.

  The bounty hunter opened the door. Mack stood on the other side.

  “Hey, Mack,” James rumbled. He gestured inside.

  The police sergeant headed to the couch and took a seat. “You sure you want to do this right now?”

  The bounty hunter turned and frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  “There’s been talk about your situation at the station. I heard that the state’s trying to screw with your adoption.”

  James shrugged and sat in a recliner. “Yeah. They are. They say I’m not a good fit for a girl like Alison.”

  “You need anything, you let me know. I’ll write you a whole novel full of recommendations if you need it. More than a few cops at the station will. You should talk to your priest and anyone who works at the orphanage, too. That’s got to count for something.”

  “I’ll let you know, but I don’t want to talk about that shit now.” James grunted.

  “Yeah, I feel you. We can talk about the pit if you want.” Mack grinned. “Nothing makes a man feel better than discussing the preparation of a little mouth-watering barbeque.”

  “We settled on something that we can carry using my truck, right?”

  The cop nodded. “Yeah, a super-huge pit would be too much to manage, and we’re going more with wood? I think that’s a good, strong idea, but I can be persuaded otherwise.”

  “That was the plan.” James furrowed his brow. “So I’m thinking at least partial vent-based temperature control. That’s something we can get across to the guys without too much trouble, and they can learn to do it well.”

  “Yeah, sounds easy enough. Maybe we should have different specialists for low and slow vs. hot and fast. That kind of thing.”

  James shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m more of a low and slow guy in general, but you’re right. It might not hurt. Maybe we get two or three pits. Hell, I can get more than one truck.” He furrowed his brow. “Or is this making shit too complicated already?”

  Mack shrugged. “Your call in the end, since it’s your men and you’re paying the bills, but I think we can do a lot with one pit. It’s not like every guy will be at every competition, you know?”

  “True enough.” James nodded slowly, the desire to maximize barbeque possibilities losing against his natural inclination toward simplicity. “One large-but-not-giant pit, then. That’s a good start.”

  “Agreed.” Mack looked over to the stairs where Alison was making her way down. “Hey, Alison.”

  “Hey, Sergeant Mack,” she called back. She smiled at James. “Aunt Shay sent me a text to say she was on her way, and she’d be out front in a few minutes. I was going to go wait out there if it’s okay.”

  James shrugged. “Fine by me. Not like my front porch is dangerous.”

  At least not these days.

  Mack grinned. “You don’t want to talk about making barbeque?”

  Alison shrugged. “I think I’ll just get it from a local BBQ place or have my Dad make it.”

  He winced and looked at James. “Guess you’re going to need a son to carry on your legacy.”

  “It’s not about that.” Alison pointed to her eyes. “I can’t see too well, so I’d be mostly guessing on the meat. Besides, who wants to smell like smoke?”

  After a light knock on the door, the girl headed over and opened it.

  Shay nodded to her Fiat, which was still running. “Ready to go?”

  “Yeah, I’m ready.” Alison smiled. “Thanks for this.”

  “No problem.” Shay turned and walked toward her car.

  James watched the women depart and shook his head. “Just can’t get either of them interested in barbeque. It’s not like they hate it, but they don’t appreciate the subtlety and possibilities.”

  Mack clapped him on the shoulder. “It’s all right, Brownstone. You’ve got a whole team of guys to share your passion now. Not like my wife loves all my hobbies.”

  Shay licked her chocolate ice cream cone. Alison sat across from her working on her mint chocolate chip. She was almost finished.

  It’s like she’s starved for ice cream, the way she’s going at that cone.

  “How is your cone?” the tomb raider asked. “Do they even have ice cream at that school of yours?”

  Alison laughed. “Yes, they have ice cream. It’s a magic school, not a jail. I just really like this ice cream, is all.”

  “Jail, huh? You can learn valuable skills in jail.” Shay licked her cone again. “But some skills we can learn without having to go that far.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If James gets to do all this training nonsense, then I want to have a little fun, too.” Shay shrugged.

  Alison blinked. “Meaning what, exactly? Am I going to regret coming out with you?”

  Shay waved a hand. “Don’t worry, I know how to make this all fun. We’re gonna play a little game at the mall here after we’re done with our ice cream. A situational awareness game.”

  “A situational awareness game?”

  “Yep.” Shay set her cone on her napkin on the table. “You failed my little test with the bug, but I have a few other little tags I want to play around with. Not true tracking devices, just a training thing. This time they won’t be magical, so it’s not just a matter of you us
ing your sight to find their auras.” She smirked. “Not that it helped last time.”

  Alison frowned. “That doesn’t seem very fair.”

  “Good. Assholes are rarely fair, and I’m training you to deal with assholes.”

  An old woman wandering by shot a glare at the table but hurried away when Shay offered her a cold stare.

  Once their audience was gone, Shay returned her attention to Alison. “I went out and grabbed a prepaid credit card loaded up with a nice amount of money. You can use it to buy ten things at the mall. I’m going to watch you, and if I can tag you, you have to return the item. I’ll only try to tag once per item.”

  “You’ll tag the thing I bought, then?”

  Shay shrugged. “Maybe. The only real hint I’m gonna give you is that I’m gonna tag the stuff in order. You have until you enter the next store to find it, but that’s all you get out of me. In a real-world situation, you don’t always know how your enemy is going to try and bug you.”

  “This doesn’t seem so hard after all.” Alison nodded, a confident smile spreading over her face. “Wait, it’s easier than I thought. All I have to do is just go immediately to the next store.”

  “Sure.” Shay snickered. “That also means you have less time to find it if I’ve already planted the tag.”

  “Oh.” Alison frowned. “I can do this. You only got me when I came in because I wasn’t expecting anything. What about the final tag? What’s the time limit?”

  “No time limit,” Shay replied. “The final tag will be the ultimate test. You’ll need to make it all the way back to the mall entrance.”

  Alison clapped once. “This will be the easiest training of the last few days.”

  “Find my tags first, and then you can say that.”

  8

  Alison smiled and handed the card to the cashier. The woman ran it and handed it back, the girl aware only because she could follow the movements of the woman’s energy. The teen moved her hand to the location of the card and slipped it back into her pocket.

  Her dad had been right. Sometimes it was easier if she admitted she was blind, and even with her energy sight strengthening with the increase in her magic, she was still at a major disadvantage. She hadn’t even told most of her friends at school.

  But telling people didn’t appeal to her. She’d been independent for a long time, and the last thing she needed was anyone feeling sorry for her.

  It was one of the reasons she’d stopped being angry at her dad for his harsh training regimen. If she were more fit, she could be more independent.

  Alison picked up the bag containing the sweater she’d purchased more for texture than appearance. She could only wonder what it actually looked like, but the cashier hadn’t made any comments to suggest it was ugly.

  You’re not going to win, Aunt Shay. I’ve got this. I know exactly what your soul looks like, and I’ll spot you if you get close.

  The teen laughed as she carried the bag out of the store and took a deep breath. She pulled out her modified phone and brought up the assistive voice map app. Fortunately, the mall had an up-to-date map database to interface with the program. Things would be even easier than she thought.

  “You are currently outside of Lana’s Dresses,” a soft female voice reported. “You are across from Outrageous Shoes and More. Please say a command for more information or additional options.”

  “End readout,” Alison announced. She slipped the phone back into her pocket. If she hurried over to the shoe store, that wouldn’t give Shay a lot of time to slip one of her tags into the girl’s things.

  You’re here right now watching me, aren’t you?

  Alison scanned the crowd, the mix of the crowd’s energies not as confusing as they would have been before she started going to the School of Necessary Magic. She dealt with a lot of people at school, and she’d gotten far more used to picking out unique energy patterns. Her increased magic also seemed to make it easier.

  Unfortunately, a careful check didn’t locate Shay or anyone else who appeared to be waiting and hanging around the area near her.

  You’ve got a plan. I just have to figure it out.

  Alison turned, and a large man bumped into her.

  “Oof.”

  She almost fell, but quickly regained her footing.

  “Sorry about that,” the man offered.

  She shrugged. “No problem. I didn’t even drop anything.”

  “Okay. Again, really sorry about that.” He continued on his way.

  I can’t just keep standing around here. Shay’s probably already closing on me to drop the tag.

  Alison walked toward the shoe store. There was no magical energy for her to perceive to mark the entrance to the store, but it was easy to establish the entrance by paying attention to the energy of the people inside and outside the store and their relative positions.

  She stepped into the shoe store, the warmth of triumph spreading through her.

  Too easy. You didn’t even get close, Aunt Shay.

  Her phone rang. She ran her finger across the dynamic Braille display. Shay was calling.

  “Yes?” Alison answered. “Impressed yet?”

  Shay snorted. “Check the sweater.”

  The girl reached inside the bag and ran her hand over the sweater. A hard, thin bar was clipped to it. She sighed.

  “You’re kidding me.”

  Shay chuckled. “Here’s how we’ll do this, I’ll return everything for you after we’re done with the little game, so you’re not wasting too much time in between. Plus, I like the idea of you being forced to carry bags you’ll have to get rid of as a sort of penalty.”

  “How did you even get that in there? I know what your soul energy looks like. There’s no way you snuck up on me. Was it the guy? Did you hire him, and he did some pickpocket stuff?”

  Shay laughed. “A magician never reveals her secrets. You’re zero for one, kid. Not a good start, but you’ve got nine more chances to prove yourself.”

  Alison shook her head. “Don’t worry. This battle has just begun.”

  The teen crept along slowly, taking deep breaths as she surveyed the thick crowd. She was on item five, a new haptic Braille reader. Her old one worked well enough, but the new item would be easier to interface with her existing phone.

  Her heart pounded in her chest as the energy of the people nearby blurred together. She was zero for four, and she’d yet to even get a glimpse of Shay.

  How is she doing this? She said they wouldn’t be magic, so she’s not teleporting them. Plus, if she were using a spell like that, I’d see the energy.

  Alison took a few deep breaths to try to calm her heart rate. She couldn’t believe she was being beaten so badly. Sure, Shay had way more life experience at this sort of thing, but Alison thought her soul and energy sight would be more than enough to make up for the difference.

  Guess this was what Dad was getting at when he was talking about not always being able to rely on magic.

  She shook her head.

  I’ve been rushing things. That’s my problem. I should take my time and look for the tag. I have until the next store.

  Alison moved to the side of the flow of foot traffic and started rooting around her latest bag for any sign of the tag. The last four had all been on the item directly, and easy to find once Shay called her.

  Nothing. Shay hadn’t made her move yet.

  I can still win this round.

  The teen stood and continued toward the next store with the help of the assistive map. She arrived at the store but didn’t step inside. Instead, she again checked the bag and the box for the reader.

  Nothing.

  Alison quickly looked all around her. There was no sign of Shay.

  I win this one. Ha!

  With a grin, the girl stepped into the store. She almost cackled when her phone rang.

  “Hello, Aunt Shay, guess you fo—”

  “There’s a little something on your shoe.”

  Al
ison blinked and knelt to feel along her shoe. A now-familiar hard thin bar lay atop it.

  “That’s impossible,” she grumbled. “There’s no way. You said these weren’t magic. Is that true?”

  “Yep. Not magic. Now, there’s a bit of tech involved, won’t deny that, but no magic.” Shay chuckled. “Zero for five. We’re heading into the back half, Alison. Better up your game. I’d hate to have a shut-out, especially when you told me how easy you thought this was gonna be.”

  The setting sun forced James to turn on the living room lights, but the last few hours had been well-spent, in his opinion.

  Mack yawned and stretched. “So we’re agreed, then. We’ve got those different recipes and ideas you wanted to try, but we’re sure about the pit.”

  James grunted. They’d gone back and forth a few times, and he was reminded why he’d tried to live his life using KISS. The minute he’d started thinking about complicated variations for his beloved barbeque, everything had fallen apart, and he’d started second-guessing himself.

  “Yeah,” the bounty hunter finally managed. “We’re good.”

  Mack grinned. “It’s going to be damn sweet. Pull-behind, eight wheels on the back with two by two on each side. A hitch for hauling, built-in adjustment for leveling. This thing’s going to be the nicest damned pit you can have without actually needing a big rig.”

  “Still tempted by that, to be honest.”

  “Nah, we’re right to keep it this way. Otherwise, there might be competitions we can’t enter.” Mack shrugged. “You read the whole email I sent you when you were in the bathroom, right? I mean, based on what I found on the website earlier, this thing’s not going to be cheap.”

  James nodded. “Yeah, I know. It’s not like I have better shit to spend my money on than a barbeque pit. I’ll put in the order once I’ve talked to the accountant. This is for the Brownstone Agency, not a personal thing.”

  Mack laughed. “Yeah, I love how you’re about to drop so much money on barbeque equipment, yet still going to figure out a way to pay fewer taxes.”