The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

  Shorty took a few deep breaths. His coughing had completely subsided. “That was some bullshit, yo. I thought we was gonna walk into an easy level two, not get all mustard gas shit in my face like it’s the fucking Battle of Ypres.”

  James had no clue what had happened at the Battle of Ypres. Half the time anymore, the guys used military references he couldn’t follow. Military history rarely intersected with barbeque.

  Royce is turning them more into Marines than bounty hunters.

  Trey frowned. “We fucked up. We didn’t have enough intel. We shouldn’t assume so much, or just think the only thing we need to worry about is what’s written in the bounty reports.” He shrugged. “We forgot our Sun Tzu.”

  No, not Marines, ancient Chinese generals.

  “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles,” Trey and Shorty recited in unison. “If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained, you will also suffer a defeat.”

  Zoe blinked and looked at James. He shrugged.

  The historical wisdom crap was Staff Sergeant Royce’s thing, not his, but the guys got something out of it, so he wasn’t going to complain. The important thing was everyone agreed the bounty confrontation shouldn’t have gone down like it did. They’d fucked up.

  “Any bounty can be a surprise,” James observed. “The more you know, the fewer people get hurt.” He shrugged. “But even I didn’t think some level two would know magic. You’re right, though. We’ve been focusing the guys so much on captures that maybe we’ve let the information-gathering shit get a little weak, and that could get someone killed. We need to fucking do better.”

  Zoe let out a soft laugh. “You’re all far too young to be so old-fashioned.”

  James frowned. “What do you mean?”

  She shrugged and sauntered into her kitchen. “Tea?”

  The men all shook their heads.

  “I’m just saying, it’s not like the return of magic happened yesterday. It’s been decades now. There are wizard kiddies everywhere now, and it’s only going to get worse.” She poured herself some tea from a pitcher sitting next to her sink. A large orange and yellow plant twitched and shuddered beside it. “You need to up your game, guys.”

  2

  A couple of days later, James’ F-350 rumbled down the road with him, Shay, and Alison inside. The girl’s single suitcase sat beside her in the back seat.

  Shit. I knew it was coming, but it’s still hard to believe summer vacation is already over.

  “Just so you know, Alison,” James began, “I’ve been putting your share of the bounties into your account. Between the money from the sale of your house and the money you made this summer, when you graduate you shouldn’t have any money troubles at all.”

  She laughed. “I’m graduating from magic school. It’s not like I think I’m going to have a lot of problems.”

  James shrugged. “Maybe. Money’s a magic all its own.”

  Shay snorted. “Ain’t that the truth.”

  The bounty hunter spared her a glance. Considering how much money she’d earned on some of her tomb raids, she might have more money stashed away than him. It was hard to say, given all her fancy warehouses and trips around the world. A complicated lifestyle ended up expensive.

  “Guess I’ll be a spoiled little rich girl.” Alison smiled. “Still, thank you, Dad. You could have kept the money from my house. You didn’t have to do all this training or give me any more money.”

  “You earned that money,” he rumbled. “Especially on that last bounty. She might have gotten away if you hadn’t used your magic.”

  “I’m just saying. I love talking to you on the phone, but it’s only when I’m back that I remember why I love being Alison Brownstone so much.” She shrugged and quieted.

  Fuck. I should say something. She’s pouring her heart out here.

  James managed a grunt in response.

  Maybe it was stupid to worry about Alison having money when both Shay and James were rich by any normal standard, but if there were one thing he could give his daughter, it would be independence. The priests who had helped raise him had done that for him, and he only hoped he could do as well by Alison. If he managed only that, he would consider himself a halfway-decent father.

  The silence stretched. It was not an awkward lack of conversation, but more a mutual understanding and respect among everyone in the car. He’d half-expected Alison to resent being taken away from the magic school and having to deal with the dark, dirty reality that was Los Angeles, but the summer had been a good experience for everyone. Far better than James could have ever anticipated.

  Sure, he’d had to go to court to keep her. Plus, he’d had to beat down a Drow queen, but some problems just came with being James Brownstone.

  He changed lanes and cleared his throat. “Still don’t know if I like you doing this magic train crap instead of taking a plane back. Sounds complicated.”

  Alison shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. It’s way simpler than flying back. You’re the one so obsessed with things being safe for me, and the train is much safer than me taking a flight back. Non-magical people can’t even get on these trains, so that’s…what, most of the people on the planet who can’t attack me on the way back to school?”

  James wanted to argue more but shut his mouth. Alison being independent meant taking advantage of the things that played to her strengths. Just because he didn’t find magic simple and distrusted it didn’t mean she did, even if he still didn’t trust some hidden magical underground train.

  He turned into a Starbucks parking lot. “I always wondered why there were so many of these places.”

  Shay smirked. “People can’t just like coffee?”

  James shrugged. “Just saying that every time I think about it, I wonder about a lot of stuff. Like if McDonald’s is secretly some magical dragon parking place.”

  He looked at Alison, and she shrugged.

  The bounty hunter stepped out of the truck and headed to the back to pull out Alison’s suitcase. She hopped out of her seat without trouble. It was times like this he almost forgot she was blind.

  Alison ran over to him and pulled him into a hug. “This has been a great summer, Dad. You taught me a lot, and I truly became Alison Brownstone.”

  He ruffled her hair. “I didn’t need some court to tell me that you’re my daughter.”

  The girl pulled away and wiped the tears out of her eyes. “Promise me you’ll always wear your amulet when I’m gone.” She pointed at his chest. “No matter if you think it’s the easiest job in the world. I don’t want to have to worry about you. If a level two can end up a witch, a level four might really be a six.”

  James sighed. “I promise.”

  Alison took the handle of her suitcase and waved goodbye to both of them. James stood there in the parking lot as the girl entered the Starbucks and headed toward the bathroom.

  Why do they to walk toward the bathroom to get to the magic train? Magic. Always so fucking weird.

  Not that he had much a right to talk. James patted the amulet resting underneath his shirt.

  Not sure if this is magic or something else, but Whispy Doom is weird.

  Maria sipped her coffee, then frowned, eyeing the cup. No one liked lukewarm coffee.

  “Damn it, Weber,” Maria muttered to herself. “Can’t you get me a halfway decent cup of coffee? It’s already late. How the hell am I supposed to not fall asleep after being here for twelve hours?”

  She set the cup down and continued scrolling through the Homeland Security Daily Enhanced Threat Bulletin. Despite all the technology and magic the government had access to, high-level bounties still managed to wander the country freely.

  Well, Los Angeles is my problem, so I’ll just worry about that.

  The lieutenant kept scrolling and clicking, checking the reported movements of every level five and six bounty in the country. After several more minutes of checking, she chuckl
ed.

  Nobody even looks like they’re coming this way. We’ve got tens of millions of people, but no high-level bounty wants to come try their luck? Since when did they all become such pussies?

  Not all that long ago, the AET lieutenant might have attributed the lack of major threats to luck or the efficiency of the LAPD AET.

  True, they’d taken out their share of level fives in the last year, including several Drow and Tessa Vansant, but Maria had no illusions about the actual reason high-level bounties were avoiding LA.

  James Brownstone. Scourge of Harriken. Granite Gargoyle. A man who’d taken down more high-level bounties than any other bounty hunter in the country, possibly the world.

  Every news story about him was followed by fewer higher-level bounties showing up. The low-level cockroaches must have believed he wouldn’t bother with them, but now he had his agency to fumigate them.

  As much as it pained Maria to admit, his little pay-per-view stunt with Tyler had only made the fear among the underworld more obvious. She tracked the high-level bounty rumors daily, and after his little bout that some were calling the “Hail to the King” smackdown, several known high-level criminals suddenly seemed far more interested in going to cities other than LA.

  It’s like having our own personal nuclear weapon that everyone’s afraid of.

  Maria grinned and picked up the coffee cup. She’d only taken half a sip before remembering its temperature. She rolled her eyes and set it down.

  She clicked off the Homeland Security bulletin. There still seemed to be a few level fours, but she was far less concerned with them.

  “Might as well see what’s going on in the rest of world,” Maria mumbled as she switched to her email. Her eyes narrowed. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

  Thirty minutes later, the lieutenant sat at the head of a long table in a conference room, the key members of the AET team lining the table. She resisted the urge to chew Weber out about the coffee.

  Maria cleared her throat. “I’ve just been informed that the Los Angeles Museum of Natural History will tomorrow be opening a display of Oriceran magical artifacts as part of a short-term exhibit, but for some reason that escapes me, the museum hasn’t requested additional protection for the artifacts. Since these are on loan from the Light Elves, I’m surprised that their people at the consulate haven’t asked for protection.”

  It wasn’t lost on her that neither she nor her men had realized this major exhibit was going to open. The LAPD AET weren’t the most cultured group of men and women, apparently.

  Sergeant Weber furrowed his brow. “You think someone’s going to target the artifacts?”

  “Damn right, I do. It’s just too tempting. These things aren’t just valuable but are actual magic items. Anyone who gets their hands on them gets a big payday, or potentially becomes the newest weirdo we have to worry about on the daily enhanced threat briefing.”

  Matthews frowned from the other end of the table. “So? If museum people think they’ve got it, they probably do. Probably hired a bunch of fancy magical private security, or maybe got some people from the consulate to help guard it. If they didn’t ask it’s not our problem, and I don’t see why we should have to risk our lives over it.”

  Several others nodded their agreement. Their heads snapped toward Maria when she slammed her fist on the table.

  “Not our problem? We’re the police. Have some fucking pride in your uniform. If random assholes come into our town and commit a high-profile artifact theft right underneath our noses, we’ll be laughingstocks. Not to mention, if said assholes get their hands on a bunch of magical artifacts, who knows what kind of bullshit they might be able to pull off?”

  The men all looked down.

  “What about Brownstone?” Weber asked. “I mean, we could just happen to mention to him that someone’s coming into town to stir up trouble.”

  Maria shook her head. “He’s a bounty hunter, not a security guard. If we don’t have someone specific to point him at, he’s not going to be a help.”

  “So what’s the play, then?”

  She frowned. “I’ll contact the museum later and see what help they need. Once we know that, we can better figure out how to deploy our resources.”

  James sat on Shay’s couch trying to fight off the melancholy that wanted to settle over him. He’d gotten used to Alison being at school last semester, but having her over the summer now made for a painful separation. Much more than he’d ever expected.

  Guess this is part of what it means to be a parent, too.

  He grunted and shook his head.

  Shay let out a quiet chuckle. “It’s all right if you’ll miss her, you know. You’re her dad now, so you’re supposed to care about her.”

  “I figured it’d take a little longer before I missed her.”

  She sighed and leaned her head back. “It’s definitely going to be less fun here. I was having a good time training Alison.”

  “You still have Lily, at least.”

  “Yeah, I do.” Shay shook her head. “But it’s not the same.” She chuckled.

  “What’s so funny?”

  Shay shrugged. “We talked about it the other day during your little rooftop romantic dessert deal.”

  James grunted. He still wasn’t sure if he’d pulled the surprise off well. She’d seemed to like it, and he’d done everything the podcasts had told him to, but hearing her bare her soul that night had unsettled him more than he’d expected.

  Shit. Usually, when I don’t know how to deal with someone’s emotions I ask Shay, but it’s not like I can ask her how to deal with her. Can I?

  Shay is just as confused as I am about a lot of this shit. Don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.

  The woman stared at him, her lips pursed.

  Shit. Is she pissed because I’m not saying anything? What should I do? What would the podcasts say? Maybe I should call Alison and ask.

  A man needed to know his weaknesses. Words weren’t his strength. It was time for action.

  James reached over and pulled Shay into a tight hug. She frowned for a few moments and punched him lightly before relaxing and hugging him back.

  After a moment, she patted him on the arm. “I’m tapping out! Can’t breathe, you mountain of muscle.”

  He jerked back, his eyes widening. “You okay?”

  Shay laughed. “All this time together, and you still can’t tell when I’m joking?” She winked and stood. “Come with me. I’ve got something to show you.”

  James followed with a slight frown. Had he screwed up? Was he about to be punished?

  The tomb raider led him to her bedroom. Maybe he was being rewarded. He allowed himself a little grin at the thought.

  Once inside the bedroom, Shay pointed toward the bathroom. “I’ve been selfish.”

  She entered the bathroom and grabbed a toothbrush holder and an unopened toothbrush. She handed them to James.

  His gaze flicked between the bathroom and the bed. Maybe she wanted to take a shower together, but he couldn’t figure out how the toothbrush fit in.

  Maybe Shay’s kinkier than I thought.

  “Selfish?” he asked. Sometimes not asking too many questions was the best way to avoid looking like a dumbass.

  “Yes. I’ve got my own little space at your house, but I won’t even let you have a side of the sink at mine. If we’re going to be together, I need to stop acting like I will run off at any second. Not ready to move in with you, but this is kind of a nice compromise.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “So, fair is fair. Why don’t you take the left side of my bathroom?”

  James nodded slowly. The rooftop confession had been a big deal, but those were just words in the end. This meant something more.

  Shay pulled her shirt over her head. “After you take care of that, we can have a little fun.”

  The bounty hunter marched over to her dresser to set down the toothbrush and holder before turning back to soak in his girlfriend
stripping.

  Hey, that’s some new and pretty lacy underwear.

  She smirked. “You couldn’t get to the bathroom before your mind was on me, huh? Maybe you are a keeper, James Brownstone.”

  3

  Maria drummed her fingers against her desk as she waited on hold. There had been two transfers already during her call to the museum, and she was on this hold for over five agonizing minutes.

  It’s not like I’m some random idiot calling. I’m a damned LAPD AET lieutenant. You think they would be a little more accommodating.

  Now she was stuck listening to light classical music and waiting for someone to start acting like a call from the LAPD was halfway important.

  “Lieutenant Hall?” came a voice over the line.

  Maria sat up. “Yes. To whom I am speaking?”

  “I’m Spencer Preston, I’m Head of Security for the museum.”

  The lieutenant let out a sigh of relief. “Ah, finally. They kept bouncing me around to a bunch of people who didn’t know what is going on.”

  “I apologize for the inconvenience, Lieutenant. We strive to maintain a good relationship with the local authorities.”

  “Of course.” The lieutenant rubbed the back of her neck. “I was a bit surprised, though, that the museum didn’t put in a formal request for police protection during your exhibit. I thought maybe you just hadn’t known to request AET protection so I hadn’t seen it, but when I checked with the other departments, no one has any record of you requesting police aid.”

  Spencer let out a quiet chuckle. “Why would I do that?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Why would we request police protection?”

  Maria blinked. “Okay, let me verify some facts before we continue this conversation.”

  “Of course.”

  “Is the museum now hosting an exhibit of rare Oriceran magical artifacts?”

  Spencer cleared his throat. “Yes, that’s accurate. You’re quite welcome to come over and view the exhibit.”