Disclosures - SF4

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Disclosures - SF4 Page 22

by Meagher, Susan X


  "Oh yeah. I like volleyball a lot. It's just not my favorite. I prefer beach volleyball because it's outside, but I don't think I would have a hard time gearing up for it." She sat for a few minutes in pensive silence. "Plus I can't ignore the scholarship. This is another self-serving trait, but it makes me feel really good that they think enough of me to give me a free ride."

  "I can understand that, Honey. It validates that you're important to the team and to the school."

  "But I think we need to make some decisions about how we want to live our lives this year. How do you feel about my playing any of the sports?"

  Jamie sat back in her chair and acknowledged that they hadn’t really discussed the time any of the sports would take away from their time together. "Do you have any idea of how much time volleyball will take?"

  "I can only assume it is run like the program at USF There we practiced about two hours a day. You were supposed to spend at least three days in the weight room, and they had us run as a team three mornings a week. They play about 30 games, so that takes up two or three nights a week. Most of the games are on Friday and Saturday nights so we wouldn't have a date night until December at the earliest. And if I played basketball next, I’d be busy every weekend until March."

  "That's not a small sacrifice," she agreed. "But let me ask you a question. If you were single and were offered a scholarship would you play?"

  "Yes," she said immediately.

  "Then I want you to play," Jamie replied just as quickly. "I know there are times when our relationship will cause you to give up things that you like, but this doesn't have to be one of them. I think we'll be able to adapt to your schedule, especially if you quit your job."

  "What have I had to give up for the relationship?" Ryan asked with a confused look.

  "Having sex with tons of women, for one," she replied with a smirk.

  "That was kind of fun," Ryan replied wistfully. "But you are proving to be more than I can handle, so it's not much of a sacrifice," she said as she leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her lover's lips. "Speaking of which, have we scheduled today's two hour lovemaking session?"

  "No…we’ll be at our home tonight, so as long as we can get rid of Duffy we can get started as soon as dinner’s over."

  Just as Jamie was going to seal the deal with a kiss Ryan’s pager went off. "Hold that thought," she said as she went to the phone.

  She spent nearly 20 minutes on the phone, giving the poor woman on the other end a thorough cross-examination. Jamie began to wash the dishes, and Ryan tucked the portable phone under her chin and took over the drying duties while she talked. Jamie laughed to herself as she heard Ryan ask every possible question that could influence her choice, but her ears perked up when Ryan asked, "How do you think the other players would feel about having a lesbian on the team?"

  She recognized the smirk that immediately covered Ryan’s face, and instinctively knew that the woman on the other end was flirting with her partner. "Yeah, I’d say I’m decent looking," she drawled, whipping around as Jamie tried to grab the phone from her hand. "That’s good to know," she laughed. "I’ll tell my lover that you’ll cast a vote in my favor." Jamie stopped her attempt to join in on the conversation, now that Ryan had covered the most important point. "Yeah…I’m happily married," she added, further reassuring Jamie. "That’s great. Thanks a lot for your time, and I guess I’ll see you on Monday." Ryan paused again and let the smirk cover her handsome face. "I’ll let my partner do that for you." She handed the phone to Jamie and said, "Jordan wants to know what I look like, Honey. She wants to make sure she welcomes me to the team."

  Jamie laughed and took the phone from her partner, "Hi, Jordan, this is Jamie." She paused a bit, poking her tongue out at Ryan before she said, "She’s very tall, has very dark hair, gorgeous blue eyes, the whitest teeth you’ve ever seen, and a short blonde bulldog hanging on her leg most of the time."

  As Jamie drove her partner to work Ryan said, "I think I'll call the coaches and give them my decision as soon as I’m done with work. The good news is that you get to see me in your favorite outfit."

  "My favorite outfit would be if you joined the hot oil wrestling team," she teased. "But volleyball is a close second."

  When Jamie showed up to pick Ryan up for the ride to the city, Ryan took Jamie's cell phone and spent the next 20 minutes making her calls. Jamie had so many questions that she fervently wished they had a speaker phone, but she waited as patiently as possible for Ryan to finish. The last call was to Coach Placer, and when Ryan hung up she had a very happy grin on her face.

  "I take it that Coach Placer was happy?" Jamie smiled.

  "Yeah, he seemed pretty happy. I'm surprised you couldn't hear him yell," she admitted.

  The usual Friday night traffic had slowed them to a crawl as they tried to get across the Bay Bridge, and Jamie stared at the skyline of the city for a few minutes, letting the fresh breeze waft over her skin. "What did Coach Greene say after you turned her down?"

  "Oh, she had to put down the volleyball program. They did really poorly last year, and she claims that even with me they’ll have a hard time making the NCAA’s. She said that soccer was the current sports vogue, and that I still had a chance to make the national team if I played for her and all that kind of crap."

  "Is that true?" Jamie asked, slightly incredulous.

  "If I had come here originally and was only 22 now I think I could have had a chance. I played against some of the women on the U.S. team and I could hold my own against them. But it didn't turn out that way. I don't think there's any way they'd add a 24-year-old to the team, so I think she's just trying to lure me back."

  "I'm so glad you decided not to play for her. I don't think you would have been happy."

  "I'm glad too," she admitted. "Oh, and Coach Johnston gave me a good tip. She said that since I had only used two years of eligibility, I could play next year."

  "But you will have graduated."

  "Doesn't matter. As long as you're enrolled in undergrad or graduate school you can play if you have eligibility left. So I could play field hockey next year if I get into grad school here. That would really be ideal. The schedule is less demanding and it would let me play my best sport!"

  "That's sounds great, Honey. But that reminds me, we've got to sit down and make some decisions about next year, and then start applying to grad schools."

  "Since we've both taken the GRE and I’ve finished with the MCAT, we can send in our applications any time. Do you want to do that next week?"

  "Yeah. Doing all that, as well as two hours of sex a day, should fill our week!"

  As they slogged through the heavy Friday night traffic, Ryan called Conor from the cell phone. "Hey," she said in their standard greeting.

  "Hi, Ryan," he replied in a happy tone. "Are you guys coming home?"

  She smiled at his use of the term. "Yeah, we're on the bridge. Traffic is crawling, so we won't be there for about 45 minutes. Are you going to be home for dinner?"

  "No, I've got a date. I need to leave home by six or so, and Da's at work, so no one will be here when you get home."

  "Oh, okay," she said with just a touch of disappointment coloring her words. She had spent dozens of Friday nights alone, but she was looking forward to reconnecting with her family, though she had seen them just two days ago. "We're playing golf at eight tomorrow, okay?"

  "Yeah. Where are we playing?"

  "It's a surprise. But rest assured we'll be the poor relations," she said while she wriggled in her seat as Jamie tried to find enough flesh to pinch.

  After she disconnected, she turned back to her partner and said, "Conor and Da are both out. Maybe we should just get off and have dinner downtown."

  Jamie blanched noticeably and said, "It’s Friday! I told Poppa we’d have dinner with him today!"

  "Whoa," Ryan laughed, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. "Good save, Jamers."

  "Jamers?" The smaller woman blinked and tri
ed to get a handle on this newest nickname. "Where did that come from?"

  Ryan shrugged her broad shoulders and gave her partner a helpless grin. "I’ve got no idea. It just seemed like your name at that particular moment. Do you mind?"

  "You can call me anything you want, Sweetie, as long as it isn’t ‘late to bed.’"

  Ryan shot her partner a sincere smile and assured her, "That will never happen, Buddy. Bedtime would lose its cachet if you didn’t join me."

  15 minutes later they pulled up in front of the neat little church that Rev. Evans pastored. Following the flagstone walk up to the small house provided by the congregation, they waited just a moment for the distinguished-looking man to answer the door. He wrapped Jamie in a warm hug, squeezing her tightly, then gave a slightly more reserved hug to Ryan and welcomed them both in. They chatted for a few minutes, then decided to walk to a local restaurant since he had no car and theirs could not accommodate all three of them.

  It was just six o’clock, and the summer sun was still prominent in the sky, assuring them of several more hours of light. As they walked along, enjoying the cool evening air that whipped around them, they talked about the Ride and their stay at Pebble Beach. Rev. Evans asked a few questions, but was mostly a very interested listener. Ryan reflected that his style seemed to be to allow his companions to talk, and then react thoughtfully to their issues. When they reached the restaurant, they were immediately seated at a small table near the front. After they had perused the menus and ordered, they sat back to enjoy a glass of wine. Jamie's face took on a thoughtful look as she asked, "Poppa, I've been thinking about telling my parents about Ryan. I know we’ve discussed the topic in general, but I thought you might have some specific things I should watch out for."

  They hadn’t discussed the issue much in the past week and Ryan still felt it was too soon for her partner to make this revelation, but she didn’t think it was her place to discourage her if she was intent on doing so. Rev. Evans sat quietly for a moment before he said, "Mmmm, that is a big one, Jamie. Do you think they have any suspicions?"

  "Mother does, but I think Daddy will be stunned," she admitted. "Mother actually came to my house one day this spring and asked me if Ryan and I were lovers."

  He tilted his head slightly and gave her an interested look, not directly asking what her reaction had been, but welcoming her to give it if she so chose. "I lied to her," she said softly, blushing with shame as she acknowledged her actions.

  Rev. Evans nodded his head, giving his granddaughter a fond smile and patting her hand gently. "I’m sure that you felt that you needed to, Jamie. You don’t lie easily."

  She smiled back and agreed. "I don’t want to get better at it either, Poppa. That’s why I want to tell them as soon as possible."

  "What do you plan on telling them?" he asked.

  "I want to tell them that I've fallen in love," she said as she looked over at Ryan. The candlelight made her partner’s skin glow bronze, and her eyes looked a very deep blue. "I want to tell them that I've met the woman that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with." She reached across the table to grasp her hand.

  He smiled at the two young lovers and waited a moment to ask his next question. "Do you think of yourself as a lesbian, Jamie?"

  She paused for a moment before she answered, taking a deep breath before she spoke. "I guess I'd have to say that I am, based on my behavior, but I don't think of myself that way. Does that make any sense?"

  Both Ryan and Rev. Evans nodded simultaneously. Ryan spoke first, "That's not uncommon, Honey. You might never feel like a lesbian. It’s really not that big of a deal."

  "I agree with Ryan, Jamie. But I asked the question because I think that it will come up during your discussion with your parents. I just want you to give some thought about how to answer that question. I don't mean to frighten you, but if you tell them you're not sure you are a lesbian it might give them hope that you'd go back to 'normal' if Ryan were to disappear."

  "You don't mean that literally, do you?" Ryan gulped.

  "No," he laughed, clapping her on the shoulder. "I don't think they'll resort to violence. But I want Jamie to be well prepared for this. I have seen this issue come up time and again for parents, so I assume it might happen here."

  "What do you suggest, Poppa? Should I tell them that I am a lesbian even if I don't feel comfortable with that label yet?"

  "I'm not urging you to lie, Jamie. I just want you to be prepared for the types of things that can come up. You should think about your answer and feel comfortable with whatever it is. Until you feel right about it, I would urge you to wait to tell them."

  "But what if I never have a term I’m comfortable with?" Her eyes were round with surprise and he hastened to reassure her.

  "I don’t mean to say you have to have a term, Honey. I’m just warning you that your parents will want you to have one. It’s perfectly acceptable to tell them that how you refer to yourself is none of their business. All I’m trying to do is alert you that they will probably ask."

  "Okay, that's good advice. What else should I expect?"

  "I assume they'll be disappointed. Maybe not with you, but with the loss of some of their expectations for you. I know they expected your life to mirror theirs. That's hard for many parents to deal with."

  "Yeah," she sighed. "I know it will be hard for Mother to have me doing something that is socially undesirable."

  "Don’t assume that it won't bother your father too, Jamie. He definitely got a lot of pleasure out of having you and Jack together."

  "You’re right," she agreed, remembering how proud her father was to take the two of them to social functions at the firm. "Okay, what else?"

  "I think the odds are good that they'll believe Ryan coerced you into this," he said softly, true regret coloring his words.

  The color rose on her cheeks as she said, "That couldn't be further from the truth!"

  "I know that, Honey. And when they get to know Ryan, they'll know that too. But that will probably be their initial reaction."

  "How do I make them see that's not true?" she asked. "Do I have to spell out how I pursued her?"

  "No, I don't think you have to and I don't think you should. This is one area that you should maintain your privacy. It's no one else's business how you came to be lovers, and if you don't want to reveal that, you shouldn't. I think you should tell them that there was no coercion involved and leave it at that."

  "What else?" she asked glumly, now regretting her inclination to tell them at all.

  "I think they might assume that Ryan is after your money," he said softly.

  "Oh please!" she said, her voice rising. "I have to beg her to let me buy her a pair of shorts! The only fights we’ve had have been because she can’t stand to have me spend money on her!"

  He laughed at this detail and Ryan blushed a bit. "I know it’s not true, Honey. But I am certain the thought will cross their minds. I suggest you remind your father that the Smith thought the same thing about him when Catherine brought him home."

  "I didn't know that," she said with a small laugh.

  "It's a very common reaction from people who have great wealth. They assume that everyone wants a piece of it."

  "Okay, other than seducing me for my money, what else will they think of Ryan?"

  "They won't like that she's older than you are, or that she’s been with other women before you. That will just reinforce their thoughts of her coercing you. But I think the biggest problem will be their difficulty in dealing with the loss of their dreams for you, Jamie. That's usually the biggest problem for secular, liberal parents."

  "Yeah, I guess they can hardly throw the Bible at me," she agreed with a laugh.

  "That would be a stretch," he said, sharing her smile.

  "So, do you think I should tell them at all?"

  He took a sip of his wine and gazed into space for a moment, carefully considering his reply. "I think you need to feel comfortable with why you want
to tell them. Are you trying to come out at them or to them?"

  "What do you mean?" She had never heard the issue framed that way, and it gave her pause.

  "Some people tell their parents because they know it will drive them crazy. They want to create some drama and hurt their parents with the news."

  She shook her head violently. "I want to tell them because Ryan is such an important part of my life," she said sincerely. "This isn't a passing fling. I'm not just trying out lesbian sex because everyone else is doing it. Ryan means everything to me, Poppa," she said as she squeezed her hand tightly. "If I don't tell them about her, they can't really know me. She's a part of me now," she said simply.

  He smiled at her and patted her cheek with his hand. "That’s a wonderful reason, Jamie, and if they have any sense at all, they’ll thank God that you care for them enough to share your life with them."

  She smiled up at her grandfather as she said, "It's nice to know that no matter what happens, you'll always be supportive of me."

  "You can count on that, Jamie," he said with a broad smile.

  Part 8

  As they raced up the hill, Ryan yelled ahead to Duffy, "Hey, no fair, you've got four legs. I should get a head start." As though he understood her entreaty, he crested the hill and waited patiently until his mistress caught up. "Thanks, pal," she said fondly as she bent over to ruffle his fur.

  They had been trudging up and down the hills for nearly an hour. It was just past six now, and Ryan's stomach was growling fiercely. "We'd better head home, boy. With any luck, Conor's started breakfast."

  To her severe disappointment, not only had Conor not started breakfast, he was nowhere to be found. He'd better show up on time. I need to warm up a little bit before we play, she groused. Her sour mood lightened appreciably when Jamie's sleepy head poked up from the lower stairwell.

  "Hi, Honey," she mumbled, scratching her head absently. "Did you have a good run?"

  Ryan walked over by the stairs and greeted her lover with her second kiss of the day, this time to a sentient being. "Yeah, we did. My legs were really dead by the last few miles, though." She looked down at her uncooperative legs as if they would provide the reason for their reluctance to attack the hills with their normal gusto.

 

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