by Deanna Chase
“Anyone ever tell you for someone who doesn’t care about looks, you tend to obsess over looks an awful lot?”
“I do not!”
Marie pointed at her eyes. “Do you see these bags? These bags that are big enough to carry my whole wardrobe in and caused by a kicking baby who allows me only twenty minutes of sleep a night, and are why I will never let my husband tie me up in bed again? These bags clearly say I am too tired to care if you like what I say or not, so don’t come to me when you need validation of your self-delusions.”
“What you call self-delusion I call choosing to deal with reality and not bullshiting myself.”
Marie shrugged. “If that’s how you want to put it.”
Nissa shouldn’t be getting so upset with a pregnant woman, but these last weeks with Benton leaving and Byron appearing had taken their toll on her, not to mention Byron’s little speech at the cabin. What was he trying to achieve by saying that to her? “Why? What would you call it?” she challenged Marie.
“Warping your self-image to justify hiding from the world.”
“I do not!” That stung. She had never, ever, lied to herself about her looks or what they meant for her in society. Not here, and certainly not in the years before she’d arrived in the village.
“You won’t attempt a relationship with a guy who you know has feelings for you and who you are crazy about as well, and you use your looks as the excuse why it won’t work. What’s that if not hiding?”
“If you’re talking about Benton-”
“Hell yes I’m talking about Benton.” Maybe Marie’s lack of sleep was getting to her in other ways, because she was raising her voice and exhibiting a lack of control over her temper when she usually showed the opposite. “His feelings for you are real and out there for all to see. I’ve known him for years. Joseph knew him when they were soldiers, and we both told you that he is head over heels for you. But somehow you know better. You take the care he’s shown you, the dedication, the devotion, and you shunt it aside and won’t give him a chance, and the only reason you give on why he can’t love you is because of how you look. Do you know how pathetic that makes you sound?”
In the quiet following that outburst, overloud panting breaths were audible to anyone in the room. It wasn’t until she put her hand on her chest that Nissa realized the sound was coming from her. She turned away from Marie, rubbing her chest, as if that would be able to slow her lungs or heart.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Marie murmured, the crush of her tears overlaying every word. Nissa shook her head but couldn’t verbalize yet, didn’t even know what she was feeling to verbalize.
Nissa didn’t have the energy to keep her back straight or lift her head to look at her pregnant friend. “I’m going home now. I won’t be in tomorrow, but I will be back the day after. I’m not leaving, I just need time.”
Marie’s voice was grateful. “I understand. I’ll be waiting for you.”
“Just don’t get mad at yourself for what you said. You have the baby to consider, and I don’t want you losing more sleep due to worry.” Nissa took off her apron, leaving it over the stool she had been sitting on. “I’ll give what you said some thought. There may have been some truth mixed in with all the henpecking.”
“Whatever you decide, I’ll always back you up.”
“I know that. You more than proved that three years ago, and nothing you ever say to me can change that.”
“You have Nissa twisted up in knots. Was that your goal?”
Fifteen minutes ago, Nissa had left the tavern only halfway through her shift. For the first time since he’d started courting her, Byron did not follow her. He hadn’t heard the words, but it only took one look between the two friends to know that the explosion had devastated them.
Marie continued, answering her own question. “No, it wasn’t. It’s not all your fault, anyway. Another dolt of a man gets equal blame.”
He didn’t have to feign confusion for this conversation. “What are you talking about?”
“She’s so beautiful inside,” Marie said, and he wasn’t sure if she was ignoring his request for clarification or going the long route to get there. “She was so damaged when I first met her, but I could see it shining from within, even when she was bleeding emotionally.”
If there was a being in this world who loved Nissa even close to how much he did, it was Marie. He took a deep breath and said, “I only want to be near her and love her. I would never hurt her, not intentionally.”
“You’re not,” Marie assured him, patting his arm. “But you are a catalyst. That’s a good thing. I’ve been feeling for a while that something needed to change. I just couldn’t – or wouldn’t – play a part to bring it about.”
She seemed so wise and knowing, her body filled with new life, a mother to all. “How will this play out?”
“Who knows?” So much for the wise and knowing part. “Wildfires are necessary, but I wouldn’t want to be caught up in one, and dealing with the aftermath is a bitch.”
Marie was part wisdom, part rambling observations, and was obviously trying to deal with the fallout of the rare fight she had with Nissa, made worse by the pregnancy hormones and lack of sleep.
He decided to push a little, hoping this mixed-up mood might give some valuable insight. “What can I do to get Nissa to give me a chance?”
Marie placed her chin in her hand, studying him. “You are a beautiful man.”
“Shouldn’t that word be reserved for women?”
“No. Not when it fits so perfectly.” Her fingers strummed her cheek as she studied his features. “Nissa doesn’t trust beauty.”
Marie sounded so sure, so certain. This was a window into a part of Nissa he himself didn’t know, had never experienced. “What do you mean?”
“Maybe I phrased that wrong.” Marie stared into space for a few more minutes. “I’d say it’s more she doesn’t trust what beauty can drive people to. Because it’s an unknown variable, she deals with it by keeping it far away from her.”
“My understanding is Benton wasn’t beautiful.” There was something awkward, something wrong about talking about himself like this, as if he didn’t know every scar Benton possessed and every dream that ran through Benton’s mind at night, most of them the last three years surrounding a violet-eyed woman.
“You know about Benton? Never underestimate the gossip mill.” Marie got up and walked to the bar, coming back with a glass of water. She grimaced at it and muttered before taking a long drink “Wish this was something stronger right now.”
The glass set before her, Marie continued. “Benton is far from what would be known as a looker, but he could have his pick of any woman in the village to take to his bed.”
“He could have?” That was news to him.
“Oh, yeah,” Marie enthused. “He has the most perfect body I’ve ever seen on a man, and he’s all growly and possessive. That does something to a woman. Most of us get hot over the caveman side of guys. Not all the time, but when a guy has that edge it does something for us.”
“And Nissa thought if Benton ever discovered he could have any woman he wanted…” He trailed off, despising the logical conclusion of that thought. That was her opinion of him? That he would be that casual with her feelings? Maybe he didn’t truly know her. She obviously didn’t know him. But if he didn’t have Nissa’s memory to hold onto during the cold days, where he faced every kind of horror, how would he keep going? If he didn’t have Nissa-
“He’d tramp it up in a heartbeat?” Marie asked, finishing his thought. “No, she didn’t believe that at all. She told me once, that if Benton ever broke her trust, she’d never trust anyone again, because he was the best man she had ever known.”
Relief surged through him. She did know him. She did. “Then why isn’t she with Benton?”
Marie gave a tight smile. “I could say something about how you are a stranger and why would I tell you all my friend’s secrets, but heck wi
th that. Truth is, I don’t know. Nissa is a wonderful woman who has thick, high emotional walls to protect her, and Benton, for whatever reason, never tried to ram through those walls. They are a love match that never connected. Fear, pride, complacency, on either or both sides – who the hell knows what’s kept them apart.”
“Let me assure you, I’ve never been afraid of heights.”
Marie studied him for several moments, and then a rather smug smile grew over her face. “You just might be all right.”
He inclined his head. “Thank you.”
“But I do have one final warning for you. Friendly, just putting the words out there because they’re true and I think you should hear them.”
“And they would be?”
Marie stood up, stretching her arms above her head and then lowering them to cradle her enormous stomach. “Benton is not going to be happy to meet you, and an unhappy Benton can be a little scary sometimes. Be careful when he returns.”
“From what I’ve heard, no one expects Benton to return.”
“Oh, he’ll be back.”
“How can you be so sure?”
She looked him in the eyes and threw down the proverbial gauntlet. “Because he would never willingly leave her. Wherever Nissa is, that’s where Benton will be.”
“Are you going to push Nissa away from me so she’ll still be available for Benton?” That was a possibility he hadn’t foreseen, and with the way his luck had been lately, it seemed more than possible.
But she surprised him by shaking her head. “Benton had his chance and didn’t take it. If you have the balls to go after what you want, well, it will be a nice change.”
Ouch.
Marie nodded to his drink. “On the house today. Good luck.”
Chapter Six
As empty as the tavern was, it would have been very easy for the group of women to sit anywhere except where they eventually settled, which was the table right next to his.
He had never seen so much hair flipping in his life as Benton, but this was an everyday occurrence for Byron.
Nissa was supposed to return today, and only the thought of seeing her after missing her yesterday kept him seated around the squealing females.
The door opened, but hope was dashed as Councilor Hale walked in. Hale walked over to the giggling group of ladies, saying, “Ladies, a pleasure to see you out today. How are you enjoying yourselves?”
Tara smiled up at the man. “It has been an excellent day. Byron has been entertaining us and keeping us out of trouble.”
Hale looked over at Byron, and then turned back to the women. From this angle, the sardonic twist of Hale’s lips was evident to Byron. “Well, when a man has no real obligations, he must learn some skill to pass the time.”
The women twittered. Byron’s hand tightened around his glass, but his smile and tone were easy when he answered Hale. “Nonsense. Spending time with such lovely ladies is nothing as low as passing the time. I would call it more a true calling.”
The laughter from the women this time was lower, more seductive, and Tara gave him a flirtatious look beneath her eyelashes. With a nod to the women and a last glance at Hale, Benton went to the bar.
“He’s being an ignorant ass.”
Nissa’s voice sounded behind him. He was almost getting used to being constantly surprised, but she was a very welcome one. He turned to face her. She was a little paler than usual, but no other visible sign of the upset of two days ago marked her. Her attitude was back to the easy friendliness that marked the first days of his arrival, but minus the undercurrent of nerves that he only now – when she wasn’t displaying them – realized existed. He leaned back and let his elbows rest against the bar, projecting nonchalance to put her at ease. “Who?”
“Hale.” Her hair was pulled up in a ponytail, which emphasized her sharp, pointed features. “As sad as it sounds, he was once considered the best catch of the village. Now that you’re here, his star has plummeted. He’s not happy about that.”
“Was he courting any of the women in particular?” Not that he cared about the answer. His only desire was to keep Nissa talking.
“He wasn’t interested in courting as much as testing out the merchandise. He is very much enjoying his widower-hood.” She leaned closer to him and said in a confidential tone, “In my opinion, he should be a little more concerned about fatherhood. His son is growing a little wild. He needs a mother.”
Nathaniel, the same boy who frightened Nissa on the path. “Are you having a hard time teaching the boy?”
She sighed and nodded. “He’s disruptive, the leader of a few other boys he brought together to form a gang of bullies. I tried talking to Hale last year and throughout the summer, but he says it’s nothing more than boys being high-spirited. It makes teaching very stressful.”
He shouldn’t have just threatened the little bastard when he had him by the scruff. “I’m sorry to hear you are having so much trouble.”
“What makes it so hard is he was such a sweet boy before his mother died. She kept the worst of his father from him. But with her gone, he’s like every other boy – he wants to be just like his daddy.”
Byron snorted. “It doesn’t get much worse than that.”
“Believe me, as much of an ass as Hale is, some fathers are much worse.”
Her voice was hard and full of experience. This was a rare glimpse of Nissa’s life from before she arrived at the village, something she refused to talk about.
Then her jaw softened, and she graced him with a small smile. “Thank you for allowing me to vent a little. I love my job, but it’s nice to sometimes be able to complain about the parts that bother me.”
“Don’t you have anyone else to talk to?”
“It seems rather petty to complain to Marie when she’s dealing with the various indignities of pregnancy.”
He leaned closer. She had been receptive to his company so far, so maybe he could push it a little further. “What about your friend from the cabin?”
She caught the teasing tone and returned it, folding her arms over her chest and leaning closer to him as well. “My friend who hunts criminals for a living? Sure, let me tell him about boys who are bothering me. Maybe I should include a map to their houses and a list of their deepest fears, make it easier to extract his revenge.”
“The extra step is always appreciated.”
She smiled in genuine amusement, her eyes shining at the exchange. The smile faded too quickly but softness lingered on her features. “It has been brought to my attention that I might be a bit too defensive in my personal interactions with people.”
He brought his hand up to his face and affected a look of shock. “You! Say it isn’t so.”
“Smartass,” she grumbled, but the smile returned. “I would like another friend, and I think I’d like that friend to be you if you’re willing.”
“I’ll take it.” He held out his hand to her. “Friends?”
She grabbed it and gave a shake. “Friends.”
Before he could add anything her gaze flickered to the window that showed the area behind the tavern and the happiness that had shone so brightly slid off her face. She walked to the door and flung it open, with him following close behind.
Marco was talking to a middle-aged man, a shifty character dressed in dirty fabric and the stench of days without a bath. Before he could stop her, Nissa yelled, “Marco!”
The boy startled, but the man’s stance and face remained calm and calculating. Nissa stormed up beside Marco, taking the side that kept her farthest from the man. She didn’t acknowledge him in any way, saying, “Marco, I need you to finish your chores in the kitchen. Joseph will be arriving soon to start preparing for the dinner crowd.”
The boy didn’t look happy, but he left. The man left as well, but not before running his eyes over Nissa and giving the tavern a final, lingering glance.
Nissa watched until the man was out of sight, her mouth tight and forbidding. “I told him never
to come here again,” she said, her voice so low she was more likely talking to herself than to him.
“What do you mean?” Fury simmered through him and he ground his nails into his palms to keep from showing it. When had this started, and why hadn’t she mentioned this to him before?
She startled, confirming his earlier thought that she was lost in her own thoughts. She shook her head, downplaying the question. “I don’t want someone like that hanging around Marco and leading him down a bad path.”
“And when did he start coming around?”
She shrugged, turning to go into the tavern again. “About two months ago.”
Two months? She had shrugged off Benton’s warnings and acted as though he was foolish to worry, and this had been going on for two months?
“Don’t worry,” she continued. “”He’s opportunistic scum. Marco is smart enough to stay away.”
Helpless, seething anger settled low in his stomach. Why was she being this stupidly blind? Because it had to do with her ex-student? “Does Joseph know about this man?”
“I’ve mentioned it to him. He’s keeping an eye out.”
“On Marco or on the man?”
She crossed her arms. “Marco has nothing to do with this.”
He clenched his jaw tight, refusing to say any anything more. It would only lead to an argument, and Byron had no right to be angry.
Without another word, he turned on his heel and left Nissa.
***
“You are very quiet tonight.” Nissa polished the glass in her hand as she eyed Byron sitting across the bar.
He wasn’t the only thing quiet. The tavern was empty except for the two of them and Marco, who was sweeping the floor. Joseph was currently at Marie’s side as she gave birth to their first child.
It had been three weeks since The Incident, as Nissa had taken to calling it in her mind. Byron’s anger had been tangible, and he hadn’t come back to see her for three days, the longest they had been separated since his arrival. When he finally returned, he glared at Marco and gave her a hurt, bewildered look, as though she had betrayed him.
