by Deanna Chase
I thought about it a bit and then nodded, “Yah. That could have been it.”
“So the vampires have found if they can get a monster to take over the body of a holy person, they can break down the defensive barrier. It is not unheard of.”
“How about vampires being out in broad daylight?”
“It was not broad daylight. It was dusk.”
“Killian, we followed that funeral since 6:00PM. They were out. They are not supposed to be able to be out in sun at all.”
Our food arrived and Killian tried to stall by sucking on his shake.
“Well?”
“I do not know. We shall have to find out.”
“And what is this about them hanging out with my uncle? Who IS Ulrich? He is obviously more than what the fat man was saying.”
“Again, I do not know.”
“And do you want to know the worst part?” I almost shouted.
“Worst?”
“That ghoul is decomposing into slime in the middle of that grave meaning I don’t get my skip money and I’m not going back for him, meaning my rent is not getting paid this month.”
Killian laughed, “You shall be taken care of.”
“YOU ARE NOT GETTING ME TO OWE YOU ANY MORE FAVORS ELF.”
The entire diner stopped and looked at me.
I gulped, “I’m auditioning for a movie. We’re just running lines.”
Normal conversation resumed and the waitress came over, “I’m an actress, too! What are you auditioning for? I think I would make a really great elf. Was it in the breakdowns?”
I raised the glass to my eye, “I’m sorry. I’m a stunt person. I got bumped up to do a line.”
She seemed disappointed and just dropped the check.
I leaned forward and whispered, “Killian, this is not good. We’re not safe if the vamps can come out during the day.”
“Listen, they did not attack. They stretched things out and then waited until dark which means they must not have all their power. We will go back tomorrow at noon and see what we can find. Deal?”
I sighed, “Yah. Deal.”
He opened up his moneybag and pulled out several gold coins.
I placed my hand on his, “Stop. I’ve got it.”
“I told you it was my treat.”
“I’ll take it out of the per diem I’m about to start charging you.”
He gave me a sideways glance.
“You can’t go throwing gold around here.”
He looked down at his little pile of elf money, “I had forgotten that the currency is not the same as the Other Side.”
I patted his hand, “It’s okay, you’ll just have to save my life again, okay?”
He gave me a slow half smile, “You have yourself a deal.”
Chapter 15
Bed had never looked so good. I crawled into the lacy chintz goodness and nestled into the 1000 thread count sheets. I was reaching over to turn off the bedside lamp when there was a knock at the door.
“Come in?” I asked, hesitantly. I’d learned long ago that anyone knocking at your door at 11:00 at night was there for a booty call or emergency call. Sometimes both. Never neither.
Mindy came in softly and padded over to my bed, sitting at the foot of it like when we were kids.
“How’d it go today?”
I knew this was not the reason why she had come into my room. You don’t spend nine months in utero with a person without being able to read their tells.
“Melted my skip, which is gonna be helluva lot of paperwork, and staked a couple vampires. Blah blah blah. You?”
She shivered, “I hate what you do.”
Mindy had it rough. During school, she had gone the super brains/ballerina/cheerleader route, I think, just to get some normalcy. I hadn’t been really surprised when she had gone into finance.
“Me, too. I wish I could have done anything else in the world besides this, but…”
She shrugged, “But Dad’s genes.”
“Yah,” I humorlessly laughed, “his damned genes.”
“Do you ever feel like he’s still with you?”
I nodded, “Yah.”
She got really quiet, “No, like, he is in the room with you. You can smell him. And you hear his footsteps like he’s right behind you.”
“You feeling okay?”
“No. I… It’s just sometimes… it’s like I catch him out of the corner of my eye, but he’s not here. He’s dead.” She stopped and repeated, “He’s dead, right?”
I sat up, “Are you saying you have Mom’s gift?”
She waved her hands, “I don’t know. I don’t know at all. I mean, I must, because normal people don’t see… Well, they don’t see dead people, right?”
I shrugged, “Some swear they do.”
She looked so small and scared as she said, “With your gifts… You’ve always been able to do stuff that I could never do, but I have always been so glad it wasn’t me. I was so glad I wouldn’t have to deal with the Other Side my whole life. I have a job, a husband. I can’t go living in the Other Side. I can’t bring Austin over there…”
I skootched over and gave her a great big hug and didn’t let go, “No one says that you do. Mom lived her whole life on Earth. Dad was the only reason…” I corrected myself, “His crazy brother was the only reason we had to live on the Other Side. And last I checked, Austin didn’t have a crazy brother hunting him down.”
Mindy looked at me square in the eye, “But we have a crazy uncle.”
I suddenly felt very, very cold.
“You think you’re responsible for all this,” I stated, suddenly seeing the great big elephant she had hauled into the room.
“It makes sense, doesn’t it? I start seeing dead people and you show up saying our long lost uncle has come out of the woodwork.”
“No, Mindy, it doesn’t. It isn’t you.”
“Why not?”
“Because our uncle is a deranged psychopath who is running some sort of grift on the magical community and is now involved in something that is breaking down the barriers of our two worlds. It isn’t you.”
“How can you be so sure that my gift waking up isn’t what started all this?”
I held her hand tightly, “I promise that you are not the start of all this. And I also promise that I will keep you and Austin safe. I didn’t spend my whole life kicking asses to let yours get into trouble. As soon as this settles down, I’ll take you over to Mom, or I’ll bring her over, and once she finishes driving you crazy with all the pride she is about to bust out all over you, you can figure out what you’re supposed to do.”
“Maybe I’m going crazy.”
“Maybe Dad has something important to tell you.”
“Um… he’s dead.”
“I tell you what, next time you see him, you ask him what he wants. See what he has to say.”
“I’m not going to start talking to empty rooms.”
I gathered her up in my arms like we were eight years old again and some dumb boy had made her cry on the playground, “No one will think that you’re stupid. You don’t know if it’s real or not until you try. So, try. For me?”
She nodded and then hugged me tightly, “Be safe, sis.”
“You, too. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight. Don’t let the boogeyman bite.”
“Mindy, there is no boogeyman,” I said as I snuggled in to bed, “I hauled Carl in years ago.”
Chapter 16
The brownie had found us, evidently. When I woke in the morning, all of my scattered clothes had been freshly laundered and folded tidily. I grabbed my robe and stumbled down to the kitchen. My sister was huddled in the breakfast nook with a baseball bat in her hand.
“Good morning!” I said, pouring myself a cup of coffee.
“WHAT THE FUCK???”
My sister didn’t swear.
“What’s got you so upset?”
“I came downstairs and breakfast was made and things were put aw
ay and the dishes were clean. WHAT. THE. FUCK.”
“Sorry, I forgot to tell you. We battled it out with a fat elf yesterday and won ourselves a brownie. Not the chocolaty cake kind.”
“There is a brownie. Here. In my Earthly home?”
“Yep.”
“Oh.” She started to unfold, “Well, that was very kind of him… to help…”
I gave her a wink, “Thought you might enjoy.”
“Why didn’t you tell me, you jerk?” she said, throwing a carefully folded napkin at my head and taking a plate over to the island to snag a bear claw from the pile of pastries.
“It completely slipped my mind. He’s helping me find Ulrich.”
“Do you remember when we were kids? We would have done anything for a brownie.”
“Don’t say I never got you nothing.”
“I think Christmas is covered,” she said, biting into the pastry. “Oh god, this is so good. I think he made it himself.”
“I wouldn’t doubt it.”
Killian came out, scratching his messy nest of hair and looking entirely too sexy for 8AM, “I see the brownie found us.”
“They tend to be good like that.”
Killian grabbed a piece of fruit from a bowl and bit into it, “I have missed nectar.”
“Here the brownie goes to all this trouble to brew up some coffee and get us some sugary goodness and you’re all excited about fruit? Elf, you and I may not be on speaking terms.”
“You are not getting rid of me that easily,” he laughed, “I have far more annoying habits to repulse you with.”
“Great. I can hardly wait.”
“So, what’s your plan for today?” asked my sister.
“I figure we’ll talk to the brownie, see if he has any good leads, investigate them, and try not to get killed.”
“Sounds like a great plan. I shall be in the shower,” Killian said, planting a kiss on the top of my head.
“He’s cute,” said my sister, watching him walk down the hall.
“Not that cute.”
“I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating grapes.”
I rolled my eyes.
Chapter 17
Before Killian and I could finish buckling our seatbelts, Pipistrelle opened the door and popped into the backseat. I focused the rearview mirror so that I could see him better, “Thanks for breakfast, Pipistrelle. Any good news?”
“Indeed! Your uncle is here in the city of Angels,” he replied.
“We knew that.”
“I have no further information,” he stated in his chirpy little voice.
I turned to Killian, “Really? This is what the Fat Man thought would help us?”
Killian shrugged, “It really was a terribly good breakfast.”
I looked back at Pipistrelle, “Thanks for the food. Keep looking for my uncle.”
Pipistrelle’s face broke into a grin, “Indeed! Nothing would please me more!”
His little head disappeared from view and I saw the door open and shut.
“You don’t think he’s dragging his feet so that he can hang out with us longer?” I asked.
Killian shook his head, bemused.
I turned on the car and started backing out of the driveway, “Well, time to head to the graveyard and pick up whatever pieces of that ghoul are left so that I can collect my bounty and pay my rent. Hope it’s safe to return.”
“It is broad daylight,” Killian reassured.
“I hope that’s still enough to protect us.”
We pulled up next to the church. The backhoe was just where the undertaker had left it. The bodies of the vampires had “magically” disappeared, though.
I parked my car and we walked through the crunching leaves to the graveside. The ghoul’s empty clothes lay spread eagle on the coffin and green slime dripped from where his body should have been.
I dunno. I’ve stared at a million corpses and you get kind of used to it. Other Siders are creatures of ether and usually, when they die on Earth, their bodies poof out and they return to the dimension from whence they came.
But ghouls are gross. Being as they attain their shape through eating dead flesh, when they die you get a lingering smell that can only be described as foul. Rotting flesh squared. I pulled out a facemask and rubber gloves that I had learned to start carrying in my bag and put them on.
“Keep a lookout for me,” I said to Killian and leapt into the grave.
I pulled out a plastic Ziploc bag and started folding up the clothes when something in the ghoul’s jean’s pocket fell out.
“Well, what do we have here?”
It was a tarnished silver bracelet with a number of lovely little charms featuring unholy artifacts hanging from its chain. I dropped it into a secondary bag.
“What did you find?” asked Killian.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“That bracelet you just dropped into the baggie.”
“Well, Killian, there is no bracelet and there is no second baggie. But if such a thing existed, I would have to say it was a talisman of some sort.”
I threw the baggie up at Killian, which he caught midair and held up to the sun to get a better look.
“This one charm looks like a coat of arms…” He suddenly got very still.
“What?”
“I believe it is your family’s coat of arms.”
I didn’t even know we had a family coat of arms, much less what it looked like. I’m pretty sure that maybe once we had gone into one of those genealogy t-shirt shops you find at the mall, but I seem to remember coming up empty handed. Sucked that the first time I was going to see my family crest was when it was removed from the body of the undead, “Great. Think I could get it printed on a mug?”
Killian gave me a look.
“It would make the holidays easy,” I explained.
Killian shook his head.
I sighed and dropped the last of the ghoul’s slimy clothes in the bag. Killian lent me a hand and I climbed up the side of the grave and out.
I wandered over to my car, pulled out a briefcase, and went back to the gravesite. I opened up the briefcase and grabbed a sports bottle from inside. I popped the sippy top and sprinkled the water on the grave in the sign of a cross.
“What…?” Killian asked.
“Have to re-consecrate the ground. I’ve got a priest I know who can come give us a hand, but it’s better to get this party started before word gets out to the nasties that there is an open church for rent. Could you fire up that backhoe for me?”
Killian flipped the keys to “on” as I sprinkled more water on the fill dirt. I climbed up into the machine and began finishing the job of laying the poor schmoe’s empty coffin to rest.
“I like a woman who knows how to handle heavy machinery.”
“Don’t make me bury you alive.”
“Just in case you were keeping tally.”
I wiped my dirty hands on my pants, “What do you say we take a stroll over to the church there so that I can wash up?”
Killian nodded and followed me over, opening up the door.
The church inside was eerily quiet. Not peaceful quiet. Church quiet should make you want to rest and just be. This was the kind of quiet that makes you check your locks.
There was a summoning circle set up by the altar and the whole place smelled like rotten eggs. I kept my hand upon my stake and walked in, “Yah, the priest was definitely the first to go.”
I popped open my cell phone and scrolled through my contacts until I came to the one I was looking for. The phone rang a couple times before a familiar voice growled at me from the other side.
“Father Killarney! It’s Maggie… You got a second? Seems like St. Bartholomew’s is in need of a little holy help… Yes, I will buy you dinner.”
I snapped my phone shut, “He’s on his way over. We should probably check to make sure there isn’t anything hiding in the baptismal font.”
The font was f
illed with leaves and dirt and sludge.
“Great,” I said as I grabbed one of those long, brass thingies they use to light candles and poked the handle around the bottom of the font, "Someone has been using it as a bathtub.”
Nothing leapt out to eat my face, so I called it good and moved on to the next spot ghoulies like to linger.
The sacristy had been cracked open and the wafers left out, eaten like crackers next to a goblet filled with something I didn’t even want to consider.
“Looks like the vampires made themselves at home.”
Killian looked repulsed, which was appropriate if you hadn’t seen anything like this before. I don’t know what it said about me that I was unfazed.
“This priest you know, he can set this wrongness right?” he asked.
“Yah, he’s got a regular Sunshine Cleaning crew. They’ll get this place spic and span in a jiffy.”
We hung around straightening up the mess that we could until the door opened and a short, grey-haired priest interrupted our fun. He lugged a duffel bag over his shoulder. Behind him came a middle aged nun in a blue habit, rolling a roadies case.
“Well, if it isn’t my dear Maggie MacKay. Haven’t been seeing you in church lately,” the priest said in his sweet Irish lilt.
“You know how it goes jumping between worlds, Father Killarney,” I said, giving him a hug.
“The Lord only asks one hour of our time a week, my child.”
I waved at the nun behind him, a slender lady with dirty blonde bangs and a wide grin. She gave me a wry glance.
“Sister Magdalena. How come you always get stuck with the heavier bag?”
“I’m just lucky.”
I turned to Killian, “Killian, this is Father Killarney and Sister Magdalena. They’re our cleanup crew.”
Handshakes were given all around before we broke off to give them the tour.
Father Killarney put on rubber gloves and crouched down next to a circle in the floor. He brushed aside the black sand, “Well, nothing too complicated.”
He then stopped and smelled his fingers, “Well, this is unfortunate.”
I bent down beside him, and then shifted as I felt Killian’s eyes gazing adoringly at my backside.
Elves.
“What?” I asked Father Killarney.
“Brimstone.”
