I gave Deshawn an innocent peck on the cheek and exited his sedan; his tan, nondescript, blah sedan. It fit perfectly with his personality.
“It was great seeing you too, Cali. Let’s get together again, soon!”
We both knew that wasn’t likely given the time since our last talk, but I nodded anyway.
Climbing behind the wheel of my car, I opened the windows and moon roof to let in the evening breeze. I knocked the stick-shift into reverse, and started backing out of my space. But, I had to hit the brakes suddenly, when I noticed my client, Travis, looming in my rear-view mirror. Great! Just what I needed! He had his arms folded accusingly across his ginormous, barrel chest and a big, smug smirk on his stupid dork face. He was shouting over the sound of my engine:
“That’s real nice. So, you cancelled my PT appointment today, so you could be with your new boyfriend, huh?”
I dismissed him as quickly as I could, yelling back at him out of the window:
“Hi Travis. He’s not my boyfriend at all. I needed some advice and he’s kindof an old friend. I’m sorry I had to cancel on you. I had some personal stuff to tend to, that’s all.”
“Well next time you need advice, you know I’m always here for you…”
“And maybe next time I’ll call you,” I replied, feigning a big smile. “See you later, Travis!”
As I tore out of the parking lot and headed for home, I wondered if I knew any normal men. My thoughts went back to lunch with Deshawn. What in the world happened to him? When did he get so damn boring?
I knew he’d gotten married, I saw that much on Facebook, but I didn’t realize just how suburban his life had become. 2.5 kids and a white picket fence… That was Deshawn now. Thankfully, he was still a decent shoulder to cry on.
“So Cali… It’s nice catching up and all, but… We haven’t talked in over six years. Why did you call me?” he finally asked, cutting the small-talk short.
I was almost too embarrassed to say, but I screwed my head back on tight and let it out.
“I need some relationship advice, and I can’t talk to my friends.”
He laughed at that, shaking his head. “You’re going to ask me for advice, after everything I did?”
“It’s in the past. We didn’t work and I didn’t have the courage to say so.”
Deshawn just shook his head.
“Alright, so what’s the problem?”
I told him everything… I told him about meeting Devlin, and about the years since. I told him about the way he seemed to like me one minute, but the next minute he was just talking about having a little fun…
“Let me ask you a question,” he finally said, cutting me off. “Do you like him?”
I nodded.
“And do you think he likes you?”
I nodded again…
“Maybe it’ll work out, maybe it won’t. You know what I do know? You’ll hate yourself if you don’t give this a real try. I say give him a chance. A real chance…”
Thinking back, I’m pretty sure I wanted him to tell me I was being silly…
As I drove distractedly through downtown San Diego, I realized there was definitely something else that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. My mental quandary became so severe, that it caused me to remain at a traffic light, well after it turned green. Naturally, all three drivers behind me honked their impatience at me. I flipped them off, proceeded through the light and resumed my deliberation as I entered the northbound Cabrillo Freeway.
For several more miles, I thought deeply about why I was attracted to Devlin until I became totally distracted by the sweeping beauty of the Cabrillo Bridge as I drove under it for the gazillionth time in my life. I never got tired of looking up at its graceful arches as I motored along the scenic State Route 163, through the Balboa Park and zoo area. The stunning piece of architecture excited me, each and every time I saw it, from any angle and from every perspective.
And that’s when I finally realized I was the one who never changed. Devlin excited me each and every time I saw him. Just like that bridge. I never saw him any differently. I never took the time to look at the ways it was different. At the patina that had subtly changed its color over the years and made that bridge even more beautiful…
The Devlin I saw was a playboy, a badass… Someone who could never be in a real relationship with me… He caused my heart to skip a beat. He was wildly exciting.
But maybe that wasn’t fair…
I was afraid to see the change in him. He seemed more controlled. More caring… I was still treating him like the one night stand I wanted six years ago instead of giving this relationship a chance to grow.
Something in me had truly crossed over. And not just sexually, either. Although, god knows Devlin would be a tough act for any man to follow, in that department. I realized his passion for life really had a positive effect on me. I had acquired an insatiable taste for it.
I chuckled at how thrilled momma would be to hear that bit of news: Mom, guess what! I can only date reformed but dangerous bad-boys now! Yay Me!
She was still at work when I got home. At least, I assumed she was. I checked my phone messages to see if there was anything from her: Five messages? I wondered why I hadn’t heard my phone ring, and then I remembered I had put it on vibrate in the restaurant. Obviously, I had forgotten to turn the sound back on.
The three pups were hungry and salivating for their dinner, so I fed them first. Then I listened to my five voicemails from mom. They were pretty much all the same: “Hi honey, this is mom. Call me….. I have some stuff to tell you. Talk to you soon. Love you. Bye.”
Since I figured we’d be talking face to face momentarily, I decided against calling her. I shot her a text, though, out of consideration:
“I’m home making dinner. Talk 2 u then. C u soon. Luv u”
Momma immediately replied with:
“Heading home now. Love you too.”
Since I wasn’t very hungry, due my heavy lunch, I figured mom might also be feeling the same way.
Overstuffing oneself on restaurant food really had a way of killing a person’s appetite. A light salad seemed like enough, so I threw a bunch of romaine lettuce in a large bowl and added leftover grilled Teriyaki chicken and various veggies. Then, I mixed up a honey balsamic vinaigrette dressing and popped open a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.
Within minutes, the enthusiastic, high-pitched yaps of Huey, Dewey and Louie told me my mom was pulling into the driveway. She was practically bubbling over with giddiness as she came through the door.
“I had the best day, sweetie. I can’t wait to tell you about it! Oh my god! You must have read my mind! I was thinking how great a salad would be for dinner! And the wine! Perfect! You’re the best!”
Momma poured us both a glass of wine and carried the salad over to the dining room table. She wasted no time with small talk, and immediately started right in about her lunch with Congressman Danes:
“Cali, you would not believe what a nice guy Richard is. I guess I had the completely wrong idea about him all these years. He’s very smart actually, and very handsome in person. We’re going to have another meeting later this week.”
Richard? She’s calling him Richard, now?
“Mom, you didn’t tell him anything….. about anything, did you?
“You mean about you not seeing Devlin anymore? Or how you feel about him, now? No, of course not, honey. He sure didn’t act like he knew about that, anyway, so I didn’t talk about it either. I didn’t want to take a chance on that influencing any future dates…. uh… meetings with him.
“You’re going to meet with him again?”
Mom shoveled a large forkful of salad into her mouth before answering.
“Yes. He said he had to check his calendar, but he thought he might have an opening later this week. He was very interested in my ideas.”
Uh huh….I’ll bet he was……
I poured myself another glass of wine, since I seemed to have slamme
d down the first one a bit quickly.
“So, is that the urgent news you kept calling me about today? Sorry, I missed you, by the way, I had my phone on vibrate.”
“No. That was only part of it, actually. I was calling because I thought you might be interested in the stuff Richard said about Devlin. He went on for quite awhile about him.”
Of course I was interested in any inside information I could get that might help enlighten me on that frustrating, mind-boggling man. But I didn’t want to act like a silly school girl about it in front of my mother. So, I feigned indifference the best I could.
I used my best “I don’t give a shit” voice and barely looked up from my plate, pretending it really didn’t matter either way:
“Oh yeah? What kind of nonsense did he say?”
“He said Devlin is crazy about you, Cali, and that his feelings for you are special and different because you’re unlike any woman he’s ever been with in his whole life. He said he couldn’t believe the positive changes he had already seen in his son just since he met you… And he confided in me that he had a feeling that YOU would be the one he would finally end up settling down with.”
Mom paused for dramatic effect, and then added smugly:
“Just nonsense like that, that’s all.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
DEVLIN
What a wasted week. I could barely even remember any of it. Between the booze and the pain pills it was pretty much a blurry haze. During the day, I was a hermit, staying mostly in my room, watching TV and eating junk food. The nights were spent binge drinking at all the local bars around my house.
I hardly saw my father or Carl all week, mostly because I went out of my way to avoid both of them. Plus my dad was making me sick with all the “meetings” he was having with Amari Jamison. I never knew him to have meetings on Saturday nights, before. Why didn’t he just admit it? He was clearly dating her.
I couldn’t even remember the last time I had exercised or done any kind of physical therapy. I hadn’t even done my daily morning squats or step-ups. And I hadn’t even begun to look for a new therapist. My knee was stiff and ached all the time and my mind tortured me with self-destructive thoughts. Predictably, I took the easy road and dulled both pains in typical Devlin Danes fashion; self-medication. Some Navy SEAL I was...
I had essentially returned to my old self, the way I was before I had met Cali in every way except for one, that is… I couldn’t bear the thought of being with any other woman. I just didn’t want anyone else.
The girls were as plentiful as ever; throwing themselves at me in the bars like always. But now, they all paled in comparison to her. There seemed to be no way to get over her. And it wasn’t getting any easier.
That is, until a friend finally opened my eyes for me, back at good old Miguel’s Cantina. Yes, sad to say, the profound insight into the woman who was causing me the worst pain I had ever known, worse than any war wound, came from my stoner bartender amigo, Cody.
After a long, hard day of doing next to nothing, I went back to Miguel’s. Of course, I also went for more sympathy and tequila. Cody bought me another shot.
We were having our usual good time talking and laughing, but before long, I started blathering on about Cali again; about how badly it hurt me when I realized that she didn’t truly want me for real, just because she thought I didn’t want a serious relationship with her.
“She actually thought I didn’t respect her and that I only wanted her for a ‘good time.’ Can you believe that? How in the fuck could she think that?”
“What did she say when you told her she was wrong about that?
“What do you mean, Cody?”
“You know…… when you told her how you really felt about her. What did she say then?”
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks alongside the head: I had NEVER told her she was totally wrong.
I didn’t tell her how I felt about her at all. As a matter of fact, all of my stupid words and actions had completely underscored her assumption and proved her right. Holy Shit! I’m a fucking moron!
Cody must have read my mind, because he started laughing.
“You never told her? What the fuck, Devil-Man? You’re not too fuckin’ bright are you?”
As my anger started welling up in me again, I leaned across the bar, and grabbed him by the neck of his t-shirt. All of a sudden, I realized I was really just angry at myself; not Cody. Then, in a move that took us both by surprise, I wrapped an arm around and gave him a pat on the back.
“Thanks, man. I can’t thank you enough. Here, take this please.”
I reached into my wallet, whipped out a hundred dollar bill and put it in Cody’s hand.
“No way, dude! A hundred dollars? What’s this for? What did I do?”
“You saved my life, that’s what you did!”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CALI
The Hillcrest Farmers Market was packed, like it was every Sunday. I was lucky I could easily walk over to it from my house and had no parking hassles. Kesha didn’t live in my neighborhood and loved using city transit, so I waited for her at the nearest trolley stop. I couldn’t tell if the overcast sky foretold rain, or if it was simply California’s usual “June gloom”.
I spied Kesha’s bright, orange baseball cap in the crowd and yelled out to her. We greeted each other with a hug and I felt a familiar, round ball wiggling under her clothes. As usual, she had her tiny Yorkie, Rufus, tucked down inside the front of her corduroy jacket. I was careful not to squish him too tightly during our embrace.
“Looking for anything special today, Cali? We’re all out of Rufie’s artisan, organic dog treats so I need to get a box of those for sure. He especially likes the Peruvian goat cheese flavored ones.”
“I mainly just need to stock up on fresh fruits and veggies. There’s also supposed to be a Thai food cooking demonstration that I’d kind of like to see. And, if Flora the tamale lady is here today, I might buy some of those too, if she’s got any of the green corn kind left”
The farm vendors that lined both sides of Normal Street always had the freshest produce and we couldn’t resist popping their tasty samples into our mouths as we shopped. We had planned on having lunch at one of the cute little bistros nearby, so we made a pact not to fill up too much on all the tempting offerings.
I bought a pound of Bing cherries, but not before eating a juicy handful of them. Most of the farm folk knew me, since I frequented the market almost every weekend. They seemed to be a little more tolerant and generous with me than they were with the out-of-towners. I turned around just in time to see Kesha wandering off with her nose in the air…….
“Don’t farmers markets smell great?! God I love it! Little Rufie’s nose is twitching too. What do you smell, little one? I think he’s trying to tell me he wants one of those sizzling brats over there! Mmmmm……with grilled peppers and onions! I hear ya little fella. Do you wanna share one with mama?”
“Don’t go getting one of those now, Kesha, and then tell me you’re not hungry when it’s time to eat lunch later. Here, let’s walk upwind of the aroma, so you won’t be tempted.”
I grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the vendor tent with the dried apricots, figs and dates. I bought my mom an assortment box, since she really had a thing for dried fruits. I don’t know why she liked them so much. Their little shriveled up fruity faces gave me the creeps. Even Kesha and Rufus, (both far from being picky eaters) turned their noses up at them.
“I can’t believe your mom eats those wrinkled little turds. What’s going on with her and that politician, anyway? Is she still pretending they’re not dating? Haha!”
“Don’t even remind me. I hate thinking about it. I guess opposites attract… She finally fessed up to the dating part, though. I think she just got tired of kidding herself. She’s out sailing with him right now, actually. I don’t know why it bothers me so much, Kesha. She’s very happy and I should be happy for her. Shouldn’t I?�
��
“You probably would be happy for her if your relationship with Devlin hadn’t turned to shit.”
Kesha never was one to mince words. She was usually blunter than blunt. But, that was probably one of the things I loved most about her. She was bawdy and ballsy and didn’t seem to care what anybody else thought about her.
My refreshingly frank friend’s words, about Devlin and me, had barely left her lips, when we came upon a fresh-cut flower vendor. One of the water buckets was filled with daffodils and daisies, just like the bouquet Devlin had bought for me. I bit my lower lip to keep it from quivering and forlornly fingered the flower petals and leaves……
SEAL: A BWWM BAD BOY NAVY SEAL ROMANCE Page 11
