“I’ve got you, Doc, and I love you. Christ, I love you. So much. I love you . . . love you . . . love you . . .”
They were still sitting there, those hoarse words still tumbling from Alex’s lips, when his brother and the others finally arrived.
18
FOR THREE DAYS, ALEX HAD TRIED TO GIVE BRIT THE TIME THAT SHE needed. Three goddamn painful, miserable, soul-destroying days that were slowly killing him.
He’d brought her home with him the night Shepherd had killed himself, considering there was a hell of a cleanup job that had needed to be done at her place, as well as all the work that had to be carried out by the forensics team. He hadn’t wanted her dealing with all of that while she was resting, and so he’d bundled her sweet little ass up once the doctors in the emergency room had cleared her to leave—after stitching the wound on her temple and diagnosing her with a mild concussion—and brought her back to his condo.
He’d hoped they would be able to talk things out after she’d had a good night’s sleep, but she’d continued to be withdrawn. He’d known she needed some time to heal, both physically and emotionally, but enough was enough. He’d let his inability to communicate his feelings cause enough bad shit to happen between them. Now it was time to put an end to it.
But first, he was going to sit out here on his back patio, and do something that he should have done a hell of a long time ago.
When things had almost fallen apart between Ben and Reese last summer, Alex had pointed out the simple truth that Hudson men held an inherent flaw when it came to emotions. It wasn’t that they didn’t feel. They felt deeply. Maybe even too deeply for their damn sanity. But they were shit when it came to owning up to those feelings. To expressing them. To sharing them and letting another person in. Ben had fought against his personal demons and won, thank God, finally admitting to Reese that he loved her.
That was something Alex had never done with Judith. He’d been protective, possessive, and faithful. Had taken his vows of fidelity as seriously as a man could. But as the blow she’d driven against his pride finally healed these past few weeks, he’d started to see things a bit more clearly.
Yes, there’d been a time when he’d loved her as a person. But after seeing how Ben was with Reese, and Ryder was with Lily, Alex had finally taken a deeper look at his marriage to Judith, at his emotional connection to her, and realized a difficult truth: He’d loved her, but he hadn’t been in love with her. And somewhere along the way, she’d figured it out.
It didn’t excuse what she’d done or how she went about destroying their marriage, but it’d lessened a great deal of the blow. Especially now that he knew what it felt like to truly love another person with every part of his body, heart, and soul. Because of that, he needed to move forward, and to do that, he finally needed to put his past behind him, where it belonged.
And that’s why he was finally making this call.
When her familiar voice answered the phone, he cleared his throat. “Uh, hey, Judith. It’s Alex.”
“Alex?” she whispered with surprise. “Ohmygod, I’m so . . . well, shocked to hear from you. Did you hear that Pete and I are no longer together?”
“Um, no.” He hadn’t even known that she and Pete Mannis, the detective he’d put in the hospital, had kept seeing each other after Alex had divorced her . . . and he didn’t care.
“Oh.” She sounded almost disappointed. “Well, I’m so glad you called. Are you in Orlando? Can I see you?”
“Naw,” he murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. Christ, this was awkward. But he was determined to get it done. “That’s not why I was calling. I just wanted to, um . . . well, to wish you well.”
“Wish me well?” she asked, and he could hear the catch in her voice.
“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to say that, Judith. But it’s true. I want you to have a good life. A happy life.”
“Oh, Alex.” At the sound of her sniffling, he started to cringe. But then he breathed out a silent sigh of relief when he could hear the smile in her next words. “You’ve finally fallen in love, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, I have.” He took a deep, cleansing breath of fresh air, then told her, “I know I never said it, but I did love you, Jude.”
“I know you did,” she whispered. “But you weren’t in love with me, Alex. I knew you weren’t, but I married you anyway.”
“Big mistake on both our parts,” he offered in a wry drawl.
“God, isn’t that the truth.” They shared a quiet laugh, and then she said, “I wish . . . I want you to be happy, too, Alex. And I’m sorry, for not being honest with you. For the way I . . . well, for what happened.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
They said good-bye then, and he felt a weight lift. And, damn, did it feel good. He’d known that he needed to do that, so that he could move on and go to Brit as a whole man, and he was so fucking glad that he had.
Heading back inside, he found the little doc up in his guest bedroom, where she’d slept for the past three nights. She was curled up against the headboard, reading a book, until she realized he was standing in the doorway. Then she set the book aside, lifted her head, and looked right at him.
Hoping with everything inside him that he didn’t screw this up, Alex said, “It’s time for that talk now.”
With a gentle shake of her head, since it was still bothering her a bit, she said, “Later.”
“No. Now, Doc. I can’t wait anymore.”
She blinked at him, and he could see her pulse racing in the hollow of her throat. “Alex, please.”
He took a deep breath again, this time striving for patience. “Just listen to me, Brit. That’s all I’m asking.”
“I can’t,” she choked out. “I don’t want to hear you take it back.”
What the hell?
Alex stared at her pale face, stunned. Christ, is that what she’d thought he wanted to talk about these past few days? “I’m not. . . . That’s not what . . . Fuck, Brit. You think I would say I love you and then take it back?”
Tears glistened on her thick lashes, making his chest feel like it’d just been ripped wide open. “Why not?” she asked, her mouth trembling. “I never know what to expect from you.”
He came into the room then, because he couldn’t stay away, and sat down on the side of the bed, his elbows braced on his parted knees. Then he turned his head and looked at her. “Before, on that morning of our fight, I panicked because I realized how much you mean to me. Realized how deeply it could cut me if I lost you. Not like it did with Judith. That was more about ego and bullshit than anything else.”
“But she broke your heart.”
Giving her a wry smile, he said, “No, she broke my pride, angel. Big difference.”
“Alex. It’s—”
“No, just listen to me, Doc. I’m giving this to you as straight as I can. And I want you to know that I called her.”
“What?” she gasped, gaping at him. “When?”
“Just before I came upstairs.”
“Oh.” Concern for him filled her beautiful eyes. “Did it . . . um, go okay? Are you all right?”
“I’m good. And I’m glad I did it. It closed the door on a part of my life that needed to be left behind so that I can move forward.”
“Oh,” she said again.
He braced himself as he forced out the rest. “And I, uh . . . I even spoke to Chloe yesterday, when I was picking up my mail.”
Her eyes went wide, but she didn’t say anything.
Clearing his throat, he kept his gaze locked hard on hers as he explained. “I apologized for using her like I did that night. It was a dick move, and I want you to know that that night was the only time I’ve ever . . . well, that anything ever happened between us. And I didn’t touch her. It doesn’t make it better, but I need you to know that.”
&nb
sp; “I’m . . . uh, I don’t know what to say.”
His gaze narrowed. “Well, before you throw some bullshit back in my face about me only feeling like this because I almost lost you to Shepherd, it won’t work. I had already come for you. That’s why I was at your front door, begging for the chance to talk to you.” He paused for a moment as he shifted so that he was facing her, one knee drawn up on the bed, and then went on. “When you walked out on me, it felt like my fucking heart had been knifed. I’ve never felt anything like it. Not when I found Judith with my coworker. Not when I kicked her ass out. Not when I lost my career and nearly drank myself to death. Those things all kicked me in the balls, but they didn’t come close to how I felt when you left me.” Shaking his head, he said, “I might be a thickheaded son of a bitch, but I’ve learned something. When it matters and it’s right and it’s the fucking best thing in the world that could ever happen to you, then you get down on your knees and you fucking grovel until you get it back. So you need to know that I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work, because I have to. Because I want to. You are mine, Britten Cramer, and I’m fucking keeping you. Forever.”
She stared back at him in absolute shock. “Ohmygod, you said my name.”
“I’m a PI,” he drawled with a cocky smirk. “You didn’t think I was that bad at noticing details, did you? I saw it on your medical license the first time I went into your office.” Reaching out, he cupped the side of her face. “It’s a beautiful name, baby. Just like you.”
“You really do love me, don’t you?” she whispered, sounding adorably dazed.
“I do, and I swear to everything I believe in that it’s not a line I’m using just to get you back. I mean every word, Brit. I love you. I love you so fucking much it’s killing me.”
“Love is meant to be a good thing, Alex.”
“It will be,” he breathed out, “just as soon as you tell me we’re good.”
“Oh, we’re good,” she said in a rush, grabbing his hand and moving it from her cheek to her lips, where she could press a soft kiss against his knuckles. “We’re so good.”
Knowing he needed to get it all out, he said, “I really can be a stubborn ass. What I feel for you, it was there all along, Brit. I didn’t know what it was, and I wouldn’t let myself take the time to figure it out. I just shoved it away, where I thought it couldn’t hurt me. But it was there. And the moment I realized what I’d lost, what I was letting slip through my fingers, there was no way to keep hiding from it.”
Needing her in his arms, he pulled her onto his lap, and then he carefully pushed her hair back from her wounded temple. “I know you could do so much better, Doc. I know that. But I guarantee there’s no one out there who could ever love you more. I can’t change my past or the things I’ve done, but I can promise to live every day of the rest of my life being a good man for you.”
“You already are a good man.”
Grinning a little, he rumbled, “If that’s so, then it’s because of you. Because that’s what I want to be for you. And before you say anything, I want it for me, too. I want to be the best damn thing that’s ever happened to you.”
“Stop, please. You’re going to make me cry.”
“You’re already crying.”
“I know.” A smile ghosted her lips. “I just can’t believe that after everything that’s happened, we’ve actually made it to this point.”
“Yeah, well, that’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about.” She stiffened at his gruff tone, and he knew she’d guessed where this was going. “That shit you pulled by trying to send me away that night,” he muttered, tightening his grip on her. “That can’t happen again.”
She bit her lip as she touched the side of his face. “I didn’t have a choice. He said he would hurt you.”
“I don’t care if someone is threatening to take my fucking head off, you don’t turn away from me. Ever, Brit. You understand?”
“I understand,” she murmured, suddenly looking as if she was fighting back another smile. “But it’s natural to want to protect what you love, Alex.”
He gave her a piercing look. “It’s natural to trust in that love, as well. And trust me when I say that I’ll spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to ensure you are never in danger. But if something were to happen, and you got caught up in something,” he rasped, gripping her chin, “I want your promise that you would do whatever it took to have me with you. That you would call me closer, instead of sending me away. Because protecting you, being with you, is where I belong, Doc, no matter the situation. Even if you were surrounded by fucking walkers, I’d want to be right in the middle of hell with you, doing everything I could to keep you alive.”
“Walkers, huh?” she said with a soft laugh, her eyes shining. “I didn’t know you were a Walking Dead fan.”
“Don’t change the subject,” he grunted.
“Fine, I promise.” Her lips curled up on one side in a sexy smirk. “But could I hold on to Daryl just until you got there to protect me?”
“Don’t test me, beautiful.” He pressed his forehead to hers, and his voice lowered to a possessive growl. “Even with a guy who isn’t real.”
She gave another soft laugh, and he took her mouth in a scalding kiss before she could tease him for being jealous over a TV character. But, hell, at least she had good taste. Daryl Dixon was a badass. Of course, that didn’t mean Alex wanted her thinking about the guy. No, he planned on keeping her so sated and satisfied, there wouldn’t ever be any room in her brilliant mind for any other man but himself—fictional ones included.
Pulling back a bit so that he could catch her expression, he told her, “We’re going to have a hell of a life together, Doc.”
She gave him a blinding smile, but Alex frowned as he took in the tears spilling back over her lashes. “You’re crying again, baby.”
She sniffled. “Yeah, well, I do that a lot around you.”
“I know,” he sighed, his hands tightening on her waist. “And I’m so damn sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she murmured, running her fingers through his hair. “I’ve had a lot of happy tears, as well as sad ones. I mean, I usually cry when you make me come.” She pressed her lips to the edge of his jaw . . . then the corner of his mouth, telling him, “Because it feels so good. So right.”
“Get used to it,” he groaned against her soft lips. “I’ll still fuck you hard and rough and raw, every chance I get. But I’m going to work just as hard to blow your mind and own your heart. Hell, I even want to lay claim to your soul.”
“You can do whatever you want, just as long as I get to do the same to you.”
“You already own every part of me, Brit.” Holding her tight, he pressed his lips to her ear, and growled, “Every. Fucking. Part.”
“Then prove it,” she moaned, shivering in his arms as she clutched at his shoulders.
“I won’t hurt you again,” he vowed, lifting his head and staring deep into her eyes. “Not like I did. I swear I won’t.”
She gave him another beautiful smile. “I know, Alex. I trust you with my heart. And I have so much faith in you.”
“Fuck, Ben was right,” he said unsteadily. “I don’t deserve you. But I’m keeping you anyway. I’m never letting you go.”
Studying him through her heavy lashes, she asked, “Isn’t this the part where you usually tell me to get naked?”
“No. I want to be the one who undresses you this time. It’ll be like unwrapping the best birthday present in the world.”
He ripped his shirt over his head, then turned and laid her back on the bed, coming down over her. Taking his time, he kissed every inch of silky skin he uncovered as he slowly removed her jeans, T-shirt, panties, and bra. When he had her naked and soft and deliciously sweet beneath him, Alex opened his jeans, pushed himself deep inside her, and then held there as he spent long,
mouthwatering moments sucking on her tender nipples, loving the way she felt on his tongue. And completely undone by the way she felt around his dick.
Braced on his forearms, he looked up at her and growled, “You’re mine, Brit. You belong to me. Every part of you. And I’m yours. Forever. You understand?”
She curled her hand around the back of his neck, pulling him to her mouth, and kissed him like she needed his taste to survive. And, God, it was hot. Then she whispered that she loved him, and he lost it, pinning her wrists above her head before taking her mouth with an aggression that surpassed everything that had ever come before. He was raw and unleashed, every barrier broken down and shattered, completely without any shields or restraints. Which was just fine by him, seeing as how he wanted her in every part of him. Wanted his life so entwined with hers they couldn’t ever be torn apart.
Lifting his head, Alex caught her shimmering, heavy-lidded gaze, and leaned down, catching her lower lip in his teeth. He gave it a gentle nip, then licked the sting away, their frantic breaths soughing together as he fucked her like a man intent on claiming the hell out of his woman.
Like a man who would never be able to get enough of her.
“God, Brit. I love you so fucking much,” he groaned, shoving himself deep and grinding against her, against her swollen little clit, and that was it. She trembled and gasped, then let out a keening cry as her body shattered around him, convulsing around his thick shaft so tightly he could barely move inside her, and he followed her over. Still holding her wrists in his hands, he pressed his forehead against hers and came so hard it nearly turned him inside out, his muscles tremoring as he cursed and growled, his seed jetting from the swollen head of his cock with so much force he actually sobbed. And his hips just kept pumping him into her again . . . and again, until he was slick with sweat, so replete with satisfaction he felt drunk on it.
Somehow, he finally managed to drag himself onto his side, his clutching arms bringing her with him as he pulled her against his chest, still struggling to catch his breath. She scooted up so that they could share the pillow, and they both smiled like the lovesick idiots they were. It was sappy and sweet and, without any doubt, the best fucking moment of his entire life.
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