Time was money.
I pounded into her faster, her wet juices sloshing around the latex covering my dick. Biting into her shoulder the way I knew she liked, I growled out as if I was coming.
I wasn’t.
I never came with the women who paid me.
Never.
It was my job. It was work, not play. I teased them on stage, and then pleased them in the back. Teaser and pleaser. It was my tagline so to speak, and I lived by it.
I gave them what they wanted. I made them think they were the best I’d ever had. I lingered on the parts of their body I knew they hated, and gave them whatever it was they were missing in their love life. Then I got paid. It was a transaction. One that paid my bills and took care of things at home.
“Oh my God, Jack. That was amazing,” she panted.
Jack Hammer was my stage name. I never gave them my real name. I didn’t even think Tommy, the man who owned the club, knew my real name. It was easier that way. There was no tax bullshit. There wasn’t even an ID or social security card on record. I could disappear from the club one night and no one would ever be able to track me.
Rosie turned, throwing herself back onto the couch. Her button-up blouse was unbuttoned and open, and sweat dripped down between her sagging breasts shining in the dim lights above us.
“You were amazing,” I said, placing a soft kiss on the side of her neck.
Never the lips. Never.
Standing, I ripped the condom from my cock and tossed it in the trash. I jerked my jeans up, hiding my raging hard-on, and threw my white T-shirt over my head.
Thank God for Viagra.
It sucked being hard for hours on in. It was pure hell not being able to relieve yourself until you were alone in your shower after work. But like I said before, bills had to be paid. There was food that needed to be put on the table, and prescriptions for Grandma that needed to be filled. I had responsibilities, and I never shirked my responsibilities.
I’d learned the Viagra trick from the old dogs who worked the club when I first started it. They’d taught me all about the correct dosage for a night, and even hooked me up with my first pill. It was hard to believe that was almost a year ago. A few of them were long gone. Men didn’t tend to stick around the club for very long.
Once Rosie put herself back together, she pressed her thick, aging body against my chest and kissed my chin.
“I’ll see you in a few weekends,” she said, slipping a fat roll of hundreds in my pocket.
Looking down at her, I let my eyes move over her face the way I knew women liked. It made them feel special or some shit. Who the hell knew? Women were more fucked up than men.
Kissing her on the cheek, I grinned down at her as I squeezed her ass.
“It won’t come soon enough,” I lied.
She turned, and I smacked her ass once more for good measure before she left the room.
Once she was gone, I sat on the couch and ran my hands over my face. Already I’d fucked two of my regulars and the night was just getting started. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to go anymore. I was beyond fucking exhausted. Pretending to be turned on was harder than it sounded.
No pun intended.
Leaving the back room, I danced two more sets, earning the mortgage payment in one night. It was a Saturday, and Saturdays were usually reserved for bachelorette parties and wild-ass women looking for a good time. Saturdays were my money making days.
The Golden Banana, New Jersey’s hottest male strip club, was right on the outskirts of New York City. It was a two-hour drive I fucking hated, but it was necessary. I didn’t want anything in my double life to blow back on all I had left of my family.
The club was open seven days a week, but I only worked the busy days, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. When I wasn’t at the banana, slinging cock for cash, I was working lawn care, and trimming a different kind of bush for a landscaping company.
Lawn care was hard work, but I loved being outside with the sun on my back. I loved the smell of the fresh air, and the freedom of being away from the club. I loved working. Period.
Seven days a week I worked. Seven.
Other than the fact that working took my mind off of things I struggled every day to forget, I had people who depended on me. I had people who only survived because I worked my fingers until they callused, and my cock until some rich bitch wanted to ride it.
With all that in mind, I left the banana, and got into my sixty-nine Camaro with a pocket full of cash, and a painful cock and balls.
The things we do for the ones we love.
**********
TWO HOURS LATER, I crept into the house. It being four in the morning, I didn’t want to wake anyone. The house was dark and quiet. Maggie, my grandma’s old cocker spaniel, ran up to me and jumped on my leg.
“Down, Maggie,” I whispered, shutting the front door as quietly as possible.
The house was a small, modest place close to the city. The brick exterior begged for a pressure washer, but the yard looked perfect since I took my time to make sure it looked nice. Grandma had a thing for flowers, and if all it took to keep a smile on her face were a few tulips, then so be it.
I snuck across the house, careful to miss the parts of the floor that creaked, and went to the kitchen. Flipping on the light, I found the plate of leftovers Grandma left in the microwave, and pressed the button to heat it up.
Then I went straight to the sink for water. More than anything else, I needed water. My body was craving it. Most dancers spent the night getting drunk, taking shots from the ladies and drowning it all out.
Not me.
Alcohol changed my life for the worse. Alcohol ripped my life apart and took away the people I depended on the most. My parents were gone because some asshole drank way too much and then got behind the wheel. I was only eighteen, and too young to realize how much my life was about to change. Because of that, I never drank the shit. Just water for me.
I shoveled the food in, barely tasting anything, and washed it down with more water. Once I secured the house, I went into my room, which was the size of a large closet, and snatched a pair of sweats from my dresser. Creeping to the bathroom, I turned the shower on as hot as it would go and stepped under the stream.
I washed away the perfume and lipstick. I washed away the filth of what I’d spent the night doing. Closing my eyes, I let the guilt of what I’d done move out of my system. The sex—the lies—my life and all it entailed went down the drain.
Leaning against the shower tiles, I let the hot water run over my skin as I palmed my dick. It was still hard like a rock, and had started hurting an hour before it was time to leave work. My balls ached, and the head felt bruised as if someone had spent the night chewing on it.
Most men jacked off for the feel of it—the rise of an orgasm tickling your spine—the sweet clench of your balls right before you blew a load. The feel of emptying yourself usually felt amazing. The release usually so extreme your muscles clenched and your mouth hung open in pleasure.
It wasn’t like that for me.
Not anymore anyway.
I could remember jacking off because it felt good. Now, it was the only way I was going to get some sleep.
My cock ached, but not in a good way. It hurt to touch it after a night of abusing it. I was exhausted, and some nights I’d have to jack-off for hours just to get it to go down. Thankfully, it wasn’t one of those nights. I pumped my fist a few times—closing my eyes and letting her big, doe eyes move into my thoughts—then my hot come streamed into my palm.
I pressed my forehead against the tile, breathing hard with my release, and prayed that one day I’d be ahead. I prayed that one day I could just work lawn care and still be able to make ends meet. It wouldn’t happen for a long time, but the idea was a nice one.
**********
I WOKE UP THREE HOURS after going to sleep to my bed moving. Even with closed eyes, I could feel the sun beating against my face. It was too early. Especi
ally considering I’d just barely gone to sleep.
“Blaine. Blaine. Blaine. Blaine,” Maddie, my sister, chanted my name over and over again as she jumped on my bed.
Over the last year she’d conquered the L in my name, and was now able to say the word love properly.
She was my parent’s miracle baby. They thought they were done when it came to kids, but out of nowhere came Madison. I was fifteen when she was born. I remember seeing her sweet face for the first time and knowing I’d do whatever it took to make sure she was always taken care of.
I was keeping that promise. Every night when I danced—every day when I cut grass and manicured people’s lawns—I was keeping my promise.
“Madison, please,” I groaned into my pillow. “Ten more minutes.”
“But, Blaine, it’s time to get up,” she sang.
It was Sunday, and I knew I had to be in the Wilson’s yard working by noon, but I couldn’t be mad at Madison. She had no idea what I did for her, and even if she did, I wasn’t sure she was old enough to understand.
“Go get some cereal. I’ll be out there by the time you’re done.”
I covered my head with the blanket, and prayed she’d let me get in another thirty minutes of sleep. I knew her making her own cereal meant I’d have one hell of a mess to clean up, but sleep was more important than that thought at the moment.
“Yuck! I don’t want cereal. Can you make me some pancakes? Please,” she stretched the word.
My sister was the only child I knew who requested a large, cooked breakfast. She was so tiny. I had no idea where she put all the food. Most kids would’ve loved the freedom of getting up and making their own cereal. Not Maddie.
Honestly, I think she used our weekend breakfasts as a way to spend time with me, which was why I always gave in.
“Fine,’ I rasped, my voice thick with sleep.
Throwing the blanket back, I crawled from the bed before opening my eyes. I ran my palms down the stubble on my cheeks and shook my head.
The bed stopped moving, and I heard her little, bare feet as she took off across the house toward the kitchen. Standing, I stretched my sore body and cracked my neck. I felt older than my age, and I knew I was a product of the life I led.
Throwing on an old T-shirt, I covered the tattoos and piercings I knew Grandma wasn’t fond of, and I went into the kitchen. Maddie was sitting at the table with her fork in hand.
She smiled up at me, and I smiled back. She was beautiful. Her big, blue eyes reminded me of my mother’s… of my own, as well. Her olive skin, also a match to my own, was darker since the summer was coming to an end.
Her thin, straight, blonde hair—the only thing she’d gotten from our father—was a ratty mess from sleeping. The Frozen nightgown she was wearing, her favorite with Olaf the snowman on the front, reached her tiny feet.
“Pancakes?” I asked to make sure she hadn’t changed her mind.
“Pancakes.” She smiled.
Grandma came in while I was cooking, her wrinkled smile full of love for Maddie and I.
She was doing better. She’d just recently gotten out of the hospital. Her kidneys decided they’d had enough with her diabetes and no longer wanted to work. Basically, she’d need a transplant soon. Since she had no insurance, it was up to me to make sure the money was there when that time came.
“Good morning, Maddie,” she said, making her way over the coffeemaker.
She leaned over and I kissed her cheek before I flipped the pancakes I was making for Maddie.
We’d been living with Grandma since the accident. Moving from Georgia to New York was a culture shock at first—especially for an eighteen-year-old boy—but once I got the hang of things, it wasn’t so bad.
I quit school the first time Grandma got sick. It was easier to take care of Maddie. I finished my classes online, which turned out in my favor because I was able to graduate early. When the money from my parent’s life insurance, which wasn’t nearly enough for us to live on, started to run out, I got a job to help out.
Grandma received assistance, but it wasn’t nearly enough to take care of two extra people. Blowing off the idea of college, I went to work at a few places. I made enough money to cover food for the week, but it was always a struggle.
It wasn’t until Tommy, the owner of Golden Banana, came into the grocery store I was working at and offered me a job that things started to look up. Again, you did what you had to do when times got tough.
Grandma had no idea what I did when I left at night for work. A little fib about stocking shelves made it easier on all of us.
Placing the pancakes on a plate for Maddie, I kissed the top of her head and moved to leave the kitchen.
“Where you off to now?” Grandma asked, blowing softly at the top of her hot coffee.
“The Wilson’s place. I have about an acre to cut and some new flower beds to set up.”
She nodded her understanding.
I left the ladies of my life to fend for themselves, while I went to work.
Later, once the sun went down, I came home covered in dirt and sweat. I was dead on my feet and ready for bed. I showered before passing out, knowing the following day would be the same.
25
CHELSEY
“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY live in New York City now,” Lynn said, her face turned toward the sky as she took in the skyscrapers looming above us.
It was definitely a change from Georgia, but it was where Columbia University was, therefore, it was where I’d be for a while. It was the beginning of my freshman year, and Lynn had flown up to see me.
“It’s crazy, right?” I responded.
Handing a five dollar bill to the hot dog vender, I took my hot dog when he handed it over and took a huge bite.
“Crazy doesn’t even begin to describe it, Chels. You wanted it, and you went after it. You’re a college girl now.” She dropped a handful of change from her purse into the cup of a homeless man in passing. “Tell me you’ve hit some of the clubs around here.” She turned, eyeing me with excitement. “I’ve heard New York has some of the best.”
Clubs.
That’s what was on her mind.
The truth was, I hadn’t even considered anything of that nature since I moved into my little apartment close to the university. I hadn’t had a chance to make any friends, since studying always took priority, and I wasn’t about to go to a place like that alone.
Not to mention, Lynn had somehow forgotten clubbing wasn’t really my scene.
“Not yet,” I responded.
We continued to walk down Broadway, taking in the sites. She could barely contain her excitement. It wasn’t that we’d never been to New York.
We had.
Too many times to count, actually.
But somehow being alone in the city without our parents made the place different. A sense of danger was there since we were free to do whatever we wanted.
I wanted to go back to my apartment and read, but Lynn wanted to party. So, instead of turning around and heading back, she pulled me into a store where I sat and watched her shop for a New York friendly outfit.
I listened as she told me all about the new guy she was seeing, and how everyone from school back home was doing. Basically, she talked about people I didn’t know or care about.
Boring 101.
“When’s the last time you’ve been on a date anyway?” she asked.
Her voice came from behind the curtain where she tried on clothes, and everyone in the store could hear her.
The dreaded question bounced around catching the attention of all the shoppers.
I knew the answer to her question, and I was positive she already knew it, too. I hadn’t dated since he left. I hadn’t even thought of another man since the minute he up and disappeared. He left me when I needed him the most. He left me to deal with life changing events like I was nothing to him. It still hurt too badly, and the anger was still fresh even though it had been a year.
&
nbsp; I’d never experienced pain so extreme, not even when I was younger and I fell and broke my arm in seven places. His leaving left me scarred deep inside—deep in a place that still burned with fresh fire—a place I refused to let anyone else near.
When I didn’t respond to her question, she peeked her head out from behind the curtain with sad eyes.
“You haven’t dated since him, have you?”
She hadn’t said his name, but even the reference to Blaine hurt. My lungs felt deflated, and the air around me felt too thick to breathe in. The suffocating sensation that moved over me prompted me to stand and move around the room.
“I think I’m going to step outside and get some air,” I said as I moved toward the exit.
Lynn didn’t respond, and even if she had, I didn’t wait around to listen.
As soon as the cool, outside air hit my cheeks, I felt like I could breathe again. Bending, I rested my palms on my thighs and took in deep pulls of oxygen.
I’d never admit to anyone the effect Blaine Wesley had on me. Never.
**********
LYNN STAYED WITH ME FOR A WEEK, in no rush whatsoever to get back to Georgia.
Thankfully, she didn’t mention clubbing again until the following weekend, which meant I had a week of non-stop studying during the day, and fun girl’s nights with her every night.
When Saturday came, Lynn was waiting outside my final class with a big smile on her face.
“So, I was thinking,” she said as she fell in step with me.
“Oh, lord. That’s never a good thing,” I joked.
“Bitch,” she playfully muttered. “Anyway, I was thinking. Since I’m leaving on Monday, maybe we should go out and have some fun tonight.”
Since we spent the week doing everything I wanted to do, I knew there was no way I was getting out of having a girl’s night out at the club with Lynn. We were probably going to end up at a sleazy place where I’d sip water and check the time every twenty minutes.
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