Her eyes stayed on mine throughout her entire explanation—unwavering in her truth—and I believed her. A year had been wasted because I hadn’t taken the time to listen, and now, just as simple as that, I believed her.
I wanted to open up to her. I wanted to tell her about how my parents. I wanted her to hold me the way I needed her to the night it happened, but I didn’t. I couldn’t even if I tried. The words had been stuck in my throat for the past year.
I didn’t want her to feel sorry for me. If she was with me, I wanted it to be because it’s what she wanted, not because she felt bad for me.
“What about you?” she asked. “Why did you run off like that? You could’ve at least asked me, Blaine. You could’ve at least—” She stopped.
“I know. I wish I would’ve.”
And I did.
I regretted not going to her and arguing. I regretted the way I ran, but I was hurt, and I didn’t know how to deal with everything that was going on. I’d explain to her later, once I knew she was with me for me and no other reason.
“Can we try again?” I asked, my voice broke with the words.
She looked away with tears forming in her eyes.
“I don’t know if I can,” she breathed.
My heart dropped. I wasn’t sure I could go without her anymore. Especially not after our night together. Chelsey was mine. She’d always been mine and I’d always be hers.
“Why not?”
I was afraid of her answer.
“It took me a long time to get over you, Blaine. To be honest, I’m not sure I’m completely over you. I don’t know if I ever will be. But I know I can’t trust you. I can’t trust you not to bail on me without talking to me. I can’t do the last year over again. I don’t have it in me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, understanding her.
The last year had been hell for me, as well, but I couldn’t lose her again.
“Just think about it, okay? Can you just promise you’ll think about it?”
She smiled sadly and nodded at me. “I will. I just need time.”
“Take all the time you need. I’ll wait for you. Always.”
Then I leaned down and kissed her softly, taking in all she was and storing it in a place deep in my heart.
38
CHELSEY
“LADIES, WELCOME TO THE STAGE,” Eric, the MC, said into the mic. “The teaser! The Pleaser! Jack! Hammer!”
He held the word hammer for what seemed like forever before he spun on his foot, sweeping his arm wide across the stage.
The lights went out and darkness covered the room. The club was packed with screaming women, both young and old, as they waited for Blaine to appear. I stood in the back, and I realized my heart was beating in anticipation of seeing Blaine perform.
Two blue spotlights from the front of the stage lit up the silver curtain hanging from the ceiling, concealing whatever character Blaine was tonight. The music began to play, and that signaled another wave of screams from the women.
When the curtains finally parted Blaine stood there. He was dressed like a sexy cowboy, a pair of jeans hung loosely on his hips. His chest was bare and glistened under the spotlights. His head was bent and he wore a cowboy hat that covered his face.
A remixed version of “Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy” by Big and Rich blared through the speakers, and as the beats changed, colored spotlights flashed across the stage. Blaine began to move across the stage with a sexiness that was undeniable. He moved in a slow, seductive dance, moving toward the crowd of cock-hungry women who reached out their arms for him.
While I didn’t like the idea of other women’s hands on Blaine, I understood why they wanted to touch him. His body was young and tight and it begged to be touched and caressed.
I watched as he stood just within arm’s reach and teased every set of eyes on him as he moved his hands slowly down his chest and stomach until he got to his thighs. I knew what was coming next and watched as he ripped the pants from his legs.
I had to cover my ears this time or risk going deaf because of the uproar. Blaine’s fingers moved over the bulge under the silver G-string he wore, as he moved his hips to the music.
I felt the flush in my neck and cheeks, and my own liquid lust for Blaine warmed my belly and spilled between my thighs. Everyone else fell away and it was only me and Blaine in the room as he danced just for me.
Even though I’d seen Blaine perform at the club a few times now, I still had a hard time accepting this part of him. I found what he did unbelievably sexy, but I was selfish and wanted him to myself.
I hadn’t seen Blaine in a week as I tried to sort through everything that was said and revealed between us. I was still having a hard time getting over what Blaine thought and the way he’d left me because of it.
His jump to conclusions had caused a domino effect that sent me into a darkness I was still trying to escape.
I believed he’d been angry over what he saw, and I believed he’d been hurt and devastated, but I was having a hard time believing his leaving without confronting me was the complete truth. It didn’t seem justified, and I knew in my gut there was something he wasn’t telling me.
The music ended again, and again the club went dark before the house lights came on and Eric, the MC, was on the stage to announce the next performer. I knew the routine and waited nervously for Blaine to come from the back dressed in his jeans.
I knew he’d be bombarded with women wanting him to sign their bras or panties, or in some extreme cases, their boobs. I planned to stay where I was until he either saw me or I knew it was safe enough to brave pulling him to the side.
A group of younger woman, probably in their twenties, moved toward the bar next to me and gushed over Blaine’s performance.
I listened in shock, disgust, and jealousy as they talked about his body and what they wanted him to do to them. They sounded like a group of horny men rather than women.
When I couldn’t stand listening to them anymore, I went to stand somewhere to wait for Blaine. I stopped when I heard one of the girls say something that made my stomach burn.
“Ladies, I’m going to fuck the Jack Hammer tonight.”
My stomach rolled at her words and I couldn’t help but openly stare in their direction.
“Yeah, right. You’re too chicken shit, Kerry.”
She snatched one of the twenty shots the bartender put down in front of them and lifted it toward her lips.
“They call it liquid courage for a reason, bitch.” She smirked at her friend and then threw her head back as she downed the shot.
She shivered and her face twisted sourly as she swallowed the bitter liquor. She sucked the lemon thoroughly before tossing it into the empty shot glass.
“One for courage, two for luck, three for a buzz, and four to get fucked,” she said with a salute before she downed her second shot.
Her idiotic friends cheered her on as she downed another and then another, and I couldn’t look away as a random stranger drank in preparation to have sex with my Blaine. Even if he wasn’t officially mine, he’d always be mine to me.
Her friends whistled and catcalled after her as she made her way through the sea of women and toward the back rooms.
I watched her until a sparkle out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I’d been so caught up in the girls and their offensive talk that I hadn’t realized Blaine was already out.
He was signing a woman’s bra as she drunkenly moved her palm up his bicep. She turned him toward her before she reached up and wrapped her other hand around his neck and pulled on his head until her lips reached his ear.
Rage boiled my blood and I couldn’t function past my own anger and jealousy as I watched her hand move down his arm and yank on his wrist. He didn’t struggle as she pulled him across the club. I swallowed hard when they disappeared down the hallway to the back rooms.
I knew Blaine gave private dances to the women who paid good money for them. I also knew he did
more than that. I’d seen it with my own two eyes, but I thought he was done with that. The night at my apartment, he’d promised he was done with having sex with the women.
My whole body went numb thinking about what he could be doing in those back rooms. After all, the girl had said what she wanted to do with Blaine.
A server I didn’t recognize passed in front of me holding a tray of full shot glasses. He turned to move toward the bar and I plucked one of the shots from his tray before he was out of reach. I threw back the harsh shot.
I set the empty glass down on the bar and decided tonight was not the night to confront
Blaine. I made my way toward the exit telling myself I had no right being angry with Blaine for whatever he was about to do.
I’d made the point of letting him know I wasn’t sure I was ready to jump into anything with him after everything that happened between us.
What did I expect him to do? I asked myself as I pushed through the club doors and into the dark, chilly night. Wait for me? Suddenly become a monogamist?
Yes!
That’s exactly what I expected him to do after everything he’d put me through over something he never bothered to ask me about.
I deserved that much from him. In fact, I deserved more. I deserved the benefit of the doubt, his loyalty, and more importantly, his trust. He’d given me none of that then, but now, I sure as hell had the right to expect him to keep his penis in his bedazzled, stripper undies until he knew where I stood.
Turning away from the parking lot, I pushed through the doors and made my way inside. The floor was starting to clear as groups of women made their way back to their tables for the next stripper.
I saw Marshall coming toward me out of the corner of my eye and I knew unless I ran toward the back, there was no way I was going to avoid him.
“Hey, Chelsey,” he called out to me, attempting to stop me altogether.
Oh, no, it wasn’t happening.
“Hey.” I smiled at him, but didn’t stop.
“Blaine didn’t mention you were coming tonight.” He was walking next to me trying to keep up.
Sorry I didn’t give you or Blaine the heads up you needed to cover up the over-time he puts in, I thought.
“That’s because I didn’t tell Blaine.”
“You looking for him? I can go get him for you?”
He knew where I was going, and he definitely knew why. I could tell by the nervous look on his face and the way his eyes kept moving between me and the back rooms where Blaine was.
“No, but thank you,” I said.
I came to a stop when he stepped in front of me.
“Please, Chelsey,” he begged. “Let me go get him for you.”
“The damage is already done, Marshall. I know what I’m about to walk into. Besides, if you warn Blaine that I’m here, which is what you plan to do, I lose the element of surprise and I’d hate to lose that because I like having it on my side.”
I could see the battle he was waging in his eyes as he debated whether or not he should let me pass. But what he didn’t understand was I was going back there regardless.
“It’s a part of the job, Chelsey. We’ve all done it while working here. It means nothing.”
Hearing his words brought up another thought. “Does Lynn know? Does she know all the perks of the job?”
“Yes, of course she knows.”
And she’s okay with it?
That didn’t sound very much like the Lynn I knew, but then again, love made you do stupid things. I threw away the thought. It didn’t matter either way. Lynn was my friend and I wouldn’t judge her because she’s never judged me. If she wasn’t okay with it, she’d set Marshall straight.
“Good.” I sighed. “I can’t outrun you, so if you plan on telling Blaine I’m here then let’s get this over with. If not, please let me by.”
We had a stare-off as I waited for him to choose. Finally, with a big sigh, he stepped out of my way.
My heart kicked hard when I took the first step past him, but I ignored it and pushed on. The hallway where the back rooms were was painted all black with only a row of soft spotlights above. The hall wasn’t long and it closed off at the end. There were three doors on one side of the hall and three doors on the other side.
As I walked past the first door, I saw a name plaque on it with Bobby’s name on it. He was another stripper in the club. I’d met him a handful of times and really enjoyed being around him. Seeing that the club decided to start using name plaques instead of occupied signs was a relief. It meant I wasn’t going to have to open each door to find the room Blaine was in.
I moved down the hall and past doors with different men’s names on them. Finally, I found Blaine’s name. I faced the door, and stood there for a minute to get myself together. My nerves were a wreck, and sweat started to pour down my spine. I was afraid of what I’d find behind the door, but I couldn’t stop myself. I brought my hand up to the doorknob and waited. Taking a deep breath, I closed my fingers around the knob and pushed the door open.
I didn’t know what I expected to find when I opened the door. I knew women didn’t come to have sex with a stripper to get something basic. I half expected an orgy or a woman hanging from the ceiling while Blaine spun her around on his cock.
There was a woman standing in the center of the room. When the door opened, her eyes turned my way.
“Excuse me, who are you?” The lone brunette snapped, putting her hands on her hips.
She wasn’t wearing a shirt, and her hot-pink bra briefly caught my attention. I didn’t answer her as I looked around the room. The leather couch where Blaine and I had sex was there, a single spotlight shining down on it.
The room was far from a stripper’s sex cave. There was no orgy or hanging contraptions. Blaine wasn’t even in the room. My eyes landed on the brunette again and she gave me an aggravated look.
“Well? Are you going to tell me what you’re doing here?” she demanded, tapping her foot.
I rolled my eyes as I felt my nerves fading away. I was about to answer her, when a door to my right opened inside the room. I hadn’t even noticed the door earlier.
“Did you say something, baby?” Blaine asked, holding onto the frame of the door and leaning into the room.
He stopped when he saw me, and his arms fell away as he took a step into the room. The look on his face was priceless, and I enjoyed the deer-caught-in-the-headlights look on his face.
“Chelsey?” He looked to the brunette and back at me. “What are you doing here?”
I had no plans on discussing my business with Blaine in front some drunk girl waiting to ride his cock, so I moved toward the side and looked at her.
“Please leave,” I said politely.
“Um, excuse me,” she scoffed. “Who the hell are you?”
“I’m the girl who only asks politely once.”
We had a silent standoff before she turned to Blaine with a pout.
“Are you going to let her kick me out?” She crossed her arms over her ample chest.
“Look to him all you want, sweetheart. He honestly doesn’t really have a choice.”
I hadn’t looked Blaine in the eyes yet and I wasn’t planning to until the chick left.
“You should probably go,” Blaine told her, amusement laced his voice.
“Ugh.” She stomped her foot and grabbed her shirt off the couch, pulling it over her head roughly. “This is bullshit!”
She stumbled, nearly tripping on her ridiculous heels as she passed me. Once she was clear from the door, I turned to slam it. I didn’t turn around right away because I was so angry I was afraid of what I’d say.
I heard Blaine move toward the couch, and knew I couldn’t stand against the wall forever. Turning around, I expected to unleash my rage on Blaine, but he looked so damn good in his jeans. They hung from his narrow hips, revealing the muscles in his lower abdomen. My eyes moved from the button of his jeans and up over his bare chest. He was delicio
us.
“Why?” I asked. “You promised you wouldn’t’ sleep with the women anymore.” I sounded whiny and I hated that. “Why did you sleep with them anyway? Was the money that good?”
“Honestly?”
“Yes! I want your honesty.”
He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Because when I started this I didn’t care about anything but the money. I couldn’t sleep with anyone for the pleasure of it after you, Chelsey. I figured I might as well do it for the money. It’s what I do. It’s how I paid the bills.”
“It’s what you do or what you did?” I asked, desperate for him to relieve the jealousy simmering in my stomach.
“It’s what I did,” he corrected.
“Are you sure?” I felt embarrassed for being so jealous, but I couldn’t help it.
“I haven’t slept with any of the women since the night you walked in.”
“You really expect me to believe that?”
He took a step closer to me. “It’s the damn truth. So yes, I expect you to believe it.”
“Well I don’t, Blaine. Who knows what would’ve happened if I hadn’t come in.”
He took another step toward me. “I would’ve danced for her and she would’ve left. Nothing more.” The side of his mouth tilted in a sexy grin. “I will say, though. You’re sexy as fuck when you’re jealous.”
I pushed against his bare chest, the warmth from his skin making my fingers tingle.
“I’m not jealous,” I lied.
He tsked. “Bad, Chelsey. Do you know what happens to little girls who lie?” I pinched my lips together to keep from smiling. “They get spanked.” He grinned.
He pulled me to him and kissed me hard. Moving me toward the wall, he pressed me against it before he lifted me, making me wrap my legs around him.
“I fucking hate pants,” he growled. “Never wear pants around me again,” he muttered against my neck as he went to work unbuttoning and unzipping my jeans.
I dropped my legs to the floor so he could pull one leg loose. Then he pulled his jeans down his hips, rolled a condom over his length, and he lifted me again. I wrapped my legs around him, and he pressed his hardness against me, making me hiss.
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