by Lara Frater
I dried off, hung the towel over the shower doors. We used everything until it stank. I hadn’t washed my hair, just soaped up and warmed my body a little. I put my robe back on. Didn’t want speak again to Simon and Brie on the way out but Brie called out. “See you later, Anniemarie.”
I tried to put on a smile. “Bye kids.”
Henry gave up reading because the sun was going down. He had lit a lantern but he was lying back with his eyes closed. The boat was rocking gently. I knew the anchor was out and we were in for the night.
“You feeling okay?”
“Yeah,” he said. “A little nauseous, but no big deal.”
“I have to deal with Keith, show him around.”
“Sounds cool.”
As I said, everything was cool with him.
I got dressed in my night clothes: thermals, pajama pants, a tee-shirt and a flannel night gown over it. I looked like a deranged Victorian. I brushed my ginger hair. Jim cut the ends once a month. I used to hate ginger jokes but now I missed them, I missed the internet and everything, good and bad—well maybe not bad.
I walked back to the salon. I knew the way without lights but dim lanterns illuminated the floor.
Jim sat at the table, talking to Keith. I was surprised that Tanya was no longer at the table. He had a mug of something hot in front of him but Keith didn’t. Three lanterns were lit and on the table. We had a lot of lanterns and flashlights. The solar panel in the back of the ship could turn on flood lights at night if needed but we didn’t sail at night.
“Hi Keith. Jim getting you up to date about the workings here?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I don’t know if I have any skills.”
“Don’t worry. There’s a lot of down time. Jim will make you a schedule. You’ll learn how to sail and maybe shoot. You can help cooking and cleaning.”
“Why do you live on a boat?”
“Tanya thinks we’ll be safer here in winter, from the zombies and other people.”
Keith didn’t respond. I thought what happened to him might have been other people rather than zombs.
“Come on, I’ll show you where you can bunk.” I took a lantern from the table and took the flight down to the crew quarters. There was a small galley which was now filled to the brim with supplies. We all ate in the salon or in our rooms.
“The ship has four bedrooms, including a two bedroom suite,” I explained. “They’re all taken. We also have three crew quarters-- all taken.” Both Grace and Dave’s room had bunks and could fit six more people all together but because Keith was a stranger it would probably be a good idea if he bunked alone.
“The only place I can offer is the big store room. It’s almost as big as a room. We have cots.”
I actually knew nothing about sailing and how these yachts were manned.
“Tanya has the room with one bed. Grace and Dave have the other two. Dave has a dog.”
“I know,” Keith said and he finally smiled. “She likes to lick.”
I smiled too. I don’t know how in a world of abandoned animals, Dave found the friendliest dog.
Idiot the cat, a grey tabby stood by the open door of Tanya’s room watching us with caution. When we walked by, she ran back into the room.
“You have a cat too,” Keith said.
“That’s Tanya’s cat, Idiot,” I explained. “Not as friendly as Olive but she doesn’t bit or scratch. Just warning you, it’s cramped in the storeroom because we didn’t expect any more people.”
“I know, Tanya told me. She also said you’ll be locking me in at night. Jim said he left a bucket to use for the bathroom—“
“I’m sorry, Keith, it’s just that we don’t know you.”
“I understand.”
I couldn’t tell if it bothered him or not. I opened the door. Jim had stored a lot in here but the cot was empty. Dena had been using it. A bucket sat next to the bed and a unlit lantern was on a box close by.
“Sorry about the mess. You can fix it in the morning. I don’t know if Tanya told you, but we try to stick to sleep when it gets dark, get up when it’s light except for those who have overnight watch.” I was glad not to be on watch tonight. I think Dave got stuck with it.
“It’s okay,” Keith said. He lied on the cot and put his head down. Five second later, he was out but his face looked uneasy.
Chapter 2
“Where is he?” Tanya asked when I came back up. She had resumed her brooding at the table. Jim was sorting the new supplies. Mike was cooking something on the stove. Hannah was at the table giving a lesson to Simon.
“He’s asleep in the storage room. I locked the door. Left a note he should knock when he gets up. I’ll bring food for him later.”
“He seems okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, I think so. It looks he’s been on his own for a while. He’s already better than this morning. I bet a good night sleep somewhere secure will help. Maybe we can find out what happened to him.”
“He don’t wanna talk, it ain’t a problem. Long as he don’t go nuts.”
“I don’t think so. He seems eager to help.”
Jim finished his sorting and sat at the table. He had his big pile of maps that he kept in an accordion folder. I looked over his shoulder and saw he was looking at the map of Harbor Island, an island on the sound made up of farms, rich tourist spots, and fisherman. I thought it was fine for us but not for Jim who had to make sure it was perfect.
A few weeks ago while doing a search for Aisha and the people from the government camp, we raided the Montauk public library for books on farming and creating wind turbines as well as maps. It was going to be rough the next few years. At least there was an excessive amount of supplies because the population had dwindled to nothing from the flu. More than a year and a half later, I still can’t comprehend the massive amounts of death. Everyone I knew, my parents, my boyfriend, probably my sister, my friends, my classmates, were dead.
Tanya didn’t show it, but she was broken up about not locating Aisha before winter. I wondered if they went somewhere else on the island because there was no sign of them in Montauk.
“Jim, whatever you pick is fine with me.”
“I want your input. We should scout locations. We want to plant as soon as possible. Some vegetables like carrots can be planted as early as March. We also have to make sure the land is cleared. We should have scouted some locations today.”
“Harbor looks fine, Jim. We needed coats.”
“What if Harbor isn’t? We should check Shelter or Block too.”
Eric came into the salon. I guess to join us for dinner. Eric had been a doll when I first met him, outgoing, sweet and friendly, a nice match for Jim. Ever since his mother died, that personality had vanished and replaced by someone moody and quiet. I didn’t ask about their relationship but I think everyone knew it wouldn’t last.
I missed Maddie who wouldn’t have wanted Eric to be like this. I missed Mindy who I met at Costking and became my best friend. I missed Jake who shared my bed and Harlan who did too.
Eric slid next to Jim, who still looked over his maps.
Jim was right, the window to check sites before winter was rapidly closing but I didn’t tell Tanya.
“Dena,” Mike yelled into the cabin. “Dinner, now.”
“Mike, don’t shout,” Hannah said. Mike turned around still holding the pan in his hand.
“She’s probably above deck,” I said wanting to keep the peace.
“It’s nearly pitch black.” He grabbed his radio. “Dena, get down here, now.”
She didn’t respond, but I didn’t worry. She would show up in about ten minutes, even though it only took a minute to come down. She wanted to be defiant to her father. I wasn’t her parent so I had no intention of telling Mike what to do, but at 16, she needed some autonomy. I would have given her the storage room, although now that was moot. It wasn’t right for a teenager to share a bed with two kids, especially Brie who occasionally wet the bed.
Mike put the food in a big bowl. Usually he cooked because he was better at it but I got used to Maddie who could turn anything into an exquisite meal. Simon cleared the table and I rotated dish washing with Jim, Tanya, Eric, and Dave. Tonight was Eric’s turn. After dinner I would bring a plate to Keith and use that as an excuse to check up on him.
Mike put the bowl on the table. Chili again. It was the easiest to make and we had the ingredients. We had tons of rice, tomato sauce, beans and chili powder. Instead of beef he used spam. I swore to god when we get a farm together, I will personally shoot the first cow we find because I miss beef. I never want to eat spam again. Occasionally he used corn beef mash or beef chili from a can but it wasn’t the same.
Jim made a plate for Grace who was on until 10. Since we came on the boat, she had warmed up from an ice princess to a lukewarm one and spoke to people other than Jim. She still preferred her own company and insulting us, deliberately or not. I thought about her distain at the outlet mall but when we lived at Costking she wouldn’t help anyone unless she got something in return.
Jim put his coat and hat on and grabbed the bowl. He opened the door allowing the icy wind in. Being below the outside deck kept the wind out but I still shivered despite the many layers. He went out quickly to keep the frigid air from coming in. The salon had a large plate glass window that viewed the ocean but I could also see the stairs to the bridge. I watched his feet going up.
I took some food for myself and set aside two bowls for Henry and Keith. I didn’t think Henry would eat. He drank a lot of protein and diet shakes because he was prone to seasickness. Neither should mind if the food was lukewarm but whoever was on watch would like a hot meal.
Mike joined us at the table. The door opened again, Dena came in followed by Jim. Jim looked freezing but Dena looked pissed. She joined the table without saying a word to her parents. I ate my food. We didn’t really talk that much. No one talked about a new book, TV episode, no politics, movies or crazy celebrity news. It might be a long time before there was one. We had a movie night but we watched it on a portable DVD player because we tossed the big screen TV for supply space.
Dena dumped food on her plate and ate three bites.
“Can I be excused?”
Mike looked fluttered. Dena did this a lot especially when she was mad.
“Finish your food, Dena,” Mike said. “You know we all have to keep up our strength.”
“I know. I’m just not very hungry. Maybe I’m seasick.”
“We’ve been on this boat for three months,” Mike’s voice didn’t go up, but his tone suggested it would soon. “You aren’t seasick. Please finish your food.”
Dena ate two more bites. “See I ate more, can I go.”
“Dena—Finish the goddamn food,” Mike said now his voice was louder. “That's a rule.”
“Mike—“ Hannah started.
“No, Hannah. I’m tired of this. I know this isn’t ideal. Nothing is, but this has to stop.”
“I’m not doing anything” she said, and she seemed unfazed. “As I said, I’m not hungry.”
“Mike—“ Hannah said, “Let it go for once.”
“Dena—“ This came from Tanya. “I won’t tolerate this. It’s gonna be a long winter. You stay peaceful until spring. When we on the farm and you got privacy, you can fight with your father full time. You here on my boat, you act like an adult and you don’t start fights for no reasons. Mike if the girl don’t want to eat, let her starve.”
The one person Dena was actually afraid of was Tanya. Jim told me that Dena wanted to test her father but Tanya told Dena, not Mike that if she thought she could break the rules because she's a kid, she was sorely mistaken and that she would take Dena to shore and leave her there.
I don’t know why Dena was starting now. Maybe she was annoyed that Keith had the spare room or maybe she finally realized Tanya’s threat was empty.
Dena ate three more bites and dumped the rest of her food back in the bowl.
“Good night,” she said and then left the room, walking to the back cabin. The food threat was empty also. Dena kept a bunch of power bars in a bag that she thought her father didn’t know about but as Tanya told Keith, this place has no secrets.
No one said anything about her outburst but Mike still looked pissed. He sat and put food on his plate.
I ate my food. I was hungry. Being out all day had given me an appetite, but I didn’t enjoy food the way I did before. Now I was eating to live.
I didn’t lose weight and I didn’t care. The obsession with thinness, the desire to look like a super model had gone out the window since the models were probably all dead or zombs. I almost chuckled at the thought of a zombie Kate Moss refusing to eat human flesh because she might gain weight.
I finished my food and took my plate to the sink and washed it. I always thought that we should wash our own dishes except for Brie, and Mike who prepared the meal. I went back to the table and took the bowl for Henry and went back to our cabin. Henry sat on the bed wearing headphones watching a movie on one of the portable DVD players. Once all the batteries died, that was it. No more movies. I read in my spare time and tried to go to sleep after dinner.
Henry paused the DVD and took the headphones off.
“I brought some food.”
“Chili?”
“Yep.”
“No thanks. I had some crackers. Really looking forward to spring. Never want to eat chili again.” I didn’t tell him it’s likely we’ll be eating chili even when we got off the boat but at least he wouldn’t throw it up.
“You should have come with us today.”
“Nah, I always go and I gotta give the others their turn.” I didn’t think that was true, but Henry was a good guy. “Besides those things give me the creeps. Heard some shouting, anything up?”
“Just Dena testing Mike.”
“Yeah, I told her to chill out. She told me to shut up.”
For some reason that made me laugh.
“You coming to bed?” he asked, he touched my hand.
“In a bit. I have to bring food for the new guy.”
“He cool?”
“Seems okay.”
“I’m gonna hit the hay after this is over. I’ll leave a light on.”
I didn’t reply. I left the room and went back to the salon. Simon was clearing some of the dishes. I dumped Henry’s chili back into the pot which was a quarter full. It would be breakfast because we didn’t want to waste electricity for the fridge especially since we didn’t have a lot of perishables. At least now we could use the outside.
Without a word to the others, I grabbed the bowl for Keith. If he was still asleep, he could eat when he woke. I went down to the crew quarters, and unlocked the door. It was pitched black now except for a dim lantern.
I opened Keith door. He was still asleep. I saw his silhouette on the cot. I put the chili on a stack of boxes and hoped he would find it in the morning.
The whales again. I woke up in the middle of the night, Henry snoring besides me. This time I didn’t wake up with my heart fluttering.
They were singing and their sound soothed me. I tried to mediate but I couldn’t stop my thoughts. I closed my eyes and listened to their song. Was it a happy one? Were they glad to have a reprieve from being hunted, from sonar and pollution? I knew when society started to come back, some might whale hunt again. Jim won’t allow our group to do it and I agreed. This was a fresh start and we needed to things right.
My bladder decided to wake up with me. The boat was deadly silent, dark and rocking gently. Despite the windows were closed I could smell the sea air. I felt around for the flashlight. We used lanterns for regular light but flashlights to find the bathroom. I found the cool round cylinder and turned it on. I flashed my light on the door, half expecting to see a zombie, but there was none.
The whales sang again.
The salon was empty as I waked through it. One lantern was still on, so I got some illumination. I made m
y way to the suite. I didn’t flash my lights on the bed, instead went directly into the bathroom. I heard Mike snoring slightly. I know that Mike and Hannah did watches together to have some alone time. They could close the door to the other suite, you could still hear everything.
I only had to pee so I didn’t flush. We don’t waste water, so if it’s yellow let it mellow.
I tiptoed out of the room back into the salon and planned to go back to bed when the whale sang again.
Instead of going back, I went to the stove and put on the tea kettle. I waited five minutes to boil and put some in a mug with instant coffee and powdered cream. I would go to the bridge to see the whales, not that I could see much in the dense blackness, on the pretense of giving coffee to Dave.
I put on the coat Jim got me yesterday that was now hanging on a hook by the door and switched my slippers for my boots. The door of the deck was littered with boots but I found mine easier, the one for the giant feet. I didn’t put on my hat and would probably regret it. I opened the door to a biting wind and the stronger smell of sea air. I flashed my light outside. The sea was slightly rough but not that rocky.
Then I saw a silhouette of a man standing at the bow of the ship.
“Dave?” I said, flashing my light on him.
The man turned around.
It wasn’t Dave, but Keith. He was wearing a flimsy coat that I think belonged to Henry and no hat or scarf or anything. I thought he was locked in the storage room. I realized I didn’t lock the door after I left him food.
“Keith?” He didn’t respond. I walked to him, got up beside him. He didn’t move. “What are you doing?”
“Listening. Their song is beautiful and haunting.”
“It’s freezing out here, let’s listen inside.”
“I wanted to join them.” My heart began beating a little faster. Did I interrupt Keith planning to kill himself?
“Keith, were you going to jump?”
He didn’t respond. He stared at the black ocean but made no attempt to go overboard.
