by Sharon Green
"Oh, right, you weren't tempted," I scoffed, turning to face him. "I happened to see that non-temptation, and for someone who's had more experience with women than any other man here, you were the one acting like a fool. Considering all the women you've known, you should have seen right away that a baited hook was being dangled in front of you."
"I did notice the hook, that's why I wasn't tempted," Vallant insisted, the annoyance increasing in his pretty blue eyes. "But what about when you were approached? Were you by any chance feelin' too flattered by the attention to understand what was goin' on? Are you accusin' me because you're the one feelin' guilty?"
"I don't have anything to feel guilty about," I returned, my own annoyance growing higher. "I'm not a male who has to paw the ground like a mindless stallion at sight of a pretty woman just to prove how much of a man he is. I didn't - "
"No, that's right, you aren't male," Vallant interrupted in a growl. "You're a female who walks around swingin' her hips in front of every man she passes, just to show him what he's missin'. If you think I haven't seen you doin' that, you're - "
"I do no such thing!" I shouted, outrage flaring so high that I felt the heat in my face. "You're lying just to cover the fact that you - "
"Tamma, Vallant, please!" Jovvi interrupted, stepping between us as Lorand took Vallant's arm and Naran took mine. "If we let ourselves fall to bickering like this, the plotting of those people will be a success. Is that what we really want, to let them win?"
"No," I grudged, feeling as though I'd come down with a case of the stupids again. "Since arguing was what they were after, I won't let them have the satisfaction. But I still know what I know."
Vallant's head came up when he heard what was nothing but the simple truth, but he didn't get the chance to comment. Naran suddenly made a sound as if she were in pain, and we all quickly turned to see what the problem was.
"He's gone," she whispered, staring at the place where Rion had been sitting. "He walked away without even trying to speak to me. I've lost him after all, not to that woman but because of her. What am I going to do?"
Just a minute ago I'd been filled with any number of words, but right now I couldn't think of a single one that would answer Naran's question. A glance at the others showed that they suffered from the same lack I did, and I don't know how long we stood there before Vallant and Lorand went off to find our missing sixth…
Chapter 28
Rion rose to his feet and hurried away from the others, the misery he thought complete actually increasing. Not only had he ruined things for himself, now Tamrissa and Vallant were also bickering. And because of him, only because of him.
It was a good thing Rion had learned at a very early age never to let anyone see him crying, he reflected. If not for that he would have added to the mess he'd caused by embarrassing himself completely. It was just about sundown, a time of day he was usually particularly fond of, but today the coming darkness was the only thing Rion sought. It was easier to hide in the darkness, and hiding forever was the only thing left to interest him.
It took only a moment to reach the sleeping bag he'd put down near Naran's, and another moment to collect the bag and the rest of his few belongings. Once he had it all he headed into the darkening woods, intent on losing himself as thoroughly as possible. It wasn't until he was completely out of sight of the camp that he stopped, feeling even worse than when he'd been a prisoner of that woman who had stolen him from his true parents. The situation then had not been of his own making; this one definitely was.
Rion simply dropped his possessions without caring about order, and then sat himself on his sleeping bag. How could he have been such a fool, to be so deeply flattered by the attentions of a strange woman? He'd ruined everything, destroyed the life that he'd fought so hard to make his own, shattered the woman who had given him real love -
"This isn't a very good spot you've chosen, Rion," Lorand's voice suddenly came out of the blue. "If you aren't going to pay attention to your surroundings, you need to stay in camp where others can do it for you."
Rion looked up to see that Lorand and Vallant had followed him away from camp, but then he lowered his head to his hands again.
"I appreciate the concern you're undoubtedly feeling, but I prefer to be alone right now," he muttered. "I ask the favor of being allowed the company of nothing but my own thoughts."
"If we leave, that's not the only company you'll be havin'," Vallant put in, the words sounding dry. "Lorand tells me there's a hunting cat not far from this area, and if you stay here in your current mood you'll end up bein' his supper."
"Which would make our loss almost as great as your own," Lorand added just as dryly. "There are times when a man should be left alone with his thoughts, but this isn't one of them. You need to hear from those with more experience in life than you've had yourself."
"Are you going to try to prove to me that I wasn't a fool?" Rion demanded, more distraught than angry as he raised his head to look at his brothers. "I wish that were possible, but I know it isn't. I have learned enough about life to judge foolishness, and after the judgment comes condemnation."
"Then you might as well condemn me right along with yourself," Lorand said, walking closer before crouching down near Rion. "I didn't want to say so in front of Jovvi, but when that woman came on to me I was really tempted to find out what I might be missing. It finally came to me that what I thought I was missing was someone to simper out how wonderful she knew I was. I hadn't thought I needed that and usually I don't, but that woman caught me in a vulnerable moment. We all have vulnerable moments, Rion, even those of us who have known more women intimately than you have."
"And as Tamrissa pointed out, I've known more than my share," Vallant said, also moving closer. "It seems to be part of some men to look at an attractive woman and wonder what it might be like to bed her, but that's just a reflex. After wonderin' that about the woman who approached me, the next thing I realized was that it didn't matter how good the woman might be. Tamrissa is good for me all the time, and that's more important to me than nothin' but beddin'. It took havin' a lot of women to teach me that, but I tend to be slow in some things. That doesn't mean you have to be just as slow."
"But I don't understand!" Rion protested, fighting to hold onto his shredding control. "Weren't you just arguing with Tamrissa, an argument that started because of me? You can't just dismiss the argument as though it never happened!"
"Of course I was arguin' with Tamrissa," Vallant answered with a pleased smile rather than with distress. "If I hadn't argued she might have started to think that what she accused me of was true. She knew I wasn't seriously considerin' that woman for more than a minute, but she still needs a lot of reassurance. That's why I accused her, to remind her that she wasn't the only one who was occasionally touched by jealousy. As soon as she calms down things will fall back into proper perspective, and she and I can apologize to each other."
"And speaking of apologizing, that's something a smart man learns how to do," Lorand took up the lecture with a smile. "A very wise ancient once said that women have a greater capacity to forgive than men do, so it would be a crime to waste that capacity. Naran still loves you with all her heart, Rion, and thinking that she's lost you has devastated her. Apologizing will only do you some good. As far as I can see, Naran has already forgiven you without hearing the first word."
"How does one apologize for betraying the love of his life?" Rion asked in a whisper, confused about many points but not that particular one. "And how am I to assure her that the same will never happen again when I'm not certain that it won't? When one makes a great fool of oneself, one may only be setting the stage for more repetitions of the same act."
"Anyone can get caught the first time, especially when he doesn't have a lot of experience with life," Vallant said with a sigh. "If you find yourself gettin' caught a second time, then you really are a fool. Are you willin' to be caught a second time?"
"Willing, certainl
y not," Rion assured his brother, the very idea bringing him distant outrage. "But willing has very little to do with the matter if it simply happens again the way it did the first time. How am I to know that it won't?"
"Are you a grown man, or a little boy bein' led around by the nose?" Vallant demanded, no longer sounding quite as patient as he had. "If a man makes up his mind that somethin' won't be happenin', he doesn't let it happen. A little boy has things happenin' to him whether he wants them to or not. A grown man takes control of his life, and doesn't waste time makin' excuses. So which are you, Rion?"
"I know which I'd prefer to be," Rion muttered, a sudden thought occurring to him. Was he having so much trouble coping with what had happened because inside he was no more than a small boy? That was what he had been raised to be, a child who would obey his "mother" in all things and allow her to design and rule his entire life. He now had to fight that arrangement harder than he ever had, but doubt about the outcome of the battle smothered the small amount of hope he'd been able to muster.
"I know which I'd prefer to be, but I've suddenly become unsure about whether I can achieve that state," Rion said after taking a very deep breath. "Only time will show what level of maturity I've reached, which means that committing myself now to a particular outcome would be yet another act of a fool. I need to speak to Naran."
After making his decision aloud, Rion began to get to his feet. Vallant frowned and began to question him, but both question and response were overridden by Lorand's sudden actions. Lorand whirled to look out into the gloom of the night shadows, and then he held out his hand as though warding off something. And the something was indeed palpable, a tawny hunting cat that had paused in mid leap.
It was instantly clear that Lorand had taken control of the big cat, and without the help of the Blending. The cat snarled and fought the constraint laid on it, but seemed unable to break free. Nevertheless, Rion decided to make certain of the safety of his brothers, and therefore erected a wall of hardened air between the cat and the rest of them.
And no sooner was the wall in place, than the poor cat was treated to a bath in what looked to be extremely cold water. The cat shrieked and jumped, and then it was bounding away back into the woods.
"That ought to teach it not to mess around with people," Lorand murmured with what seemed to be a sympathetic chuckle. "Having cold water dumped on you isn't very pleasant, but it's better than having all the moisture pulled out of your body, having your heart stopped, or having the air you breathe taken away. That was a nice cat, and I'm glad we didn't have to really hurt it."
"I tend to be partial to cats myself, but not ones of that size," Vallant returned, his words very dry. "If you're missin' not havin' a pet, Lorand, please let us pick one out for you."
"But a pet that size would be very useful," Lorand came back, obviously teasing Vallant. "No one would crowd me when I walked along the street, I could leave my valuables around without locking them up, and I'd have a topic to talk about with everyone I met."
"We haven't walked along a street in weeks if not months," Vallant retorted firmly. "In addition to that, you don't have any valuables, and you never have trouble findin' what to talk about. With all that in mind, let's get Rion back to camp before we have another visitor with no manners."
That was a more than sound suggestion, so they all began to comply with it. Lorand and Vallant gave Rion help in gathering his possessions, but carrying them wasn't difficult so he did it alone. What was difficult was thought of the coming discussion he would have with Naran, but the discussion wasn't something that could be avoided. The very least he owed Naran was making the effort…
When they were once again in the camp proper, Rion chose a place to sleep that was more or less solitary. He left his sleeping bag and possessions there before going to look for Naran, an errand his brothers had left him to do alone. It took a few moments, but eventually Rion located the woman of his heart and walked up to her. It felt odd to find her anywhere but right beside him, an oddness he was only just noticing after the last few days.
"Rion, are you all right?" she asked at once when he came up to her, relief flooding her lovely features. "I was very worried when you disappeared like that. The flux Master Ardanis told me about seems to be ruining Sight of everything I most want to see."
"I'm as well as someone of my sort is able to be," Rion responded unevenly, firmly refusing himself the extreme pleasure that putting his arms about her would bring. "I - went off alone to do some very necessary thinking, and I've a horrible confession to make."
Naran nodded without speaking, and Rion had the impression that she wasn't able to speak. Fear glinted from her lovely eyes, but Rion still found the strength to continue.
"I'd thought that I was … free of that noblewoman's influence, but I've discovered that there are still … aspects of her teaching controlling me." The admission was very painful to make, but Rion stumbled on in spite of that. "I should never have been so foolish and pliant as to look at a woman other than you, but in all truthfulness I can't be certain that I'll never do the same again. You deserve a man who really is a man, someone who has no trouble holding to the knowledge that the woman he loves is the only woman he cares to concern himself with. Until I can prove to my own satisfaction that I've become that sort of man, I won't trouble you with my presence again."
"Rion, wait!" Naran called as he turned and hurried away. "You don't understand…"
Rather than wait, Rion moved so fast that the rest of what she said was quickly lost. Naran was undoubtedly prepared to tell him that she didn't mind his paying attention to other women, an attitude easily expected from so marvelous a person. But the situation was unacceptable to him as it stood, and he would not return to her side until that situation was completely resolved.
If he managed to live that long without her…
The day was warm but dark with a promise of rain, muggy and uncomfortable and affecting everyone's mood. Jovvi rode along blocking out those various unhappy moods, but that didn't mean she wasn't aware of them. In point of fact she shared them, and knowing they would come in sight of Liandia, Gracely's capitol city, at any time didn't seem to help.
Possibly it was the fact that so far Gracely had proven to be untouched by destruction, Jovvi reflected. They had ridden through lovely countryside and peaceful woods, every now and then seeing what appeared to be a prosperous farm. The undemolished landscape proved that their suspicions were correct, and the nobles leading that army had been controlled by someone. Someone in Gracely…
Jovvi sighed as that thought led to a more important one. Almost everyone was convinced that the people who had approached her Blending were also from Gracely, the intent of those people being the loosening of bonds between the leaders of the expedition. And those bonds had been loosened to a certain extent, at least as far as Rion and Naran were concerned…
"You look as if you're ready to start talking to yourself," a voice said, startling Jovvi out of her thoughts. "If you are, then I know how you feel."
It was Naran herself who had spoken as Jovvi's horse brought her in close proximity to Naran's, and Jovvi noticed that there seemed to be something odd about the girl. Naran had been wrapped up in her own world for quite some time, but now she was apparently prepared to rejoin their common world.
"I do consider myself a good conversationalist, but I prefer to talk to others rather than myself," Jovvi answered with a smile. "Unless you're in the mood to start a fight, that is. There's too much of that going around already."
"At the risk of repeating myself, I know how they feel," Naran said, glancing around at the threatening day they rode through. "We're going to start getting wet pretty soon, and soggy isn't my favorite state of being. When we finally ride into that city ahead, we'll look like a bunch of drowned cats."
"Is that a prediction, or an uninformed guess?" Jovvi asked, suddenly concerned. "What we look like when we enter that city will influence how those people treat us.
I'd hate to see us having to stage a demonstration in order for us to be given some ordinary respect."
"Don't worry, it's just a guess," Naran said with a sigh that seemed more than heartfelt. "I'm Seeing very little these days, no more than a hint here and there that makes it through the flux. No one in my link groups seems to be doing any better, and most of them are very upset. We tried to link up to break through the flux, and it didn't work more than marginally. Apparently no one expected the flux to get this bad."
"I don't enjoy having your talent blocked, but we'll find a way to cope," Jovvi assured her, leaning over to pat her hand. "How are you doing otherwise? This trip is beginning to be hard on everyone."
"It was very hard, until I began to do some serious thinking," Naran answered, an unexpected calm in her face and eyes. "When Rion announced that he had to prove something to himself and then marched away, I thought my life was over. But then I finally remembered what Tamrissa went through with Vallant, and what she said about Vallant's needing to prove something to her. If Rion ever decides he's ready to come back to me, he'll find that proving things to himself was the easy part."
"Is that why you suddenly remind me so much of Tamma?" Jovvi asked, the question more for herself than for Naran. "You seem to have adopted the same attitude, which is somewhat surprising. A good part of Tamma's attitude comes from her having Fire magic."
"You don't have to have Fire magic to lose patience with someone's foolishness," Naran pointed out with actual amusement. "I know that Rion is my other half, but that doesn't mean he's perfect. Thinking he was perfect was my mistake, a blindness I won't be guilty of again. If he can't find his way past the troubles he's created for himself I'll mourn his loss, but my life will go on. And my help will be available if he happens to ask for it, but I won't volunteer it again."
"How did you get to be so wise?" Jovvi asked with a bemused smile, teasing only a little. "Instead of being weakened by what happened, as soon as Rion pulls himself together we'll be stronger than ever. Or at least I hope we will be, and I hope the strengthening will be in time to let us cope with whatever is waiting for us in this country. You can't see anything ahead of us at all?"
