“What a nasty day! Even the bottom of my dress is wet.” Vi looked down and shook at her dress slightly, then patted the sides of her hair.
“Hello, Vi.”
The woman took a deep breath and walked closer. “I came to see if there is anything I can do for you, Sunny. Stuart says you haven’t been in to the office since you got back from visiting the line camp.” She squinted slightly, looking her over as she sat down in a silk love seat across from Sunny. “I must say, you don’t look well at all. What’s wrong, Sunny? Can I help?”
Sunny smiled sadly. “I wish you could.” She rubbed her eyes. “Just a constant headache, that’s all.”
Vi leaned forward, folding her arms and resting them on her knees. “Maybe a good long talk would cure it.”
“Maybe.”
Vi hesitated a moment, hoping Sunny would offer to start, but she sat silent. Was she afraid to admit the truth? Vi suspected exactly what was wrong, and she decided to broach the subject head-on. “Sunny,” she said, “Stuart told me about Colt scouting for the railroad.” She watched Sunny’s cheeks begin to flush. “He told me the whole exciting story of the Indian attack and all. I must say, his description of Colt certainly doesn’t fit the way he looked when I saw him in the hospital in Chicago. I’m so glad to hear he’s gotten so healthy again.”
Sunny watched her eyes, knew good and well exactly what the woman was trying to do. Finally, she laughed almost sarcastically. “Healthy?” she answered. “Oh, Vi, he looked magnificent.” She moved her eyes to gaze at a crackling fire in the nearby hearth. “That’s what this land out here does for him. I’ve never seen him look more handsome, in spite of his scars, or more Indian. He’s let his hair grow longer. The only thing that betrays his white side are those hazel eyes.” She looked back at Vi. “I do need to talk, Vi. I’m in a terrible mess on the inside; and you, dear friend, already know it.”
Vi smiled consolingly. “You’ve always loved him, haven’t you?”
Sunny’s eyes teared, and she closed them and leaned back again. “Yes,” she answered in a near whisper. “That’s the hell of it. God forgive me, but I want him, Vi, in a way I’ve never wanted Blaine.” She swallowed, and a tear slipped down her cheek. “If I lived to be three hundred, it could never work, but I want him anyway.” She took a long, deep breath. “God, it feels good to tell somebody.” More tears came then, and she put her face in her hands and wept. “That night on the beach—if he hadn’t been strong enough to stop, God only knows what I would have let him do. He touches me, and I have no control over myself.” She jerked in a sob and straightened slightly to take a handkerchief from a pocket on her dress. She wiped her eyes. “I can go for years without seeing him, yet the moment I do, it’s like…like he casts some kind of spell on me. And he doesn’t try to do it. He fights it just as hard as I do.”
Vi let her cry for a few minutes, feeling like crying herself.
“I don’t know what to do, Vi. I just don’t know what to do.” Sunny met Vi’s kind dark eyes. “How can I marry Blaine when I feel this way? And yet how could I explain it to him? And if I don’t marry him, maybe I’ll just grow into an old spinster.” More tears came. “God knows Colt would never dream of marrying someone like me. He could never put up with this life, and I can’t give it up, Vi.”
Vi shook her head. “You don’t have any idea what Colt would really want, because neither of you has allowed yourselves to say what you really feel.”
Sunny blew her nose and breathed deeply to calm herself. She got up from the rocker and went to stand in front of the fire. “It’s like I love two men, Vi.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes again. “I love Blaine for being so patient, for the way he fits into my world, for his importance and his knowledge of business; but I don’t—” She put her head back and closed her eyes. “I don’t want him, not like I want Colt. I love Colt for all that’s wild in him, his physical power, his bravery and skill. He’s like a wonderful escape from everything that burdens me. He represents, I don’t know, a kind of freedom, I guess, the simple life.” She shook her head and turned to look at Vi. “But even if we wanted to try to be together, I can’t stand the thought of the hell the people from my world would make for him. There isn’t anyone, except maybe for you and Stuart, who would believe he didn’t want my money. Can you just imagine how someone like Vince would treat him, and most of my friends and business associates? He’s a proud man, Vi. He wouldn’t be able to take it for long.”
“He’s also a very strong man, Sunny, inside and out. I’d wager he could take quite a bit if it meant being able to be with the woman he loves. And you remember how he handled Vince the night of your party. Colt might not be familiar with the kind of life you lead, Sunny, but he’s no dummy. He’s a smart man, a man who can learn quickly. My guess is he could handle himself with as much command and power in a boardroom as he can out on the prairie fighting Indians. He just doesn’t know it yet.” She smiled wryly. “Someone would have to teach him.” She rose and walked closer. “But then maybe he wouldn’t even have to be in a boardroom. Where love is concerned, sometimes people can reach all kinds of compromises in order to be together.”
Sunny frowned. “Vi, do you realize what you’re saying? It’s impossible!”
“You don’t know that for certain, Sunny. That’s just what everyone else has been telling you. I believed it myself until I spoke with Colt at the hospital. I saw the look in his eyes when he talked about you. That man loves you, Sunny. He probably has loved you since you were fifteen years old. I’m sure he loved his wife very much and never would have gone any farther with his feelings for you if she and his son hadn’t been killed. But the fact is they’re gone, and he’s alone, and I suspect he’s just as unhappy as you are.”
Sunny turned away. “It’s all so ridiculous. And what about poor Blaine? He’s waited so long to marry me. I don’t know if I have reason to cancel our engagement. It might be the biggest mistake of my life. If I give back my ring, Vi, it will be over for good.”
Vi touched her shoulder. “All you have to do is ask yourself—if you had to pick one of them and decide you would never see him again, which one would you choose?”
Sunny faced her. “You know which one.”
Vi nodded. “Ask yourself one more thing. What if you do marry Blaine, feeling the way you do about Colt? In your heart, Sunny, in your soul, your dreams, who would you imagine was really sharing your bed?”
Sunny felt her cheeks getting hot, and she walked past Vi back to her rocker. “Don’t say it, Vi.”
“I have to say it. There are all kinds of adultery, Sunny. And adultery is one thing I don’t think you’re capable of living with, even if it does mean living the life of a spinster. You can be ruthless and scheming when it comes to business, but not when it comes to your heart and how you treat the people you love. It isn’t in you.”
Sunny sat down wearily, feeling physically and emotionally drained. “So, what should I do?”
Vi came over and knelt in front of her. “I think you have to be fair, Sunny, to yourself, to Colt, and to Blaine. Blaine is going to be gone for several more months. You don’t have to tell him a thing right away, not until you talk to Colt.”
“I can’t do that.” Sunny closed her eyes, shivering with the thought of it. “What if it turned out like, like that last night I saw him at Fort Laramie? I made a fool of myself that night, and again when I met him on the beach. When I get around him I feel like the same silly love-struck girl—the one he turned away because he was smart enough to know how impossible it was. He’d turn me away again, and I’d look like a fool again.”
“You don’t know what he’d do, Sunny. Isn’t it better to risk getting a no than to never know at all? You certainly can’t go on like this. You’re killing yourself. And leaving it this way can mean you’ll never be happy with Blaine, and that isn’t fair to him, is it?”
>
Sunny shook her head, covering her eyes again.
“There is one more thing you need to consider, Sunny, and that’s the two men themselves—their qualities, what they can give you in the way of love and support, what they want from you in return. I hate to put it this way, but as long as we’re talking this out, do you really think Blaine loves you for you?”
“Yes, yes, he loves me.”
“How often does he tell you he loves you?”
Sunny looked at her, blinking back more tears. “Not often, but he tells me sometimes.”
“When it’s convenient, I imagine.” Vi rose. “Sunny, you of all people understand men like Blaine. You’ve run in their circle all your life. Men like that do what’s best for their career and their fortune, and love has no place in their lives, not if it gets in the way of their power and prestige. Sometimes I don’t think you understand just how important you are in the eyes of the general public. You’re a famous woman, Sunny—beautiful, rich, eligible, acquainted with the wealthy and powerful. Do you think Blaine hasn’t considered those things in choosing you for his wife? He’s preparing to run for governor of New York. A man like that has to have the right woman on his arm. Do you honestly think you’d be breaking his heart if you decided not to marry him? I personally think he’d go find some other pretty little thing who came from a wealthy background, maybe the daughter of another industrialist or a congressman or anyone else who has power and influence.”
“He loves me, Vi. I’m sure he loves me.” Sunny leaned back in the rocker.
“And would he still love and marry you if you lost your fortune?”
“I don’t know—”
“Yes, you do, Sunny. He’d drop you in a second! But not Colt Travis. He couldn’t care less if you came to him in rags and carrying a tin cup! And that’s the difference between them, a very important difference. You aren’t made to marry for convenience, Sunny. You’re too softhearted, too giving when it comes to your personal life. Even if you chose not to pursue your feelings for Colt, I don’t think Blaine O’Brien is the right man for you. There are a few men of his stature who really would marry you for love, Sunny. I’m sorry, but I just don’t happen to think Blaine is one of them.”
Sunny sighed deeply, looking at the diamond Blaine had given her, remembering the look in Colt’s eyes when he had noticed it. She shivered at the memory of how it had felt to be so close to him. She could still remember the smell of man and leather. How could a man’s scent be that enticing when he had been fighting and sweating, when he was nothing but his raw self, wearing no fancy men’s cologne like Blaine wore?
“I don’t know, Vi. I have to think about this very deeply before I allow myself to see Colt again.” She met the woman’s eyes. “I can’t believe you’re telling me these things.”
Vi walked back to the hearth. “I should have said them a long time ago, at least about Blaine. I tried, in my own way.” She looked over at Sunny. “For years I’ve watched you do what everyone else thought was best for you, Sunny—inadvertently, you have even gone along with what Vince wanted. I have no doubt he’s told you the kind of man you should marry. For the first part of your life Bo Landers told you how to act, speak, dress—he brought you up in a man’s world, and you’ve never quite known how to be a woman.” She looked back at the fire. “I don’t think Blaine is the man to teach you about that part of yourself.”
The meaning of the words sent a near-painful wave of desire surging through Sunny’s blood.
“Sometimes when it comes to matters of the heart,” Vi continued, “risks are worth taking. I’m sure society didn’t think Stuart should have married me, but he did anyway. Of course the difference between us isn’t anything like you and Colt, but I certainly wasn’t the glamorous, fabulously wealthy woman everyone thought a Landers should marry.”
Sunny smiled through tears. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to Stuart. And what would I do if you weren’t around to talk to?”
Vi came closer again. “I’m not the one you should be talking to now. You have to tell Colt or go crazy, Sunny. You know that.”
Sunny looked at her lap and swallowed. “It scares me. If something did come of it, can’t you just see the cruel headlines slamming Colt? I don’t know if I can do that to him, Vi. Maybe it would be selfish of me to tell him. Deep inside he’s a kind, sweet man who’s been hurt enough.”
“You’ve been secretly hurting yourself, Sunny, for years.”
Sunny shook her head. “That doesn’t matter.” She slowly rose. “Thanks for coming over, Vi. Would you like some tea?”
“Yes, on a day like today that sounds wonderful.”
Sunny walked over and pulled the cord that rang the kitchen help.
“What are you going to do, Sunny?”
“I don’t know yet. I do feel better talking about it though. You were right about that.” She pushed a piece of hair away from her face. “I’ll give it a little more time. Maybe if I get back to my work I can forget about it for a while. Maybe in the meantime Colt will leave the railroad and go on to something else, find another woman. For now I think I’ll just concentrate on the railroad, as I’ve been doing.”
“Just like that?” Vi smiled sadly. “You’re a fool if you think you can forget him, Sunny.”
A maid came into the parlor in response to being called. “Bring us some tea, Lilly,” Sunny said. The girl nodded and darted away. Sunny looked at Vi. “How do you think Stuart would feel if I, if Colt and I—”
“Stuart thinks the world of Colt. As far as something serious between the two of you, that might be another story; but I can handle Stuart. Besides, he would just want you to be happy.”
“Do you really think so? Before you came along he seemed to hate me almost as much as Vince does.”
“I don’t think Vince hates you as a person, Sunny. You’re just in the way of his grand scheme, that’s all. He’s coming around a little.”
“Yes, he seems to be.” Sunny walked to the window again, picturing Colt riding out on the Plains in the cold rain. She hoped the coming winter would keep the Indians calm for a while so he would be safe until she decided what she should do about these painful, utterly forbidden wants that had plagued her since seeing him again. “Do you think he’s thinking of me like I’m thinking of him?”
Vi watched her lovingly, feeling sorry for this young woman who had never had a normal childhood, who always had to be so strong when inside she was so soft. “Yes, Sunny. I think he thinks about you all the time.”
Sunny watched one particular raindrop meander down the window. “I’ll wait out the winter,” she said quietly. “Maybe I’ll feel different come spring.”
***
Colt hunkered against the blizzard winds as he guided Dancer toward the lights in the distance. He had no doubt the lights came from the infamous “hell on wheels” camp town that followed the construction crews. He had tried to avoid the constantly migrating town and its whores and cheating gamblers, but in this blinding storm, and with night coming on, he knew he would never make it back to the construction site for shelter. With deep snows burying tracks, he would not be able to follow the rails back to Casement and the men. He had no choice now but to hit the camp town and find a place out of the wind, both for him and Dancer.
Dancer waded laboriously through snow as high as his belly, and getting higher all the time. This was one of the worst winters Colt could remember, and he figured he had seen some of the worst. He had no doubt that construction would be halted altogether for a few days, and in this kind of weather, there was little, if any, threat from Indians.
He felt solidly frozen by the time he reached the lights. He shouted at a man coming out of one of the tents, asking where he could put up his horse, and the man simply pointed to the street of makeshift tents and shanties. Colt could not see what lay b
eyond, so he headed Dancer in that direction until he saw what looked like a horse shed made of sod and a sign that read Livery Stable. He dismounted and opened the door, which blew out of his hand.
“Hurry it up,” someone shouted. “I’m tryin’ to keep it warm in here!”
Colt smacked Dancer and herded him inside, then shut the door. “You got room for one more?” he asked.
“I reckon. Dollar a night.”
Colt stomped his feet and removed his hat and a woolen scarf.
“You’re an Indian!” the man grumbled.
Colt took a good look at the owner of the voice, seeing before him a small, bearded man who squinted back at him suspiciously. “I’m a scout for the U.P. I got caught in this blizzard and need some shelter.” He untied his saddlebags and slung them over his shoulder, then took some coins from a leather bag tied to his belt. “Here’s your dollar. Where does a man get a stiff drink and maybe a bath around here?”
The man looked him over more. “A ways back up the street—Billie’s Place, it’s called. You better watch yourself. Somebody looks like you can get himself in trouble.”
“I can handle myself. Who’s Billie?”
“Whore—Billie White—out of Omaha.” Colt’s eyes widened with surprise, but the livery owner didn’t notice. He was checking over the horse. “I reckon if you need a woman, one of them she brought with her will accommodate an Indian if you’ve got the money.”
Colt gave him a look of disgust. “Thanks,” he said with a hint of anger. “Take good care of that horse. He means a lot to me.” He turned and left, putting his hat and scarf back on and bending his head low against the wind. He struggled through the snow, going up close to each tent and cabin to peek inside and see if he had reached the right place yet. He finally reached a tent that was bigger than the others. Someone inside was actually playing a plunky tune on a piano. The wind howled so badly that he had not heard the music until he reached the entrance flap, and he wondered how in hell these people had gotten something as heavy as a piano clear out here. He supposed that where there was a will, or in this case a buck to be made, there was a way to do just about anything.
Thunder on the Plains Page 36
