And then he scrolled on, leaving the name intact.
He would totally delete it at some point. He just didn’t want to bother with the hassle of it tonight.
* * *
“Elke, sweetie, you should have called,” said Elke’s mother as she opened the door to her daughter. “If I’d known you were coming, I would have kept something warm for you from dinner.”
“It’s fine,” said Elke, stepping into her mother’s kitchen. “I just wanted to stop in here to tell you I was going out into the woods behind the house. I didn’t want you to hear me out there and get freaked out.”
“The woods? What? Oh, come here.” Her mother gave her a hug.
Elke hugged back.
“I can heat something up,” said her mother.
“Mom, I already ate.”
“Well, take off your coat and sit down. Have some herbal tea or hot chocolate or something. It’s cold out there.”
Elke laughed softly. This was the kind of thing her mother did, all right. “I’m going right back out, actually. I’m going into the woods.”
“Why are you going into the woods?”
“I want to go out and look at the old tree house,” said Elke. “Sentimental, I guess.” She certainly wasn’t going to tell her mother had Patrick had hidden drugs out there, and Elke was going to retrieve them.
“Oh, couldn’t you do that when it’s light outside? Or when it’s warmer? You won’t be able to see anything out there, and you’ll freeze your pants off.”
Maybe Elke should have come up with a better cover story, now that she thought about it. “It won’t take long. I’ll pop out and do it, and then I’ll come back in, okay?”
Her father appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. “Hey there, Elk-ins. What are you doing here? Come give your Daddy a hug.”
She crossed the kitchen to hug her father. Ever since the business with Felix, her father had reverted to this little-girl way of speaking to her, as if she was fragile and tiny again. She knew he meant well, but it made her feel like she’d never grown up at all.
Her father released her. “What are you doing out here? You should have called.”
“She’s going out into the woods,” said her mother.
“The woods,” said her father. “Now, that’s ridiculous. Why would you want to do that? It’s cold out there. Why don’t you sit down at the table and your mother will heat you up something from supper. You can do that, can’t you, Tabitha?”
“I already offered.” Her mother crossed her arms over her chest.
“Look, I just wanted to let you guys know I was here,” said Elke. “I’ll head out and look at the tree house really quickly, and then I’ll come back, okay? We can have hot chocolate then, if you want?”
Her mother and father exchanged a glance.
“Is this about Felix?” said her father in a soft voice. “Are you feeling lonely?”
“Oh, sweetie,” said her mother. “I know it must be such a blow for you. I know you and Felix planned on having children together and now here you are, all on your own again, after all those years. It must be devastating.”
Elke gritted her teeth. Yes, Mom, thanks for reminding me of all that, she thought sarcastically. “It’s got nothing to do with Felix,” she lied. She forced herself to smile. “I just want to see the old tree house. I, um, I had a dream about it last night.” She had made that up on the spot.
“A dream?” said her mother.
“Yeah, and it got me thinking about it, and I can’t remember exactly how the roof was attached. I just want to get a good look at it, refresh my memory. It’ll only take a minute, I swear.”
“Oh, sweetie,” said her mother, shaking her head.
Okay, her parents were not going to agree that it was a good idea for her to go out there on her own. She was going to have to take matters into her own hands. She crossed the kitchen and went to the door again. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, okay?” She shot them both a cheery smile. She opened the door and stepped out into the cold.
Outside her house, there was a fair-sized back yard with a big tree. An old tire swing still hung from one its big boughs. There was also a wooden playhouse next to a holly bush. The playhouse had been pink when she was a little girl, but it had faded over time. Even when it was light outside, the thing looked gray. Her parents sometimes talked about taking the swing and playhouse down, but then they said they’d leave them up for the grandchildren, which were supposedly coming at any time.
Elke sighed. That wasn’t likely to happen anymore. She couldn’t say she’d made her peace with her childlessness, but she had accepted it. Maybe Patrick would meet a girl in a few years and they’d have a few kids. She and Patrick were so far apart in age that it was a pretty big gap between them.
“Wait, Elke,” said her mother’s voice from behind her.
Elke turned.
Her mother was coming out of the house, wrapping a fringed blanket around her shoulders. “I’ll come with you.”
What? No, that was a very bad idea. She could not have her mother out there seeing her retrieve drugs from the stupid tree house. She shook her head. “Oh, no, Mom, that’s okay. I’m fine out here, really.”
“I don’t mind. The briskness is actually a bit pleasant.”
“Mom, it’s freezing outside, and you don’t even have a coat. Go back in.”
“Let’s go, Elke.” Her mother wrapped her hands around Elke’s arm. “Go on then.”
Elke didn’t move. “Why don’t you go in and make us some hot chocolate?”
“Oh, your father’s doing that. I told him you might want this to be girl talk.”
“I don’t want to talk at all!” Elke glared at her mother. “I want to be alone.”
Her mother laughed.
“Mom, I’m serious.”
“Elke, sweetie, you got dealt a bad hand with that Felix, but it was not your fault. You couldn’t have known better.”
“I know that. This isn’t about Felix.” Now, she was getting angry. She shook her mother off and stalked across the yard toward the woods.
“Elke,” called her mother. “What is this about?”
Elke walked faster. The edge of the woods was only feet away. There was an old footpath that she used to use to get from the house out to the tree house, but it was hard to see in the dark. She squinted, thinking to herself that she should never have gone into the house in the first place. She should have just parked the car and gone out in the woods. Let her parents get scared if they heard her out there.
But she hadn’t done that, partly because she’d been afraid her parents might call the police, and then she would have been caught with the drugs. She thought of that horrible article in the paper, claiming she and Felix were in on it together. Finding her with drugs would make that seem likely. She wouldn’t just go down for possession of however much there was in the tree house, but as Felix’s co-conspirator.
No, it was good that the police weren’t involved.
“Elke!” her mother was behind her.
There. That was the path. Elke started down it, going as quickly as she could.
“Sweetie!”
Elke picked up the pace. In several moments, the path ended, and she was standing underneath the tree house.
Her mother caught up with her, a little out of breath. “What is wrong? Why won’t you talk to me?”
Elke wanted to scream at her to go away. But she didn’t think that would work. Any outburst of emotion like that would only convince her mother that she really was upset and in need of help. She had to come up with some other way to get her mother away.
Or…
Tell her the truth? Elke didn’t want to burden her parents with that knowledge, but she was sure that they would want to protect Patrick any way that they could. Maybe she was simply going to have to come clean.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” said her mother.
“I really don’t want to talk,” said Elke. She gave
her mother a pleading look. “Go back inside, Mom, please. I don’t want to talk, and I do want to be alone.”
Her mother pressed her lips together.
“Please?”
“You really want to be alone?”
“Yes.” Elke held her breath. Maybe she wouldn’t have to tell her mother about the drugs after all?
“Well, all right,” said her mother, pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders. “It is cold out here.”
Elke let her breath out in relief. She watched as her mother turned and started back down the path toward the house.
Elke took a step forward and grasped the tree house ladder. She’d climb up here and—
“Sweetie?”
Elke whirled.
Her mother had turned around several feet down the path. “You sure you want to be alone?”
“Yes,” Elke hissed.
“Okay,” her mother said and turned around.
Elke watched her until she was out of sight this time.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Around 9:30, Tom called Amos again, and this time Amos caved. He got dressed and went out to the bar. When he got there, Tom was already pretty wasted, and Amos was pretty sure that he had made a mistake. But he got a drink anyway. What the hell? He was there, wasn’t he?
For his part, Tom acted completely normal, as if he really had forgotten that anything awkward had ever happened between them.
Around 10:00, their mutual friend Cordon showed up. He bought everyone shots, all the while humblebragging about his new job which was paying him so much money, but so stressful.
Amos took the shots, but wished that Cordon would shove it. After all, it wasn’t as if Amos didn’t like his job. Maybe it didn’t pay a crazy amount of money, but he was comfortable. And besides, what he was doing was important work. It was a good thing, freeing innocent people. It made Amos feel pretty damned good about himself. But he didn’t go on and on about it, especially not making out like he actually wanted sympathy for it.
Amos usually liked Cordon, but that night the other guy was annoying him.
He drank more shots and a few mixed drinks and some of a communal pitcher of beer that was on the table, and sometime around midnight he found himself in a strange, earnest conversation with Tom about how he really liked him, but only as a friend. “You’re great, you know that?” Amos slurred, leaning against the back of the booth where they were sitting.
Tom was across from him. “You’re great too,” he said, grinning widely. He was also drunk. “And don’t worry. I told you that thing last week was just because I was drunk. I never think of you that way.”
Amos sat up and stretched his hand across the table. “You can be honest with me, you know. I can handle it. I’m your best friend.”
“You are? Oh, that’s sweet. You’re my best friend too.” Tom put his hand on top of Amos’s. “So, let’s never, ever fuck, because that would ruin everything.”
Amos pulled his hand back, furrowing his brow. “You don’t want to fuck me?”
“No,” said Tom. “You don’t want to fuck me, right?”
“It’s just that I thought that…” Amos was suddenly quiet, realizing he had been wrong about everything. There was no unrequited pining on Tom’s part. They were friends, just friends, and he’d read things into it that weren’t there. He was really embarrassed. He pushed himself to his feet. “I need to go home.”
“You’re wasted,” said Tom. “Let me come with you. We’ll share a cab.”
Amos shook his head. He was embarrassed, and Tom reminded him of his embarrassment. He wanted as far away from Tom as he could get. “That’s okay. I need to be alone and clear my head.”
Tom argued with him some more, but Amos was firm. Eventually, he ended up in the front of the bar, huddled against the cold. He was going to have to make it to the bus stop, but he wasn’t really feeling like walking that far. He pulled out his phone, thinking he’d call a cab like Tom had suggested. He had the number of the local company programmed into his phone. But instead, his fingers scrolled right past the number for the cab and selected a completely different number.
His phone began to dial Carlos Reyes.
He put it against his ear, listening to it ring. Why was he doing this? He hated Carlos. And anyway, it was Friday night, there was no way any self-respecting guy was going to answer his phone.
“Amos?” said Carlos’s voice.
“Uh, hey,” said Amos. “What are you doing right now?”
“What are you doing?”
“Standing outside the Rainbow, trying to find somewhere else to go.”
Carlos laughed a little. “Oh yeah? Well, I could come pick you up if you wanted.”
“Okay,” said Amos.
“Okay,” said Carlos, sounding triumphant.
* * *
Elke managed to climb up into the tree house and find what she was looking for. Patrick had left the drugs up there in a duffel bag. She hauled it out of there, took it back to her car, where she stashed it on the floor in front of the passenger’s seat, resisting the urge to try to hide it. Hiding it made it look suspicious. Having it out in the open was safer.
Then she went back into her parents house for hot chocolate, and she did her best to convince them that absolutely nothing was wrong, and that she was completely happy with the way her life was going.
In all honesty, she wasn’t nearly so raw over the Felix stuff these days. It wasn’t a good thing at all, and sometimes it was downright horrid. She got an invitation from a high school friend to an anniversary party for ten years of marriage the other day, and that had been devastating, because she knew she and Felix were never going to have a ten-year anniversary, and it practically gutted her. But unless something came up and brought it all back, she didn’t think about it. She had her new place, and she liked her job at the CRU, and she was busy.
No, the thing that was driving her up a wall right now was Patrick and this whole business.
In a way, it was related to Felix, but it wasn’t about losing him and losing the life she thought she’d have. Instead, it was how Felix’s influence had reached out to her little brother and practically ruined his life too.
She was determined to protect Patrick. With every passing day, she felt that more and more strongly. But she wasn’t sure how to do that.
She drove home from her parents’ place late that night, and she didn’t get to bed until about 11:00. She was tired and went right to sleep, but the next morning, when she woke up, she wasn’t sure what to do with the duffel bag of drugs that she was now in possession of.
She knew that the next step was to contact Jeremiah and set up some way to pass the drugs off and then get Patrick back to his regular life.
But something held her back from doing that. She couldn’t see herself as a person who was setting up a clandestine meeting to hand off drugs to a criminal. That wasn’t who she was. She was always on the right side of the law.
She set the duffel bag down in the middle of her living room and paced around it.
She didn’t have any other options, though. If she turned it over to the police now, it would blow back badly on both her and Patrick, and she wasn’t sure she could save either of them. They were in a quite a bad place.
She sat down on the floor and unzipped the duffel bag. She looked at the individual baggies in there, all packaged up and ready to be sold to college co-eds. Patrick had done this. He had been a drug dealer. She rubbed her forehead. What was it about her that she didn’t think that he deserved to pay for his mistakes?
If this had been a few years ago, surely she would have insisted that Patrick turn himself in.
But things were different now, and partly it was because she had changed when Felix had turned out to be a criminal. Before, she’d been sure of everything, and the world had seemed black and white. Afterward, everything went topsy-turvy, and she didn’t know anything for sure. Partly, it was this new job at the CRU. She hadn’t been w
orking there long, but they had already overturned four convictions.
Four.
When she first started working there, she’d been certain there couldn’t be many innocent people in prison. She was learning that there were more than she’d thought. The reasons were complicated, but one thing they didn’t boil down to was something simple like maliciousness or even incompetence. It wasn’t dirty cops. It wasn’t even lazy cops. It was a whole bunch of well-meaning people trying to do the right thing, but being motivated by untruths that pigeon-holed people. If a police officer or a prosecuting attorney thought that someone was guilty, they felt justified in making sure that person was punished. It was a righteous crusade for them, and they were doing it for all the right reasons.
But sometimes they were incredibly wrong, and they perpetrated horrors on people.
It shook her foundation, because she was beginning to realize that the systems that she worked inside, the ones that she believed in, might very well be fundamentally broken somewhere.
And when it came down to it, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to let her little brother be released into that system. She wanted to protect him, even if he had done something wrong. And the sheer hypocrisy of that belief—of working within a system she wasn’t sure she believed in anymore—it bothered her.
She didn’t even like thinking the thoughts.
So, she picked up the duffel bag, took it to her guest room/exercise room and shoved it in the back of the closet in there. On top of it, she piled several trash bags full of old clothes she’d been meaning to give to Goodwill.
And then, she didn’t do anything else the whole weekend.
She called to check in with Patrick. He was doing fine. He was having a blast up at the cabin, and he liked the solitude. He didn’t ask about the drugs, and she didn’t offer any information.
* * *
Amos awoke to the smell of bacon. He opened his eyes and didn’t know where he was for about four seconds. Then he remembered drunk dialing Carlos Reyes and ending up at Carlos’s apartment, drinking wine and talking for hours. And then there had been kissing. And then…
Amos looked at the other side of the bed. The covers were mussed where Carlos had been sleeping but he wasn’t there anymore.
Truth and Consequences Page 12
