This venture proved to be a very fortunate move because a few months later the Asian economic meltdown happened. I couldn’t help but wonder after getting over the shock of no cattle market for the next few years, why, when most of the countries stopped buying cattle back in July, didn’t the economic experts see the meltdown coming?
We hoped our switch to tourism would help us through what was predicted to be at least a two-year slump.
The year was continuing on its miserable way and I still had a fair way to go!
Board meetings, the Order of Australia Council and conferences kept me travelling. When I did make it home, I would catch up on the office work as it was time to send in the figures for the end of the financial year.
There was just no time at all to read the mail from all my readers, so it just kept piling up in one corner of the room. But my readers have caught on and now send me faxes, so the fax machine ground along all day.
My readers know I read the faxes within weeks or months of receiving them, as against the letters which sometimes don’t get read for years.
I received a lovely fax from Mandy, saying,
After reading your work I felt that your daughter had a lovely personality and a strength of character that I always wished for in my children. Hence I chose to name my darling after your daughter.
Yes, she named her daughter Marlee!
In late August I was off travelling again and only days before I was scheduled to leave, I had a visit from a very old friend indeed. Bob Goddard is the American Charles and I met in the Kununurra Hotel way back in 1970. Bob had heard Charlie talking, which was not hard if you were within a city block of him, and being another (but quietly spoken) American a long way from home, he came over to our table and introduced himself. By the time Charlie had finished talking, Bob was under the impression that Charlie owned half of Australia. Bob being a quiet and modest man didn’t even get the chance to present his credentials, which were in oil in Texas and very impressive and, unlike Charlie’s, were true.
I will never forget the look on Bob’s face when he arrived at Bullo and walked into our tin shed. Charles led the way as if he was walking into the White House.
So Bob, with his wife Dorothy, was back at Bullo after twenty-seven years. It probably took that long to get over Charlie and the tin shed. This visit he was very complimentary about how we had turned the station around. He had followed the Henderson saga since his first visit and told me he didn’t think the place could be saved after Charlie died and left us in so much debt.
A thank you letter from himself and Dorothy after they arrived home said that Bullo was the highlight of their trip. This was something he hadn’t expressed after his 1970 visit!
The next day I flew to Darwin for R & M (repair and maintenance). Because, apart from a few conferences and the Order of Australia Council meeting and a meeting with my publisher, James, I had been invited to dinner with the Governor General and Lady Deane. Along with the rest of the members of the Order of Australia Council, of course. After a day in the beauty salon and at the hairdresser I was off to the big smoke.
Dinner at Government House was just wonderful. Australia’s traditions and past are evident in every inch of Government House and I felt extremely proud to be an Australian.
I was seated next to the Governor General and was very nervous the entire time, ready to knock over my wineglass or something. But Sir William Deane is a charming host and puts people at their ease. Before I knew it I was telling him a joke about cattle that he could use in his next speech to cattle people a few weeks later!
I was home for my birthday which was very unusual, but wonderful. Family called to wish me happy sixtieth birthday, and my sister Sue told me it was all downhill from now on! A surprising number of readers remembered and called me or sent faxes. Marlee cooked me a wonderful birthday dinner with all the food no-noes I only have on Mother’s Day and my birthday. Ben gave me a kiss but was more interested in getting closer to the birthday cake!
CHAPTER 15
October 1997 – December 1997
October was soon upon me and it was time to leave for my book tour for A Year at Bullo. This was a big tour—twenty-six jam-packed days.
The Bonnie saga had been raising its ugly head all year and now I was starting my tour it was back in full force with nasty articles in newspapers.
Her book was finally published and it was not a nice book—not about me, anyway. The whole exercise was about riding on the coattails of my books.
So it was with a heavy heart that I started my book tour. So many emotions had to be conquered during the months leading up to the tour and during the tour itself. It would take a whole book to explain the feelings of a mother who finally had to admit to herself that her daughter hates her.
A normal tour is draining enough, but to have to fight for control of your emotions every second for twenty-six days was a first for me. A strange mix of emotions coursed through my body and October was one of the most difficult, nightmarish and heartbreaking, yet rewarding, times of my life.
It appeared that everything was being done to link this book as closely with me as possible. Nasty articles came out in each city, staged to appear when I was there. I was told that they even tried to book Bonnie into every town I was speaking in, but a few days behind me.
But an amazing thing happened. The people made their presence felt in support of me and there were such dismal bookings in most places that her tour gradually petered out.
This didn’t ease the pressure on me, however, as people had read the outrageous articles in the papers and were naturally curious. So I was asked questions about this by newspaper journalists and television and radio hosts and I dreaded each day.
I had no idea how to handle a daughter who didn’t love me and chose to put it in print. Where do you start?
I had no answer to any of the questions that flooded my head day and night. My entire being was in turmoil during the first few days of the tour and I knew I couldn’t continue like this for twenty-six days.
So I took the best course of action I knew. I chose to ignore the whole sordid affair and concentrate wholly on my tour. I had not read her book at this stage and was determined not to do so until after my tour.
About four days into the tour the questions about Bonnie from the media decreased. Only a few questions came from the audience the whole tour and I answered these by saying how I felt as a mother, and what heartbreak it had caused. People were very kind and after the first week even the media stopped asking questions.
I started hearing amazing stories of people abusing bookstore owners for stocking Bonnie’s book. Other people said they would never buy another book from a store if they stocked her dreadful book.
After the first few days, my emotions settled and I stopped feeling like I was under attack. I realised I had been waiting for hostile questions and reasoned that this attitude would only invite further questions of this type. So I relaxed, smiled and waited and everything changed.
I could feel the strength from the people. I could physically feel their goodwill and support washing over me when I spoke at functions. Sometimes I could read the expression in a woman’s eye which would tell me, ‘I know what you are going through, I am going through the same thing.’
Some women just held my hand and looked into my eyes and I knew they had lived through the same turmoil.
This book tour turned into an amazing journey through human emotions. So many feelings and thoughts passed between people, and although nothing was said, emotions were clearly understood. As distressed as I was, I would not have missed the experience for anything. The silent support given to me every place I visited on the tour will be etched in my heart forever.
At the end of the last day of the tour, in Perth, I had to admit I was utterly exhausted. I had two days to myself before I was to speak at Murdoch University to raise funds for the world-class work done by their Department of Veterinary Sciences.
&n
bsp; As I sat in my hotel room, completely drained, I knew that sitting in my suitcase in a brown paperbag was the reason for all my emotional trauma.
Earlier in the tour I had been given Bonnie’s book and true to my promise had not opened it. I had found the newspaper articles at the time so upsetting that it took me days to bring my emotions back under control, so I knew I could not read it at the same time as I was touring.
I sat and stared at the suitcase for a long time. Did I need to read this book? Why not just forget its existence? I should have filed it away as a bad experience that was in the past. I should have … but I didn’t.
The mother part of me had to read the book, so I walked over to the suitcase, slipped the book out of its hiding place, and settled down on the bed and turned to the first page.
The sun was low in the sky and a tray of lunch remained untouched at the foot of the bed when I closed the back cover. I stared out the window at the setting sun and the sailing boats which moved across the wide expanse of water that filled my view. I didn’t notice the tears until they had filled my eyes and blurred my vision.
A strange feeling gripped me. Other than the tears blurring the view, there was no sobbing, no flood of tears streaming down my face, no raging emotions, no anger, no aching heart.
My reaction to what I had just read surprised me. ‘Do I feel anything?’ I asked myself. ‘Yes,’ came the answer. I did feel one emotion. I felt all-encompassing pity for this daughter of mine. Pity because she had denied herself a mother’s love, pity because it was clear to me that she was a sad person, and pity because I had to finally admit to myself that she hated me. I pitied this lost soul with all my heart.
I blinked away the tears and the view jumped back into sharp focus. I watched the boats moving across the water and thought of Charlie. After a long period of thought, I put the book down and knew with that simple action I had also laid to rest, once and for all, the major heartbreak of my life.
The next day I rested, had a massage and found a hairdresser to do something with my hair. I shared a great evening with the Murdoch University’s Department of Veterinary Sciences and the people who supported their endeavours. The dinner was very successful and the big surprise of the night was seeing Jacqui, our one and only wonderful housekeeper who was there with Ethnée Holmes à Court. I originally met Ethnée through Jacqui, who before working on Bullo was in charge of the mares and foaling at Heytesbury Stud. Ethnée had visited Jacqui at Bullo a few years ago. She called me a year ago and said she was interested in writing her life story. I put her in touch with James and the result was a book deal—her book will be launched just a few weeks after I finish this manuscript.
I flew home the next day. This tour would certainly stand out as different from all others. But apart from the terrible Bonnie saga, there were some events on this tour that would stay with me forever for much nicer reasons.
On day one I was interviewed by John Laws. You would think that by now, after seven years of being interviewed, I would be comfortable with the routine. No such luck. I was so nervous before this interview I was on the verge of breaking out in hives. A mouthful of tea just stopped midthroat and wouldn’t go down! I panicked. I couldn’t speak and just hoped I wouldn’t choke. Seeing it wouldn’t go down, I thought I had better get it back up. Everyone was talking so I turned my back and just spat the mouthful of tea back into the cup. I put the cup back on the table with a shaky hand.
Then the terrible thought hit me, that maybe I couldn’t speak! I joined the conversation with a rush, my voice was squeaky and high, but it settled down after the first few words.
After averting this minor disaster I just reverted to being terrified about the impending interview. The red light turned to green over the door and it was all systems go and I felt like a lamb being led to the slaughter. I really couldn’t remember when I had been so nervous.
Luckily, it was all wasted emotion. He is the most charming man and put me at ease within seconds. It was a very long interview and the nerves were still there, but just under the surface. I left the studio after an hour and was just as nervous when I walked out the door as I had been when I walked in.
I am sure the heightened state of my nerves was due to the Bonnie saga. On top of this, being interviewed by the ‘great one’ of radio first up was a bit much for my nervous system.
The next highlight of the tour was my interview with Kerri-Anne on Midday. By this time, excerpts from Bonnie’s book had been in the weekend press and I knew there would be questions as she had basically contradicted just about everything I said in my books.
I think Kerri-Anne sensed my emotional state and it was a very caring interview.
Kerri-Anne had been the first person to interview me after I won the Businesswoman of the Year Award, on Good Morning Australia. It was the first time I had ever been on television and I was terrified. Here I was seven years later, still terrified, but for much more heartbreaking reasons.
During the tour I found myself signing books in the most peculiar places. My dentist gave me an injection for a filling and left the room while the drug was taking effect. One of his staff ducked in the door and asked me to sign a book for her mother. This was the easy task. Trying to answer questions with a bottom lip rapidly going numb and feeling the size of a football was the hard part!
Still with half my face numb I was going up in the lift in the hotel after my dental appointment and a woman said, ‘Excuse me but are you Sara Henderson? Isn’t this amazing, I just bought your book!’
Luckily she didn’t require spoken answers and I did a lot of nodding and smiling.
‘Would you sign it for me?’
More nodding!
I went to her floor and waited by the lift. She rushed back with the book which I signed. I managed to get out a few words and I think she understood I had just been to the dentist!
The next day in the beauty salon, on the waxing table, a head came around the corner of the curtain. This woman had recognised me when we passed each other at the door and had rushed downstairs to buy my book in the newsagency. The book was thrust at me and as I sat wrapped in a towel, carefully trying not to get wax on everything or glue my legs together, I signed the book for one happy woman.
In the jet flying from Darwin to Sydney, the air hostess was reading my book and just happened to have it with her. So I signed that one too.
During this time Marlee was busy trucking some sale cattle to market. We had been lucky to get an overseas sale, as well as some sales to a small abattoir close by in Kununurra. This was welcome news and a great boost to the budget at this time of the year.
I arrived home to a request to have a racehorse named after me! I was quite honoured but I hoped it wasn’t going to run at my present speed. Although back in the old days I was a bit of a sprinter at school.
This young horse had a lot of top racing blood in her veins and I was thrilled that someone wanted to name her after me.
Unfortunately some of my contractual obligations made it impossible for me to allow a racehorse to be running around a race track with my name.
The year was drawing to a close and I was anxious for this particular one to finish. But November did have some highlights. It was Natalie’s birthday on the 9th and we had the first storm of the season the day before. And what a storm it was. Hailstones the size of golfballs were being blown in the arches of the homestead and skated across the living room floor. I looked up at our new roof and sighed. What a blessing. If the old roof had been still in place it would not have stayed around for long!
Animals were running around in panic not knowing what was hurting their backs as the hailstones struck them. We had 20 millimetres in fifteen minutes. And our fingers were crossed for lots more of the rain, but less of the violence.
I was off south again for the last time that year. I went to my last director’s meeting for the year and had a meeting with a producer and director about a four-hour miniseries of From Strength to Streng
th. I walked away from this meeting knowing that this was not going to be easy, but I liked the people so that was the first hurdle.
I arrived home before the end of the month and it was straight into writing. The pressure was now on as I was fast running out of time. I really didn’t have my teeth into this book yet, just lots of stories and the five-year record in diary form.
The storms were coming thick and fast. If this kept up we would have a record wet. And didn’t we need it! Windchimes heralded the next storm, along with Barpee, our cockatiel. Marlee bought the little bird for Ben and when she asked Ben what name did he think we should give the little bird he came out with something that sounded like ‘Barpee’. The chimes were clanging unmelodiously and Barpee’s shrill calls for rescue had us all running. The winds, only a week before, had been so strong the poor little bird was plastered up against the side of his cage, unable to move, only squark. He was very relieved when we moved his cage out of the wind tunnel. But remembering this first experience, he was instantly alerted by the wild melodies of the windchimes and started squarking to be rescued.
By the end of November all the staff had departed, with yet another couple in love! This is now one couple struck by cupid’s arrow each year for six years. At present there have been three marriages with two of them going well with three children and the other one finished. There has also been one engagement with the wedding happening soon.
The Strength of Our Dreams Page 20
