Rebecca dropped her gaze. Alec hadn’t been surprised when she told him that she purchased a flight to Boston, but it didn’t change the fact that her heart ripped in half every time she thought about it.
“That’s part of it,” she admitted. “But this week I got a glimpse of what everyday life is like for you. I was more than happy to help while you’re in here, but I know that I’m not ready to take this on long-term. I understand now why you don’t want me to stay.”
“I’m glad you realize that now instead of later.” He paused and leaned his head against hers. “But it’s not that I don’t want you to stay, Bec. Don’t think for a second that it won’t kill me to watch you walk away.”
Tears welled up in her eyes. “It’s not fair.”
“No, it’s not,” Alec agreed, tenderly kissing the top of her head. “But we can sit here all day and wish that things were different, and it won’t change anything. So stop beating yourself up.”
“I just feel so guilty,” she whispered, burying her face in the crook of his neck.
“Hey, look at me.”
She stubbornly shook her head.
“Rebecca, look at me.”
At last she lifted her face, swatting away a stray tear.
“Did you ever expect me to go with you to Boston?” he asked.
“Of course not.”
“Exactly. And I’ve never once expected that you were going to stay here. So you have nothing to feel guilty about.”
She dropped her head onto the pillow. “We could try the long-distance thing, couldn’t we? I’ll visit on my holidays and you can fly to Boston whenever you get the chance, a long weekend here and there. We could do that for a while, see how it goes.”
“So I could watch you leave over and over again, instead of only once?” he replied. “No. I couldn’t stomach it. I love you, Bec, but when you leave here, this is over. I don’t want you on your holidays or on long weekends. I want you every day. And I’m sorry if that doesn’t seem fair, but we both know that you’re not in a position to give this one-hundred percent. And even if you were…”
Alec traced his hand along her cheek. “You’re an eighteen-year old college freshman, and there’s not a thing wrong with that. There’s so much you should do before you settle down, especially with someone whose personal life is as complicated as mine.”
Rebecca closed her eyes, knowing that he was absolutely right–about everything. She loved him that much more for being so unselfish.
“I’m so tired of worrying about what’s right or what’s wrong or what’s fair.” She met his gaze and tightened her grip on his hand. “Everyone has told me that I belong here, Alec. Everyone except you. If you really want to be with me, I will stay for you. All you have to do is ask.”
He shook his head. “You know I can’t.”
“You can’t or you won’t?”
Alec studied her eyes for a long time before he pulled her close again. She rested her head on his shoulder and released a deep breath, patiently waiting for him to respond. It wasn’t until later, as she drifted off to sleep, that she realized his silence was his answer.
*
The next day, after his doctor signed the paperwork for his release, Alec all but leapt from his hospital bed.
“Take it easy,” the nurse warned, shooting Rebecca a knowing grin. “You’re going to have your hands full with this one.”
“You have no idea,” she replied, lovingly wrapping her arm around Alec’s waist.
They made their way down the elevator and into the parking lot, and Alec visibly relaxed as he stepped into the passenger’s seat of his truck. She rolled down the windows and smiled when the warm breeze touched her cheeks. Alec removed his arm from the sling and rested his hand on hers, and she relished the simple feel of his touch while they headed back to the ranch.
“Where is everyone?” he asked as she parked his truck beside the farmhouse.
“Hiding all the lounge chairs, I imagine,” she teased. “Time to be on our best behavior, now that you’re back.”
He raised a brow. “Was I really that bad?”
“Yes,” she replied, giving his hand a playful squeeze. “You were.”
Walter and Lucy were on the front porch awaiting their arrival. The old man’s face split into an enormous smile as Alec and Rebecca walked up the steps. Rebecca stood back to give them their privacy, swallowing the lump in her throat as Alec knelt to embrace his father.
Lucy caught her eye and gave a subtle nod towards the front door. Rebecca slipped inside the farmhouse, where Tommy, Roger, Allison, and Jeff were making the last of the preparations. She didn’t want to go too overboard, but everyone agreed that Alec deserved a proper homecoming after his two-week jaunt in the hospital. As planned, there was a home-cooked feast spread across the length of the dining room table. Country music played quietly from the radio in the kitchen, and a warm glow emanated from the fireplace.
“Almost ready?” she asked.
Allison looked up from where she was pulling a pumpkin pie out of the oven. “Perfect timing! Gimme a hand real quick?”
Moments later, the five of them gathered near the foyer, waiting for Alec to open the door. His eyes widened in surprise as everyone pounced on him to welcome him home with hugs and handshakes.
“Watch the shoulder,” he said with a laugh as Roger slapped him on the back.
Rebecca leaned against the staircase and watched him reenter the world she was about to leave–a world she’d come to treasure. Lucy wheeled Walter into the dining room, and they all sat down to enjoy dinner together. The farmhouse felt like an entirely different place when it was filled with warmth and laughter and the sound of glasses clinking. She hoped it would continue to be this way after her departure.
After dinner, the guys scattered around the living room while the girls cleaned the kitchen. “So I have a confession,” Allison said.
Rebecca already had a good idea of what it was. “And what’s that?”
“Your brother asked me out. Would it be weird for you if we started dating?”
She laughed. “Not at all.”
“Good. We’re going to have dinner next week before I head back to Salt Lake. And it’s not that far away for us to see each other after that.”
“I think it’s wonderful, Alli. He’s such a great guy. He’ll be really good to you.”
“If he’s anything like you,” her friend replied, setting down her dish towel to give her a hug. “I’m going to miss you so much. Maybe I can come visit over Christmas break? I’ve never been to Boston before.”
“Definitely. I would love that.”
Allison joined the festivity in the living room, but Rebecca opted for some fresh air. She stepped out onto the back patio and leaned her arms against the railing, watching the first stars appear in the lavender sky. She wasn’t surprised when she heard the screen door open behind her, but she was surprised to see who it was.
“Hey,” her brother greeted.
“Hey. What are you doing out here?”
He shrugged. “Can’t I spend a few minutes with you?”
She peered at him sideways. “Maybe. What’s on your mind?”
Jeff didn’t respond right away. He followed her gaze to the distant mountains and released a sigh. “You sure you know what you’re doing, sis?”
Rebecca’s stomach flipped. They’d noticeably avoided talking about her return to Boston, even though he was the first to know she bought the ticket.
“You said you would support me whatever I decided to do, remember?”
“And I’m trying to, I really am. But I know you better than anyone here. And I have to wonder if you’re leaving because you really want to, or if you’re running because it’s all you know how to do.”
His words struck a raw nerve. “This coming from you, of all people.”
“Exactly. I of all people know that’s what you’re doing right now.”
She met his gaze. “It’s not that s
imple, Jeff. You haven’t lived in this house for the past two weeks. You have no idea how much work it is and how difficult–”
“It’s a cop-out and you know it. I know the real reason you’re leaving just as much as you do. It has nothing to do with his father or this ranch, so don’t you dare kid yourself into thinking that’s why you’re getting on that plane.”
Rebecca bowed her head. “It’s not like I’m going to sneak out in the middle of the night. He knows I’m leaving. He’s the one who’s so insistent that I go.”
“Because he’s jealous of you, Bec. Surely you realize that.” Jeff sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Look, it’s not my place to tell you what to do. But it seems like all you and Alec are doing is thinking of reasons you shouldn’t be together. Have either of you stopped to think of all the reasons you should?”
She looked at her brother again, at the cast on his arm and the yellow remnants of bruises around his eyes. “Alec’s not the only factor, you know. Every time I see you or Tommy, all I can think of is how easily Sean could’ve killed any one of you. And Sean never would’ve been here if it weren’t for me. None of this would’ve happened if it weren’t for me. The guilt is eating me alive.”
He wrapped his arm around her, and she squeezed her eyes shut as she leaned against his shoulder. “Take it from someone who knows, sis. Leaving is not going to ease your guilt. I promise you it’ll only make it worse.”
The screen door opened again, and Rebecca turned to see Alec step onto the porch. “Sorry to interrupt.”
“It’s okay,” she said, dabbing the corners of her eyes. “What’s up?”
“Lucy’s getting ready to put my father to bed. I figured you’d want to say goodnight.”
And so it begins, she thought, anxiety gripping her to the core. “I’ll be right there.”
After saying goodbye to Walter, the next few minutes passed in a blur of hugs and farewells from Roger, Allison, and Tommy. One by one they filed out the door, until only she and Jeff were left in the foyer.
He glanced at her suitcase sitting by the stairs. “Are you staying here tonight?”
She nodded. “Will you pick me up in the morning?”
“Sure.” He leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Unless, of course, you change your mind.”
Just like that, the farmhouse was empty again. Rebecca stood in the foyer for a minute, trying to contemplate the fact that these were her last few hours in Wyoming. When she finally turned and headed for the living room, she found Alec standing by the fireplace.
He looked up when she approached him. “You didn’t have to do all of that, you know.”
“I know,” she said, closing the space between them. “But I wanted to. You always said the house was too quiet.”
Her heart fluttered as he slid his hand behind her neck and gave her a warm kiss. “Thank you. It really meant a lot to me.”
“You’re very welcome.”
He held her close for a moment before he released a deep breath. “I have to change my bandages.”
She nodded. “I need to change mine, too.”
They made their way upstairs to the stack of medical supplies on Alec’s dresser. Rebecca began unwinding long pieces of gauze while Alec fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, clearly favoring his injured shoulder. She watched him for a minute before she set the gauze aside and stepped over to him.
“Let me.”
Purposely she avoided eye contact with him, focusing instead on each individual button. She helped him out of his sling and eased his shirt off, gingerly sliding the sleeves down his arms. She’d never seen him without a shirt, and her pulse quickened as she eyed the spread of his shoulders and his tapered, narrow abdomen. His body was lean and perfectly toned, just as she’d expect of a man who spent every day doing hard physical work.
“I must admit I’m jealous of Lucy,” she said to break the tension. “Lucky woman will get to do this for you every day.”
Alec grinned. “I’d much rather have you do it.”
Rebecca cautiously unraveled the bandages that stretched around his shoulder and behind his back. She hesitated, though, when she reached the final layer that covered the wound on his chest.
“I can finish from here if you want,” he said. “You don’t need to see this.”
“No, I’ll do it,” she replied, forcing herself to fold back the medical tape and peel the cotton pad off his chest. She grimaced when she saw the large crater-like wound below his collarbone, the remaining skin pieced together by jagged rows of stitches.
“Oh, my God, Alec. I am so sorry.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.”
She walked around behind him and removed the other pad on his back, where the buckshot had exited beside his shoulder blade. She worked in silence for several minutes, cleansing the damaged skin and taping a fresh cotton pad over it. Then she faced him again and attempted to do the same for his chest, but her hands began trembling.
As if reading her mind, Alec tilted her chin up and forced their eyes to meet. “Rebecca, you’re not the one who did this to me.”
Sean’s cruel words raced through her mind, but she quickly shoved them away. She drew in a shaky breath as she finished the task, securing fresh gauze around his shoulder.
“Thank you,” he said.
They shared a brief kiss before she stepped out of her shoe and rolled up the bottom of her jeans. “It’s not a pretty sight,” she warned.
He gasped when she pulled the gauze off her leg, revealing the deep red and purple splotches from her foot to her knee. “Oh, Bec, I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize, either,” she said as she took a seat on the edge of his bed. “It’s nothing compared to what you went through.”
Alec knelt in front of her and gave her a pointed look. “That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.”
Rebecca flinched but didn’t dare make a sound as he smoothed the burn cream across her skin and wrapped fresh gauze around her calf. “Thanks for that,” she said when he finished.
He rolled down the leg of her jeans and kissed the top of her knee. “You’re welcome.”
He surprised her when he leaned forward and hugged her legs, resting his head in her lap. It was quite the subservient gesture for someone of Alec’s character, a testament to how dramatically their relationship had evolved over the course of the summer. Rebecca smoothed her fingers through his hair and along his jaw, trying to commit every tiny detail to memory. Several minutes of companionable silence passed before he lifted his head to look at her.
You can’t do this to him, Rebecca.
Not now.
For a long moment, neither of them moved. Then Alec slowly reached for her face, and any last resolve melted away the instant she felt the warmth of his touch. She crumbled when he cradled her cheek in his hand and guided her closer, resting her forehead against his. Her eyes fluttered shut as he slid his hand behind her head and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her with a singular, unmistakable intent.
She shivered as his fingers skimmed her arm and curled around her waist, gathering the bottom of her shirt. He drew back to search her eyes, seeking her permission, and she gave it willingly, raising her arms so he could peel her shirt over her head. Her heart began to race as he rose to his feet and eased her back onto his bed, already reaching for the button of her jeans. She lifted her hips for him, and his hands lingered there for a moment before he slowly pushed her jeans to the floor.
Alec knelt at her feet again, his eyes never leaving hers as he took her injured leg in his hands. Her mouth dropped open when he gently kissed her foot and her ankle, making a slow journey up her calf. She leaned her spinning head back as his lips traveled to her knee, then her thigh, then the hollow groove of her hip. She squirmed with delight as he showered her stomach with kisses, tickling her with the rough stubble of his chin.
Rebecca hardly dared to breathe when his fingers found the snap of her bra. Being undre
ssed so slowly, so deliberately, was the most exquisite torment she’d ever endured. She couldn’t wait for it to be over but she never wanted it to end. She reached for the buckle of his belt, eager to try it herself. He dropped his gaze to watch her, shuddering as her fingers grazed the soft hairs below his navel. When he looked up at her again, she gave a coy grin, pleased that her effect on him was just as powerful.
Alec peeled back the sheets and pulled her close, so they were skin to skin beneath the soft flannel covers. At first he seemed content just to kiss her, and that was fine with her. Rebecca had never been in less of a hurry in her life. The rest of the world faded away until there was nothing left in it but Alec–the intoxicating scent of his skin, the heat radiating off his body, the smooth glide of his tongue against hers. She had no idea that a man could make a woman feel like this. The ache she felt for him was almost unbearable as his hands began exploring her, over the gentle swell of her breasts, down the concave curve of her stomach. He propped himself up on his elbow and pushed the sheets to their ankles, unabashedly studying her form in the soft light. Then he leaned in to kiss her neck, and she quivered with anticipation as his fingertips began a long, slow journey up her thigh. When he finally touched her, all she could do was gasp and dig her nails into the defenseless sheets.
His mouth found hers again, and Rebecca gave herself over to him, knowing that he would take care of her. She reveled in the sight of him as he stretched out above her, admiring the taut muscles in his arms and the solid contours of his thighs. She touched his face to verify that he was real, and he kissed the palm of her hand, like he knew what she was thinking. Her fingers trembled against his cheek, and Alec paused to search her eyes.
“Do you want me to stop?” he whispered.
She gazed at him in wonderment, knowing for a certainty that he would if she asked him to. Then she shook her head, unable to stop the warm smile that spread across her face.
“Don’t you dare.”
Alec gave all of himself right back to her, holding her gaze as their bodies became one. A soft moan escaped her lips as she dug her fingers into his back, pulling him closer, until he was so deep inside her that she couldn’t tell where he ended and she began. Rebecca felt his strength and his tenderness as he moved above her, kissing her lips and her neck and her shoulder. They made love slowly, gently, as if it could somehow reverse the physical pain they’d endured. Soon she started trembling again, for an entirely different reason, and Alec lifted his head to watch her. What started as a quiet gasp morphed into a piercing cry as a powerful wave burst from her core and surged through her entire being, rippling all the way to the tips of her toes. She stared at him with her mouth agape, fixated on his silver eyes, wondering how on earth anything could feel so good.
Cut and Run Page 26
