Small steps.
He’d already started restricting her work hours. He knew it was a risky move. It could backfire on him. But so far, she’d reacted well. She was already looking better just from a couple of days of only eight hours behind her computer as well as better sleep.
So far, his bedtime routine for her seemed to be helping her sleep issues. But he was aware that he still had a way to go to get her health to optimum. She was still a bit pale. And there might be times she had to work longer hours. He wasn’t trying to interfere with her work. It was important to her and he got it. He also thought she had to be struggling financially so it was no wonder she was so work-focused.
Once Dave died, she’d thrown herself into work to keep herself busy, from thinking about his death. But he was going to give her other things to focus on. And if she needed money, then he was going to need to work out a way to help support her financially as well.
But those thoughts were for another day. Right now, he was going to open up to her.
Fuck. This was hard.
“Everything okay?” She’d grown tense beside him, and he realized he’d gone too long without talking.
“Everything is fine, baby doll. How many words did you write?”
“Nine thousand today. I’m actually ahead of schedule.”
“Guess that exercise got the blood pumping, huh?”
She narrowed her gaze. “Perhaps.”
Seemed that was all she was going to allow. They’d see. What she didn’t realize was that exercise routine had just become a regular thing in her life.
“When am I going to get to read one of your books?”
She blushed bright red. She did this every time. Why would she be so embarrassed about something she obviously loved?
Was it because she didn’t think they were very good?
“Uhh, never.”
“Never?” That didn’t sit well with him. “Why can’t I read them?”
“Be-because…I don’t know. I don’t feel comfortable with you reading them.”
Okay. That cut deep.
She must have seen something in his face because she slid one hand free of the heat pack and reached for him.
“Keep your hand in there,” he ordered.
She slipped her hand back into the folds of the heat pack. “Issy, you don’t understand. It’s not you. It’s…I don’t let anyone I know read them.”
“What? Seriously? Even Dave?”
“No one.”
“But…” He didn’t get it. “How could he stand not having read them?” Doc was curious as hell. Even more so now that she was being so secretive.
“I don’t know…I guess…what if he didn’t like them? Or what I wrote about? Or some of the characters…they have a lot of me in them and some are nothing like me. I just write what I feel. What if you read them and think that what I’m writing is about you? And it makes things awkward between us? What if you think they’re crap?”
“First of all, I won’t think they’re crap. I can guarantee that.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Do people buy your books?”
“Yes.”
“Do they like them?”
She nodded. “Oh yes, I get a lot of messages from people who enjoy them. Of course, there are people who don’t like them either.”
“All right, if I don’t like them then I won’t tell you.”
“No, I don’t want you to lie to me. I just…I don’t know. It feels like letting you read them would be like standing up in front of an auditorium full of people naked.”
“What if I looked up your name?”
“I write under a pseudonym.”
“Huh. All right, I won’t push.” For now. “But just know that I’m dying to read them.” He cleared his throat. Time to open up. “I’m not the best at talking about stuff that has affected me.”
“I get that,” she said quietly.
“You know a bit about my parents. Archer didn’t know the full truth of what happened. Not until I told him the other day, after our argument. We sat down and talked it out.”
“Oh, so that’s why you guys had some tension between you.”
“It was one reason. Most of it was my fault. I never told him what happened, and he believed my parents’ version. I was in medical school, but I’d come home for the holidays. I tried not to do that, especially if Archer wasn’t going to be around as a buffer. I was always the second fiddle to him. Not that he wanted it that way.
“Anyway, Archer wasn’t able to get home. All flights into Chicago had been grounded due to snow. I’d just made it home. Lucky me. My parents weren’t happy. You could tell they wished it was the other way around and it was Archer who had made it home, not me.”
She reached out and squeezed his hand. This time, he didn’t tell her to put her hand back. He started to gently massage it. She let out a low noise of pleasure.
“You give the best massages,” she muttered.
“Why thank you, baby doll. I promise my hands have multiple talents.”
She stared at him for a moment before letting out a bark of laughter. “That was terrible.”
“Huh, it was some of my best work.”
She gave him a soft smile. “It wasn’t even close to your best work. Tell me the rest.”
He sighed. “So you know my mother caught me watching BDSM porn. I had just started to explore my sexuality. I was exploring what I liked. At the time, I wasn’t sure what exactly that was. I just knew I liked the feeling of being in control in the bedroom. Mother had a fit. She told my father what she’d seen. They went through my room. Found some magazines. And some stuff on age play that I’d been looking up on my computer. I wasn’t sure I was even into that. That I wanted to be a Daddy Dom. I was just curious. I told you how they reacted. They thought I was depraved. That I needed to be reformed and when I wouldn’t agree, they kicked me out. It was Christmas time. I had no way of getting back to college. My granddad died the year before; besides Archer, he was the one I was closest to.”
“Those assholes.”
“I was walking down the road when a neighbor stopped and asked me what was wrong. I just point blank told him. He took me into his house. I spent two nights there before flights resumed and I could get back to college. I was there a week before college admin called me in and told me that my parents were refusing to pay my tuition. I had three months left then had to make my own way.”
“Oh, Issy, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”
“I know it doesn’t measure up to what happened to you—”
“What are you talking about? They kicked you out at Christmas. Cut you off. There is nothing that isn’t bad about that. And you never told Archer?”
“Well…I just figured Archer would take their side. They were always close to him. So, I ignored his calls until he came to talk to me in person. By that time, he was angry. Our parents told him that I’d stormed out after arguing over something and had refused to come back.”
“So they straight-out lied to him.”
“Yep.”
“And he believed them?”
“In fairness to him, I did have a habit of going off like a hothead when I was younger. And I didn’t tell him what actually happened.”
“Oh, Issy.”
“I know. I was young and hurt.”
“You’ve never spoken to them again?”
“No. Archer has tried to act as mediator. But I’ve no interest in making up with people who could treat me like that.”
She swung her arms around his neck, and he pulled her onto his lap. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, Issy.”
“I’m more sorry it happened to you. People can be small-minded. Although, in my parents’ case, I think they were always looking for some reason to reject me.”
“And they don’t know that Archer is a Dom?”
“No, but even if they did, they’d probably ignore it. No way they’d cut themselves off from the gold
en child.”
“Are you angry with him about that?”
“With Archer? For being the favorite?”
She nodded.
“I was. Then. I’m not now. I know he didn’t ask for it. Doesn’t even want it. I know in the end that I got the better deal because I no longer have to be around them and their poison. No, I’m not angry with him anymore.
“I can see how that created a rift between the two of you.”
“It wasn’t just that. There was also Evelyn.”
“Evelyn?” she asked cautiously.
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “After the Navy, I took a job as an ER doctor in Dallas where Archer lives. Figured I’d try to mend fences. Things were okay between us. Probably would have been better if I’d told him the truth of everything. He was pissy at me for leaving him to deal with our parents, who have never been easy.”
“So who was Evelyn?”
“My girlfriend.”
“Oh.” Her eyes were wide, and she seemed to be holding back. No doubt she had a hundred questions.
“Just let me get this out, all right? It’s not easy to admit what a fool I was.”
She frowned at that. “If I’m not allowed to say that I suck, then I don’t think you’re allowed to call yourself a fool.”
“Except with me, it’s the truth.”
“What happened, Issy?”
He couldn’t deny, he liked when she called him by that ridiculous name.
“I thought she was the one. Fell for her hard. Didn’t notice that Archer was more her type than me. Archer lived in an upscale penthouse while I had a run-down two-bed I was supposed to find time to renovate. Archer had a successful practice, whereas I worked long hours as an ER doctor. Archer had all the manners. I was blunt and socially awkward.”
She scowled. “I’m not going to like this woman, am I?”
“Good news is, baby doll, you’re so different from her it’s not funny. Makes me wonder what I saw in her in the first place. Guess I was lonely and she played me well.”
“She used you to get to Archer?”
“Got it in one, girl. She used me to get to big brother. Only Archer didn’t want her. I went to his place one night, dropping something off. I can’t even remember what. Found her in his bed, naked. With him standing over her.
“Oh my God.”
“I didn’t want to hear his explanations. I just jumped to the conclusion that they’d been having an affair. I stormed out. In the space of a week, I’d quit my job, put my shack on the market and taken a job at JSI.”
“JSI?”
“Jensen Security International. Kent Jensen hires mostly ex-military. I’m their resident doctor.”
“Why does that sound familiar?”
“Don’t know. They’re a big firm. Best in the world.”
She shook her head, uncertain where she would have heard about JSI before. “So what happened after that?”
“After that? Well, I’ve barely spoken to my brother in three years. Over the years he’s tried to explain what happened. I wasn’t willing to listen. Until now.”
She sucked in a breath. “All this time you’ve been angry at him?”
“I was angry. Then I was hurt. Then I became kind of bitter. And then he convinced me to come on a weekend away with him and I said yes, because I miss him, and I got sick of him moaning at me. Turned out to be the best thing I ever did.”
“How did she get in his bed?”
“She talked her way into his apartment, then while he was in the bathroom, she stripped off and climbed into his bed. When I got there, he was trying to get rid of her but I just saw my naked girlfriend in his bed.”
“What a bitch.”
“Total bitch.”
“I feel so sad for you and Archer, all those years wasted.”
“I know. My fault.”
She shook her head. “I get why it was hard for you to trust. I feel the same. It’s hard when you’ve been rejected by people meant to love you.”
“Yeah, seems we both have something in common.” He kissed her forehead. “I wanted you to know that I know what it feels like to be rejected because of your desires and needs. And that I’d never do that to someone else. Especially not someone I was meant to protect and care for. You’re safe with me, baby doll. Your Little is safe with me, when you’re ready to show her. I just thought it might be easier, if I told you my secrets for you to trust me.” He sat her on the sofa. “Now, I better go get Archer before he takes off a finger.”
“It’s dark out. He’s not really chopping kindling, is he?”
“I doubt it. I don’t know if he even knows how to wield an axe properly but he’s probably freezing his ass off.”
17
She slipped quietly from the bed. She’d stopped using her body pillow with Doc in the bed. She didn’t need it. She’d been awake for around half an hour. Since he’d been in her bed, this was the first time she’d woken and been unable to fall asleep again.
He rolled over and she froze. She knew he’d said to wake him, but she couldn’t do that to him. He needed his sleep. They shouldn’t both be sleep deprived.
With a yawn, she moved out of the bedroom, wishing she’d been able to find her slippers. Luckily, there was a blanket on the sofa. She picked one up and carried it into her office.
She drew it around her as she started up her laptop.
She blinked at the screen blurrily. She needed to get her brain moving. She started doing some spell-checking, which didn’t really require her brain to work.
“What do you think you are doing?”
She screamed as she jumped out of her seat and turned. Doc stood in the doorway, glaring at her.
“You scared me!”
“You scared me when I woke up and found you gone.”
“Sorry, I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Well, you should have,” he told her grouchily. “That’s what I told you to do.” He came forward. “Is your work saved?”
“What? Oh yes?”
He put the lid of the laptop down gently then reached for her, pulling her up into his arms.
“What are you doing? I was working!”
“No, you’re not. You’re going back to bed. You need sleep.”
“I won’t be able to go back to sleep.”
He yawned as he carried her through the living room. “We need to work on that. But what you should never do is sneak out of bed without waking me.”
He deposited her on the bed then moved in next to her. He tilted up her chin. “I have an idea of how to get you back to sleep, if you’re willing.”
“What is it?” she asked, feeling slightly breathless.
Leaning in, he kissed her. “I’m going to make you come. Hard.”
She gulped. “You think that would work?”
“Only one way to find out. If you say yes.”
“Yes,” she murmured. God, she was so ready for this. Having him in her bed each night, waking up to him each morning, seeing him without his shirt on, wanting to strip off his boxers until he was completely naked.
Yeah, she wanted this.
He sat up and then drew her nightgown off, folding it and placing it at the end of the bed. Always tidy. Only the lamp was on, lending a soft glow to the room.
“Close your eyes.”
She complied and he leaned in to kiss her. Then his mouth moved along her cheek to her ear. “All I want from you is to lie there and enjoy. Understand me?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“Yes, Doc.”
“Yes, Doc,” she repeated.
“That’s my good girl.” He kissed his way down her neck, then cupped her breast, wrapping his mouth around her nipple. A small gasp escaped her.
“You don’t have to be quiet,” he told her. “And you don’t have to ask permission to come.”
Thank God for that.
He moved to her other breast, lapping at it
. She ran her fingers through his hair, her hips thrusting. It had been so long since someone had touched her like this. She hadn’t realized how much she needed it. Missed it.
He ran his tongue along her tummy.
“Issy!” she cried out.
“That’s right, baby. Say my name.” He drew off her panties then pressed her legs apart. He parted the lips of her pussy and took a long, slow lick.
Whimpers escaped her.
He circled her clit, flicking at it. She knew it wouldn’t take much. She was so close already. He pressed a finger into her passage.
“Fuck, you’re tight. Come, baby. Come hard for me.”
He firmly lapped at her clit. She could feel it. Taste it. She was so damn close.
“Come now,” he commanded.
Pleasure engulfed her like a flame. She cried out as she fell over the edge. But it wasn’t a straight drop. It peaked then fell. Peaked then fell. The orgasm was extreme, it took her over completely. So it took her awhile to realize that she was now lying on Doc’s chest as he lay on his back on the bed, his hand rubbing her back.
“You always come so hard?
She blushed. “Umm, is it polite to ask a woman about how hard she comes?”
He threw back his head and laughed. Oh yeah. She could definitely get used to that.
“Girl, there is nothing polite about sex. It’s dirty. It’s messy. It’s fucking satisfying. But it should not be polite. And while I’m not always the best at communication you can damn sure bet your ass, I will ask you all sorts of probing questions when it comes to sex. Can’t do my job as your Dom properly if I don’t know exactly what you need, now can I?”
Well, when he put it like that…
“That was the strongest orgasm I’d ever had.” She immediately felt a surge of guilt. Was that betraying Dave?
“Do you have any toys?”
“No,” she whispered, blushing hotly.
“A romance writer without a vibrator. Say it isn’t so.”
“Mine broke and I didn’t get around to replacing it.”
“Now that is a damn shame. Tell me, are you the sort of writer that has to act out everything before you can describe it, or do you have a very active imagination?”
“Umm, some things I’ve tried.”
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