by Scott Cramer
“This is Abby and Jordan,” Doctor Ramanathan said. “They want to talk to you.”
“I know you!” Touk cried, looking straight at Abby. Abby felt as if she had turned into a million particles of powder and was floating above the table like a cloud. “You’re the girl on the television. You’re really pretty.”
Jordan made a face. “You were on television?” he asked Abby.
“I’ll tell you later,” she replied. “Can we be alone with our sister, please?”
Doctor Ramanathan nodded. “I’ll be in the next room. Just knock on the door if you need me.”
“Bye, Mother,” Touk said.
Abby spun her head toward Jordan as he did the same toward her, trading looks of shock.
“That’s not your mother,” Jordan said.
Touk grinned. “I’ll bet you all the chocolate in the world that she is.”
“Touk, do you know who I am?” Jordan asked.
“What’s Touk mean?”
“It’s short for Toucan,” he said. “When you were born, you had a really big nose. Abby said you looked like a Toucan. Mom liked the name so much that she started calling you Toucan.”
Touk’s grin contracted. “Mother calls me Lisette.”
“She’s not your mother,” Jordan said in a loud, insistent tone.
Abby saw a wave of confusion pass across her sister’s face. Then the grin returned. “Chandra is my mother. I’ll bet you five pieces of candy.”
“I’m Jordan. I’m your brother. I’m Jordie.”
Toucan giggled. “Jordie. That’s a silly name.”
Jordan pranced around the room. “I used to carry you on my shoulders. We’d go to the library on Castine Island. Our dad worked there.”
Toucan’s look of confusion returned, and then Abby noticed she had clenched her fists and was shaking uncontrollably. Jordan was frightening her.
Abby bit her lip hard. Maybe Sandy was right. Toucan really did not know them, at least not yet. Her memories would return, though, later today, or perhaps tomorrow. They had to take it slow with her.
Abby squeezed her brother’s arm, and they made eye contact. He understood her message immediately. He should back off. He sighed, producing his own expression of confusion.
Abby walked up to her sister. “I like your hair. Can I touch it?”
Touk’s eyes widened with fear, but her curiosity seemed to sweep that away, and she cheered up. “Yes, I want to touch your hair too.”
Abby reached out and lightly dragged her fingertips across Touk’s scalp. Heat flowed into her hand, up her arm, and straight to her heart. Abby felt the same radiant energy spreading through her head and down her neck and into her chest when Touk ran her fingers through her curls.
Abby kneeled so she was face to face with her sister.
“That is a pretty necklace,” she said, pointing to the silver heart that dangled from a silver chain around Touk’s neck.
“Sandy gave it to me. She said it came from the tooth fairy.”
“You know what the tooth fairy used to give me?”
Touk shook her head.
“A dollar for my tooth,” Abby said.
“What’s a dollar?”
Abby swallowed the lump in her throat. “Just a piece of paper. Can I hold your hand?”
Toucan stuck out her hand. Abby gently took it in hers and closed her eyes, concentrating on the small slender fingers. Abby had often feared she would never again experience the sensation of holding her sister’s hand.
“Tell us about your friends,” Abby said and led Touk to the table. Abby sat cross-legged on top of it and Jordan did the same. They used to sit like this on a picnic table back on Castine Island, and Abby hoped small gestures would help trigger Touk’s lost memories.
Toucan told them about some of the girls she lived with. Lydia was always serious. Molly had nice hair. Zoe, her best friend, was messy. Charlie, the only boy she mentioned, liked to trip them during recess.
“Hmm,” Abby said. “I don’t like boys who trip people.”
“I tell him to stop it,” Touk said.
Abby cocked her head. “Charlie listens to you?”
“I put my hands on my hips.” Toucan demonstrated. “I look him in the eye and say, ‘Charlie, would you like it if someone did that to you?’”
Abby burst out laughing, and Jordan rolled his eyes. He was soon doubled over laughing, and Abby was laughing so hard there were tears dripping off her cheeks. Touk first looked somewhat confused, but she got a mischievous gleam in her eyes, and then she started giggling. For a moment, all the sadness and horror in the world evaporated, and the magic of shared laughter brought the Leigh family closer together.
“What about Timmy and Danny?” Jordan asked, trying to catch his breath. “Are they still your friends?”
“Who are they?”
“They live on Castine Island. We’ll take you there to see them. We’re leaving in three days. You’re coming with us. The first place we’ll stop is Mystic, Connecticut.”
Touk clenched her fists and gritted her teeth. Abby knew she was trying to act brave.
Jordan told her about the fun things she would do once they arrived at Mystic. “A few five and six year olds live near the clinic. You’re going to love them.”
Touk’s lower lip trembled, and the pace of her breathing quickened. A wet sheen coated her eyes. Unable to stay brave any longer, the dam burst and tears poured from her eyes.
Jordan was trying too hard, pushing Touk to remember, and rushing her at a time when patience would yield the greatest results. He didn’t realize he was threatening to take Touk from the woman she believed was her mother and from kids she thought were her best friends.
It happened fast. Before Abby could try to comfort her sister, Touk hopped off the table, ran to the door, and rushed into the next room.
Doctor Ramanathan emerged. “I suggest we give Lisette a chance to calm down.”
“You are not her mother,” Jordan snapped. “She’s our sister. We want to spend more time with her.”
“Lisette says she doesn’t want to see either of you right now,” Doctor Ramanathan said. “Should I bring her out?”
“Yes,” Jordan said.
“No. We’ll come back.” Abby tugged her brother’s arm. She was his big sister, so she could do things like that.
An hour later, they were back again, and the message from Doctor Ramanathan was the same. Abby smiled to hide the ache in her heart. “Thank you. We’ll come back later.”
They returned three more times, and each time learned that Toucan didn’t want to see them.
“We’ll see her in the morning,” Abby told Doctor Ramanathan.
Jordan went to help package pills for the Grits to distribute, and Abby returned to her room, where she collapsed in her bed from sheer exhaustion and cried herself to sleep.
DAY 8
CDC BUNKER
Jordan had grown taller and stronger, and he had changed in more ways than Abby could imagine. Her brother had a huge heart, and he was in love with a girl who seemed to be just as much in love with him. Regardless of all those changes, Jordan still couldn’t hide anything from Abby. The moment he stepped into her room, the look in his eyes told her there was something important on his mind.
“Hey, how’s it going?” he asked.
Abby heard another topic rumbling behind the words.
“Spit it out,” she said.
“There’s a flight today going to the airport next to Colony East.” Excitement spiked in his voice. “They’re taking pills to Mark. They’re setting up Wenlan’s clinic as one of the main distribution centers. They need lots of help.”
“You want to go?” she asked.
“If you want me to stay, I’ll stay. I’ll stay with you and Touk, and then we’ll all take the truck to Mystic together. Abby, it’s your call.”
“Go.”
His jaw dropped. “Don’t you want me to stay?”
“I’ll
be fine. I promise.”
“It’s because I scared Touk, right?”
Abby sighed. “I wanted to say the same things you did. You just beat me to it.” She shrugged. “We have to coax the memories out of Toucan.”
“I’m sorry for the way I acted.”
“By the time Touk and I get to Mystic, I bet she’ll be remembering things left and right.”
Jordan’s brow pinched. “What if she doesn’t remember anything at all?”
“She will,” Abby assured him. “It might take a week or a month.”
“What if she never remembers?” Jordan persisted.
Abby pushed that thought aside. “Is Toucan our sister?”
“Yes.”
“Will she always be our sister?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, that’s the answer. She belongs with us.”
“You’ll get her to remember things, I know it.” He threw his arms around her. “Be careful, okay? In the truck, don’t let Touk sit too close to the back. You hit a pothole, and she’ll fly out.”
Abby nodded as Jordan dispensed other words of advice. They had reversed roles. Jordan had become the bossy big sister, and she was the twerpy little brother who didn’t have a clue what to do. In truth, they had both grown and changed and taken on the best qualities of the other.
Jordan hugged her again, and before Abby knew it, her little brother was gone.
8.01
CDC BUNKER
Just before Abby rapped on Doctor Ramanathan’s door, she took a deep breath and reminded herself to go easy on Touk. She viewed her sister’s memories as frightened animals, hiding away in a cave. They would emerge when they felt safe, and the way to create a sense of safety was to make Touk happy.
Toucan clung to Doctor Ramanathan’s leg.
“Where’s Jordie?” she asked in a whisper.
“He’s playing with someone else today,” Abby said, trying hard to smile.
Touk immediately relaxed and let go of the scientist.
Abby had arranged for Toby to meet her and Touk in the cafeteria. Every familiar face might trigger a memory. She had instructed Toby to make no mention of anything outside Atlanta Colony.
When she and Touk first entered the cafeteria, Abby guided her to a bowl filled with butterscotch candies and chocolates.
Touk grabbed a large fistful.
Abby wagged a finger. “Only three, please.”
“Five,” Touk said, clutching her haul of candies.
Abby held up two fingers. “Two. That’s it.”
“Five,” her sister repeated.
As Touk’s grin widened, Abby flashed back to the hundreds of bargaining sessions she had previously conducted, Leigh versus Leigh, a battle of wills, seeing who was more clever, more stubborn. Negotiating had always been one of Abby’s most advanced parenting skills.
“Fine,” she said, her heart melting into a puddle at her feet. “Five.”
Touk’s satisfied smile and the flash of victory in her eyes was all too familiar.
They took a seat at a table and ate their candy.
Toby, per their agreement, waltzed into the cafeteria and acted like he was surprised to see Abby.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“Toby, this is my friend, Lisette. Lisette, this is Toby.”
“Nice to meet you, Lisette,” he said, extending his left hand to shake.
Abby glanced at her sister, looking for a sign that she recognized Toby. Touk’s bright cheeks and high-wattage grin remained consistent.
Touk grabbed one of Toby’s fingers and shook it. “What happened to your arm?”
“I had a little accident.” His tone was serious. “Actually, it was a big accident.”
“Abby knows how to fix arms,” Touk cried.
Abby gulped. Was it possible her sister had just remembered she was the first medical responder on Castine Island?
“You really know how to fix arms?” Toby asked, maintaining his serious demeanor.
Abby’s heart was hammering. “I have many talents,” she said.
They waited for an eternity, staring at each other in silence, Abby praying Touk had a little more to say. But her sister said nothing more on the topic.
Later that day, in another prearranged meeting, Abby and Touk bumped into Spike. Abby wasn’t sure Toucan would remember the boy who had driven them to Colony East from Portland, but Spike had a real soft spot for Toucan. Abby thought there was a small chance that Toucan, even though she had had a high fever at the time, might recall something about him — anything. A tiny strand of a memory could unravel more memories from which she could weave a tapestry of her life before Atlanta Colony.
“Spike, this is Lisette. Lisette, this is my friend, Spike.”
Spike went down on his haunches, so he was at eye-level with Touk. “Lisette, I really like that name.”
“Spike is a silly name,” Touk chirped.
“Not as silly as Arthur,” he said with a grin. “That’s my real name. Spike is my nickname. Do you have a nickname?”
Abby wanted to punch Spike in the nose. She had told him not to try forcing her sister to remember anything.
“Yep,” Touk said. Abby held her breath. “Lisette!”
Spike winked. “Nice nickname.”
“I like your drawings.” Toucan reached out and touched Spike’s forearm, which had purple moon and comet tattoos from wrist to elbow.
“Purple is my favorite color,” he said.
“Abby, what’s your favorite color?” Touk asked.
“Not purple.”
“I like green,” Touk said. “When my EM Light is green, it means I’m happy. When everyone’s EM light stays green, we get a longer recess time.”
Abby remembered Sandy describing the spirit drill the Generation M kids participated in.
“Green is nice,” Abby said, hearing the disappointment in her voice. Touk remembered absolutely nothing about Spike.
Spike excused himself, saying he had to help distribute pills.
“Want me to read a book to you?” Abby asked.
Touk’s wide eyes gave the answer. Her sister voicing, “Yes, please,” was mere formality.
Abby had heard there was a library somewhere. She loved libraries. They reminded her of her dad, who had worked at the Cambridge Public Library, and after that, at the Castine Island Library. As soon as Abby was old enough to sit still, he’d take her to the library on Saturday mornings and let her flip through the picture books. After the night of the purple moon, Abby had taken Toucan to the library on Castine Island, where she’d read to her by candlelight. She hoped reading stories to her now might stir some of those memories.
Abby asked directions, and soon, she and Toucan entered the library. It was empty, though judging from the pillow and dirty pair of socks on the floor, someone had slept here recently.
The CDC library was as Abby had expected it would be. There were more computers than books, and the books were on scientific topics. She never expected to find Frog and Toad or Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, but she had hoped there would be books that the scientists had read for pleasure, stories that could also be enjoyed by a precocious five-year-old. Robinson Caruso or Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea.
With nothing like that on the shelves, Abby decided she would tell a story to Toucan. “What type of stories do you like?”
“Pirate stories,” Touk said.
Abby’s spirit soared. On Castine Island, that had been Toucan’s number one request.
Abby picked up the pillow, fluffed it, and rested it against the wall, where she sat and invited Toucan to sit beside her. “I’ll tell the story of Peter Pan.”
As she proceeded, Abby took breaks to ask Touk how she liked the story, and if she had any questions. Her little sister loved the story and had plenty of questions. “Where is Neverland?” “How can Peter fly?” “How much does Tinkerbell weigh?”
Abby resisted the urge to ask Touk any questions that
might trigger a memory, but then, out of frustration and impatience and anger at what the adults had done, she broke down. “Do you like underdoggies?”
A swing set constructed of heavy metal pipes, with three long pairs of chains connected to seats, was the highlight of the Castine Harbor playground. Every kid on the island, young and old, loved getting an underdoggie, where a pusher would run ahead and extend their arms straight to launch the swing on its highest arc while they ran under it. Jordan had specialized in giving underdoggies, and Touk had specialized in pleading with her brother to give them to her.
Toucan scrunched her eyes. “What’s an underdoggie?”
Abby wanted to say, “You’ll find out soon enough,” but instead, she explained how you gave someone an underdoggie. Toucan lit up and said it sounded like fun.
“Have you ever owned a pet?” Abby asked.
A cat had followed Abby home the night of the purple moon. They had named it Cat, and Touk had loved to chase Cat.
Touk shook her head, saying she had never owned a pet.
“Do you like smoked fish?”
Touk used to hate smoked fish more than anything in the world, and when that was all they had, Abby typically bribed her to eat it by promising her a tiny piece of chocolate. “No fish, no chocolate,” she’d say.
Touk said she liked fish.
Abby continued to prod, but Toucan eventually stopped speaking, replying only with expressions of confusion. Eventually, she looked for a way to escape the interrogation, the way she had when Jordan had asked the questions. She was frightened again, exactly what Abby had vowed she would not let happen.
“I want to see Mother,” Touk pleaded.
Abby held her breath and tightened her stomach muscles to keep from crying out in anguish.
After dropping her sister off at the Generation M living quarters, she counted the day as a failure, but she was ready to work with Touk for as long as it took.
