by Roger Ma
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Introduction
I. - DISINFORMATION AND MISCONCEPTIONS
II. - ANATOMY
III. - CONDITIONING AND PREPARATION
IV. - WEAPON SELECTION
V. - COMBAT STRATEGIES AND TECHNIQUES
Acknowledgements
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PRINTING HISTORY
Berkley trade paperback edition / April 2010
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Ma, Roger.
The zombie combat manual / Roger Ma.—Berkley trade paperback ed. p. cm.
eISBN : 978-1-101-18665-7
1. Zombies—Humor. I. Title.
PN6231.Z65M3 2010
818’.607—dc22
2009043934
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To Zoe and Logan, forever under my protection.
To Mom, for her strength and discipline.
To Dad, for that fateful day in 1978.
INTRODUCTION
The first hand-to-hand zombie attack Isaw lasted six seconds. The confrontation took place in Brooklyn, New York, during the Gravesend Riots. From the safety of the police barricades, I witnessed a man swagger down the middle of the street. He was muscular, probably in his midtwenties, and wore a white sleevel ess undershirt; wiry strands of chest hair corkscrewed through the thin fabric. He brandished an aluminum baseball bat that was slung casually over his right shoulder. With a smirk on his face, he headed directly toward a ghoul shambling down the same street, her green housecoat streaked in crims on. The man reared back and swung. The curlers in her hair ricocheted in all directions from the impact of his blow, which rang off the top of her skull. I was close enough to see his eyes widen in disbelief when she didn’t go down. Disbelief turned to terror when his second, panicked swing wildly struck the side of her neck as she closed the distance between them. His third and final strike landed harmlessly across her back, as she raked her manicured fingernails across his thick biceps. His screams twisted into high-pitched squeals when she tore out his throat with her teeth.
Unfortunately, this was not the last time I witnessed an attack where an individual with seemingly all the requisite skills to survive perished unnecessarily. In the hundreds of assaults I have seen or recorded from eyewitness accounts since that night in Brooklyn, I have noted that many of the victims held distinct similarities. Most of them had the strength, the means, and the tools. What they lacked was the knowledge. For far too long, many have made light of eliminating the undead, with tragic consequences.
This work seeks to accomplish a singular goal: to provide the scientific, technical, and combative knowledge to enable you to destroy a zombie in your immediate vicinity, perhaps seconds from ending your life and that of your loved ones. There will be no discussion of fortifications, firearms, supply rationing, or modes of transport, nor will we examine the origin and spread of the contagion that has caused the dead to reanimate and feed on the living. Other noteworthy works cover these subjects in great detail. The focus of this text is simple: to develop you into an effective warrior against the living dead. This book is not meant for the trained soldier or martial artist with years of experience, although they can certainly benefit from the information. It was written for you, the everyday civilian with no prior knowledge or skill in the combat arts.
The knowledge provided herein, however, should not be construed as either endorsement or encouragement to engage in unnecessary hand-to-hand combat with the undead. The safest method to defeat a zombie still remains to destroy its brain via a long-distance ballistic weapon, such as a firearm or crossbow. The fact is, however, that during a zombie outbreak, there is nearly a 100 percent chance you will have to engage in hand-to-hand combat. Perhaps you reside in a state where possession of a firearm is a legally difficult process. Perhaps you have run out of ammunition. Perhaps the sound of a discharged firearm will draw more walking corpses to your position. For those times when the only path to safety lies in the strength in your arms and the weapon in your hand, the knowledge in this book will prove most useful.
If you are reading this manual because you find yourself in the midst of an undead infestation and/or imminent attack, then heed these words carefully. The information contained within can be put to immediate use. If you are reading this during a time of relative peace and safety, good for you. You have taken the first step in obeying one of the oldest tenets of combat: “In times of peace, prepare for war.” Learn the lessons in this manual well; it is my hope you will never have to use them.
CAUTION!
The methods and techniques described within this manual are meant solely for human-versus-zombie combat. Under no circumstances should they be used or attempted against other living human beings. Such action would be not only illegal and immoral, but ineffective, as the techniques take advantage of traits, behaviors, and anatomical vulnerabilities exhibited only by the living dead.
I.
DISINFORMATION AND MISCONCEPTIONS
. . . et resedit qui erat mortuus, et coepit esurire.
—ORIGIN UNKNOWN
They are known to us by many names—Hell’s minions, walking plague, the living dead. Despite the varying nomenclature, they all fall under the same scientific subspecies category, commonly known as the zombie. In case any confusion exists, let us take this moment to clarify—a z
ombie is a former human being that has become deceased and reanimated, and now seeks to devour the flesh of existing humans. Much has been written, fantasized, and manipulated regarding the zombie, so before delving into the specifics of undead physiology, it is important that we first dispel many popular, yet inaccurate, notions that exist about this unique adversary. Many of these misconceptions have led to the deaths of those who, believing them to be reality, met their unfortunate end. The source of these inaccuracies varies. Some believe their spread was due to an orchestrated campaign of disinformation by the powers that be to intentionally confuse and mislead the general public. Others believe that major news sources are responsible for spreading unsubstantiated reports of “living dead attacks” to mask outbreaks of public dissent.
Whether they were spread by media, myth, or word of mouth, how these inaccuracies developed into publicly believed truths is not important. What is important is that the spread of this disinformation ends with the following clarifications.
MISCONCEPTION #1:
ZOMBIES CAN RUN
As we will examine in greater depth in the section on anatomy, an undead corpse with both legs intact moves at a maximum speed of just under three miles per hour, slightly slower than the average adult human walking pace. This pace seems to remain consistent regardless of weight, age, or build, with minor deviations depending on the height of the specimen being measured and whether it is in active pursuit of prey. Due to the transformation the infected specimen undergoes during the reanimation process, a zombie cannot exceed a speed that can outpace an ambulatory human being.
Individuals have claimed to have witnessed “zombies” running full speed after their victims. It has been determined that in these instances, the attackers were not in fact reanimated corpses. The specific affliction that caused this unruly behavior has not been determined, but it has been confirmed that these assailants were not, in the strictest scientific sense, the living dead.
MISCONCEPTION #2:
ZOMBIES FEEDONLY ON HUMAN BRAINS
The walking dead will devour any living flesh on a human being with which it comes into contact. Any exposed area of human tissue in the vicinity of a ghoul’s open jaws is vulnerable to attack and subsequent infection. Do not trust that wearing a piece of protective headgear such as a military or sports helmet will effectively protect you from an undead attack.
Double-blind studies conducted by both public- and private-sector research groups have determined that a ghoul, when presented with both cranial tissue and other human flesh, will not select one sample over the other consistently. This is one of the primary reasons why close-quarters combat with a zombie is so hazardous—any part of the human body that comes within range of an undead attacker’s clutches is literally up for grabs.
MISCONCEPTION #3:
ZOMBIES RETAIN MEMORIES OFTHEIR PAST HUMAN LIVES
Whoever the person was, be it your coworker, friend, or family member, ceases to be that individual once he or she has yielded to infection and reanimated into a walking corpse. Every connection to the victim’s former existence—interests, hobbies, occupation, and relationships—is severed once that person rises from the dead, just as it would if said person had remained deceased.
In a distinguished study known as Project Recall conducted by IUCS, a U.S.-based bioresearch and policy institute, a thousand reanimated specimens of varying ages and states of reanimation were presented with artifacts that were a vital part of their human existence—photographs, toys, mobile phones, and laptop computers were among the sample objects. Additionally, these items were presented by volunteers who were known to the subjects in some capacity—either relatives or companions of the formerly human test subjects.
Of the one thousand trial cases, none showed any acknowledgment of the artifact itself or the presenting volunteer, even after repeated attempts at visual recognition. Even more unfortunate, fifteen of the volunteers were assaulted by their subjects during the course of the study. It was concluded that the use of personal effects in the hopes of triggering a past human memory has proven to be not only unsuccessful, but dangerous to the bearer.
MISCONCEPTION #4:
ZOMBIES CAN BE TRAINED
As poor as attempts at triggering a zombie’s human recollections have fared, efforts to instruct the walking dead to obey a suggestion, request, or command, regardless of its simplicity, have proven equally futile. Early attempts to train ghouls to perform manual labor have been wholly unsuccessful. The region of the zombie brain that typically controls “executive functioning”—problem-solving and cognitive abilities—no longer functions as it would in a living human being. The undead do not seem to have the aptitude to execute even the most mundane or repetitive of tasks. Government projects aimed at controlling and weaponizing the walking dead have also failed, often with disastrous consequences (see Combat Report: Brent Taylor).
MISCONCEPTION #5:
ZOMBIES HAVE EVOLVING INTELLIGENCE
Once a person has been infected and turned from a human being into a living cadaver, all internal organs, including the brain, cease to function beyond the most rudimentary of operations required to accomplish three specific tasks: move, hunt, and feed. Once reanimated, all physical and mental development ends, regardless of the age of the human at the time of reanimation; infant zombies will not grow, teenage zombies will not mature. Research shows that the dexterity, motor skills, and mental capacity of ghouls that have been reanimated for years show no marked improvement over those that have been turned for less than twenty-four hours.
Zombies have shown no ability to communicate, assemble, or leverage their considerable numbers in a cohesive manner. The only form of “communication” one could say they exhibit is the apparent recognition of a ghoul’s moan as a potential signal that prey is within the immediate vicinity. These exchanges, however, are not intentional in nature. It has been determined that a zombie’s moan is, for all intents and purposes, a Pavlovian response to sensory stimuli that a victim is near, rather than a transmission to other ghouls of that fact.
MISCONCEPTION #6:
THE MOST PRACTICAL WAY TO NEUTRALIZE AZOMBIE IS WITHAFIREARM
The most effective way to neutralize a zombie is with a firearm shot into the braincase, but it is not the most practical. The fact that ammunition is always a finite resource means that every discharge of your weapon brings you one step closer to rendering it completely useless, not to mention the skill required to consistently fire an accurate headshot at a moving, albeit slow, target. Silent, easily mastered, and requiring no additional resources, the most practical method of eliminating a ghoul is via a hand-based weapon.
MISCONCEPTION #7:
ONLY SUPERIOR ATHLETES/MARTIAL ARTISTS/ SOLDIERS CAN SURVIVE AZOMBIE ATTACK
All regular civilians, young or old, male or female, inactive or fit, can defend themselves quite successfully against the undead without any special equipment, extensive training, or exotic weapons. In fact, some of the most successful living dead fighters have been those who had no previous combat experience. Although this may seem inconceivable, it actually makes a great deal of sense.
Those who have spent prolonged amounts of time on the mat, in the ring, or on the field of battle often have preconceived notions of what is required to bring down an opponent in combat. When facing the living dead, however, nearly all typical rules of combat are ineffective. It is precisely why this text needed to be written, and why those who enter into zombie combat with a completely blank slate often are those who experience the greatest success.
You need not be in exceptional shape, knowledgeable in combat, or skilled with firearms. What you do need is the appropriate information and preparation before you find yourself in the midst of an undead outbreak. You alone are responsible for your own survival.
COMBAT REPORT: 1BRENT TAYLOR 2
Sergeant, 22nd British Special Air Service Credenhill, England
BT: People think of the SAS as this supersoldier, James
Bond bollocks, but when everything went tits up, we were soiling our trousers just like everyone else. Especially after the nightmare at Piccadilly, that was a right balls-up. Some of the lads lost it after that. One of them swallowed the end of his Sig outside the Criterion after he had to knife two deadheads probably no older than twelve years combined. It was after that action that the commanding officers decided they needed to run the squadrons through another evaluation, one that focused on getting the Regiment used to dealing with this particular threat. Despite the whinging, I know that a lot of us were relieved. We thought we were trained to handle nearly any combat situation. Nothing we had seen or done had prepared us for this. Although no trooper would ever ask for help, we knew we needed it.
I’m not sure how much you know about Selection, the process of how a soldier is chosen for the Regiment. It’s not a walk in the park, especially the longer exercises like the Fan Dance and the Long Drag. Even current members who decide to run through them again as a challenge have a tough go. A few years back, one trooper decided to try one of the exercises again for a laugh. The poor bloke died of exposure in the field. There’s a saying that goes, “Death is God’s way of telling you that you have failed Selection.” That was not what the COs wanted. This wasn’t about stamina, or skill, or being able to tab forty kilometers with a three-stone bergen. They didn’t want to bin perfectly good troopers; Christ knows we needed every able body we could get. This was more of a mental exercise—making sure our heads were prepared for what we were going to face and setting up a smaller troop to specifically deal with DAs—dead actions.
