“But I love sleeping. It’s my favorite vice.” I pulled him down next to me.
“You’re not supposed to love a vice,” he teased. “I think by definition that makes it not a vice if you’ve become that comfortable with the idea.”
“Well, I’ll never admit it’s a bad habit. I love it too much. It brings me never ending immeasurable joy.”
“Then we have a problem.” He rolled back, propping himself up on his elbow. “I like you better awake. You make me not want to sleep, ever again – because that means I lose time with you. I hate that.”
“You’re not going anywhere, so why does it matter? Doesn’t that mean we have all the time in the world together?”
He studied my face. “I don’t know,” he said quietly. “Do you believe in forever?”
“Like eternity?”
“Nothing theological, I just mean with people. Do you think it’s possible for two people to feel the exact same way about each other until their time is up? It’s easy at the beginning, but – forever? Do you think that exists?”
“I hope so, but I’m sure my views are skewed.” I sat up, facing him. “You haven’t met my parents yet.”
“Tell me about them.”
“They met when they were sixteen. My dad saw her in his English class on the first day of school his junior year. He says the second he saw her, he knew that instant. Is that possible? I don’t know, but he swears it is.”
“They’ve been happy ever since?”
“Deliriously happy,” I said dramatically. “She walks downstairs in her pajamas and a bun and I swear he still looks at her that way, like she’s sixteen and he’s never seen anything more beautiful. It’s weird.”
“I’ve never known anyone like that,” he replied softly.
“Yeah, well as sweet as it is, it’s also a curse,” I explained, pulling my legs up to my chest. “It’s almost easier to believe that’s an unobtainable goal, right? If you knew it didn’t exist, then it takes the pressure off. You don’t have this weight tied to you, forever pointing out that you’re missing out if you don’t achieve it. Once you know that really exists, well, game over. You can’t convince yourself that anything less is good enough.”
“What if you could have that too?” He looked back at me so innocently.
“Anyone would be a fool not to accept it.”
*****
I hated how quickly five o’clock rolled around. Miles and I spent the entire day eating room service, watching movies, and talking out on the hotel balcony, staring out onto the water.
“I think this is my spot,” Miles said, staring out over the ledge. The light breeze rustled through his hair and you could hear the gentle waves moving in and out in front of us.
“For twelve hundred dollars a night, this would be anyone’s spot,” I joked. “At least my rock is free. Maybe we can keep looking around.”
He turned and grabbed my waist, pulling me into him. “If I ever disappoint you, V, promise me we’ll come back here so I can make it right. Let this at least be our spot. Everything about this place with you, this is how it should be. If things go sideways, we can come back here and get straight again.”
“What’s going sideways? What does that even mean?”
“I just…girls have all of these expectations,” he began.
“I’m not just a girl,” I cut him off. “Whatever you think I expect, you can get rid of that now. Show up. Literally. Show up. It’s that simple. Guys tend to think it’s more complicated than that, but it isn’t. Just show up.”
“I’ll remember that.” He reached out his hand for mine and led us down the elevator and outside of the hotel. We got his car from the valet and within minutes we were pulled up in front of my apartment building. I needed to run in and change clothes, and I also had to get my own car.
“I’ll get to see you tomorrow?” Miles laced his fingers through mine as we walked to the door.
“I have a house to stage at nine, and then I’m meeting Sophia for lunch. I should be free after two.”
“I have a few meetings but I should be free by dinner. Can I pick you up around six?”
“Sounds perfect. I don’t have to work at the bar tomorrow, so we’ll have the whole night.”
“Exactly what I was hoping for.” He leaned in and kissed me, and it took several minutes for us to finally say goodbye. I made it to my parents place a few minutes late.
“Happy Birthday, loser,” I said as my brother greeted me in the entryway. I shoved the wrapped present I brought into his arms as he tried putting me into a headlock. “I’m going to take that gift back if you’re a jerk.”
“Why are you all smiley and sunshiny today?” Seth asked, picking up on the widespread grin I couldn’t seem to wipe off my face.
“None of your business.” I punched his arm.
“Mom, Olivia is on drugs,” he called out loudly toward the kitchen.
“Shut up, I am not.” I pinched him. “I can be deliriously happy for no good reason, can’t I?”
“Mom, I think they’re really bad drugs!” Seth laughed as he shouted it, and I rolled my eyes.
“Your father is out back with the steaks,” my mom Clara stated as I walked into the kitchen. “Your brother’s right, you do look unusually happy.”
“Maybe I’m so happy because my brother was born on this glorious day.”
They both laughed in unison.
“Oh heavens, it must be drugs,” my mom shot back.
“You guys are the worst.” I grabbed a chopped yellow pepper as I walked by, throwing it in my mouth. I headed out to the back patio where my dad was smoking a bunch of meat, drinking a beer. “I’ve been here for forty-five seconds and they’re already making fun of me in there.”
“Why do you think I like being out here alone so much?” My dad winked at me as he pointed to the steaks. “You and I can have the best steaks.”
“Thanks, Dad. You’re the only person who gets me in this house. How much longer until the meat is ready?”
“Are you in a hurry?”
“Nope. These are the only plans I have tonight.”
“Good. I want to stay out here a little longer. It’s another beautiful day in the Harb.”
“Dad, seriously, no one says that. You can’t keep calling it the Harb.”
“I’ve been calling it the Harb for forty-seven years.”
“Exactly, and it’s never taken off. You’re literally the only one who says that.”
“No one ever died from being too clever, darling.” He flipped the meat.
“I feel like that’s also false,” I said with a laugh. “Clever men can be careless.”
He narrowed his eyes at me, setting down his metal spatula. “While we’re alone, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“If you ask me why I’m too smiley, I’m running away.”
“I hope this has nothing to do with your elevated mood. What kind of business would you have at John Ford’s house?”
Damn. He knew I was there. How did that spread so fast?
“I just…I was with a friend, who had to stop by for a brief…”
“Olivia, be careful with that boy.”
“What? How do you know there’s a boy?”
“Because clever girls get careless when there’s a boy. That’s how I trapped your mom,” he said with a shrug, lightening the mood. “Look, I know you’re an adult and I don’t get to make choices for you, but please listen to me when I say that nothing good comes from a boy getting mixed up with Ford. Be cautious. Please.”
“I will.”
I wanted to ask for more information, but I also didn’t want to know what he knew. Perhaps he was just speaking generally. After all, Miles had only been in town such a short time, so it’s not like my dad actually knew him personally. Clearly someone at Ford’s house recognized me, and that info was relayed to my father. I doubt it meant much. Miles seemed to be confident in whatever it was he was doing – I ha
d no desire to get involved in any of my dad’s business. Surely I could keep those things separate.
“Let’s eat,” my dad said warmly, pulling the steaks off the smoker onto a platter.
We sat around as a family, eating, laughing, and looking at Seth’s birthday book. The photo album was filled with pictures from every one of Seth’s birthday celebrations. He opened his presents – a new watch from me he’d been eyeing for awhile, and a family trip to Europe later this summer from my parents.
“We set it for after Sophia’s wedding,” my mom explained, knowing how important that event was for me. “Your father wanted to do it sooner, but I know you’re helping with all of the planning, plus business is picking up for your design company, right?”
“Yeah. I have a staging first thing tomorrow morning.” I didn’t have the heart to tell them that was scheduled weeks ago. I hadn’t been very aggressive recently with drumming up new business. I had planned to bring up Miles tonight, to let them know I had someone I wanted them to meet, but my father’s words earlier left me feeling unsettled, though I kept telling myself it was nothing.
After dinner we sat around the outdoor fire pit for awhile, having some cocktails while shoveling in my mom’s homemade cake. After that we ended up watching an old Bill Murray movie in the home theater, my brother’s choice of course. We stayed up late, laughing and talking and drinking until it was after one in the morning. I thought of Miles as I looked around at my family. It was sad to me to think that he’d never experienced a night like this with his own family. I wondered if he’d be a different person if he’d had this kind of family dynamic growing up. Would he still want to be a drifter then? I hoped he could spend time with my family soon, especially with my brother home from college this summer. Maybe being around this would make him feel some sense of home here in Grand Harbor.
I texted him when I got back to my apartment around 1:30 a.m. Missed you tonight. Hope work went well. I washed my face, changed into my pajamas, and set my phone on the empty mattress space next to me, a little surprised Miles never replied.
Finally, at 4:43 in the morning, I awoke to the chime on my phone. Sorry, V. Late night. Looking forward to seeing you for dinner. My head was too disoriented to respond. He was working until almost five in the morning? What kind of an investor did that? It made little sense to me, but I was too tired to care.
*****
I finished out my work day, staging a cute little beach cabin off Wickett Way. Every time I staged a new home, I wondered what my first house would look like. It would be years before I could afford something by the water at the lackluster rate of my weekly paychecks. I probably wouldn’t even consider buying a place on my own anyway. But what if I wasn’t settled down anytime soon? I wasn’t necessarily in a hurry for domestic bliss either, despite how lovely of a life Sophia and Lance seemed to have. I liked having my own my space – but I also didn’t want to live in my dated one-bedroom apartment too much longer. Maybe six more months? A year, tops.
What did I just say? I sounded like Miles. No specific plan, other than wanting a change. I met Sophia for lunch at Sapphire Assisted Living. Although Grandma Eve’s Alzheimer’s was progressing pretty steadily, every now and then we would get glimpses of her old, spunky self, and I loved those moments. My grandparents had all passed when I was young, so she was like my own grandma in so many ways.
“Olivia has a boy, Grandma Eve,” Sophia explained as we waited for our chicken salad croissants – the featured lunch menu item of the day.
“Oh no,” Grandma Eve replied. “Boys are nothing but trouble. Harold didn’t even bring up the newspaper this morning. At my age, I have to check the obituaries every day to make sure I’m not in there.” Sophia and I both laughed.
“You have a dark sense of humor, Grandma,” Sophia said. We never talked about Harold’s passing. She often talked about him as if she just saw him moments before, and it was as beautiful as it was heartbreaking.
“Love ain’t sunshine you know,” Grandma Eve continued. “Sometimes it’s a muddy pit and you’re just sitting in the thick of it, with no newspaper to read.”
“Don’t I know it,” I said with a giggle. “Nobody is every going to love us like Harold loved you, Grandma Eve. Yours is a love story for the ages.”
“Well, it’s fun to keep practicing,” she replied. “So don’t give up. You just find one until it sticks. The one that keeps coming back around – that’s the boy. The one you keep.”
“Right? That’s what I told him. He literally has to just show up. It’s not that hard.”
“You have it right, dear. You keep the one who keeps showing up.” She winked back at me and gently patted my hand. “Just don’t forget to enjoy life in the meantime. It goes by quick. It’s only a matter of time before you’re looking for your own obituary.”
I loved this woman. She was adorable and funny and often unintentionally wise. She always lifted my mood, and I loved that about her. I hated thinking of a day when we would no longer have these visits.
I finally left them around two o’clock, and decided to head out for a jog down by the water after changing my clothes. The conversation I had with my dad the night before was still swirling around in my brain. I still felt unsettled about it, and I hated that. If jogging didn’t clear my head, I hoped spending time later with Miles would help calm my uncertainty.
Around 5:30, my phone lit up. Pack an overnight bag and a swimsuit. See you in thirty. I expected we’d go grab a bite to eat tonight, maybe grab some drinks, see a movie – something chill. It appeared he already had something planned for us.
I packed up some things and he finally arrived a few minutes after six.
“Where are we going?”
“Out for an adventure.” He pressed his lips to mine, and I was loving every bit of his excitement.
“Everything doesn’t have to be some grand adventure, you know. We can eat tacos and hang out down by the boardwalk, or just head out to a bonfire party or something. I’m easy to please.”
“Our time together should always be an adventure,” he whispered into my hair, trailing light kisses down my neck. He grazed his lips again with mine, and then led us to his car.
“You worked awfully late last night.” I didn’t want to pry, but I thought I should work in some questions as we made our way to wherever he was taking me.
“Yeah, later than I expected, for sure.” He offered no more.
“Do you usually work so late?”
“Sometimes. My clientele has unusual hours.”
“Can we go back to the specifics of your job? I still don’t think I understand what you actually do.”
“I told you, it’s not all that easy to explain.” He hesitated. “I take large sums of money, invest it, and then return the profits to my clients.”
“By gambling...”
“No,” he cut me off, “that’s just networking. Guys like to talk money over a poker table, that’s all it is. They like to puff their chests and throw money around, that kind of thing. I don’t gamble the money I invest. Just my portion of the profits. A percentage.”
I felt like we were getting into math territory again, and I knew he would lose me then.
“You said it’s all legal?”
“Is something bothering you, V?” He looked over at me from the driver’s side. “What’s with all the questions? I feel like I’m being interrogated.”
“My dad, he…” I paused. “Someone must’ve told him I was at Ford’s house the other night.”
“Yeah? What did your dad say about it?”
“Nothing, really. He just told me to be careful.” I felt weird saying it out loud. It almost felt like I was accusing him of something, yet I didn’t know what.
Miles maneuvered the car into a small parking lot on the east side of the marina. He parked and shut off the engine.
“What’s bothering you?”
“I just…I don’t know what I would need to be careful about. Ma
ybe it was the wrong choice of words. You already said it wasn’t illegal, right? So what? I mean, is it unsafe or something?”
“You will always be safe with me, V. None of what I do will impact you.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I would never put you at risk. Nothing bad will ever happen to you.”
“You can control that?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know?”
“Because if anyone ever tried to hurt you…” He shook his head, choosing his words carefully. “Honestly? If anyone tried to hurt you, I would kill them.”
Chapter 9
“I want to show you something,” Miles changed the subject, apparently wanting out of our somewhat heavy conversation. I chose to take him figuratively – surely he wouldn’t actually kill someone. Even if somehow I did get mixed up in his work, whatever that even meant, this sweet charming guy wasn’t going to commit murder. I imagined it was like the way I wanted to set fire to all of my ex-boyfriends’ houses – when I certainly never would. I looked over at him. Excitement spread across his face and he squeezed my hand.
“This means we’re done talking about your job?”
“Let me show you what my life looks like, V,” he interrupted. “All my crazy ideas and plans – everything I want in life – let me show it all to you. If at any point it’s a life you want no part of, just say it. But in the meantime, trust me. Be with me, and laugh with me, and chase adventure with me. Maybe it’s not what you’re used to. I understand that. But who I am – that’s all I have to offer you. I don’t know the kind of stability you have. I many not have the perfect answer to all your questions. But I’m here, and I’m trying. Just be with me and we can figure out the rest as we go.”
“That’s enough for me,” I replied softly. I squeezed his hand back and offered him a sincere smile. “Show me.”
He led me around the marina, walking us down one of the docks. Before I knew what was happening, he led me onto a giant white boat. It was much larger than most of the speed boats I’d been on. I could see a stairway leading down to a cabin area below, and from what I could see, it looked pretty fancy.
The Weight of Forever: (Grand Harbor: Book Two) Page 8
