Stefan let the words wash over him. The promises to love, honor, and cherish were timeless. So, too, were the vows the bridal couple had decided to add, the mage oaths to share the fruit of the earth and of their bodies, the fiery brightness of their spirits and the darkness of their fears, the lightness of air and the water of life and tears.
All of that and more, Stefan longed to give Mel. But it was too late.
* * *
The reception looked like a huge success. Lorelei’s centerpieces gleamed in the sunlight. People were eating, drinking, and chattering happily. Prowling through the crowd and looking pitiful, Magnus scored more than a few choice tidbits. And Griff and Val just glowed in a way that had nothing to do with mage power.
Josh Campbell stood with Edie Lang under the branches of a live oak heavy with Spanish moss. Judging by the way the pair smiled at each other, leaning close, they’d be tying the knot before long. Josh was a lucky bastard, falling in love with another mage.
Will strolled up to Stefan. “The dinner special at the Marsh Heron tonight is tilapia. I’m heading there after this and might cruise the bar. I could use a wingman.”
Will needed a wingman like Superman needed a bicycle. Now that Stefan thought about it, Will, Griff, or Val had dragged him somewhere to eat every night since Mel left. He raised an eyebrow. “Tending to me, Will?”
“Hey, do I look like a babysitter? I like tilapia.”
Before Stefan could reply, Val snagged his arm. “Come with me. Excuse us, Will.” She tugged Stefan toward the house.
“Don’t you think Griff might object?” he teased. “Married less than an hour, and you’re sneaking off with me.”
“I’m a woman on a mission. My new husband says there are some things better left alone, but I can’t let this go.” Beside the back porch, Val stopped. “This is far enough.”
She studied Stefan for a moment, as though not sure how to begin. He braced himself. She wouldn’t hesitate unless this were personal, and personal had to mean Mel.
“I’m so happy,” Val said. “I didn’t know I could be this happy, and I owe it to you. I want to help, so tell me how.”
The words jabbed the sore spot in his soul. How could they do that, yet warm him at the same time? “I appreciate it, but there’s nothing anyone can do. Mel doesn’t think we could make it work. Maybe she’s right.” The reasons spilled out of his aching heart.
Val gently rubbed his arm. “Don’t give up too easily. In nine years, she didn’t find anyone else. Neither did you. That means something.”
“She doesn’t believe she can be part of my world, doesn’t trust me or love me enough to try, and that means more. I feel like the gap between what she wants, what she has a right to expect, and what I can give her is as wide as the Pacific.”
“Then find a way to narrow it. The trick, as you would know if we were talking about someone else, is to defang what the other person fears, like Griffin’s fear that my reputation would suffer if we were together. Or show that person how to make it matter less. What does she want in a relationship that only you can give her?”
Val stretched up to kiss his cheek. “I promised I wouldn’t nag you, so I’ll drop it now. But know we’re always in your corner. Anything you need, we’re here for you.”
Feeling faintly sick, Stefan watched Val walk away, a beautiful woman who’d endured hellacious trials to reach this happy day. Don’t give up too easily, she’d said. Was that what he’d done?
He mulled over the question she’d asked him about Mel. What does she want in a relationship that only you can give her?
The answer popped into his head, immediate and clear and certain. She wanted someone who would fight for her. When she’d dumped him nine years ago, he’d let her. She’d dumped him again on the street by Burton’s office, and again he’d let her. He hadn’t followed her, hadn’t even tried to convince her to change her mind.
She didn’t think she fit. He had to change her mind because he knew now what he’d denied for nine years, that his life couldn’t be complete without her.
Chapter 27
Mel sat in her Atlanta office and stared at the phone. The Seattle job was perfect for her. Now it was hers for the taking, so why did she hesitate? Why had she said, I need a couple of days to think it over instead of When do I start?
The look on Stefan’s face when they parted had drilled into her heart. The image of him with a sword in his hand popped into her head at odd moments, and the memory of his lazy smile when he was sated from lovemaking haunted her daily in those fragile moments between sleep and waking.
The memory of his hands and mouth on her body—
Don’t go there.
Almost three weeks had passed since they parted. Surely the wisdom of walking away from something that couldn’t work would soon outweigh this heart-crushing grief.
Dave stuck his head in the door and grinned. “Got something that may be right up your alley. Elvis has been seen in South Alabama.”
She didn’t return his smile, and he sobered. “Sorry,” he said. “Bad choice of humor, I guess. Seriously, though, there was a vic pulled out of the river near Mobile Bay. Had wound patterns similar to the ones you were working on. The local sheriff’s office called it in and we didn’t know if you had time to look at it before you ditched us for Seattle.”
Mel’s heart thundered in her chest. “I’ll pull the report and take a look.”
Opening a browser window, she scanned the sparse details. Yes, these wounds were very like the ones ghouls made. She jotted the similarities to Cinda’s case and had started making a list comparing them with what she knew about the ghouls when she froze.
She was doing exactly what she’d dreaded, keeping info back from the Bureau. And Stefan had no part in it.
What has been seen cannot be unseen. That was a truth-turned-joke her Bureau pals sometimes made to lighten the mood after they worked a bloody crime scene or had to view pictures of horrors perpetrated against innocent people.
But it was true. Once you knew the truth about something, you could never go back. Where did that leave her?
The office suddenly felt suffocating. Mel needed out. She grabbed her laptop, shoved it into her bag, and headed for home. There, she changed into running gear and jogged to the park.
Outside in the evening air, she caught the scents of autumn, musty fallen leaves and occasional wood smoke from someone’s chimney.
Gravel crunched under her shoes, but the exercise didn’t bring its usual mental clarity. Dave’s case had shoved her head back to that damn ghoul nest, back to the realization that there were dangers she’d never dreamed of.
Now that she knew, she would always think of ghouls and mages when confronted with unexplained wounds. Or the consider the possibility of nonhuman predators Stefan hadn’t had time to tell her about.
The truth, however appalling, was that she’d never look at strange crimes, odd wounds, or reports of unusual sightings without wondering if the mages needed to know about them. If she didn’t speak up at work, though, she was withholding info about a crime, info she couldn’t share without endangering herself, the mages, and the people they sought to protect.
All that well and truly sucked, even if it was the wiser course.
And if she was going to be hiding things anyway, then giving up Stefan, avoiding knowledge of the mages’ actions, hadn’t solved that problem.
Her breathing came harder now, the muscles starting to burn as she completed a half mile.
Stefan. Her superhero.
Her eyes stung, tears glazing her vision. Blinking it clear, she picked up her pace.
You don’t have anything to prove to me, he’d said.
Maybe I need to prove it to me.
What, exactly, was she trying to prove? Was she clinging too much to her achievements?
And was she truly socially inept? Or did she just hide behind her past as an excuse, a way to avoid risking rejection?
No one patroni
zed Stefan’s friend Karen, Javy’s wife. And she seemed comfortable surrounded by mages. True, Stefan hadn’t said all his friends were like him, but he’d singled Karen out as the one who wasn’t.
The breeze spun fallen leaves across the track in a scattered pattern that seemed to reflect her thoughts these days. Stefan was the past. Seattle was the future, offering a big change, a new chance, a fresh start, all those clichés that still held kernels of truth.
A shriek of childish laughter drew her eyes to the left. A little girl leaped from a swing and ran to a dark-haired man who swooped her into the air. Tall and lean, he looked so like Stefan that Mel’s heart jolted. Her stride faltered.
Then he turned, revealing a face that, attractive though it was, did not belong to Stefan Harper. Of course he wasn’t Stefan. Now she was projecting. Crap.
This wasn’t helping. She slowed to a jog and headed home.
The air was cooler here, crisper with autumn than in Wayfarer, so close to Florida. Down there, Stefan and his friends could sit out on that pretty stone patio at Val and Griff’s well into the evening.
She could’ve been sitting with them.
Absently, she rubbed the ache in her chest. She’d been an outsider most of her life. Had it become a habit, even a crutch?
She turned onto her block with its big trees and Craftsman bungalows and slowed to a walk. Jack-o’-lanterns on porches sat ready for Halloween tomorrow. Lights showed in her neighbors’ windows as families came home for dinner.
She’d eat alone, as usual.
There was no harm in admitting she missed Stefan. The ironic thing was that the magic she’d feared had been the least of their problems.
As for the little project she’d been working on, it couldn’t go anywhere. She would e-mail him the info and call it done. Thoughts of ghouls and computers had spurred her to see what she could find, but people who could wield magic probably had that data already anyway.
She trotted up her own steps and went inside. The mackerel in the fridge and a glass of wine would end the day on a pleasant note. Before that, a warm shower would make her feel better and lift her spirits. She could consider the job question more objectively while she ate.
However, thoughts of Stefan weren’t as easy to wash away as dirt and sweat. As she took the fish out after her shower, Mel found herself thinking again of his smile across the dinner table. She closed her eyes and took a slow breath in. This had to stop. Really.
Her doorbell rang.
Who would drop by after dark? Because every agent had enemies, she grabbed her Glock from its shoulder rig in the study before heading to the door. Frowning, she flipped on the porch light and peered through the peephole.
Her breath caught, and her blood roared in her ears. Stefan. Here.
“I need to talk to you, Mel,” he called. “Please let me in.”
Elation zinged through her. Talking to him wouldn’t change anything, and his leaving would hurt like holy hell, but God, she wanted to see him. Mel flipped the locks and opened the door.
Only as he stepped inside did she remember she had wet hair and was wearing ancient, gray FBI Academy sweats with a matching, ripped T-shirt. There was no help for that now, though.
She tucked a strand of damp hair behind her ear. “Would you like to sit down?”
“Okay.” He sat on the couch.
Maybe it wasn’t smart, but Mel accepted the unspoken invitation and perched beside him. The uncertainty in his face flicked at her heart and made her wonder if he was second-guessing his choices, as she had done with hers.
His expression looked strained, but his voice kept its smooth, beautiful cadence. “First, thank you for not revealing any information about mages. I took a risk telling you, but I had to know if you could accept me, could love me in spite of what I was, who I was.”
“I know, Stefan. I realize that now, but—”
He looked directly at her. “You come first, Mel. If you’ll give us another chance, I’ll quit my job and find a regular one, with people who aren’t mages.”
As she gaped, he added, “I would still consult by phone, but only that, and of course I’d want to see my friends socially. But I wouldn’t sit on the Council, wouldn’t be going into the field or into battle. I wouldn’t have to keep anything from you.”
A memory flashed into her mind, Stefan standing in Griff and Val’s renovated barn. Would you have me let other people’s prejudices, their fears of the unknown, make me turn away instead of helping someone in pain? Or walk away from a dying patient I could save?
Hell, no, she wouldn’t. Doing that would hurt him, and if he gave up his world for hers, that would be his fate. Tears welled in her eyes. Shakily, she said, “You’d be giving up what you love, what you are. I can’t let you do that.”
“You matter more than anything else.” He took her hand, and she automatically laced her fingers through his as he continued, “No one ever offered to change for you. No one ever stood up for you. I should’ve fought for you nine years ago, and I’m not making that mistake again. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you see that we do fit together, that I’ll always be here for you. Always. I love you, Mel.”
Those deep brown eyes of his were still warm, and they made her heart turn over. He was her dream come true. At last, the day’s jumbled thoughts came clear. “I should’ve fought for you, too. I love you, Stefan. I want to be with you. But you can’t quit your job.”
“If I don’t quit, I’m still part of the mage world, and you said—”
“I know, but…you would quit for me, and that means more than I can say. Saving people, using everything in your power to do that, is part of you. Besides, your friends are your family. They need you. You can’t quit your job.”
He eyed her uncertainly. “There are other doctors among the mageborn.”
“None as good as you. You love your job, and I don’t want you to give it up for me.” Mel blew out a sigh. “I was stupid, Stefan. I let my insecurities, my need to prove myself all the damn time, keep me from the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Quickly, she explained about the Alabama case. “The obligation to protect and serve is the heart of my oath. I can do that best by telling you when things like that come up and let you do what we can’t, take those creeps out.”
“Are you sure?” When she nodded, he leaned in and kissed her. “Thank you.”
Frowning, he toyed with her hair. “You know, if I keep my job and you stay here, we’ll be more than five hours apart. That’s too far. I want to wake up with you every morning.”
“I might be able to transfer to Brunswick. That’s a tiny price to pay if I get you in return.” Mel smiled at him. “We’ll work it out. For now, I have a surprise for you. I was debating what to do with it, but now that you’re here, I might as well tell you. It’s probably nothing new to you, but…anyway, I took what you’d told me about those ghoul files and poked around on the Web. I think I located a ghoul network.”
He raised his eyebrows. “That’s not easy.”
“It could be a decoy, but there was a sort of a back door into the system, as though someone wanted it hacked.”
“Maybe someone did,” Stefan said gravely, “if that person was forced to create the setup.”
“Because of our experience, that occurred to me. Anyway, I found a file listing some of their settlements, including ones that supposedly are doing research. There’s one not too far from Wayfarer if I’m reading this correctly.”
“A raid could be a test case for your findings as well as for us, then.” He studied her face. “You’re okay with that?”
“I meant it when I told you I understood.” She paused, studying him. “I figured you had stuff like this already. I was doing it mainly to keep myself busy.”
He grinned. “Sweetheart, we don’t have many computer hackers. It would be a huge help if you’d lend us a hand now and again.”
“You know I’d love to.”
“You have
no idea what it will mean to us that you want to help.” Stefan stood and pulled her into his arms. “You never needed a ‘ticket in,’ as you put it, but you realize your abilities would be that.”
Being able to help did feel good. Something in her heart had shifted, and now that mattered far less than the rest of it. Mel linked her arms around his neck and smiled. “I’ve already got my ticket in, and I’m holding on to it.”
“Yeah? Well, let’s get back to the subject of waking up together.” His eyes were tender and full of love as he cupped her cheek in his hand. “I tried this before, but I bungled it. I love you. Marry me, Mel. Grow old with me. Have children with me.”
Her heart swelled into her throat, and she brushed back his unruly forelock. “Of course I’ll marry you, Stefan. I’ve never wanted anything more.”
Epilogue
The last notes of the flute and guitar faded. The chirp of a bird, the scolding of a squirrel, and the whisper of leaves rubbing in the breeze provided soft background noise in the Wayfarer Cemetery.
“I hope Cinda thinks a month late is better than never.” Mel’s failure to play at the memorial would always rankle her, but at least she’d finally done as Cinda wanted.
Stefan drew his guitar strap over his head. Opening the case, he said, “I didn’t have the privilege of knowing her, but she seems to have loved you very much. I’m sure she understands.”
“I hope so. I know she’d be glad you and I found each other again.”
They put their instruments in the cases. Carrying one each and holding hands, they walked to Stefan’s car.
“So how did things go last week?” Mel asked as they passed between the wrought-iron gates.
“Highly successful. Coating mage swords with the superghoul venom gives us an affinity with those ghouls’ magic and lets us cut right through their shielding.” Grinning, he opened the car door for her. “Thanks for finding that nest.”
Guardian (The Protectors Series) Page 31
